It's one of those things people will always remember, where they were and what they were doing when they first heard it. The way the grandparent generation remember what they were doing when they first heard that Kennedy was shot. Except this time, come Thursday, there won't be anyone left to remember.
Jared's in an impersonal hotel room, in an unfamiliar town, hundreds of miles away from his loved ones. Just in from a meeting running late he hasn't even relaxed enough to loosen his tie and he only turns the TV on for company and not because he wants the latest news on the big ball of fire that has been clearly visible in the sky for the last couple of weeks.
Cheron's Comet they call it, named after the unfortunate fucker who first spotted it over a year ago, before they figured out that it's on collision course with Earth. Jared remembers seeing the guy on some show on Discovery Science, a scrawny looking dude with wild hair and out of control facial hair, being all excited over his unique discovery. Jared wonders how he feels about it now, when impending doom comes with his name attached to it.
Over the last two months there's been little else on the news but theories on the comet and reports on the shaky state of the stock market. Scientists all over the world working together to find a solution to a problem they can no longer afford to be rivals about, while economical analysts do their best to predict what stock might be safe to own in a possible apocalyptic scenario. Guns, blankets, a few high tech corporations, and canned food seem to be the favorites, while most other stock plummets to the ground.
Jared thinks the whole thing is stupid, if the world is about to end money is the last thing he's worried about. Not that he is worried, much. It's impossible to imagine the world just ending, even though words like mega-tsunamis and nuclear winter keep being thrown around, as if reality is a horrifying life scale remake of that movie with Elijah Wood.
His mom begged him not to go to LA until they knew for sure, but he promised her everything was going to be alright, that he couldn't afford to pass up on the opportunity of a lifetime just because the world might be ending. He doesn't think, as he sits down to watch the special news broadcast airing on all channels, that she feels the slightest bit smug over being right.
The President looks collected, calm, as he addresses the nation from what Jared assumes is a safe location far away from his usual digs in Washington, but his voice wavers as he speaks and there are lines etched on his face that Jared never saw before. He sounds almost clinical as he gives his speech, as if he's speaking about another world, another nation, but his white-knuckled grip on the podium says it isn't so.
Jared's hearing seems to be going in and out in waves, hearing the speech only in bits and pieces. He fumbles in his pocket for his phone, calling his mother over and over but getting nothing but the busy tone that says the net is temporarily unavailable. He clenches his hands, staring blindly at the screen. The speech comes to an end with a plea for people not to panic, but judging from the sounds coming from outside, it's way too late for that.
The screen turns black for a moment and then the message is broadcasted again. It will be sent in a loop until the meteor shower preceding the final impact takes out the satellites. The phone net will go down within hours, electricity will most likely follow next. The entire world is put under martial law, not that it will matter, because there'll be no one around to enforce it.
People are advised to stay in their homes and remain calm. Military personnel are under orders to report to their nearest base immediately. Jared sits frozen on the couch, watching the speech being replayed over and over with blind eyes. It's eight p.m. on Monday evening and the world will end in exactly two days and six hours.
*
Jared is one of the lucky ones, he gets through to his mother fifteen minutes before the phone goes dead. She tells him she loves him, that they all do, that she misses him and always will. He starts crying when he hears her voice and doesn't stop even when the line goes dead. There's so much he wants to say to her, so many things he needs her to know, but the line dies with the words still backed up on his tongue.
Back home they're gathering in the City Hall, everyone he knows, his family, his friends, the people he grew up with, to spend their last few days together. He's stuck in an unfamiliar town, in a nondescript hotel room, feeling like the ground was just swiped from under his feet. All he wants is to lie down on the bed, pull the covers over his head and cry until he passes out, but he won't let himself do that.
He doesn't want to die in this room, doesn't want to sit alone waiting for the inevitable end. So he forces himself to have a shower and change out of his suit, putting on a pair of comfortable jeans, three layers of shirts and his hiking boots. He packed a duffel bag into his suitcase, hoping for a chance to take a hike through the countryside and now he packs it full with a change of clothes, spare underwear and the complimentary bottles of water from the mini bar.
He stares at the bottles lining the tiny fridge for a moment and then he swipes all of them into the bag as well, who's going to charge him now? One bottle of scotch slips out of his numb hand and rolls away on the carpet. He grabs it and twists the lid off, swallowing it down with a grimace from the burn. It doesn't make him feel better, but it doesn't make him any worse either, so he fishes another bottle out of the bag and drinks it on his way to the door.
He lets the bottle drop down on the floor and walks out of his room without a backwards glance. He doesn't think he's ever coming back. The corridor outside is deserted and he makes it all the way downstairs without running into another person. It's easy to imagine the world already ended and he's the only one left.
That notion is quickly pushed out of his head as he walks out on the street though. There are people everywhere, broken glass littering the sidewalk and car horns honking from every direction. Several of the nearby stores have broken window displays and everywhere he looks there are people grabbing whatever they can reach.
He passes by a man with his hands full of expensive jewelry and a manic look on his face. Jared wonders what the man thinks he'll be able to do with it, and he doesn't care. He just turns his head away and keeps on walking. He doesn't know where he's going just yet, but he's got two days and about five hours to get there.
The comet is clearly visible in the sky, way bigger than the stars. It burns with a solemn promise of destruction. Jared only looks up at it once, before casting his eyes back down on the sidewalk, his heart banging against his ribcage with trepidation. Somewhere in the distance a shot is heard and he lengthens his step, wanting to get as far away from the city as possible.
He feels oddly exposed in his jeans and scruffy hoodie, vulnerable in a way he can't remember being before. He's a big guy, tall and muscular, and if he has to he can hold his own in a fight, but this is something else. There are no laws anymore, no order, from this point on to the end, chaos will rule. He feels the need to hide, to find somewhere peaceful and quiet and stay there until it all ends, but at the same time he doesn't want to be alone. The knowledge that there are other people around him, other souls as lost and lonely as him is oddly comforting.
He thinks about finding a church. He's not a religious man, has hardly been into a church since he was old enough to decide for himself, but if there's a time that calls for prayers it's this one. There ought to be people in a church, scared and desperate like him. There ought to be peace and quiet, solitude without being alone.
But then he's approached by some religious nut, who grabs his shirt and screams into his ear about God, the Devil and judgment day. He shrugs off the greedy hands, pushes the man away, and decides that church might not be the place for him. The place probably won't be filled to the brim with crazies, but he's not taking that chance. He doesn't need to be more disheartened.
For the most part people leave him alone, there's the religious crazy and then there's a girl. She comes out of a store, with a dazed look in her big eyes and walks straight into his arms. She clings to his shirt for a moment, and he embraces her, grateful for the contact, but then she pulls away and turns on her heel before he's had a chance to ask for her name.
He looks after her for the longest of whiles, watching her weave through the crowd lining the sidewalk, head held high and back rigid. He wants to follow her, wants to get lost in her arms, but he doesn't want to scare her. He stays rooted to the spot until someone walks into him from behind, setting him into motion again.
After that he's left to continue his walk uninterrupted, glass crunching under the soles of his boots and the constant noise drowning his thoughts. He lets himself get lost in the mechanics of walking, putting one foot in front of the other and sidestepping obstacles in his way. He's so focused on walking that he almost misses a fight going on right in front of him, but he looks up just in time to spot it.
It's not so much a fight, at least not anymore, as it is three guys kicking a fourth who is curled up on the ground. Jeers and taunts he can't quite hear falling from their lips as they pummel the still form on the sidewalk with kicks. He looks around but people are averting their eyes, walking past the scene without looking.
"Hey," he shouts, not caring that there are three of them and only one of him. If there's one thing his mother taught him it's to never kick those already lying. "What the fuck are you doing?"
They stop kicking the still figure on the ground and turn their heads to look at him. What scares Jared the most is not that they are three against one, but the fact that they are normal everyday guys. One of them is dressed in a suit, his tie hanging loose and his shirt partly unbuttoned, and one of the others is wearing a goddamned shirt vest. They are guys he might have run into at work, or the grocery store, guys that probably have a wife and kids somewhere.
They stand like that, feet half raised and eyes locked for a moment before they suddenly turn tail and run, scattering in three different directions. Jared blinks, fighting the urge to look behind him. He doesn't think there's some big scary monster standing at his shoulder that scared them. They probably just pulled out of whatever daze they were in and realized there's a certain way to behave and kicking people already on the ground is not one of them.
The victim lies very still on the ground, but Jared's sure he can see his chest still raising and falling. He moves closer and crouches down.
"Hey," he says softly. "Are you alright?"
He's not prepared for the fist that comes out of the tight ball and hits him square in the face, knocking him over with the force of it.
"Hey," he says again, indignant now, and presses his fingers over his nose. "I just fucking saved you."
"Oh..." The guy sounds a bit dazed. "I'm sorry, I must have missed that when I was busy getting the shit kicked out of me."
The bleeding guy slowly rolls over on his back and looks up at Jared, who's now sitting on his ass a couple of feet away, which is probably a good thing or the shock would have knocked him over. It's Jensen Ackles, Hollywood's leading man at the moment with two Oscars under his belt and two sure to be blockbuster movies coming out over Christmas, or he would have, if there'd been another Christmas to look forward to.
Jared blinks. "You're Jensen Ackles," he says, pulling his hand away from his nose.
Jensen manages to push himself into sitting position. "I know." He grimaces. "How's your nose?"
"Good... I think." Jared returns his hand to his nose, pressing his fingers along the line of it, but even though it hurts it doesn't seem to be broken.
Jensen shakes his head, wiping blood from his face with the edge of his sleeve. "You'd think that with a couple of days left to live people would have better things to do than looting and beating their fellow humans."
"Yeah," Jared says, because the thought has indeed crossed his mind. "I'm Jared by the way."
"Hey Jared by the way," Jensen says with a small smile. "What are you doing out on a day like this?"
Jared shrugs. "I dunno."
"On your way to see your family?"
Jared shakes his head. "Wish I could but I'm not from around here."
"I would never would have guessed with a Texas twang like yours," Jensen answers, pushing himself to his feet.
Jared gets up as well, foreseeing but dreading the inevitable goodbye. Jensen's the first friendly face he's seen, and it's a nice face too, despite the blood. Jared's seen enough of his movies to have that fake sense of knowing Jensen and he really doesn't want to be alone any longer.
"You want a drink?" he asks, because who doesn't in times like this.
"Depends," Jensen says, tilting his head to the side. "Did you knock over a liquor store?"
Jared shakes his head. "Raided the mini bar in my hotel room."
Jensen laughs. "Sounds like you're my kind of guy. Got any whiskey?"
Jared pulls his duffel bag off his bag and riffles through it until he finds a tiny whiskey bottle. He hands it over to Jensen and grabs a gin bottle for himself. Gin tastes like ass when it doesn't come with tonic, but it's not like he can go into a store and buy a bottle now. Jensen twists the top off the bottle and downs it in one gulp.
Afterwards he licks his lips and nods as if he's made up his mind about something. "You wanna come with me, Jared by the way?"
"Where to?" Jared asks, instead of blurting out the hell yeah on his tongue.
"Home," Jensen answers.
Jared nods, smiling a little and when Jensen meets his eyes, he's pretty sure the need there is mirrored in his own.
