Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

"Jen, what are you wearing?" Jared's voice betrayed his alarm.

Jensen looked down on himself. "Jeans and a t-shirt."

"That's not jeans and a t-shirt. I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt. That's… porn. You're wearing porn, Jen."

Jensen laughed, that deep belly laugh he whipped out when he thought Jared was particularly funny, which happened pretty often. Jared was a funny guy all right.

"You're weird, Padalecki. Are we going or what?"

"I'm not going out with you looking like that. I might as well lock myself in the bedroom and jerk off… That's how much action I'm getting tonight."

"Jaaared." Jensen dragged the name out for impossibly long, fellating it in a near obscene way. "You know that you talking about jerking off gets me all hot and bothered… These jeans are too tight for that kinda shit."

"Ha, suit yourself," Jared snorted.

"Fine. I'll change."



Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

"Is that pickles and ice cream? Dude, are you pregnant?"

"Funny Padalecki, and don't mock it until you've tried it."

Jensen dipped his spoon into the ice cream, scooping up a spoonful for Jared to taste.

"That spoon," Jared pointed out. "Got your spit on it."

"Are you afraid of my sexy man cooties?"

"Sexy?"

Jensen laughed, deep and sultry like molasses sliding over an ice-cold bottle of beer on a hot day, and Jared's mind really did bring up the strangest metaphors.

"You know you want to tap this, Jared. I'm just that hot."

Jared snorted. Jensen was looking positively demented, dressed in flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt, his hair sticking up in odd tufts and ends and his glasses perched on his nose. Besides, he was eating vanilla ice cream and pickles that actually weren't as repulsive as Jared would have thought. He didn't look fuckable, not at all. At all.



Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?

"You know I never really got what they meant with that?"

"Uh… what?"

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me? I mean… What does it mean?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Dude, your ex-girl auditioned to be a pussycat doll."

"You make it sound so dirty."

"Dirty?"

"It's the pussy in pussycat… You like saying that way too much."

"Jared… You're touched in the head."

"Hey…"

"Or you just get your jockstrap in a twist hearing me say pussy… Pussy, pussy, pussy."

"Shut up… and I don't wear a jockstrap. Mike was lying… LYING."

"Uh huh."

"Fuck you."

"You wish."



Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?

"This is fun."

Jensen looked up from the book he was reading. "Do I detect some sarcasm hidden there, big guy?"

"Are you always wearing your glasses these days?"

"Huh?"

"Your glasses… I'd known you for, what, half a year before you let me see you in glasses and now you wear them all the time."

Jensen shrugged. "My eyes get real itchy from all the eye make up… The contacts chafe."

"So it has nothing to do with me saying you look hot in your glasses then?"

Jensen blushed. "Uh… No?"

Jared chuckled, his eyes sliding back to the TV he hadn't been watching for the last half an hour.

"You are hot in your glasses though, especially with a book like that… Makes you look all intellectual."

"I am intellectual."

Jared snorted. "Of course you are."

"Are you calling me stupid?"

"Would I?"

"Yes."

"Okay… Maybe. A little."

"You're just jealous I'm prettier than you."

"Am not… and you're so not prettier than me… Your pretty might be more obvious, but there is way more of mine."

"I resent that emphasis."

"I wasn't talking about my cock, Jen… but come to think of it there is way more of me in that department too."

"You wish."

"Dude… I'm hung. It's a fact."

Jensen blinked, licking his lips. "Damn you, Jared. I'm putting your cock size on the list of things you are not allowed to talk about unless it's on the phone so that I can jerk off without you knowing about it."

"Dude, I totally know. Your breath hitches in this desperate little way between words."

Jensen frowned. "You're supposed to pretend that you don't know. Get with the fucking program, Padalecki."

"Sorry. I don't know."

"Damn straight."

"There is nothing straight about the way I don't know about you having the hots for me. Get real."

Jensen tilted his head to the side, a soft look on his face. "You're the best friend I've ever had."

Jared grinned. "Likewise, you freak. Can we go back to the regularly scheduled grunting now? This chick flick moment is getting way too emotional."

"Funny."

"I'm a funny guy."

"Yeah, you are."



Don't cha. Don't cha. Don't cha baby?

"Fuck this," Jared didn't know what he meant until the words were out of his mouth.

