You give me the reason
You give me control
I gave you my purity
My purity you stole.

You were my first love. I gave you everything. And you gladly took it. I was little more than a stupid rookie then, barely more than 'Scotty Flamingo' and certainly not yet what Raven would come to be. I wasn't innocent, obviously, but I had never given away my heart and I had never been with a man. Things just happened so easily with you though, despite how closed off and shy I was. I fell in love with you so quickly that it scared me, I had thought myself incapable of love but you just seemed so perfect. What I wouldn't give to be that naive again.

Did you think I wouldn't recognize this compromise
Am I just too stupid to realize
Stale incense, old sweat, and lies lies lies!

It took me a long time to realize that every panted 'I love you' that I heard from your sweet lips was just about the sex. All the others you were fucking behind my back probably heard the same lies. But I know for a fact that I was the only one you were treating the way you were treating me. Everyone else thought you were such a wonderful guy, the sweet babyface that you played. Everyone except your close friends, the ones that knew the real you. If only I had listened to their warnings... I could have gotten out before it was too late. Even your best friend, Jim, warned me; 'Scotty, he's a great guy and all but not in a relationship. I really think you should just end it before you get hurt.' I really should have heeded the warning from The Sandman himself, after all, he knew you better than anyone. But I was already too in love with you to care.

It comes down to this
Your kiss, your fist
Isn't it strange, it gets under my skin,
With in, take in the extent of my sin.

You beat me because you 'loved' me. That's what you always said but to this day I can't figure out what love had to do with it. I was a wrestler, I knew how to take a beating, but the beatings from you got so bad... I still remember the time you put me in the hospital. You told the doctor that I got in a bar fight and I didn't dare disagree with you because I was afraid that you would leave me. Through it all I still loved you. You held me while they stitched the wound your pocket knife made and your face was blank. But all that night you held me and kissed me. You told me you loved me and assured me that you'd done it all for me. And though I couldn't see how slashing me up was for me, I believed you. Years later I got a tattoo across my chest to cover up the scar because looking at it made me sick.

You give me the anger
You give me the nerve
Carry out my sentence
I get what I deserve.

A childhood lost, a manhood of sorrow, all of the bullshit that happened in my life is only a fraction of what made me into a bitter, violent man. Most of it was you. I could blame you for ruining every relationship I ever had, but really it was my fault for not being able to get over you. I'm man enough to admit that now. After we finally ended things and I started dating again I treated my boyfriends just like you treated me. Stevie, Lodi, Jeff, C.M.... I destroyed them like you destroyed me. But I've paid for my sins. You never paid for yours.

I'm just an effigy to be disgraced
To be defaced
Your need for me has been replaced
And if I can't have everything then just give me a taste.

My psychologist says my low self esteem comes from you. From all those years of being told I was nothing and that I deserved what you were doing to me. Eventually I just began to believe that I was nothing. I loved you and you were perfect, so what ever you said must be true. My psychologist blames everything on you and my mother though, including my drug abuse. Drugs were my way to replace you, the little taste of bliss that I didn't have without you. I didn't think my life had any meaning without you. I'm better now of course, time heals all wounds. Time, and a really well paid psychologist. I'm off drugs and, surprisingly, I quit drinking. I'm learning to handle my emotions. I'm even in a fairly healthy relationship now. Life is finally looking up for me.

It comes down to this
Your kiss, your fist
Isn't it strange it gets under my skin,
With in, take in the extent of my sin.

So Tommy, why do I still dream about you?