It takes them two hours and the entire contents of the mini bar to get to Jensen's house. It's outside the city proper, in one of the flashy neighborhoods that cater to Tinseltown's most wanted, nothing but fences and stone walls lining the street together with a few trees to give it a more inviting look. The gates to Jensen's house are enormous, but there's a door set into one of them and that's what Jensen unlocks and pushes open.
"Welcome," he says, with an odd smile before disappearing into the dark behind the door.
Jared hurries after him, needing the superficial safety behind the sturdy stone walls. Jensen closes the door behind him and makes sure it's locked, while Jared looks around. They're standing on a driveway shaded by trees that cast long shadows in the weird light from above. He can just make out the house through the trees, a huge sprawling building with at least two floors. There are lights on in the windows and Jared glances at Jensen.
"I thought the power went out," he says. They haven't seen a single street or window light in the last hour.
Jensen shrugs as they start walking towards the house. "Emergency generator," he says. "It kicks in within twenty seconds after a power loss."
"Oh... For how long will it run?"
"I don't know," Jensen says. "It's never been needed for more than a few hours at a time before, but it should be good for a few days."
"That's... good."
The weight of what they're not saying hangs between them in the air. They won't need the emergency generator to last for more than two days because after that there won't be a house to power.
"I don't get it," Jensen says, stopping suddenly. "I'm scared witless, but I really don't get it."
Jared nods, because he understands the feeling. The ball of fire above them fills him with terror, but it's still impossible to comprehend that they only have a little over two days left to live. That Earth only has a little over two days left to live. How can you imagine the total destruction of your world when it's the only thing you know?
Jensen grabs his arm and squeezes it for a moment before letting go. "I'm sorry," he says, as he starts walking again. "I'm just... fucked up."
Jared falls into step with him without disputing his words. At this point it feels like the entire world is fucked up. He's got two days left to live, his family is miles and miles away and here he is about to enter the home of a Hollywood star.
"Oh," he says as he remembers something. "My sister says hi."
Jensen gives him a curious look as he unlocks the door.
"She's a fan. She said I should say hi if I ran into you."
Jensen laughs. "Well, say hi back..." He trails off."I'm sorry."
Jared shrugs, pain making his chest constrict. He won't ever see Megan again, won't hear her laugh, or hear her stupid stories from college. He blinks away the tears that well up unbidden and wipes his nose on his sleeve.
"She's... She's dating this dude, Charlie, and he's... he's a nice guy... but I never..." Jared clamps his mouth shut and tries to get a grip on himself.
Jensen turns away from the door and pulls him into a hug. Jared goes willingly pressing his face into Jensen's neck and gripping his shirt tight with his fists. He can feel Jensen tremble minutely against him, body taut as a bowstring and Jensen's breath against his temple is shaky and too fast.
"What do you say we get royally drunk?" Jensen asks, voice tight.
"Best idea I ever heard," Jared croaks for an answer.
On Tuesday Jared wakes up with a pounding headache, a rolling stomach, the taste of rotting gym socks in his mouth, and Jensen Ackles drooling into his shoulder. It takes him a few moments to get his bearings and then the events of the previous night trickle back into his mind.
He barely makes it to the toilet before he starts throwing up. He heaves and heaves and heaves until there's absolutely nothing left in his stomach at which point he collapses into a shivering heap on the floor. Apparently downing half a bottle of whiskey and half a bottle of tequila into an almost empty stomach isn't a very good idea.
A shudder goes through him and he groans, clutching at his stomach. His head throbs, making flashes go off before his eyes and for moment he actually thinks he's going to miss judgment day by dying prematurely.
"Here," a soft voice says and a glass of blissfully cool water appears by his face.
He grabs it and pours it over his aching head.
"Not exactly what I intended..." The glass disappears and moments later it returns with new water and an open palm with two pills on it.
He inches forward sucking the pills up from the palm, opening his mouth enough for some water to be poured into it.
"Man," Jensen says. "You are not used to heavy drinking."
Jared swallows the pills, relaxing back onto the floor in an attempt to keep from throwing them up.
"Hurts," he croaks when he's sure his stomach isn't going to rebel.
He blinks his eyes open to look up at Jensen who's crouching above him. Jensen looks a bit worse for wear with dark circles under his eyes and a grayish tint to his skin, but he doesn't seem to be in pain. For a guy he's awfully pretty, all eyes and lips with a smattering of freckles over his nose. He's dressed in a t-shirt and white cotton boxers and Jared's sure that if he wanted to sneak a peek at Jensen's privates, he'd only have to tilt his head just so.
He tilts his head just so, but Jensen's cock is shrouded in shadows. He lets his eyes drop shut again and takes a deep breath.
"You'd be more comfortable on the bed," Jensen says.
"Not moving," Jared answers, eyes still closed.
"Your call," Jensen says, and Jared hears him leave.
He returns moments later with a pillow that he puts under Jared's head and a blanket to throw over his legs. Jared smiles faintly before promptly falling back to sleep.
The next time he wakes up it's to the smell of food and more of a backache than a headache. This time he manages to push himself up from the floor without throwing up or passing out, which he decides is a good thing. He drops the blanket and the pillow back on the bed and follows the smell to Jensen's enormous kitchen located on the lower level.
Jensen's still dressed in boxers and a t-shirt, but now he's got an apron on as well, and he's frowning at the bacon frying on the stove.
"How do you like your bacon?" he asks, without looking up.
"Crisp," Jared answers, moving further into the kitchen to take a seat at the kitchen table set off to the side. It's big enough to seat twelve people, yet it looks like it's never been used.
"Oh good," Jensen says, pulling the pan away from the stove. "If you'd said rare I would have hit you."
"Is there anyone that eats rare bacon?"
Jensen rolls his shoulders in a shrug. "I dunno." He turns around and leans back against the counter. "So there are waffles, bacon, eggs, toast, juice, and coffee. Is there anything else you want?"
Jared shakes his head mutely.
"Great."
Jensen claps his hands together and grins. He looks a little manic and Jared suddenly gets the feeling he doesn't have guests all that often, which is ridiculous seeing as Jensen's like the most popular guy in the world.
"Can I do anything?" he asks.
"No, no... Just sit there."
Jensen starts carrying covered plates to the table, putting all of them in front of Jared creating a miniature buffet. Coffee is next and then juice and syrups for the waffles, plates, glasses, cutlery, and cups until half the table is full of stuff.
"Are you trying to seduce me?" Jared asks with a grin, nearly salivating at the prospect of eating all of this.
Jensen drops the knife he's holding. "No, I'm not," he says, the words nearly tumbling over each other. "Why would I be? Was it something I said?"
Jared gives him a curious look. "It was just a joke," he says. "I do like my food."
"Oh... Well, seeing as you're built like a Sasquatch, I would never have guessed," Jensen says wryly.
Jared grins and Jensen ducks his chin, only to dive for the floor and the errant knife moments later. Jared frowns and turns his attention back to the food. So Jensen's a bit strange, maybe being named the world's most eligible bachelor does that to a man, but Jared really kind of likes him. They barely know each other, yet they just seem to click, but maybe that's just the circumstances.
Jensen finally takes a seat at the table and they both dig into the food with gusto. Jared would have thought that the end of the world would diminish his appetite, but apparently not so much.
"This is really good," he says between bites.
"Yeah?" Jensen flushes, looking pleased.
"Yeah."
Jensen looks at him for another moment before going back to his food. Jared doesn't miss the glances Jensen keeps throwing in his direction throughout the meal and he wonders what that's all about. Jensen's life up to this point certainly doesn't seem to have been as straight forward as the tabloids made it out to be.
They share the cleaning up duties between them, deciding that running the dishwasher would put too much of a strain on the generator and it's afternoon before they make it back out of the kitchen. Jensen puts an old movie into the DVD and they curl up on opposite sides of the couch, watching it. Jared feels kind of bad about sitting holed up in a house with every creature comfort known to man when there's bound to be people suffering out there, but he doesn't have it in him to leave.
Where would he go anyway? Downtown to be beat up and killed, or just left alone with his thoughts? Back to his sterile hotel room with nothing but memories to get him through the next two days? The house is too far away from the downtown area to work as a safe house and when it comes down to it, does he really want to go out there again? They're all going to die anyway.
With those troublesome thoughts running through his head, he falls asleep again, curled up with his head on the armrest and his legs tangled with Jensen's. The long night and the hangover getting the better of him again.
Then he wakes up it's to Jensen petting his feet. He's not really massaging them and not just resting his hand on them, he's petting them, running his fingers up and down over the top of Jared's feet, following the line of bones to the ankle, and then taking another route back. It feels kind of nice, if somewhat odd, so Jared keeps his eyes closed, pretending to still be asleep.
He can't fully wrap his mind around Jensen. He seems like a really nice guy, funny and soft spoken with a sarcastic edge, but yet, he's sitting in this huge house all alone. Jared would have thought that someone like Jensen, rich, beautiful and famous, would be surrounded by people in a time like this, but instead he's alone except for Jared who he just met.
"Are you happy?" Jared asks, opening his eyes.
Jensen pulls his hand away as if he's been burnt and flushes. "Uhm... What do you mean?"
Jared shrugs awkwardly. "I dunno... Before all this... Were you happy?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Jensen asks. "I have everything, right?"
"You don't seem happy."
Jensen sighs, and looks away. "I guess... I wasn't... aren't... I mean... I have a lot to be grateful for, I guess it just feels as if I put my shoes on wrong, you know? It's a fabulous pair of shoes, black leather... Prada, but somehow I put them on wrong and I can't figure out how. I love being an actor and I've been fortunate enough to be able to pick only the roles I really want but still... I dunno."
Jared shifts so that he's fully on his back, watching Jensen's face as he speaks and Jensen turns to look at him with a sardonic little half smile.
"Ain't I the cry baby, huh? My life's a real sob story."
He takes up one of the magazines on the coffee table, holding it up for Jared to see. Jensen's face is plastered over the cover and the headline says: Jensen Ackles, Man of the Moment. Jensen throws the magazine across the room, clenching his teeth.
I fucking hate my life," he says. "I thought I wanted to be famous, I thought I wanted to have more money than I could ever spend. I thought I wanted a huge fucking mansion, five cars, and my face on the front of every magazine, but it fucking sucks."
Jensen turns his head away, his hand landing on top of Jared's feet again. "I haven't spoken to my parents for ten years... Ten fucking years. Too goddamned proud to pick up the phone and call them... even though they were fucking right."
Jensen looks back and his eyes are big holes of pain in his face. "They lost their house, you know, a couple of years ago. My dad got some bad advice and they ended up losing all their money. I wanted so badly to call them then... wanted to help them out, but they didn't pick up the phone and ask for help and I was too fucking proud to offer and now we're all gonna die and they'll never know how much I miss them... how grateful I am for everything they taught me... how much I... shit."
Jensen presses and a hand to his face and takes a deep shaky breath. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I shouldn't dump all this bullshit on you."
Jared's heart clenches in his chest and had it been anyone but Jensen he would have totally given him a hug, but he's not sure they're at the hug stage yet. As it is, he swings his legs down from the couch and sits up so that they are shoulder to shoulder.
"The last time I saw my best friend," Jared says, bumping his shoulder against Jensen's. "We had a petty bullshit argument over nothing and now that's gonna be the last words we ever spoke to each other."
