Jensen Ackles moves to New York to fulfill his life long dream of becoming a songwriter, but achieving his dream isn't as easy as he thought, and a chance meeting with the mysterious Jared Padalecki makes him wonder if he should have been dreaming of something else all along.

All Jensen ever wanted to be was a songwriter; he didn't even have those soon to be forgotten childhood dreams of becoming an astronaut or Indiana Jones. There had been a short period of time in his impressionable teens where he wanted to be a singer, famous and adorned by the masses, but that particular dream had died when he signed up for the annual high school Christmas Show.

The rehearsals had gone great and his music teacher was very impressed both with the song he'd chosen and the delivery. Then the big night was there and Jensen spent the last ten minutes before his performance puking like there was no tomorrow. Someone came and got him the second time they called his name, pushing him onto the stage. For a few painful moments he just stood there, staring at the crowd of expectant parents and peers before turning and fleeing.

No, Jensen doesn't want to be a singer. He wants to be the person behind the scenes, the one whose words touch people's hearts through someone else's voice. Realizing his dream has been a long time coming, fear and silly things like lack of money holding him back, but then on a Friday night he works his last shift at Joe's Pizza, getting ready to head out and grab opportunity by the balls.

"It ain't gonna be easy," Joe says, as Jensen wipes down the counter for the last time, absently drying his hands on the front of his stupid striped shirt. If there's one thing he's not going to miss about working at Joe's it's the uniform.

"I never thought it would be," Jensen answers.

"I got a whole wall here of people that didn't make it."

Jensen glances at the wall of autographs that Joe collected over the years, some names so old that the print on the receipt where they wrote their names has long faded. Joe's Pizza has been an inventory on Applebury Road for over forty years and a myriad of boys and girls fresh out of high school have waited his tables over the years. All of them looking for something better, signing an autograph and hightailing out of town at the first available opportunity.

"That wall's nothing but bad luck," Jerry, one of the regulars, says, shaking his head. He's been coming to Joe's every night for the last twenty years, always sitting on the same barstool by the edge of the counter, never drinking more than three beers unless it's game night.

Jensen looks at the wall again; some names are familiar, others aren't. Whether or not they achieved their dreams, he thinks, they did the right thing. Maybe life didn't turn out the way they dreamed it would when they were nineteen and idealistic but he dare say that whatever they got was better than what they would have gotten if they stuck around.

Sundsville is a tired little town, too close to the City to blossom but too far away to be a suburb and a realistic place for commuters to live. All in all it's a pretty good place to grow up, the streets are safe and the crime rate low, but Jensen can't imagine living here for the rest of his life.

"I'm gonna miss you, boy," Joe says as Jensen clears the last of the tables. It's fifteen minutes to closing time and the only guests are Jerry and Vic, Jerry's drinking companion.

"I'll be back to visit," Jensen promises, loading the dishes into the dishwasher. He doesn't feel as exhilarated as he thought he would, mostly he just feels sad.

He unties his apron and looks around; he's been waiting tables here for more than four years. The pay isn't very good, but living with his dad he's been making enough to put money away towards moving. He knows this place like the back of his hand, the tired green of the walls; the bright red of the tables that matches his striped shirt; Joe who's looking for all the world like he's going to cry.

Jensen picture is on the wall behind the counter below a sign that says employee of the month, like it has been for the past three years. He wonders if Joe's gonna take it down now and the thought makes him feel oddly depressed. His fingers fumble slightly as he unbuttons the stupid shirt for the last time. Suddenly it feels like he's going to miss it even though he spent the last four years whining about how the red of the shirt clashes with the reddish tint of his brownish hair.

"I still think you should become a model," Vic says, grinning at him. "Or maybe porn. You would make a fortune in porn with a face like that."

Jensen slaps him with a handy towel, but he can't help the laugh that bubbles up. It's all familiar, the ribbing, the leering and the taunts that are older than Joe.

"Too pretty for this world," Jerry croons and Jensen slaps him too.

He walks around the counter and settles down on the barstool next to Vic. Joe smiles a little sadly and pours four beers, putting one in front of each of them and keeping the last for himself.

"On the house," he says, taking a healthy swig. "I'm losing the best employee I ever had."

"You'll find someone to replace me easy enough," Jensen says, sipping his own beer.

"Not someone like you... Since you started working here the business all but doubled, all those girls coming in to make shiny eyes at you and all their boyfriends coming to glower."

Jensen blushes a little. He's not unaware of the effect he has on the fairer sex, but it always makes him a little uncomfortable.

"You were always on time, never brought your drama in here... I'll never have someone like you again."

Jensen grins, scrubbing a hand over his face. Praise always makes him feel odd, like he hasn't really deserved it.

"Always hoped you would marry that girl of yours and take over the place once I'm gone..."

