Lesson #2
"So this girl's actually from Texas? I was beginning to think I was going to spend all year with California girls and you know, I always thought Pennsylvania sounded boring, but then Amanda had to go and do that thing with the banana. I think I'm scarred for life now."
"Oh whatever Jared. You mean hard for life. I saw you adjusting." Amanda leaned off Allie's bed and let her hair brush against his neck.
"That was until I realized you just liked messing with my head."
"Aww, I'm sorry baby. But you live like two doors down from me. If things got all awkward, I'd have to see you all the time. It would kill all the fun."
"Fine. So I'm sitting here with three girls on one bed. But everyone's clothes are still on and I'm stuck sitting on the floor. College is really disappointing."
The girls erupted into giggles and Sandy leaned over the bed with Amanda's copy of Cosmo.
"It says here that most guys jack off at least twice a day. Is that accurate, Jay?"
"I need more friends that are guys." Jared rolled his eyes and pushed the magazine out of his face.
"Come on Jared! You love us. And you want to meet my new roommate today too. Admit it. You love us and you're hoping for another just like us."
"No Allie. I'm hoping she'll take one look at you three and try to move into my room."
"With Chad? Who is such a douche that you're hiding from him in here?"
"He'll move in here with you."
"What'd I do to make you hate me?"
"Hey, I clearly remember you promising to help me get laid if I helped you move in. So far you aren't helping." Jared motioned to the empty space around him on the floor.
In retrospect, Jared thinks that his mistake was turning his back on the girls. Otherwise he would have seen the pillows coming toward his head. Of the three pillows on the bed, he could have claimed one and had some defense other than holding his arms over his head as all three pillows came down on him.
"Okay. So not only am I stuck with your lame ass as my RA, but there's also cheap college porn being shot in my room. Is it too late to request a room change?"
Jared peeked out from under his arms as the onslaught stopped. A pretty brunette that he could only assume was Allie's roommate Alexis stood in the door with Jensen who pushed past her to drop two boxes on the floor.
"For you? Yeah. I don't feel like doing the paperwork. Besides, I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for this."
"Yeah, sure. I'll get on sorting that out." Alexis turned and grinned at Jensen. "While you get the rest of my stuff from my car?"
"Only so I don't have to listen to you bitch all year about how chivalry is dead." Jensen said as he turned and walked back out the door.
Allie untangled herself from the girls and stepped towards Alexis.
"Hi, I'm Allie, your roommate. Sandy and Amanda are in 617 and Jared's in 611."
"Any of you have your hooks into him yet or is he still fair game?"
"Jared? Um, you mean you're going for Jared after you got Jensen to help you move in? I've got to be missing something here."
"Jensen?" Alexis laughed and shook her head. "Um, no. That would so never happen."
"Should I be offended?" Jensen dropped two more boxes on the floor.
"You want to go out with me? Seriously? Are you sick or something? Mike finally drive you insane?"
Jensen pretended to think about the idea and grimaced.
"Good point. Please never make me think about that again. I think I'm going to be sick."
"Exactly. Did you get my computer yet? Matt's supposed to e-mail me with directions to his friend's party tonight."
Jensen rolled his eyes and glanced at Jared.
"Any chance I can get some help here?"
Jared laughed but followed him out the door.
"So how'd you get roped into this if you're not dating her? I thought you were too wise and college experienced to fall for the helpless girl act."
"Lexi's less about the helpless girl act, more high level manipulation. She managed to become one of my best friends last year. I'm starting to suspect it was just for this purpose."
"You guys lived in the dorm together last year?"
"No. I was in a townhouse last year. She was hooking up with my friend Tom. He got a girlfriend so that's over, but we clicked so we still hang out. We partied together all last year. Being her RA was not something we planned on. Still waiting to see how that works out."
"Afraid you're going to have to write her up?"
"Nah, she's pretty good at not getting caught, but there's pretty strict rules about not partying with residents and well, I'm not looking to lose this job if we get caught."
"You guys have a plan for that? Because man, that sucks."
"Yeah, kind of. I'll just have to be careful about what parties I go to. It'll work out."
Jensen unlocked what Jared guessed was Alexis's car and handed Jared a box before picking up one of the many for himself.
"This is going to take a million trips." Jensen groaned and rubbed a hand over his face.
"Okay, you really haven't been roped into this before. It's easier if we take one load to the elevator and then take turns guarding the stuff at the elevator and bringing boxes from the car. Then we stuff everything in the elevator and do the same process to get it in the room. It's ten times faster."