"Somehow that doesn't make me feel better at all," Jensen says wryly, but when Jared glances at him there's a tiny smile on his lips. "So how about you? Are you happy?"
Jared blinks, even though he figured the question would eventually be turned around he doesn't have an answer. "I thought I was..." he says, letting the words drag. "But I'm not so sure anymore."
"How come?" Jensen asks.
"I dunno... there's just so much stuff I never got to do, you know? Things I always assumed would happen eventually and now they never will."
"Like what?"
Jared shrugs, staring at the DVD logo, flashing on the flat screen. It's hard to pinpoint what exactly makes him feel like he missed out on life. It's been good so far, he had a good childhood, lots of friends, he got into the college of his choice, got the degree he wanted, and he's pretty sure that if the world ending hadn't gotten in the way he would have been offered the job he always dreamed of.
"I never bungee-jumped," he says. "Always wanted to, but I was too chicken."
Jensen laughs. "That's heartbreaking," he says. "It really is. If it makes you feel better, I never got to take my Ducati out for a spin and drive so fast the world blurred before my eyes."
"I've never seen the Grand Canyon."
"Oh, I've done that." Jensen looks around. "I'm not sure I'm up for a shot, but eating an M&M would work too, right?"
"There's chocolate and you didn't tell me?" Jared asks, aghast.
"In the kitchen. Come on, it's time for dinner anyway."
Jared follows Jensen down to the kitchen that really is built like a cave, half a level down from the rest of the house, with only tiny windows along the ceiling. He jumps up on the counter and sits there cross-legged while Jensen prepares the food, keeping up their game of I've never the entire time. It's just a silly game and Jared's played it a million times before, but this time it doesn't feel like just a game. In an odd way it's closure, dragging all the things they never got to do into the light and parting with them.
Some of them are downright silly, like Jensen's 'I never got to dance nude in a graveyard at midnight' because Jared's pretty sure he never actually wanted to do that, but others come with a bittersweet twist like Jared's 'I never got to get married'. Jensen eats an M&M to that, with a grimace on his face that should never be present in the presence of candy.
"You've been married?" Jared asks in surprise.
"Wow," Jensen says, stirring the sauce he got on the stove. "You must be like the only person in the world that never heard about that."
"Well, I've never heard about Jensen Ackles being married," Jared says with a grin.
Jensen shoots him a dirty look and takes another M&M. "To make a long and sordid story short, I was married to Ayanka Miller for about two months a few years ago. It started badly and ended worse and it makes the top ten on my list of regrets."
"Ayanka Miller? The pop princess?" Jared tries to hide his grin behind his hand. He doesn't know Ayanka and he's known Jensen for about ten seconds, but even he can tell they'd be a horrible match.
"It seemed like a good idea, okay?"
Jared laughs. "I bet it did."
Jensen glares for a moment, but the corners of his mouth twitches and soon he can't keep from laughing either. "Man, it was horrible," he says, wiping the tears from his eyes. "She was such a spoiled whiny little brat and I was probably the worst husband ever. I think we were just enamored by how good we looked together. "
Jared snorts and shakes his head. "It's cool man, at least you've been married."
Jensen nods and pats Jared's knee. "I'm sorry," he says.
Jared shrugs. "Well, at least it's the same for everyone."
Silence falls between them as they contemplate the fact that in two days there won't be any laughter, any tears, or any second chances. Jensen puts the finishing touches to the food and Jared helps him set the table, a number of I've nevers running through his head while he tries to decide on the right one to break the tension.
"I've never listened to Ayanka Miller and liked it," he finally says.
"Amen to that," Jensen says with a laugh and the tension is broken as suddenly as it appeared.
Jensen cracks open and a bottle of wine and they eat while trading I nevers. Jared never realized how much you can learn about a person by playing that game, but then he's usually gotten too drunk to fully appreciate it. He's not drunk now and it feels like every sentence from Jensen gives him another piece of the puzzle that makes him up. In the same way that his own picks tells the story of who he is and what he would have wanted out of his life.
Through I've never confessions he ends up telling Jensen the story of his life. The people he loved when he shouldn't, the people he didn't love when he should, the secrets he never told anyone, and the ones he's worn on his sleeve. In turn Jensen tells him a story about being lonely, about longing for connections, and living a life of peace and solitude.
It's insane, but Jared can't remember clicking with someone like he does with Jensen before. Not even with Sandy who he used to think he'd spend the rest of his life with. It's not that they are exactly alike in everything, because they're not, but they seem to agree on all the important levels when it comes to life and love and family, and it's kind of sad to think that if it hadn't been for the world ending they would never have met.
They finish the wine during dinner, so Jensen opens another bottle and they take that, and the M&Ms, with them back to the living room, curling up on opposite ends of the couch with the lights dimmed. The wine is making Jared mellow, blurring his vision and rounding his words, but it's a good kind of mellow, sad but content. Jensen's lit the candles on the coffee table and their warm light flickers over his face, making it seem softer and younger.
It's Jared turn to utter a new I've never, the last one Jensen's I've never gotten blackout drunk slipped them off track while they discussed truly memorable nights of drinking. Jared told Jensen about the time he got so drunk he threw up in his own shoes and spilled a glass of water over his sleeping mom because he went into the wrong bedroom and Jensen admitted that the night he got married to Ayanka kind of beat all other nights of drinking hands down.
Jared sips his wine and looks at Jensen through the bangs that keep falling into his face. It might be the wine but he doesn't think he's ever met anyone as beautiful as Jensen. He always kind of assumed that celebrities wouldn't look as good in person as they do in the movies, but at least when it comes to Jensen he was stupidly wrong.
"I've never had sex with someone as pretty as you," Jared says, blushing when he realizes he actually said it out loud.
Jensen looks at him for a moment before raising his glass to his lips, taking a sip.
"There are other people as pretty as you," Jared says dumbly, because once he's put his foot in, it's really hard to get it out.
Jensen laughs and wiggles his right hand. It takes a moment for the wheels to connect but then a hot flash goes straight through Jared. He can just picture Jensen with his strong perfectly manicured hand wrapped around his cock and his head thrown back in ecstasy. He blinks and tries to shake the image out of his head, sure Jensen's pretty but he doesn't go for guys, never have.
"I've never had sex with another guy," Jensen says, and Jared waits for him to drink, but he doesn't.
The air between them suddenly feels thick and Jared kind of thinks they've been slowly moving towards this moment all day. Maybe it's pure instinct, the need to be close when everything is about to come to an end, but he thinks it's something else. Something he's not really able to put a name to just yet, but that has to do with the way he can't stop looking at Jensen, the way he started liking him even before he knew him, the way he can suddenly picture it so vividly when he never really thought about another man like that before.
"I've never wanted to have sex with another guy," Jared rasps out, and he thinks that the before is more than implied.
Jensen lifts his glass to his lips and drinks. Jared watches his throat move and bites his lip when Jensen's tongue comes out to catch a stray drop of wine. Jensen looks up at him, eyes dark and unreadable and Jared lifts his glass and gulps down half the glass in one go, spluttering when it proves too much to swallow.
Jensen laughs, but it's deeper than before, rougher around the edges and Jared kind of wants to throw himself over the couch and maul him.
"I'm gay," Jensen says, putting his glass down. "I've known this about myself since I was fifteen."
"But..." Jared blinks, trying to wrap his mind around this piece of information.
"I've never had sex with a guy?"
"Yeah... Isn't that... I thought... Don't you... I dunno."
Jensen smiles. "I've never had sex with a guy because I know that if I had, I would never be able to sleep with a woman again."
"But..."
"When I was fifteen I would have done it in a heartbeat, if I'd known anyone that swung that way, but once I got into a position to have my pick... I was too scared. Scared of someone finding out, scared of someone leaking to the press, scared of losing everything I thought I'd had." He shakes his head and sighs. "I'd give it all up for just one night, you know... Just one..."
Jared blinks, licking his lips. It's not like it would be a hardship, he would be lying if he said he didn't want it too, but at the same time he's scared shitless because Jensen's spent all his life wanting this, and Jared doesn't know if he can give it.
"Oh God," Jensen says, probably seeing the look on Jared's face. "Jesus, Jared, I didn't mean it like that. Not like... It came out wrong."
Jared nods slowly. "So you don't want me."
Jensen scrubs a hand over his face. "Do we have to talk about this? Because whatever I say it will sound wrong."
Jared shrugs. "Your call." But now that Jensen brought it up, he really wants to know.
"God, of course I want you, okay? I mean look at you." Jensen makes a gesture. "You're ten feet tall, built, gorgeous, smart, funny... I wanted you before I even knew your name. I would have wanted you if I'd seen you on the street three weeks ago, but it's beside the point. I don't want you to feel obliged to sleep with me, because I don't want that."
Jared flushes a bright shade of red and busies himself with emptying his glass. "I'm only six foot five," he mutters, trying to hide his acute embarrassment by stuffing his mouth full of M&Ms.
"See," Jensen says, throwing his arms up. "I even find you attractive when you look like a hamster."
Jared blushes even darker and nearly chokes as he tries to swallow the entire mouthful in one go. He coughs and swallows again, the insides of his mouth sticky with chocolate and pieces of peanut. Jensen watches him, making him feel acutely self-conscious as he licks his teeth trying to get the chocolate off.
"What's it like?" he asks when his mouth is moderately chocolate free. "Having sex with someone you're not attracted to in that way."
Jensen shrugs. "It's sex. I mean... I get my rocks off, I just don't... It's not... It's not exactly overwhelming. The best sex I've had has been locked in my bedroom with only myself."
Jared blushes, because there it is again, the image of Jensen in the throes of passion. "But you know what it'd feel like, yeah? You have... toys?"
Jensen blushes and hides his head in his hands. "I hate you," he says petulantly.
"Oh you totally do. I bet you have like a toy locker, with one of those big ass super secure locks."
"Oh God," Jensen groans, bending forward, blushing so hard the back of his neck, where it's presented to Jared, is turning red.
Jared laughs with glee. "I'm right, I'm so fucking right."
Jensen looks up. "Yes," he says. "Yes, I have toys. Yes, I use them. Yes, it feels fucking good. And yes, I keep them in a cabinet with a big ass secure lock."
Jared grins, but it kind of feels like Jensen just turned the table, because the thought of Jensen using his toys is fucking hot.
"I've never come more than two times in a night," Jensen says, obviously trying to stop Jared from divulging on his toys.
Jared fills his glass with the last of the bottle and drinks. "Dude," he says. "Your sex life sucks."
"Yeah, I think we already covered that," Jensen retorts. "So... how many?"
"Four, but the fourth time was in the wee hours of the morning, so not the same night strictly speaking."
"Four," Jensen mouths to himself, looking impressed. "Wasn't it hard... getting it... hard?"
Jared laughs. "I'm actually attracted to girls, you know."
Jensen rolls his eyes. "I mean for the fourth time... Wasn't it... I mean, weren't you... I don't even know what I mean."
Jared shrugs. "It's not like it was four times in a row... there was foreplay and uhm... middle play, you know."