Jensen rolls his eyes; it's not like Joe doesn't know that Jensen's gay and that Danneel is about to marry her high school sweetheart. Vic snorts and elbows Jensen in the side.

"The day this boy marries a girl is the day the world will end," he says solemnly and Jensen elbows him back.

He's not exactly out of the closet, but Joe, Jerry and Vic have known him all his life and they're friends of his dad's. He'd been afraid that things would be weird once they knew, but the way they treated him never changed in the slightest. He's always been a bit suspicious of Vic and Jerry anyway. Despite being well in their fifties, neither of them ever married or, as far as he can tell, ever had any special lady friends.

Best friends since high school they've been sticking together ever since. They have neighboring houses back on Bourbon Street and you never really see one without the other. Rumor has it that one of them was badly burned in their youth and that they took a vow to never let a woman get the better of them after that, but Jensen wouldn't really put it beyond them to have started that rumor themselves.

Joe puts a notepad and a pen down on the counter next to Jensen's glass. The notepad bears the Joe's Pizza logo and Jensen has written down thousands of orders on notepads just like it, but suddenly lifting the pen seems like an impossible task.

"You know the deal," Joe says, nodding towards the wall.

Jensen licks his lips and reluctantly grabs the pen. He writes Jensen Ackles with unusual flourish and tears the paper from the notepad, giving it to Joe. He's got a feeling it's the first and last autograph he'll ever sign.

"I got it," Joe says, showing the signature to Jerry and Vic. "I got the first autograph."

They both laugh and toast Jensen with their perspiring glasses. He smiles at them and wonders where life will take him from here.

*~

Sunday morning dawns bright and clear, way too bright and clear if you ask Jensen. Last night Danneel took him out for a last night on town and he's pretty sure he sang karaoke somewhere between tequila shot five and seven. His memory is a still a bit fuzzy but he remembers being forced up on the stage and having a microphone trust at him. The alcohol had washed away his usual inhibitions and somehow he'd gotten through the song, whatever it had been.

Groaning he forces himself to sit up, squinting against the blinding light pouring into the window. Apparently he forgot to close the blinds last night, or his ever loving father snuck in this morning and opened them. He tries to remember, just to know if he should be pissed or not, but thinking makes him feel as if buffaloes are stampeding through his brain so he decides that it's not really that important.

His dad is at the kitchen table when he shuffles into the kitchen, eating eggs and bacon fried with enough fat to have the food swimming in a brownish puddle. Jensen gags slightly, wrenching his eyes away from the sickening sight.

"Dad," he whines, moving on autopilot towards the fridge and the bottle of orange juice that he knows lives in its blissfully cool depths.

"What?" his father answers like he doesn't know what Jensen is whining about.

"I can hear your arteries complaining from over here," Jensen says, his fingers closing around the desired bottle of Florida sunshine.

He finds himself a glass and pours some juice into it, drinking it down in a few hefty gulps before filling it up again. The bottle goes back into the fridge and he puts the glass on the counter. He gets a piece of toast from the breadbasket and nibbles on a corner. His stomach rolls sickeningly but it stays down and so he takes another bite.

"It's the breakfast of champions," his dad says with a blinding grin.

"Uh huh, but champions usually work out a lot. You don't."

"I do too."

"Let me see... When was the last time you went to the gym... 2002? Am I getting close?"

"Shut up," his father grumbles and turns his attention back to the plate.

Jensen finishes the toast and drinks down the second glass of orange juice, already feeling a little better.

"So you remember the rules, right? No doing the laundry, the last time you tried you broke the washer. I'll be home on Sundays to help you. Don't eat junk food, I've filled the fridge and the freezer with healthy stuff. In fact... Where did you find that bacon?"

"Uhmmm hummm," his dad mumbles.

"What was that?"

"Bought it."

"Dad..."

"You're moving, Jen. I don't have to live by your silly rules anymore. If I want to eat myself into an early grave than so be it; you won't be around to stop me."

"Dad... Do we have to have this discussion again? Do you want me to live here with you and work at Joe's Pizza for the rest of my life? Do you want me to die alone and miserable because the chances of me meeting someone here are about zero? Or do you want me to take a chance and maybe become who I want to be?"

"You've had boyfriends."

"Two. None of them came from here and none of the relationships lasted, because, yeah, I still live with my dad."

"So now I'm to blame for everything that's wrong with your life."

"Dad, it's not you. It's this town... the people... I can't live here the rest of my life, okay? I skipped college so you got to keep me for a lot longer than most parents. Why can't you just be happy for me?"

Jensen scrubs a hand over his face and makes a beeline for the coffeemaker. He takes his usual cup down from the shelf and stares as if transfixed as the dark liquid swirls into the cup.

