Jeff stood at the backstage curtain waiting for Matt's match to be over. In his hand was a clipboard and a roll of tickets. The other superstars stood in line, each waiting for Jeff to hand them a ticket. When all had received the small blue numbered slip of paper, they tucked them into their pockets and waited for the oldest Hardy to return from ringside. This is what happened next…..

RVD: "Jeff, Jeff…when are you gonna draw?"
Jeff: "In a minute, Rob. Keep your pants on!"
Xpac: "I thought the whole point was to take our pants off!"
Brock: (grunts loudly)
Taker: (pushes Xpac) "Gimme your ticket, boy!"
Jeff: "Mark, you know the rules - one per person!!"
Taker: "You better respect me, boy! I'll take as many tickets as I damn well please."
Jeff: "You wanna be disqualified??"
Taker: (grumbles loudly)
HBK: "Quit your bitchin', Dead Man."
Nash: "How much longer?"
Jeff: "Guys, c'mon now. You know how this works. We gotta wait for them to get back here, then we draw."
RVD: "But, Jeffy…."
Brock: (grunts loudly while smacking RVD in the head)
Xpac: (laughs at RVD)
Nash: (laughs along with Xpac)
HBK: "Hey guys, look! The match is over!"
Taker: "We can see that, Blondie."
HBK: "Shut up, Red Ugly."
Nash: "Who won?"
Jeff: "Raven did." (turns to monitor to see Matt approaching the curtain)
RVD: "Is that good or bad?"
Xpac: "That depends."
HBK: "Hey! Mark took my ticket!"
Taker: "Shut up!" (slaps HBK in the back of the head)
Nash: "Don't do that!" (jumps on Taker, knocking him to the floor)
Xpac: "Dog pile on the Dead Man!" (proceeds to jump on Nash, pounding Taker's head into the floor)
RVD: "Cool!" (jumps on Xpac)
Xpac: "Man, get your dick outta my back!"
HBK: (jumps on RVD's back)
RVD: "Get your dick outta…wait, never mind…I like that!"
Jeff: "Could you guys stop that?" (tries to pull HBK off Rob, with no luck)
Brock: (stands back, watching the melee)
(Matt enters through the curtain, stopping when he sees the large pile of flesh before him. Raven follows, running into Matt's back.)
Raven: "Where's my ticket?"
Jeff: "Here ya go. Good luck."
Matt: "What's goin' on, little brother?"
Jeff: "Taker took HBK's ticket, and they all started jumpin' on each other, and well, here we are."
RVD: (groans loudly) "That feels…soooo good!"
HBK: "Damn straight it does!"
Matt: (stomps his feet) "This is not about you! This is about me! Me, me, me!!"
Jeff: (runs over to soothe Matt) "It's okay, Matty. They still love you."
Matt: (grumbles)
Jeff: "Okay, it's time to draw!"
(Everyone quickly jumps up from the pile, faces flushed)
Jeff: (hands the cup with the tickets to Matt) "Wanna draw?"
Matt: "Yeah." (reaches into the cup and pulls out a ticket, handing it to Jeff)
Jeff: "Okay, the lucky number of the day is…." (wait's a minute, letting the anticipation build) "417!!"
(Everyone looks at their tickets. A chorus of groans rises from the men as they turn to look at one another. Finally, Brock looks over at Jeff and smiles)
Brock: "Got it! I win!!"
Jeff: (takes the ticket from Brock, checks the number, then turns to Matt) "Brock won, Matty."

(Brock walks over to Matt, smiling. Matt reached out and took his hand, leading him to the locker room. After a few minutes, the sounds of serious sex can be heard throughout the backstage area. Those who lost leaned close to the door, taking in every sound. Before long, the door was thrown open and Brock walked out, heading down the hall. Matt exited a moment later.)

Matt: "Well, that was fun. Who's next?"


Daily News

Several WWE superstars were injured in a backstage stampede last night. Officials say the wrestlers known as Xpac, HBK, RVD, Raven, Undertaker and Kevin Nash were caught in the rush to see Matt Hardy demonstrate his infamous "guns" move. Remember kids, these guys are professionals. Don't try this at home.