Jensen nods, but Jared kind of doesn't think he gets it. He wonders how Jensen does it, having sex only with people he doesn't really want. He gets the part where it's sex and that sticking your cock into something tight and wet feels good, but he still doesn't understand how you can make yourself get there. He doesn't ask though, and Jensen cleverly turns the conversation back to safer territory.
It's clear that Jensen thinks the last word has been said regarding sex, but as they turn in for the night, sharing Jensen's humongous bed again, Jared's still thinking about it. He wants Jensen, joking and weirdness aside. He wants to make Jensen feel good, he wants to touch him and stroke him and make him come four times in a row. He hasn't thought about having sex with another man since college, but as he twists and turns trying to go to sleep he can't help but think about it, over and over until he's uncomfortably hard.
"Would you be still?" Jensen asks with exasperation. "It's like sharing a bed with a helicopter."
"Sorry," Jared murmurs, trying to force himself to calm down, but it's hard when the thoughts are playing catch in his head and his dick is bent awkwardly between his stomach and the mattress.
It's really odd but he keeps thinking about Chad. Maybe it's because he hasn't shared a room with another guy since college, or maybe it's because of the way his last conversation with Chad ended. He turns his head so that he can look at Jensen, even though he's no more than a grey blob in the darkness and suddenly he remembers something that he must have spent the last few years trying very hard to forget.
"I jerked another guy off once," he says, probably sounding as alarmed as he feels.
"What?" Jensen asks, turning his head in Jared's direction.
"In college... I can't fucking believe I forgot."
"You forgot?" Jensen's voice sounds odd, thick and raspy, as if he hasn't been able to get their conversation out of his head either.
"Yeah... or repressed it more likely."
The thing is, Jared's not sure he repressed it because he actually touched Chad's dick, or if it was because he had to jerk off two times before he was finally able to fall sleep afterwards.
"It was in college... and uh... my best friend... uhm... Chad... He'd been out drinking and he came home really late... and he started going at it..."
Jared takes a moment to think, licking his lips. Suddenly it's like it happened yesterday, waking up from Chad's moans, lying awake listening to him growing harder and harder until he had to do something.
"He... was really loud and obviously too drunk to make it work so I..."
He'd slipped out of bed, intent on locking himself in the bathroom, but he hadn't been able to move past Chad and the hand he could see moving under the sheets.
"He looked up," Jared says, cheeks heating with remembered embarrassment. "And saw me there and he said... Get lost or help me out."
"And you helped him out." It's not a question; Jensen's voice is dark and rough like aged whiskey.
"Yeah," Jared whispers into the dark.
He shivers and shifts, trying to ease the pressure from his cock. They never talked about it after that, he's not even sure Chad remembers, heck he didn't even remember until just now. But he remembers now how hard Chad was, how close he came to coming just from wringing an orgasm out of Chad. He remembers locking himself in the bathroom and jerking off with Chad's spunk still on his fingers, coming hard and fast. He remembers doing it again, sweeter and slower with his eyes squeezed shut and another guy in his head.
"Did you like it?"
It's the million dollar question, Jared can feel the weight of it, knows that whatever he answers now will determine where they go from here.
"Yes."
He makes a move to close the distance between them, because he's pretty sure that's what he really said yes to, but Jensen holds up a hand to stop him.
"Don't," he says, voice soft and brittle. "Not like this."
"Then how?" Jared asks, voice too loud in the dark.
"If you still remember this tomorrow... Still want it tomorrow. Then we'll talk about it."
Jared opens his mouth to protest, but then he snaps it shut and relaxes back into the pillows. Jensen's right, they should wait. It will mean more tomorrow in the bleak light of day than tonight in a dark bedroom. Besides, he doesn't want this to be something they'll regret. There's no time left for regrets, only want and need and wishes now.
Wednesday morning dawns bright and clear, giving no hint to it being the second to last morning the world will ever see. The sun wakes Jared up as it creeps across the bed to paw with filthy fingers at his face. He blinks his eyes open, turning his head away from the window to find the bed empty. He can hear music from downstairs and figures Jensen's already awake.
Slowly, he pushes himself into sitting position and rubs the sleep out of his eyes, making a face as last night comes back into his mind. Without a bottle of wine to mellow the blow, he's kind of freaked out about the fact that he touched Chad's private parts. Not because he liked it, and not because what it might say about the sexuality he thought was pretty cast in iron, but because it's Chad and God knows where that cock has been.
"I've been tested since then," he says to himself. "More than once."
It's not like Chad's all that promiscuous (well kinda) but he has the worst taste ever when he's drunk. Sadness hits him suddenly like a blow to the gut and he wonders what Chad's doing now. Is he drunk chasing after jailbaits, or did he patch it up with Sophia for one last go before the world ends? Jared hopes he's with Sophia, no matter how tumultuous and wild their relationship's been over the years there's genuine affection there, love.
"I miss you, man," he whispers, as if Chad will miraculously hear him.
He's torn between going downstairs to confront Jensen and stalling, so he decides to have a shower, because at least it feels like a legitimate reason to put off talking to Jensen. The water is still hot, loosening his limbs and making him feel cleansed, but he wonders for how much longer they'll have power. The generator can't run forever and even if they turned off all the unnecessary lights and the alarm system, they've been using a lot of power.
His head feels clearer after the shower and Jared finds that he's almost giddy as he dries his hair and gets dressed. He hasn't come to terms with the thought that the world will end, that concept is still impossible to grasp, but he's realized that from this point on he doesn't have to think about tomorrow, or what others might think. It's just him and Jensen until the end and that thought makes everything easier to bear.
His family is as safe as anyone can be in such a situation and they're together, which is all that matters. He'll never see them, or his friends again, but they know he loves them and maybe, if that's how it is, they'll meet again. The only one he has to depend on now, the only one he has to answer to, is himself and he already knows what he wants.
It's not sane, and maybe not safe, but he wants Jensen. He thinks that he wanted Jensen from the moment he laid eyes on him, but he doesn't have to ask himself what that means, because there's not enough time left for regrets.
He takes his time walking down the stairs, listening to the music wafting up the stairs with half a smile. If he hadn't already been enthralled by Jensen his choice of song would certainly have done the trick. It takes a special kind of mind to choose, Dave Matthew's Band's When The World Ends for a soundtrack to the last day of your life. The lyrics are kind of dirty too. Jared's impressed and wonders if Jensen picked it thinking about him.
Jensen's standing at the window when he enters the living room, staring out at the back garden with a coffee cup clutched in his hands.
"There's coffee and bagels in the kitchen," he says without turning. "Help yourself."
Jared hesitates only for a moment, whatever he wants to say or do next, it'll be better to do it with a full stomach than an empty one. He glances at Jensen over his shoulder as he heads for the kitchen stairs. He's standing eerily still with his chin slightly raised, eyes wide open but seemingly unseeing. Jared wonders if he has any idea how breathtaking he is standing like that with the sun streaming over his face, but he has a feeling that Jensen doesn't care anymore, if he ever did.
The song changes, the last tones of When The World Ends having rung out, and Jared smiles as he recognizes the song; Until The End of The World by U2. He wants to ask Jensen why he made an Apocalypse Playlist, but he thinks that, maybe, he doesn't want to know.
Jared eats standing up in the kitchen, one hip propped against the counter and legs crossed. Somehow he doesn't want to disturb Jensen's solitude, doesn't want to impose with his chewing and slurping. He can hear the music change again, another song about the end, angry, loud; Linkin Park, he thinks.
These songs are the last music he'll ever hear and the thought sends a pang through his chest. Tomorrow it'll all be over; the world but an empty shell without content. He wonders how it'll happen, if it'll be fast like an explosion, or slow enough for them to feel it. He hopes it's fast, instant; that human life will be wiped out between one thought and the next.
He puts the dishes in the sink after gulping his coffee down as if it was cheap whiskey and returns to the living room. Jensen's still standing where he left him, staring out into the garden.
"It's funny, don't you think?" Jensen says, as the song on the stereo changes to REM's It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine). "The world is about to end... All of this will be wiped out and we'll die... but the only thing I can think about is if this means my subscription to Playboy will finally be discontinued. I tried everything, I mailed, I emailed, I called... twice, but they refuse to get it. Every month it ends up in my mailbox." Jensen laughs, the sound tinged with hysteria. "I'm going to die but I feel as if I've finally gotten one up on them."
"Well," Jared says. "There's a bright side to everything. This way, at least, no prospective partner will ever know about my Pokémon collection."
Jensen half turns. "You have a Pokémon collection?"
"Damn," Jared mutters. "No?"
Jensen grins, the corners of his eyes crinkling and if Jared thought he was breathtaking before it's nothing compared to this. "Do you like take them out and play with them?"
"They're collector's items," Jared says, aghast. "You don't play with them."
Jensen's grin gets wider. "But you take the boxes out and look at them, don't you?"
"No," Jared lies, but the blush on his cheeks gives him away.
"You're right," Jensen says. "No one would want to sleep with you after finding that out."
"They would too," Jared protests.
"And why would that be?"
"Ten."
"Ten? As in commandments?"
Jared smirks. "Inches."
"Wha... Oh..." Jensen can't hide the way his eyes dart downwards. "Oh."
Jared grins and leans back against the wall. He doesn't normally tell people, especially not if he's planning for them to find out for themselves, but it was totally worth it for the look on Jensen's face.
Of course saying it out loud always makes him feel kind of dirty, as if he's not supposed to talk about it. Sometimes he thinks it's unfair, if a girl has big boobies it's plain for all the world to see, but if a guy happens to have a big dick no one but his partner will know and mentioning it will sound like unnecessary bragging.
"It's not that big a deal," Jared says, when Jensen doesn't stop staring. "I'm a big boy."
"Yeah, I'd say," Jensen says wryly, finally looking up to lock eyes with Jared.
Jared blushes, fighting the urge to break eye contact. "I just meant I'm... uh... big all over."
Jensen laughs. "Obviously."
Jared presses his mouth shut, because no matter what he says he's just going to get himself in deeper. Jensen grins and takes a swig from his coffee.
"You know what I'm going to miss?" he asks, grimacing as if he realizes he's not going to anything. "Coffee. I'm going to miss coffee."
"Yeah," Jared says. "And dogs."
"Dogs? I think I'll miss cats more."
"Obviously, you're delusional."
Jensen snorts, then his face turns solemn again and he looks out the window. "There's a lot of things I'm going to miss," he says softly with a faraway look on his face.
For a moment the pain almost makes it impossible to breathe. They're going to die. Tomorrow it'll all be over. No more coffee, no more dogs, no more cats, or sunshine on an early morning.
"Do you think it'll be fast?" Jared asks, even though he doesn't want to know.
Jensen nods. "We're in California... This state is an earthquake away from disaster anyway."
"Yeah," Jared agrees, but he's not convinced. He's not afraid of dying, it's the getting there that worries him. "I'll miss kissing," he says, changing the subject back to the relatively safe. "I like kissing."
"Yeah... And... it's kinda stupid but I'll miss dancing."
"I didn't know you could dance."
"I can't." A smile ghosts over Jensen's face. "But I'll miss the awkward shuffling kind of slow dancing. I used to love that."
As if on cue the track changes to something slower, a song Jared doesn't recognize but it sounds like Nickelback. Jensen turns to look at him over his shoulder and Jared takes half a step forward. It's all it takes for Jensen to put his coffee down and cross the room to stand in front of him.
