The most wonderful thing about Tiggers,
is Tiggers are wonderful things.
Their tops are made out of rubber,
their bottoms are made out of springs.
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy,
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is,
I'm the only one.
Oh, I'm the only one!
Oh, the wonderful thing about Tiggers is,
Tiggers are wonderful chaps.
They're loaded with vim and vigor.
They love to leap in your lap.
They're jumpy, bumpy, clumpy, thumpy,
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is ...
I'm the only one!


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tiggers are wonderful things. I know this for a fact. How do I know this, you ask? Because I have a Tigger…and he is most wonderful. Who am I? My name is Matt…Hardy, that is. And my Tigger? Why, that would be my little brother, Jeff. We've called him Tigger since he was a baby, cuz he would sit in his little bouncy seat and never stop moving. By the time he was 2, he had already broken three of those things. Then it was the baby swing - Mama would wind it up and he would go back and forth, back and forth. After he started getting stronger, he would make himself go higher in the swing…until one day he flew out of it and landed on my back when I was trying to watch cartoons. I was 5. It hurt.

Our mama died when we were little, so I've always taken care of Jeff. Even though we're both grown now - well, I am anyway; don't think Jeff ever will grow up. But why should he? I take care of everything for both of us - make sure our schedules are straight, get our plane tickets, rent our cars, get us to the arena on time. I book our matches, keep the first aid kit for when he gets hurt, and even carry him to our room when he's too tired or hurt to walk. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my Tigger, cuz I love him more than life itself.

I know what you're thinking - everyone loves their brother, right? Not like this. I mean, I know that some people do, but they always end up on Jerry Springer or somethin'. I mean, I LOVE my brother, like huggin' and kissin' and sleepin' together kinda love. I bought him flowers and chocolates for Valentine's day, and he bought me….well, never mind, it ain't important. Fun, yeah, but you don't need to know bout that.

Me and Jeff, well we've been in love for as long as I can remember. When all my friends were talking about which cheerleader they wanted to bang in the backseat of their cars, I was thinking about how to tell my brother that I loved him, without having him punch my lights out. Besides, I didn't know whether or not he even liked guys…I mean, just cuz I was gay didn't mean he was too! I hoped so, but I never said anything.

Until that night I came home and found him - in MY bed, no less - with his best friend. They didn't hear me come in, cuz I had been out with my friends and they dropped me off at the road and I walked up to the house. We had gone to this club, and watched a bunch of nekkid dancing chicks. They was all turned on by it. All I kept thinkin' about was how Jeff would look up there, strippin' just for me. So, when I got home, I thought everybody was gone, so I was just gonna go upstairs to my room and have a little solo action and think about Jeff nekkid.

When I opened my door, Jeff was there, buck nekkid, with Shannon suckin' on him like there was no tomorrow. I didn't say nothin', just stood there and watched 'em for a few minutes. Then I went downstairs to wait for them to get through. After awhile, I heard them on the stairs, and Shannon was upset. He said something to Jeff about that being the last time - hell, I wondered when the first time was! - and he was leaving. Jeff was telling Shannon he was sorry, but sometimes he just couldn't help it.

Shannon told him he could understand that, but it still hurt his feelings. He said he didn't mind Jeff using him as a substitute, since he thought about Shane while they were screwin', but at least he never yelled Shane's name when he came! Jeff stopped him, and gave him a hug. Shannon hugged him back and kissed him on the cheek. Then he told Jeff that he loved him, and always would. Jeff told Shannon he loved him too.

Then, Shannon asked Jeff when he was gonna grow some nuts and admit that he loved "him". Who the hell was "him"??, I wondered.

Jeff said he would tell "him" when Shannon told Shane that he loved him. Shannon said that he couldn't, cuz Shane thought he was a kid, and would never think of him like that. HA! That's what Shannon thought! Ever time I was around Shane, he always talked about Shannon - Shannon this, Shannon that, didn't Shannon look good in his tights tonight? Wasn't Shannon learning his moves good? Doesn't Shannon have a sweet ass? Ever time he started talking about Shannon like that, I would think about Jeff.