"Okay, how many girls did you get sucked into moving in?"
Jared laughed and punched him in the arm.
"Thanks to you? Only Allie. But I moved in three with my brother when he moved into the dorms his freshman year. I guess his RA sucked. Or actually, I think his RA was mostly high. Jeff lived in the room next to him and they used to always search his room because the guy would claim the smell was coming from Jeff's room."
"Well, I guess I should be grateful for the experience then." Jensen laughed as he loaded them both up with boxes.
~*~
"You owe me. I don't know how you're going to pay me back for this but I'm not going to forget unless you do."
"Jared's not complaining."
"Jared thinks you're hot. I don't."
"I have that picture I took of you at Mike's birthday party."
"And one day I will find all the copies of that picture." Jensen turned to Allie. "Hey, you could help with this."
"Let's see. You almost made me have to move in my own stuff. And I don't want to piss off my roommate right after I meet her. And I think I might want to see this picture."
"I give up." Jensen threw up his hands in mock defeat and stood. "Come on Lex, we gotta move your car before they tow it and then I seriously need a shower."
"Yeah. I was trying to be nice about it but you smell kind of like the inside of a shoe. I'll see you guys later."
Jared gave them a few minutes to make it down the hall before he turned to Allie.
"So, you think I've got a chance?"
~*~
"Are you sure this looks okay?" Allie looked down at her red tank and jeans.
"Yes. It's a house party. Not a club. Now chill out or you'll be screaming 'freshman.'"
"You're sure your friend won't care if you bring us all to his party?" Jared thought he'd have to remember later to thank Amanda for coming over earlier and telling him what to wear.
"Yeah, it's cool. He's not going to mind me bringing three hot girls to the party and you're with me."
Jared hadn't quite recovered from the implication that he was Alexis's date for the night when Amanda and Sandy showed up at the door behind him.
"So Jensen's your friend? And he's coming to this party right?" Amanda's shirt dipped so low Jared had to fight to look at her face.
"Jensen? No, he's going over to Chris's house. Matt's one of my friends from before we started hanging out so they aren't really good friends and he's really paranoid about going to parties with people he doesn't know that might rat him out for partying with me."
"Wait does that mean he'll never party with us?" Amanda didn't bother to hide her disappointment.
"Pretty much."
"Ignore her. She's been flirting with Jensen since he checked us in. It's starting to get a little pathetic." Sandy stepped into the room and sat on Alexis's bed.
"Hey! It's called persistence. Some men like to be chased."
Alexis was quiet for minute before answering.
"You probably want to give up on that one."
"He has a girlfriend? Seriously? He could have just said that."
"No. You're just…very much not his type."
"Not his type? That's ridiculous. What's his type? I can so be his type."
"You can grow penis? That's really impressive. Can you choose how big it is? Because I know guys who would pay for that skill."
"Um. Is that something we should know?" Sandy asked. "I mean…it's no big deal. But is he cool with us knowing this?"
"Yeah. It's not really a secret anymore. And it's kind of easier for him to find out now if any of you guys are going to be assholes about it before he bothers to make friends with you."
Alexis looked around the room and Jared wondered how anyone would even dare to admit having a problem with that look on her face.
Amanda just leaned back against the doorway with glazed eyes.
"Now I'm just thinking about how hot it would be to watch him make out with another hot guy."
~*~
"Alexis. You are seriously the best friend I've ever had."
"Yeah Matt. And you are the biggest manwhore friend I've ever had. Meet Allie, Amanda, and Sandy. And Jared. But he's my freshmeat for the night."
"You drive?"
"Yeah, but I'm about to try to talk Jared into taking my keys and playing DD." Alexis smiled up at him and held out her keys for him to take.
"Your first college party and you don't get to drink? You better make her pay you back for this."
Jared shrugged and just took her keys. His vocal cords didn't work all that well with her hand stroking up and down his chest.
"Don't worry. I intend on making it worth his while."
Yeah. That went straight to his cock. He was still trying to get his brain to work again as she lead him over to a couch.
"Is it that obvious?" Jared asked.
"Is what that obvious?"
"That I'm a freshman. That it's my first college party."
"Well, it's not really your fault." Alexis smirked up at him. "It's kind of a theme. It's a 'Bring Freshmeat' party."