Jared hesitates only a moment before reaching out and Jensen slides into his arms, fitting himself up against Jared's body as if he was meant to be there. It should feel stupid, slow dancing in the harsh light of day with another guy in his arms, but it doesn't; it just feels comforting. Somewhere a huge big clock is ticking down their last hours to live, but here in Jensen's spacious living room there's nothing but them and this weird wonderful thing between them.
Jensen's arms come up around his neck and Jared locks his arms tight around Jensen's waist. They shuffle along to the music, Jared with his cheek against Jensen's hair and Jensen with his face hidden against Jared's neck. Jared thinks too much, about how Jensen fits along his body, how weird it is to have stubble rasping his neck, how odd it feels to dance with someone who's almost the same height as him.
He can't remember the last time he danced like this. It was probably at some college party years ago, drunk of his ass with a tiny girl clutched tightly in his arms. He doesn't recall dancing sober once since junior prom and back then he'd been drunk off life and the fact that Jennie Carling had graced him with a dance even though she was way out of his league.
It's different now, sober and weighed down by doubts and fears, but somehow he feels now as he did back then. As if life has thrown him an unexpected treasure and he's meant to cherish it. He could be spending his last hours in life huddled up in a hotel room with only the mini bar for comfort, but instead he's spending it with one of Hollywood's top grossing movie stars, slow dancing in the bleak light of day. A stray line of the song catches his attention and he clutches Jensen a little tighter.
"And would you find the one you're dreaming of. Swear up and down to God above. That you'd finally fall in love. If today was your last day. If today was your last day. Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart? You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars, regardless of who you are."
Jensen lifts his head to look up at him and Jared doesn't hesitate before bending down, covering Jensen's lips with his own. He expects it to be weird and it is, but it's the same kind of weird he always gets when kissing someone for the first time. Should he tilt his head this way or that way, how much tongue should he use and is his breath okay. Jensen must have shaved his morning, because there's only the slightest hint of roughness scraping against his face, and his mouth is no different from a girl's.
He keeps his eyes squeezed shut, afraid to break the spell where this is okay. He doesn't want to stop kissing, doesn't want to keep Jensen's hands from sliding down his back, doesn't want to lift his own from Jensen's hips. He wants to do this forever, the slow shuffle of feet and the soft exchange of kisses, teasing and playful in a way it's never been with someone new.
But for every unhurried kiss the need builds, his body reacting in the most primal of ways, dick hardening and breath shortening, making him want, need, more. He digs his fingers into Jensen's hips, pulls him closer so that he can feel the hard line of Jensen's cock against his thigh. It's reassuring to know he's not the only one affected, not the only one that wants this.
Jensen pulls out of the kiss, sucking in hurried breaths, fingers digging into Jared's skin. Jared slides one of his hands to the small of Jensen's back, making sure they stay pressed together, enticing each other with each shuffled step.
"Fuck," Jensen hisses, hips stuttering against Jared's thigh. "God."
Jared smiles, sucking a kiss against Jensen's neck and sliding his hand down to cup Jensen's ass, dipping his long fingers into the crease between Jensen's thighs.
"Oh," Jensen gasps, hips twitching again.
Jared opens his eyes, squinting at the unexpected light. They're no longer in the middle of the floor, but rather backed up against the wall next to the stereo. It only takes a tiny shuffle for him to press Jensen up against the wall, knee sliding in between Jensen's thighs to keep him pinned. Jensen's head thumps back against the wall, fingers digging into Jared's shoulders.
Jared kisses him again, licking his way into Jensen's mouth, while pressing even closer. Jensen moans into his mouth, balling Jared's shirt up in his hands, enough that it slides up over his lower back giving him goosebumps. Jared hasn't forgotten their conversation from last night and he's determined to make Jensen come and come and come, until he can't think straight.
He slides his hand down over Jensen's ass, in between his thighs, fingers brushing Jensen's balls through the thick fabric of his jeans. Jensen shudders and groans loudly, back arching, and Jared's cock pulses in his pants, making his boxers wet with precome. He can feel the cleft of Jensen's ass against his palm, tight globes spread enough that he could dip his hand in if the fabric wasn't in the way.
He shifts until he finds a position that lets him thrust, pushing Jensen up against the wall and drawing moans from his lips with every move. It's hot and messy and better than anything Jared ever felt before. It almost shocks him when he realizes he's going to come from this, sloppy kisses and dry humping, but the way Jensen strains against him, breath high pitched and desperate, makes it okay.
Jensen breaks first, nails digging into Jared's back as he shudders and moans through his orgasm, come seeping hot and wet through his jeans, dampening Jared's thigh. Jared groans his own release into Jensen's mouth, rubbing his cock hard against Jensen's hip, the friction not quite enough even as he spurts in his pants.
They keep kissing as they come down from their high, open mouthed and breathless. Jared slides his hands over Jensen's back and in under his shirt, hands gentle now, apologetic. Jensen is pliant, raising his arms to let Jared pull his shirt off, making a soft noise when Jared's hands return to his burning skin.
They undress each other slowly, trading kisses and touches between every item; Jensen's back still pressed up against the wall. Jared pulls back to just look at Jensen, his messed up hair and swollen spit slick lips, letting his eyes slide down over Jensen's torso to where their hips are still pressed together, cocks half hard and come slick. He thinks that it should be weirder, more jarring, but all he feels as he looks his fill of Jensen's built body is desire.
It's odd, in a way, to be naked in the living room in the middle of the day, but mostly because he feels exposed, not because he's naked with another guy. He puts his hands on Jensen's chest, pushing him flat against the wall, smiling when Jensen's muscles bunch and pull against his palms. There's a slight dusting of freckles under his hands, almost too light to be seen and he bends down, raking his lips over Jensen's skin.
Jensen makes a noise, hands coming up to rest against Jared's shoulders and Jared takes it as encouragement, snaking his tongue out to taste the salt of Jensen's skin. He pulls his hands down to grip Jensen's hips as he dips his head lower, searching blindly until he finds one of Jensen's nipples. It's tiny and soft, but it only takes a few swipes of his tongue for it to strain against his lips, skin puckered and tight.
Jensen groans, hips twitching against Jared's hands. His dick his hardening again, cock head leaving smears against Jared's thigh as it slowly fills with blood. Jared closes his eyes, sucking the nub into his mouth and gracing it lightly with his teeth. Jensen makes a sound as if he's dying, fingers digging into Jared's shoulders.
Jared lifts his head to survey his handiwork, the swollen shining nub making his stomach tighten oddly. One of Jensen's hands come up to grab the back of his head, pulling him closer again and Jared grins, shifting his attention to Jensen's other nipple, giving it the same treatment while Jensen's fingers wind into his hair.
Jensen is gasping for breath, his chest heaving against Jared's face and he keeps shifting his hips, cock leaving smears against Jared's hip. Jared kind of wants to drop to his knees, but Jensen's too tall for it to be comfortable when there's a couch just feet away.
"Couch," he says with his lips against Jensen's skin. "Let's move."
"God yeah."
Jensen's out of his embrace and on the couch before he's even had time to react and he laughs, turning around to look at him. The sight makes his stomach do an odd flip flop and his cock hardens further, precome leaking down the shaft. Jensen's sitting in the middle of the couch, thighs spread open and cock arching towards his stomach, flushed red with excitement.
Jared steps closer until he's standing between Jensen's knees, looking down at him. Jensen's green eyes seem to be glowing from within, pupils blown and lips shiny. Jared smiles, sliding down until he's kneeling between Jensen's legs, hands resting on Jensen's thighs.
"Fuck," Jensen curses, sliding his hands up over Jared's arms. "You don't have to."
"I know," Jared answers, but he wants to.
He moves his hands to brace them against Jensen's hips as he bends forward, lips poised over the head of Jensen's dick. Jensen moans, stomach tightening, when Jared's breath ghosts over his cock. One of Jensen's hands comes up to tangle in his hair, cupping the back of his skull and he bends forward, darting his tongue out to lick the head of Jensen's dick.
Jensen groans deep in his throat, hips pushing against Jared's hands and Jared's cock twitches in response. Jensen's come tastes odd against his tongue, dark and salty, but not really bad, just different. He scoots closer, sliding his lips down over Jensen's cock head, humming in his throat when Jensen moans. It's difficult at first to cover his teeth and remember to suck, but Jensen's harsh breaths is all the encouragement he needs to try harder and gape for more.
He gets into some sort of rhythm, bracing one hand against Jensen's stomach and using the other to pet his balls and circle the shaft. He bobs his head, trying to breathe through his nose, his jaw aching with the strain. Jensen keens though, undulating on the couch, hips twitching and thrusting while his fingers pull on Jared's hair so apparently he's doing something right.
Jensen scoots down, pulling one leg up to rest against the edge of the cushions and Jared slides his hand down over his balls, to rub his fingers over Jensen's puckered hole.
"Fuck," Jensen groans. "Yes."
Jared's tongue feels numb and he gags as he tries to slide lower, but somehow it's the hottest thing he's ever done. Cock hard against his stomach drooling precome everywhere as Jensen's moans get a desperate edge. Jensen's cock pulses against his tongue, filling his mouth with precome and he tries to swallow but most of it trickles from the corners of his lips down over Jensen's cock.
He lifts his hand from between Jensen's legs, coating his fingertips with the clear fluid dribbling from his mouth, before bringing them back down between Jensen's legs again. He pulls off Jensen's cock to suck in harsh breaths and Jensen groans in protest, shifting his hips. Jared takes his time though, circling his fingers against Jensen's hole, spreading the slickness before pushing the tip of one finger in.
Jensen goes rigid, his cock twitching against his stomach and he moans loudly, throwing his head back against the pillows. Jared slowly pushes his finger further in, Jensen's body gripping him tight. He pulls his finger out again and chases more of the slick from Jensen's cock before bringing it back, sliding it in to the second knuckle.
"Yes," Jensen hisses. "Just like that."
Jared moves his finger in and out a couple of times before adding another. It's odd to watch his fingers disappearing into Jensen's body, every thrust making Jensen groan, hips lifting off the couch. Finally he bends forward again, sucking Jensen's cock into his mouth and Jensen moans loudly, arching his body into a bow. It's hard to do two things at the same time, fucking Jensen with his fingers and sucking him off at the same time but it's not like Jensen requires much finesse. He comes down Jared's throat and all over his mouth within minutes, body rippling around Jared's fingers.
When Jensen stops quaking Jared lifts his head, licking the come from around his mouth. It doesn't taste all that bad, salty and less bitter than the precome. Jensen scoots forward until he more or less falls into Jared's lap, kissing him desperately. He winds his arms tightly around Jared's neck sucking on his tongue. Jared groans when his cock rubs against Jensen's stomach clutching him tighter.
"I want you to fuck me," Jensen says. "Please... I just... please."
"Here?" Jared asks, because he can do that, no problem.
"Anywhere," Jensen says, clutching at Jared's shoulders.
The couch is big and wide enough for it to be comfortable, Jared's sure, but there's a perfectly acceptable bed upstairs and he's not all that familiar with the drill but he's guessing they're gonna need some sort of slick.
"Bed," he says. "Let's go upstairs."
"Yeah," Jensen says, stealing another kiss. "Yeah."