"Fuck what?" Jensen asked sounding confused.

"Fuck you."

"Fuck me?"

"I will."

All things considered, it was a lot less strange than Jared thought it would be. Jensen fit against his body like a frame, only Jared was the frame and Jensen the painting. Kissing Jensen was a lot like kissing a girl, only better because Jensen knew what he wanted and he got it with clever little licks and sharp nips.

Getting naked was easy, except for the part where Jared got his head stuck in his shirt because Jensen was pulling on it, and the part where Jensen's pants got stuck around his ankles. They managed, though, and naked was a lot better then dressed. There were acres and acres of skin to touch, hard muscles to map and sweet puckered nipples to lick.

Jensen made the sweetest little sounds and god damnit, Jared had never wanted butt sex so much in his entire life. Okay, so he'd never really wanted butt sex before he met Jensen, but he wanted it now and that had to count for something, right? Of course it was a bit hard to focus on the main objective, getting his dick in Jensen's ass, when Jensen was down between his legs blowing him like a fucking pro.

"Fuck," Jared groaned, fisting Jensen's hair. "Fuck."

Jensen let Jared's cock slip from his mouth with a dirty little pop and looked up, his lips swollen and wet with spit and precome.

"You want something," he said, sounding smug and way too composed.

"Fuck you."

"Okay." Jensen grinned and slithered up Jared's body like a fucking snake until he was sitting on Jared's thighs, their cocks pressed together. He found a tube somewhere and pressed it into Jared's hand. "You know what to do with that?"

Maybe Jared didn't know exactly, but he was damned well going to improvise because he wanted Jensen to scream for him. He coated his fingers with the slippery stuff and reached around Jensen, sliding his fingers down Jensen's cleft until he found what he was looking for, slowly pushing one finger inside and trying not to think about what he was doing. Then Jensen moaned and he didn't care that he was putting his fingers there, because it was the hottest thing in the world.

One finger was easy, two a little tighter, and three a strain, but by that time Jensen was moaning with every lazy twist, his eyes almost black with desire. Purely by mistake Jared found that spot, but the sounds Jensen made encouraged him to never lose it again. It was hard to tell who was most surprised when Jensen suddenly came all over Jared's stomach, grinding down on his fingers and whimpering with pleasure. But it was probably Jensen if the gobsmacked look on his face was anything to judge from.

Minutes later Jensen was sliding down on Jared's cock, Jared's hands like vices on his hips. It was so hot, tight, perfect, that Jared almost came straight away and the look of bliss on Jensen's face told him Jensen felt it too. Jensen paused for a second once Jared was fully inside him and Jared pulled him down for a lazy open-mouthed kiss, licking at his teeth and nipping at his lips. Jared was an awesome kisser and Jensen seemed to agree, his fingers flexing on Jared's shoulders.

Eventually they got around to the fucking, Jensen riding Jared like a bunny, head thrown back and mouth open around his groans. Jared had one hand on Jensen's hip, the other around his cock, and he just couldn't stop looking because Jensen was gorgeous when he was falling apart. Neither of them lasted very long, it was hot, messy and urgent, but perfect and Jared's orgasm hit him like a freight train - his hips slamming up, pushing his cock as deep as it would go. Jensen made a garbled sound and Jared would have thought he hurt him, but then Jensen's come splattered all over his chest and he knew it was okay.

Afterwards they curled into a tangle of limbs on the couch, Jensen's head against Jared's chest and Jared's arms holding him close. It was kind of girly and not all that manly, but it was Jared and Jensen and that made it okay.

"You really are kinda hung," Jensen said when the silence between them stretched out.

"I know… You're totally hot."

"I know."

Another few minutes of silence passed. Jared was basking in the afterglow, his entire body still tingling and he kind of enjoyed just being skin to skin with Jensen.

"Does this mean you're my girlfriend now?" he asked when his lethargy threatened to turn into sleep.

"Boyfriend," Jensen corrected. "And yeah."

"Good to know," Jared murmured, doodling on Jensen back with his fingers.

"And we're exclusive."

"Uh huh."

He doodled some more, tracing idle patterns over warm, soft skin.

"Yeah, me too," Jensen said after a while.

Jared grinned, drawing the same thing once again. ILY.