~*~
Jared decided that he must be the nicest guy in the whole world. And he had a feeling Jensen was really never going let him live it down when he found out Jared had somehow gotten stuck sneaking four drunk girls into the dorm. He was just thinking that Jensen was probably going to find out whether he liked it or not after they got caught when Alexis pulled him off course toward the side door.
"What are you doing? Our keys don't work on the side doors remember? They only open from the inside."
"I know! Damn, you are so lucky you're so cute. And that I'm sobering up enough to keep us from getting caught." Alexis dropped out from under his arm onto the steps by the side door.
Jared might have been offended if he was not so relieved. His plan had been to sit outside until the office staff had to pee or something.
"You leave us by the side door. You go in and come open the door for us. We go up the stairs so we don't hit any RAs before then. Jensen's still at Chris's so we're safe there. Just make sure the staff is in the office and not doing rounds."
It wasn't until he was faced with the task of getting four wasted girls up six flights of stairs that Jared thought this plan was anything other than perfect. Even with Alexis half carrying Sandy herself, Jared still had to try to keep Amanda and Allie on track. Finally, he gave up and just hefted Allie into his arms for the last two flights.
He let himself in with Alexis's key and pulled off Allie's shoes as he set her down on the bed.
"You are like my best friend ever. We're going to be best friends for like…forever. Forever and ever."
"You gonna carry me up two flights of stairs next time?"
"Uh huh. Totally. Anytime," Allie answered with drunken certainty before her eyes closed.
"She passing out?"
Jared turned to see Alexis slip in the door.
"Yeah, I think so."
"Your roommate home?"
"Nah, he's got some kind of all night pre-rush frat thing."
"Your room then?"
~*~
Next time Chad asked him, Jared was going to tell him that he should go to every stupid frat function he could find if it would just get him out of the room so Alexis would be in it.
She kissed like no girl he'd ever kissed before. Her tongue pushed past his lips before he could even figure out where to put his hands. All the girls from back home made him feel like they might break if he kissed too hard. Alexis kissed like she was fighting a war and he was expected to fight back. When his knees hit the bed, he found himself wondering exactly how he'd gotten across the room. And where exactly was his shirt again?
"Hey, you still with me here?" Alexis had pulled back to study him.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good." Okay, more than good. So good that he might make a fool of himself and finish before they even got started. It occurred to him that maybe he should let her know that he had no idea what he was doing. That maybe she should know that the most he'd gotten from his prom date was a hand job in the back of the limo.
"You sure? Just relax. You're not losing your virginity tonight so you can stop freaking out about doing something wrong." She leaned in and licked behind his ear. "Just relax and if something's not good, we can let each other know, okay?"
Jared nodded wondering if maybe VIRGIN had been tattooed on his head when he wasn't looking. But he was being stupid to think it would go that far anyway. He was lucky she hadn't slapped him for thinking it.
"Yeah. I'm good. I'm way more than good."
Alexis smiled and trailed tongue down his collarbone, pausing to suck at the base of his neck and then moving back up to whisper in his ear.
"Good. Cause I'm feeling a bit over-dressed here."
Oh right. He'd lost his shirt and she pretty much was only missing her heels. He could do this. His last girlfriend even wore those tricky bras that closed in the front. He ran his hands up her back under her shirt until he could pull it over her head. Fuck, she wasn't even wearing a bra.
Her lips crushed into his again and his mind lost control all over again. Her breast pressed against him as she trailed her lips down his stomach. He thought that maybe he should elaborate a little more on what he hadn't done. But then she might stop and right now that sounded like the worst fucking thing that could ever happen in his life.
~*~
Jared wondered exactly what the etiquette was when the girl you hooked up with lived down the hall from you. Calling her seemed kind of stupid but just showing up at her door seemed pretty rude.
"Why did you let me drink so much? I can't even throw up anymore." Allie apparently didn't see the point of even knocking anymore.
"Hey, I tried. You were sneaking shots every time I turned around."
"Yeah, well you could have tried harder." Allie curled up on his bed and glared.
"I think I liked drunk Allie better. She said I was her bestest friend ever." Jared smirked in a falsetto voice.
"Oh shut up."
"Dude, I carried you up two flights of stairs."
"Seriously? I was really hoping that was a drunken hallucination."
"You also promised to carry me up two flights of stairs next time we drink."
"So not only am I supposed to get you some action, I'm also supposed to carry you up the stairs? I think I'll have to work on the action thing first. But hey, I saw you hanging out with Alexis last night. And now you're turning all red. Oh my gosh, you so got action already!"