The bedroom is dark compared to the living room. The blinds are still drawn, casting the room into gloom. The sheets are messy, half off and half on the bed, but neither of them cares, they've got no use for the sheets anyway.
The sudden darkness makes everything seem more intimate, less edgy and they curl up on their sides, trading kisses and caresses until Jared's so hard he's afraid he's going to come way before he's inside Jensen. Jensen got lube from his secret toy box, denying Jared a peek inside, and it's lying next to them on the bed now.
Jared reaches for it, fumbling the cap off and pouring some over his fingers. He needs something to focus on, or he's going to come all over Jensen's stomach without even being touched. He slides his hand down leaving a slick trail over Jensen's skin, pressing his palm against Jensen's thigh until he gets the idea and hooks it over Jared's hips.
He moves his hand in between them, ghosting sticky fingers over Jensen's balls until he reaches his destination. He spreads the slickness over Jensen's opening, working it into the soft puckered skin until Jensen shivers a moan against his skin. He coats his fingers with even more of the slick stuff and brings them back, sliding one of his fingers into Jensen's tight heat.
Jensen hums low in his throat, hips thrusting forward, crushing Jared's arm between them. Jared doesn't mind though, he's got his eyes closed, focusing on the sensation of Jensen's body around his finger and Jensen's slick skin against his. Every gasp from Jensen's lips is making him shiver, every moan drawing an answer from his lips.
He pulls his finger out and adds another, sliding them back inside easily. He moves his other hand up to the back of Jensen's neck, holding him close for a kiss. Jensen groans into his mouth, hand flittering up and down over Jared's back. His hips shift rhythmically as he rides Jared's fingers, every breath ending on a moan.
"Fuck," Jensen gasps. "Can't fucking wait... need you... fuck me..."
"Yes," Jared hisses. "God yes..."
He wants it too, wants to feel Jensen's body gripping him tight, wants to hear Jensen scream his name as he comes. He reaches for the lube again, pouring way too much over his aching cock and spreading it evenly with a couple of quick strokes. He doesn't recall ever being so hard, wanting something so much. There's a very real chance he's going to come the second his dick touches Jensen's hole.
Jensen rolls over on his back, putting a pillow under his hips and pulling his legs up easily as if he's done this a million of times before. Jared moves into position over him, biting down on his lower lip as he points his dick at Jensen's hole. He pushes forward slightly, pulling back when Jensen's body doesn't yield immediately like he thought it would. There's just no way he's going to fit inside that tiny little opening.
Jensen groans, pulling his legs up even further. "Hurry the fuck up," he demands.
Jared laughs, because it's funny damn it. Jensen looks pissed for a moment but then he laughs too, shaking his head. Jared lowers himself down on his elbows and gives Jensen a kiss, soft and slow like an apology in advance. He keeps one hand tight around the base of his cock and moves forward again, pushing hard until the head of his dick slips into Jensen's body.
"Ow," Jensen says, wincing slightly.
Jared bites down on the inside of his cheek, squeezing his dick hard in an attempt not to come. It feels fucking amazing. He pushes forward another inch and Jensen gasps again, hands coming up to curl around Jared's biceps.
"You okay?" Jared grits out, because he doesn't know what he'll do if Jensen tells him to stop.
"No... yes... keep on going."
He forces his eyes open to look at Jensen. Jensen's got his eyes wide open and he's sucking in breaths through his nose. He pushes forward again, moaning when Jensen's body grips him even tighter. It's torture to be going this slow. Jensen is breathing harshly, his nails digging into Jared's skin, but he doesn't tell Jared to stop so Jared keeps on pushing in until he has to let go of his cock to brace himself.
"Fuck," he curses, balls pulling up tight. He's not going to last a second.
"More," Jensen begs, voice completely wrecked and this time Jared doesn't stop pushing until his balls slaps against Jensen's ass cheeks.
"Oh God," Jensen moans, back arching slightly. "Jesus."
Jared can't tell if it's a good or bad moan, so he keeps utterly still, sucking breaths through his nose and breathing out through his mouth. Jensen moves his hands up to Jared's shoulders, fingertips digging into Jared's sweaty skin.
"You're fucking huge," Jensen gasps. "Cockzilla."
"So there're no big toys in your box, huh?" Jared whispers against his ear, every breath making him shift slightly inside of Jensen and it's enough to send him into a tailspin, pleasure sizzling through his body.
"Jesus," Jensen moans, squirming on Jared's cock and this time Jared's sure it's pleasure.
He pulls out slightly and pushes back in, making Jensen shudder with pleasure, a groan falling from his lips.
"This okay?" he asks, wanting to make sure he's not hurting Jensen.
"Fucking yeah," Jensen moans and that's all the encouragement Jared needs.
Everything turns into a blur from that point on, the world narrowing down to harsh breaths and moans, the slick glide of skin against skin and the sharp pinpricks of Jensen's nails digging into his skin. He curls his hands around Jensen's shoulders, holding him still for the relentless thrusts of his hips, nothing existing beyond the squeeze of Jensen's body around his cock.
Jensen squirms on his cock, back arching up and heels digging into Jared's back, encouraging Jared with moans and gasps and tiny little whisper-whimpers of pleasure. They try to kiss, but they end up mostly gasping into each other's mouths, exchanging nips and licks between moans and whimpers. Sweat is dripping from Jared's brow, the strain of holding back almost too much for him. He wants to take Jensen with him, wants to curl his fist around the cock leaving a slick trail on his stomach and pull Jensen over the edge as well, but pleasure makes him uncoordinated and clumsy, unable to do something as simple as jacking Jensen off.
Jensen doesn't seem to mind though, groaning filthy encouragement into Jared's mouth, lifting his hips into every relentless thrust. Jared paws at Jensen's dick, trying to get his stiff fingers to cooperate but it's impossible.
"Jared, Jared, Jared, Jared, Jared," Jensen chants with every thrust, until his voice breaks and he arches up, semen splattering over Jared's hand and stomach.
That's all it takes for Jared to break as well, coming so hard he sees stars dancing before his eyes. Hips snapping hard and fast against Jensen's ass, while wave after wave of pleasure suffuses him, until there's nothing left but the pleasure-tinged pain of too much. Finally he collapses to the side, rolling over on his back beside Jensen, chest heaving with his rapid breaths.
"Fuck," Jensen gasps, moving his hands to rest on top of Jared's between them.
"Yeah," Jared agrees, curling his fingers around Jensen's, his head still swimming from his orgasm.
Jensen rolls over on his side and puts his head on Jared's shoulder. "This okay?" he asks.
"Mhmmm," Jared answers, eyes drooping against his will.
It's been a long time since he slept this close to someone. He's been sharing a bed with Jensen for several nights now, but this is different. It's intimate. He can feel Jensen's breath fan over his chest and the whiskers of his stubble itches slightly. Jensen's fingers are moving restlessly over Jared's side, making his skin prickle.
"Thank you," Jensen whispers into the darkness, voice rough with something Jared can't name.
Jared goes through several responses in his head before settling for the one that is most honest. "It wasn't a pity fuck," he says.
"I know," Jensen answers. "That's why I thanked you."
Jared smiles up at the roof, taking a deep breath. He's weary down to the bone, but there are nervous jitters running under his skin. They are running out of time.
"I wonder what they are doing," Jensen says softly.
"Who?" Jared asks.
"Everyone."
"Yeah."
Jared slowly trails his fingers up Jensen's arm, staring into the darkness. He thinks of his family and his friends, hoping that they are happy. He wishes he could let them know that he's good and that he's not alone. He knows his mom is thinking of him now, wondering where he is and what he is doing. Jensen's fingers still against his side and with one last sigh his breath evens out. It takes a long time for Jared to follow him.
Jared wakes up with an acute sense of disorientation, the familiar lethargy in his limbs putting him in another time and place. He blinks his eyes open, somehow expecting to be in his apartment back in Texas with Sandy stretched out next to him, even though Sandy and him have been over for months and months. The gloom of the room and the long line of Jensen's back puts him right back in the here and now, anxiety settling like a heavy weight on his chest.
Jensen's sitting up with his back turned to Jared, seemingly staring at nothing at all. Jared watches his ribcage expand and contract with his breaths, the corded muscles of Jensen's back stretching and relaxing with the motion. Everything is still, as if they're suspended at the eye of the storm, waiting for the final blow to hit them.
He turns his head to look at the window. Light is still filtering in around the edges of the blinds, painting the floor with abstract patterns. He doesn't know if it's night or day, the two having blurred with the comet lighting up the sky. Panic wells up and suddenly he needs to know what time it is, needs to know how many hours they have left. He lifts a hand to rub it over his chest, as if it will calm his racing heart or silence the blood thrumming in his ears.
"It's early evening," Jensen says, voice too loud in the silence of the room.
Jared takes a deep breath, the steel band around his ribcage easing up slightly. Jensen doesn't say we still have time but it hangs in the air between them anyway. All those things Jared's been trying not to think of are closing in on him, niggling at the edges of his mind.
"I'm... Are you hungry?"
Jared pushes himself up on his elbows and Jensen cranes his neck to look at him. In the wan light of the room he can't read Jensen's expression.
"I could eat," he answers, even if it feels as if his heart is wedged too firmly in his throat for any food to make it past.
Jensen nods and slides forward until his bare feet hits the floor. "I'll get something", he says.
Jared sits up fully. "I'll help," he says.
"No..." Jensen looks at him again. "I mean... I need to be alone for a while."
Jared nods as if he understands, but he doesn't. The last thing he wants is to be alone, even if it's just for a few minutes. He thinks his thoughts might deafen him. Jensen gets up, stretching his hands high above his head. Jared traces the line of his back, following it from the span of his shoulders to the rounded globes of his ass. He wonders if this is the right time to start panicking about maybe being a bit gay.
"I'll be right back," Jensen says, as he heads for the door.
Jared nods silently and stares down at the sheets pooling at his groin. His skin is itchy and crusty with come and sweat, the sheets stained with it. As soon as the door closes behind Jensen he's up on his feet and heading for the bathroom. He takes a piss and then uses a towel dipped in cold water to wash off the worst of the crust without turning the lights on. His face is a white blur in the mirror above the sink and he finds that he really doesn't want to know what he looks like right now.
He bends forward, splattering icy water over his face, mouth open to suck up a few of the nourishing drops. Goosebumps raise all over his skin as the water trickles down his chest and catches on his already damp pubic hair. He turns the water off and smoothes his hair back from his face, before walking back out into the bedroom.
The bed is a mess with the sheets tangled and when he inhales he can sense the rank smell of sex and sweat, mingled with a healthy dose of panic. At a loss for what else to do he starts looking through the wardrobes for clean sheets. He finally finds them, neatly aligned on shelves in the walk in closet, and he's stunned by the sheer number of them. Either Jensen is a stickler for cleanliness or he doesn't own a washing machine.
He takes down two of the white rolls and sticks them under his arm. Changing the sheets gives him a sense of purpose, something to focus his mind on so he doesn't actually have to think. He balls the old sheets up and puts them in the hamper in the bathroom, before spreading the fresh, faintly lavender-scented, ones over the bed. He tucks the corners in and smoothes his hand over the white expanse, 1200 thread Egyptian cotton, like silk under his palm.