So, Shannon left and I heard Jeff go back upstairs. I heard him in my room, moving around and stuff. Then he came down the stairs and went to the laundry room. Guess he was gonna wash my sheets so I wouldn't notice. I was still in the living room and it was dark, so he couldn't see me. After he went upstairs, I heard the shower, so I went in the kitchen and I called Shane. I told him what I heard Shannon and Jeff talkin' about, and not to tell anyone I heard them. Shane got so excited, and said he was gonna call Shannon, just to see what's up. I told him good luck and hung up the phone.

I went outside, so I could slam the door and Jeff would think I was just comin' home. I walked upstairs and Jeff was comin' out of the bathroom. All he had on was a towel. I couldn't catch my breath, cuz he looked so beautiful, and I wanted to throw him down and kiss him all over. He looked at me kinda funny, then went into his room and slammed the door. I went in my room and sat on my bed. A few minutes later, he came out and handed me some sheets.

I asked him what he was doin' and he said that he had been in there earlier listening to my stereo and had spilled his drink on my bed, so he put my sheets in the wash and took a shower, then he was gonna make my bed back up when he was done. He offered to help me since I was there, and he was planning on doin' it anyway.

We were tucking the sheet under the mattress when I asked him where he had spilled his soda. He looked at me for a second, then said he couldn't remember. I told him that the mattress didn't feel wet to me. He blushed a little, then shrugged his shoulders.

I smiled a little, then asked him if Shannon had gotten wet when he spilled the soda on my bed. His face went all white and asked me why I thought Shannon had been on his bed. I looked down, then I told him about comin' in earlier and seein' them in my bed. He blushed, then ran into his room. I followed him hopin' to get him to talk about "him".

Jeff looked at me, like he was totally horrified, and asked me if I had heard them talkin'. I looked away from him and said yes. I said I was sorry for eavesdropping on their conversation, but I wanted to help him. He looked at me and asked me what I thought I could do for him. So, I said, tell me who it is that you want. Jeff looked away from me, and he sounded like he was about to cry when he told me that it didn't matter, cuz whoever it was didn't want him.

I reached over and put my arm around my little brother and said that if this guy didn't want him, he had to be an idiot. Jeff looked up at me and asked if I really meant that. I said, of course I do. Then I asked him again. He shook his head no. I decided that he wasn't gonna tell me nothin', even thought I wanted to know who was breaking my broher's heart like that. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. I was gonna get up and go to my room when he leaned over and kissed me. Right on the lips!

I looked at him, and he looked scared, like he thought I was gonna punch him or something. I asked him real soft what he thought he was doing. He started to apologize, and then he started cryin'. I told him it was okay, that I wasn't mad at him or nothing. He shook his head and said I had to hate him. I told him that only an idiot would hate him. He looked at me again, and I asked him if him and Shannon had been talkin' about me.

He laid down and covered his head with the pillow. He wouldn't say nothin' to me, so I grabbed the pillow from his hands and got on the floor next to his bed. I raised his head up from the mattress where he was tryin' to hide, and looked at him. Even when he was crying like that, he was beautiful.

I leaned over and kissed him, but not on the cheek this time. He was still cryin', but he opened his mouth and let me put my tongue in his. It was fun kissin' him like that, like I had always wanted to. Finally he stopped kissin' me and asked me what I thought I was doing. I smiled at him and I said I was quittin' being a idiot. He laughed, then grabbed me and kissed me again.

That was the first time we made love. That was five years ago, and we been doin' it ever since. And now I'm sittin' here at home, recoverin' from a pretty nasty ligament tear. And I just gotta be content watching Jeff on TV. Bouncing around the ring, kicking the crap outta Jay. And then, Jeff pins him. And he runs to the corner and leaps up on the top rope. He looks right into the camera and smiles, then shoots the guns…just for me. I smile back at him, and hear JR say something about there only bein' one Jeff Hardy.

I smile back at the screen, and think about how right JR really is. That's the wonderful thing about Jeff. He is unique. No one can make me laugh like him, or cry like him. No one make me feel so complete, so needed and needy. Jeff is the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. He is my world…my heart…my soul. He's so full of life, and love, and light. When Jeff flies across the ring, my heart soars right along with him. Yep, there is only one Tigger…and that's a wonderful thing…for me.

Read the Sequel Gloomy Ol' Eeyore