Jared wondered if it would be wrong to steal one of Chad's beers from under the bed and wave it under Allie's nose.
"You know, I have Advil and I was gonna offer you some, but I'm now reconsidering that."
"I already took some. I think I feel it kicking in already. Come on! She's my roommate. I hooked you up. You gotta give me something."
"I'm pretty sure it's not gentlemanly to kiss and tell."
"Oh come on. Though come to think of it, it couldn't have been that serious. She was there when I woke up this morning."
"She, uh, said she didn't want to see Chad in the morning."
"That's weird. Didn't he say yesterday he wouldn't be back until tonight?"
"Maybe she forgot?" Jared couldn't really make it sound like he believed that though. She'd been in the room when Chad had gone on and on about this frat thing.
"Oh shit. Damn, its like I can see you freaking out all over your face. That's really kind of cool actually. Or not. Sorry. Really though, you should stop freaking out. You're probably sitting here freaking out and she probably just forgot he was going to be gone. Or you know, figured out the reality that this bed is way, way too small more than one person."
"Yeah, thanks. You're probably right. I just can't figure out what I'm supposed to do next you know? She never gave me her cell so I just have her room phone and it seems stupid to call her from down the hall. Or do I just go over there? Is that weird?"
"Okay. You think way more than any one should ever think. I'm sure you'll see her tonight. I'm sure she knows you don't have her cell number. She went out with Jensen about thirty minutes ago so you can't go see her now. Just wait until tonight and come hang out."
"Yeah. You're right. You're totally right."
~*~
"She hasn't been home at all?"
"What did I tell you about freaking out? She went with Jensen. Jensen's gay. Jensen's not home yet. You said they used to party together and she said he was paranoid about partying with us. They probably went to some party and didn't invite us because Jensen can't party with us."
"Well, yeah, if you have to use logic."
"Come on. Amanda and Sandy are having some crappy college movie marathon. You are coming to hang out with us and you are so not allowed to say her name for the rest of the night."
"But-"
"No. Seriously. I might have to kill you."
~*~
"Stop being a girl. I haven't seen or heard from Matt since the party and I'm not freaking out. It's only been like two days. Two days is nothing." Amanda flipped through a magazine on her bed. "Oh, Comso quiz! We should all take it. Since Jared's obviously a girl, he can take it too."
"Yeah. Well, when she's dead in a ditch and I'm the only one that was worried when she didn't come home last night, you'll all feel like shit."
Sandy sat down next to him on her bed and pushed his hair back from his face.
"Sweetie, Jensen didn't come home either. They probably both got drunk and crashed at a friend's house so he didn't have to come home drunk. If she doesn't show up soon, we'll all worry, okay?"
"Yeah." Jared forced himself to smile for her. "Thanks."
As if on cue, familiar giggles carried down the hall.
"Oh come on. Did you really think she and Tom were going to get married and make babies? I mean she hated Mike. She refused to go to any party Mike would be at. Tom has a futon in his room for Mike to sleep on. It was not going to work." Alexis giggled again.
"Chris has a futon in his room with my name on it. Are you saying he has to approve any guy I date?"
"Totally. The guy barely lets you hang out with me. He's mad you even have other friends."
"You're insane."
"Remember Nick? Chris harassed him until he just gave up. Then he said you didn't need him if he was that weak. Though it probably would have helped if Mike and Tom hadn't helped so much."
"Really? Aww, so you slept with Tom last night to strengthen your place in my life. I'm touched."
"I don't need to. I'm not weak. I can take Chris. No, I slept with Tom because he's always really good in bed when he's rebounding. Most guys are. I think they think they have something to prove."
"You actually like to be the rebound girl. You realize this strengthens my insane theory right?"
"Shut up. I'm catching a shower. Then I should look up my schedule because I have no idea where I'm supposed to be tomorrow."
Jared heard a door open and shut. The girls were all watching him in silence and that was just creepy. He didn't think they were capable of being awake and not talking. They even talked all through the movies last night.
"Jared?" Sandy looked scared just trying to talk to him.
"Don't. Okay. Just. Don't."
Jared knew he was just supporting all the accusations that he was a girl by bolting out of the room and locking himself in his own room. But he figured that was better than crying in front of all of them.
~*~
Lesson #2: Do not get stuck sneaking 4 drunk people into the dorm.
Read lesson #3 of 32 of Aleia's Things I Learned My Freshmen Year of College