He thinks again about pulling a pair of boxers on, who knows how many closets Jensen has, he might have found underwear on the lower level and Jared doesn't want to be the only one naked. He remembers a time, when he first moved into his own apartment, where walking around naked was a luxury. He used to have breakfast naked, just because he could. Now the slow swing of his unrestrained cock makes him feels exposed and oddly antsy.
Jensen comes back from the kitchen with a tray in his hands, still naked, and Jared's oddly glad he didn't put anything on. He wouldn't want to be the one to start building walls of clothes and doubts between them. He traces his eyes over Jensen's body, noticing the shadows of bruises on his sides and shins. Memories, he's sure, from the beating he took when they first met.
He lets his eyes linger on Jensen's soft cock, swinging slowly with his every step. He thinks it ought to be weird, make him freak out, but instead he feels the first tendrils of renewed desire snake through his loins. He quickly averts his gaze and moves further up the bed to make room for Jensen and the tray.
"I brought a little bit of everything," Jensen says. "The fridge is still running but the generator ought to give out soon."
Jared nods, not sure if he wants to smile or cry. In a few hours they won't need the generator anymore. They won't need anything.
For a last meal Jensen's offering isn't that shabby: cheese, crackers, fruit, and spicy sausages with a bottle of wine to wash it down with. He didn't bring any glasses, so they take turns drinking directly from the bottle. Jared feels all of fifteen again, sneaking alcohol behind his parents back and sharing it with so many of his friends neither of them even got tipsy.
They eat mostly in silence, but it doesn't feel strained or awkward. Jared spends most of his time between bites thinking about kissing Jensen, licking the stain of wine from his upper lip, or catching the crumble at the corner of his mouth with his tongue. He can see more bruises now, on Jensen's forearms where he lifted them to protect himself and a dark purplish one on Jensen's bicep. He can't believe he didn't notice them before and wonders how sore Jensen really is.
When the tray is empty Jensen puts it to the side and they share the rest of the wine in silence. Their fingers meet every time they switch the bottle and Jared can't stop glancing at the way Jensen's cock slowly fills with blood. There are definite perks to already being naked. It makes it impossible for either of them to hide the fact that they are still interested.
"Does it hurt?" Jared asks when Jensen stretches over him to put the bottle to the side, sliding his fingers over Jensen's bruised skin.
Jensen swallows and manages an awkward shrug, his fingers trained on where Jared's fingertips rest against his skin.
"Not really," he says. "I'm a bit sore but..." He shrugs again and looks up to catch Jared's eyes.
Jared smiles, and without preamble they slot together with a liquid move, ending up lip to lip and chest to chest on their sides. It's different this time, less about need and more about want. They tease and touch and even laugh, in between languid kisses and gasps of pleasure. Jared is no longer concerned about the whole guy on guy thing, the only thing that matters is the here and now.
Jensen kisses his way down Jared's body, leaving a wet trail from the dip of Jared's throat to his navel. His eyes shine as he shifts to rest between Jared's legs, the width of his shoulders forcing Jared's thighs apart and he licks his lips. Jared's sure he should feel weird, but he only feels hot and hard and tight all over, the first lick of Jensen's tongue sending his hips skating off the bed.
Jensen laughs, happy and throaty, and then he opens his mouth over the head of Jared's cock, taking him in. Jared moans, reaching down to touch Jensen's head, not sure if he's egging him on or pulling him away. It's slippery, wet and messy with Jensen bobbing his head and hollowing his cheeks with more enthusiasm than finesse.
It doesn't matter though, because within minutes Jared's so on edge that he's writhing on the bed, balling the sheets up in his fists as he struggles to not choke Jensen with his thrusts. Jensen pulls off with a wet pop, keeping his fist curled loosely around the base as he looks up at Jared. His eyes are shining and his cheeks are flushed dark red.
"Can you... Will you fuck me again?" he asks, voice raw.
"Yeah," Jared breathes. "God yeah."
They shift around until Jensen's on his back with his legs pulled up and apart, spread out like a sacrifice to Jared's pleasure. Jared swallows thickly and counts backwards from ten over and over as he slathers lube over his fingers and slowly eases Jensen open. It's faster this time, Jensen still loosened and slick from earlier, his opening puffy and slightly raised. Had it been any other time Jared would have worried about hurting him, but he can't now.
Within minutes of careful stretching Jensen's babbling gibberish, spreading himself so wide it ought to hurt. His cock drools freely on his stomach, precome puddling just below his navel and if they'd had more time Jared would have licked it away. As it is, he can barely keep it together enough to pour more of the slick stuff over his cock and get into position.
Jensen's eyes shoot open and he wraps his legs around Jared's back, urging him on with his heels. Jared bites down on his lip hard, as he pushes forward, trying to go excruciatingly slow and failing miserably. Jensen lifts up into the slide, back arching until only his shoulders and hips are resting against the bed. He keens low in his throat, sweat glistening on his chest and forehead and the tendons in his neck standing out in stark relief.
Jared knows he's going too fast, pushing too hard, but how can he not when Jensen invites him to do it. The slick slide of skin against skin with Jensen's body gripping him like a vise is enough to have him shaking, arms trembling with the effort to hold him up. Jensen gasps when Jared bottoms out, jaw slack and eyes wide open. He digs his blunt fingernails into Jared's shoulders, holding him close and keeping him still.
Jared bends down and kisses Jensen's open mouth. Kissing him over and over until Jensen responds, lifting his head to follow when Jared pulls away. He keeps his eyes open, trying to read the slack- jawed expression on Jensen's face.
"Fuck me," Jensen grits out. "Do it."
Jared shifts, trying for slow and steady, but Jensen's immediate groan makes him careless. Jensen doesn't seem to mind though, biting down on his lip and drawing wheezing breaths through his nose. Heels and hands urging Jared on and his cock's still hard between them. Jared's arms quiver with the effort of holding himself up as he moves on top of Jensen, eyes locked on Jensen's face and the expressions passing over it like waves.
He can tell when Jensen gets close, hands moving restlessly over Jared's back and his hips lifting with every slow thrust. Then he moves one of his hands in between them, brushing his knuckles over Jared's chest as he reaches down to grab his cock, a guttural moan escaping his lips when he finds his target.
"Jesus," Jared gasps, biting down on the inside of his cheek to stave off his own orgasm.
Jensen's knuckles brushes his stomach with every desperate slick hard slide of his fist, sending sparks of desire tumbling through Jared's loins. It's Jensen who breaks first, arching up wordlessly while his come splatters over Jared's stomach. Jared's orgasm is wrenched out of him with the first clench of Jensen's body, ripping through him in waves so intense they are almost painful.
He keeps thrusting, but slower and more careful as he kisses Jensen down from his high, panting open-mouthed kisses that he can feel all the way down to his toes. His cock slips out of Jensen's body wet with come and lube, and he finally collapses on the bed next to Jensen, still gasping for breath.
"Fuck," Jensen pants and Jared thinks that about sums it up.
"I think I might be a bit gay," he says. It feels funny to say it out loud, huge, even though Jensen obviously must have gotten the hint by now.
Jensen laughs. It's one of those deep belly laughs that just goes on and on and is weirdly contagious. The corners of Jared's mouth twitch and he slaps the back of his hand against Jensen's chest.
"Don't laugh at me."
Jensen rolls over on his side and props himself up on an elbow. "You're funny," he says with the laughter still dancing in his eyes.
Jared shrugs awkwardly and stares up at the roof. "Somehow I'm glad I found out before... I'm glad."
It's not exactly as if he found a missing piece to his soul, but it's not far from it either. He never actually considered that he might be bisexual. Sure, he's found guys attractive before, but there's a huge step from noticing someone looks good to fucking their brains out.
"I'm happy for you," Jensen says, putting his palm on Jared's chest and spreading his fingers wide. He doesn't sound happy though, he mostly just sounds sad.
Jared reaches up and puts his hand on top of Jensen's, feeling the thrum of his heartbeat through both their hands. He takes a deep breath and holds it for a second before letting it out. It feels as if somewhere, just out of range, the countdown has begun, but they should have hours left.
"Tell me something about you," he says, voice coming out as nothing but a rough whisper. "Something no one else knows."
"I already did," Jensen answers. "Over and over and over."
It shouldn't make Jared's eyes swim, but it does. He sucks in a breath and tries to push the inevitable out of his mind.
"We should clean up," he mutters.
Jensen rolls out of bed before he's finished the sentence and Jared blinks his eyes open to watch him get up. Jensen stops after half a step and turns back towards the bed with a weird look on his face.
"Your spunk's running down my legs," he says with an odd mix of exhilaration and disgust.
Jared laughs even if he does feel a bit guilty.
"I've never..." Jensen bites his lip. "It's odd."
"It sucks being the girl," Jared says and Jensen flips him the finger.
It makes him laugh again as Jensen disappears into the bathroom, the tension suddenly gone from his chest. The tap starts running and he can vaguely hear Jensen muttering over the sound of rushing water. Then it shuts off and Jensen returns with a towel in his hand. He walks kind of funny, legs more bowed than usual, and Jared winces but with a weird sense of pride. He did that to Jensen. He wiped the tense wrinkle from his brow and bent his legs like a cowboy. It's not much, but at least it's something.
Jensen throws the towel on Jared and it lands on his chest with a wet smack, droplets of ice cold water smattering over his skin.
"Ow," he says, picking it up between two fingers. "Cold."
"Pussy," Jensen retorts with a wicked gleam in his eyes.
Jared grins at him and uses the towel to wipe himself down. A shower would have been better, but he just doesn't have the energy to get up. Jensen crawls back onto the bed and lies down next to Jared, bunching a pillow up to rest under his cheek. Jared toys with the wet towel, not sure what to do with it. He doesn't want to throw it on the floor, but he also really doesn't want to get up.
Jensen solves his dilemma, picking the towel from his fingers and dropping it on the floor beside the bed. Jared turns to look at him with a small smile. Jensen flips over on his stomach and props himself up on his elbows.
"So tell me something about you," he says. "Like... What do you do for a living?"
Jared laughs, because it's kind of funny how they covered so much ground, but Jensen never actually asked what he works with. It doesn't really matter now, of course, but it's still funny.
"Guess," he answers.
Jensen eyes narrows and he scrutinizes Jared's face. His eyes darts downwards for a moment and when he looks up he's grinning.
"Personal trainer?" he asks.
Jared laughs again. "Not even close."
"Okay... So... manual labor or paper pushing?"
"Paper pushing, mostly."
"Huh..." Jensen glances at Jared's chest again. "Did you go to college?"
"Yeah."
"Uhm..." Jensen's face scrunches up as he thinks. "You got a degree?"
"Yeah."
"Uh..." Jensen's forehead wrinkles as he frowns. "I really have no idea," he finally says.
He blinks a couple of times and then he scrambles over Jared to reach the nightstand, his torso a heavy weight across Jared's chest. He finds whatever he's looking for and pulls back to rest next to Jared again, dumping a notepad and a pen on Jared's chest.
"Draw me a house," he says, eyes beaming.
Jared snorts and picks the pen and pad up, bending his knees to use his thighs as a makeshift desk.
"What kind of house?" he asks.
The lines on the paper blurs in the dim light and when he touches the pen to it, the smear of black ink is startling. He opens a new page and purses his lips in thought.
"I hate this house," Jensen says, shifting so that he's on his back with his head next to Jared's shoulder.
"Yeah?" Jared asks, letting the pen trace a line over the page.
It's odd, scary to think this is the last house he'll ever draw. It makes it feel monumental in a way a simple doodle shouldn't.
"It's too big. It's like... this is the house everyone expects me to have..." Jensen trails off as if he's trying to formulate his thoughts. "I dunno. I just hate it."
"Whenever I meet someone new, a friend or... uhm... more, I draw them a house. I've been doing it since I was a kid," Jared says.
"Yeah?" Jensen sounds curious, shifting to lie closer, curling up on his side with his knees against Jared's waist.
"I mean... When I was a kid it was just lopsided drawings... now it's more of a blueprints and to scale digital models kind of thing."
Jensen laughs, lifting his headto rest on Jared's shoulders.
"I always like the thought of custom made houses, you know. Not just like gigantic cuckoo clocks for the Switzerland nerd, but a house that is specifically made for you to live in."
"Like that TV show? Extreme Home Makeover, or whatever its called?" Jensen asks, but it doesn't sound like mocking.
"Yeah, something like that."
The bones of the house slowly take form on the paper. It's not exactly the house he would draw for Jensen, but it's pretty close to it. Smaller than the one he has now, two floors and maybe seven or eight rooms in total, luxurious without being in your face.
"You're really good," Jensen says, eyes on the notepad.
Jared shrugs awkwardly, shifting the weight of Jensen's chin against his shoulder. "It's what I do."
They lapse into silence for a while, the only sound being the pen rasping against the paper as the house takes shape.
"If things were different," Jensen says. "Would you have drawn me a house?"
Jared swallows and puts the last touches to his rough sketch, adding windows and a front porch.
"Yeah," he finally says, letting the word drag out. "Yeah."
Jensen's fingers tighten against his skin and he feels a brief flutter of Jared's lips on his shoulder. "For what it's worth," Jensen says, voice low and heavy. "These last few days have been... good... or not good... I mean... It's like I'm driving down this road and the car is a dream and the scenery is amazing and I'm driving so fast I'm dizzy with it and I know that the road ends with a thousand feet drop and that the car doesn't have any brakes but it's still worth it... you know?"
Jared slowly puts the pen down after scrawling a sloppy signature at the bottom of the page. A huge bubble of feeling welling up in his chest.
"Just so we're clear," he asks, pretending that he can't hear the roughness of his own voice. "Am I the car or the scenery?"
"Oh fuck you," Jensen says, hitting Jared's shoulder with a loosely held fist. "I'm being emotional here."
"Yeah I know," Jared says, swallowing past the stupid lump in his throat. "And for what it's worth, I feel the same way."
The silence stretches out and Jensen picks the notepad from Jared's limp fingers, looking closer at the picture.
"Is this my house?" he asks, touching the black lines with a fingertip.
"The basics of it."
In his mind the floor plan stretches out and stucco creeps up the façade, benches lines the front porch and the first support beams for a sun porch stretches out from the back of the house's skeleton.
"It's beautiful." Jensen sounds sincere, almost awed and Jared slants a sideways look at him. Jensen's got his eyes trained on the paper as if it holds the answer to all of his questions. He shifts his gaze to meet Jared's eyes and the sudden connection is so intense it leaves Jared breathless.
Jensen stretches over him and he vaguely hears the thump when the notepad lands on the nightstand, lost in the green depths of Jensen's eyes. Jensen brings his hand up to rest against Jared's cheek, thumb swiping over the roughness of stubble.
"What do you say we make this a record breaking night in every sense of the word?" he asks, tiny smile playing at the corners of his lips.
Jared smirks, leaning forward so that he can feel Jensen's breath wash over his face. "I think that sounds fantastic," he answers, before bringing their lips together in a kiss.
Jared doesn't know how long he's slept when he wakes up again, blinking his eyes open and staring blindly up at the roof. There's a sound coming from outside, as if a Boeing 747 is passing just over the house and the windows are rattling with it. Light is filtering in through the blinds, way too bright for it to be in the middle of the night, but he doesn't think he slept for that long.
Jensen's is still curled up against him, but his fingers digs painfully into Jared's side so Jared knows that he's awake too. He turns his head to look at the clock radio on the nightstand but the display is black. The generator must have given up while they slept then or maybe earlier when they were otherwise occupied. He doesn't need to know the time to know that the countdown has begun though.
His stomach tightens painfully and he thinks for a second that he might throw up. Cold sweat prickles at the back of his neck and he swallows hard.
"I don't want to die," Jensen says, his panic evident in his voice.
"Fuck," Jared answers, because what is there to say.
They move at the same time as if it has been coordinated, seeking each other's lips in the dim light. They exchange desperate messy kisses among gasped breaths as the bed starts to rattle beneath them. Jared would have thought that he'd see his life pass before his inner eye, but the only thing he can think is oh shit, oh shit, OH SHIT.
Something falls inside the house and the sound make them both twitch, clinging harder to each other until it's impossible to tell where one begins and the other ends. The house rattles around them, shaking in time with their fluttering hearts and Jared thinks for sure that it will all be over in a minute.
A painting falls from its peg on the wall and one of the high-backed chairs Jensen uses to throw his clothes on falls over with a clatter. Then the sound outside starts to lower as if the plane is moving away and with it the shaking recedes until the sound is nothing but a memory. Neither of them says anything, lying mouth to mouth and chest to chest in the sudden silence.
Nothing happens for the longest of times. Every now and then there is a clatter from within the house when something else falls over, but eventually that tapers off as well until the only trembling is in their limbs. Jared keeps waiting for the bang, thinking that the silence is nothing more than the eye of the storm, but when nothing happens he slowly starts to relax.
"Are we dead?" Jensen whispers, his breath wafting over Jared's face.
"I don't think so," Jared answers in a whisper as well.
He can feel Jensen smile against his lips and he smiles too, unable to not do so.
"Do you think it's over?"
"I don't know."
Everything is silent outside and after a while they slowly shift apart, untangling stiff limbs and sticky skin. Jensen is the first one to get up, carefully setting his feet down beside the bed. Jared follows him, grabbing his hand and twining their fingers together. It could still happen, he supposes, but with every passing minute it seems less likely.
Together they tip toe down the stairs into the living room that is awash with light. Jared looks out the window, expecting to see the meteor looming above them, but it's gone. Instead the sky is aglow with what looks like fireworks. They walk closer to the window and peer outside. The garden is a creepy mess of shadows and light underneath the glowing sky and Jared glances at Jensen.
Jensen got his head tilted back and his eyes trained at the sky, unearthly in his beauty. Jared lets his eyes slide lower, over Jensen's defined shoulder and down to their clasped hands. There are bruises marring the golden skin on Jensen's forearms, on the side of his stomach and down on his shins. They stand out in stark relief to his white washed skin and Jared stomach aches with it.
"Debris," Jensen says, startling Jared out of his thoughts.
"It's pretty," Jared says, trailing his eyes over the sky.
Jensen doesn't say anything. After a while his hand goes lax in Jared's and Jared lets him go with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
By morning the sky looks clearer, even if there are still occasional bursts of light as pieces of the meteor or its tail burns up in the atmosphere. Jensen is gone from the bed by the time Jared wakes up, and he takes a cursory cold shower and changes into his last set of clean clothes before going downstairs.
Jensen's in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a piece of bread in his hand and a glass of orange juice before him. He doesn't look up when Jared enters and Jared stalls just inside the door, unsure of what to say. Jensen seems to be lost in his thoughts, face vacant as he stares at his glass.
"I guess I better get going," Jared eventually says. "I think I might have a mini bar bill to pay."
Jensen's mouth twitches slightly and he finally looks up. "Yeah, I'd figured you'd want to get going," he says, face expressionless. "There's some bread and juice in the fridge, but I'm afraid it's not that cold."
"It's okay," Jared says, shifting his feet. "I guess the power finally ran out, huh?"
"Yeah..." Jensen picks up a piece of paper that is resting before him on the table and holds it up for Jared to see. "I found this on the front yard."
Jared walks closer and takes the paper from Jensen's hand. It's damp and unpleasant to touch and it takes forever for Jared to make sense of what he's reading.
"Apocalypse cancelled," he reads out loud, the corners of his mouth twitching.
Jensen gives him a brief smile, but it disappears quickly. "Seems like it."
They lapse back into silence as Jared gets himself some breakfast, taking a seat opposite Jensen. There are so many things he wants to say, but most of all he wants to reach over the table and shake some life into Jensen. It's like he's shut himself off, from Jared and from the world, hiding his emotions behind an indifferent surface.
Jared eats quickly, it's not the worst breakfast he's had, but it certainly lacks flair. The bread is going stale and the juice is lukewarm and oddly bitter against his tongue. He thinks he should say something, about last night and how the world obviously didn't end, but he can't find a beginning.
"Good luck in getting home," Jensen says when Jared is done eating. "It might take a while before everything is back to normal."
"Uh... Yeah..." Jared drag the words out, hoping that he'll think of something clever to say, but it's hard when Jensen so obviously wants to get rid of him. "I should get my bag."
"Yeah."
Jensen doesn't say anything more and Jared gets up from the table again, going back upstairs to collect what little he brought with him. As he comes down the stairs Jensen is standing in the living room with the same vacant expression on his face.
"Don't forget this," he says, holding up a neat pile that makes up the clothes Jared was wearing last night.
"Thanks," Jared says, taking the clothes and stuffing them into his backpack.
He fumbles with the zipper, fingers stiff and clumsy on the little metallic tag. There are so many words backed up on his tongue, but Jensen isn't exactly inviting to a conversation. Jared finally gets the bag shut and looks uncertainly at Jensen. He doesn't even know if there is still a hotel to go back to, or if the plastic card that presents his financial means is still worth something.
"I'll get going then," he says, taking an uncertain half step towards the door to the foyer.
"Bye," Jensen says, voice flat.
Jared swallows and takes another step towards the vestibule. "Will I see you again?" he asks, voice wavering. He doesn't want to say goodbye, doesn't want this to be the end.
Jensen shrugs, it looks rehearsed. "In a few months it'll be business as usual. I imagine it'll be hard to miss me then."
Jared shakes his head and shoulders his backpack. He doesn't know what's wrong with Jensen and he guesses he's never going to know. It makes him sad that after all they've been through and all the secrets they told each other it's going to end like this, but it's Jensen's home and his choice.
"Well, bye then," he says, turning his back to Jensen and walking towards the vestibule and the front door. "Have a good life."
Jensen doesn't answer and Jared doesn't turn around. There's a knot at the pit of his stomach and his chest feels stupid and tight, but he's not going to break damn it. If Jensen wants them to end like this, that is how they will end.
The door comes open easily under his hand, they never even bothered to lock it after disabling the alarm. He steps out on the grand stairs and looks out over the tree shaded driveway, down towards the gate. He hesitates, hoping that Jensen will come after him, but when nothing happens he closes the door and starts walking. He turns once, halfway down the driveway, and he's sure he can see Jensen outlined in the window. He lifts his hand in a wave, but Jensen doesn't wave back. It's over.