His dad just won't get it. He keeps getting mad about Jensen leaving, taking it as a slight against his personality or something. Jensen loves his father, really, he's done the best he could ever since Jensen's mom died, but sometimes he drives him insane.

"Is this about mom?" Jensen asks as he puts the pot back on the plate.

"She tried, too, you know? She tried and she didn't make it and I had to watch her break. I don't want to see that happening to you, okay?"

Jensen takes his cup and sits down on the chair opposite of his father, taking in the dark hair and brown eyes so unlike his own. His father looks like he's aged ten years since Jensen first told him he was going to leave three months ago. Salt and pepper adorns the dark hair at his temples and his ever present stubble is liberally sprinkled with white.

ensen hardly remembers his mom, even though he was almost ten when she died. Sometimes he looks at her smiling face in photographs and wonder how much he really remembers and how much of that comes from various photos. He remembers the shine of her smile and the pearly sound of her laugh, the soft lilt of her voice as she sang him goodnight and how good her fingers felt against his forehead.

He sips his coffee, looking at the grease stains on his father's plate and wonders how the old man will ever do without him. It's not that he's fat in any way, but he has tendencies towards developing a paunch and without Jensen in the house it will soon turn into a beer belly. Three years from now he will be on America's Fattest and drive around town in an electric wheelchair because he's too fat to walk. Well, maybe Jensen worries a little too much.

He finishes his coffee in a few long pulls and gets up from the table. The chair scratches across the floor, making him wince.

"There's Advil in the cabinet," Jeff says gruffly.

Jensen smiles and retrieves the bottle from the medicine shelf, swallowing a couple down with some water. His dad might be upset now, but in a couple of weeks he'll see that it ain't so bad to have the house to himself.

"Thanks dad," he says softly, ruffling his hair as he passes him on his way out from the kitchen.

Once he's back in his room he changes the bedclothes and throws the old ones in the laundry basket, before making the bed. Most of his stuff is already packed, the only things left on the shelves and the desk is stuff he won't need. The closets gape empty except for a couple of pairs of jeans and a few t-shirts too ratty to bring, and he cleaned out the dresser two days ago.

His bags are packed, waiting for him in the hallway, and the only thing left in the bathroom is a toothbrush he takes pleasure in using washing the taste of lasts nights drinks off his tongue. He lets the toothbrush stay in its mug, he already bought a new one and it's good to have a spare here.

There's a lump in his stomach as he pulls on a pair of comfortable jeans and a nice light blue polo shirt. He's lived in this house his entire life, the subdued beige of his bedroom walls has watched him come through more than one crisis.

He spots the tiny pride flag hanging above his night stand and takes it down, stuffing it in his pocket. They sold them a few years back to raise money for awareness of gay issues or something and it was a gift from Jensen's dad. His offhand way of saying he was okay with Jensen's choice of life style.

Up until then Jensen was pretty sure he'd never heard of the pride flag and as simple as it was it meant a lot to Jensen at the time. Being gay in a small town is never easy, even if you don't exactly advertise it. There's something about a too pretty face that makes people assume things and in Jensen's case they were right.

There's a knock on the door and he walks over and opens it to find his dad standing there looking sheepish. He's holding a notebook in his hands, half a smile lingering on his face.

"I thought you might like to have this," he says, trusting the book at Jensen.

Jensen takes it and turns it over. It's old and worn, the cover that must once have been bright red is looking washed out the red giving way to the white underneath in places. He opens it and reads the back of the cover: This book belongs to Emily Ackles, devoted wife, loving mother.

"She... She wrote songs in that, after she'd had you... She never stopped writing."

Jensen looks up to find a familiar sad but happy look on his father's face, the one thinking or talking about Jensen's mom always puts there.

"Thanks dad," he says, clutching the book to his chest. "It means a lot."

"Oh... Come here."

Jensen finds himself subjected to a hug, not the manly one armed type, but a tight one that crushes the book between them.

"I'm proud of you, Jen, taking a chance and chasing your dreams, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

Jensen hides his head against his father's shoulder for a moment, inhaling the familiar scent of Old Spice and dad.

"I'm gonna miss you," he murmurs.

"None of that now," Jeff says gruffly, releasing him. "You'll see me in a week."

"Yeah." Jensen's smiles trembles a little. "But I won't see you all the time."

Luckily the sound of a car horn honking outside interrupts the emotional moment before it can get totally embarrassing. Jensen has been known to cry on occasion and he certainly doesn't want this to be one of those occasions.

"That ought to be Danneel," he says.

His dad smiles and ruffles his hair. "Be good now, you hear me? And don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

"I won't," Jensen promises.

He leaves his dad standing in the doorway of Jensen's room, staring blindly at the barren walls. He knows he won't be out to say goodbye, they've already had their moment.

*~

"This is... nice."

Jensen gives Danneel a dirty look; it's not fair to be mocking his new apartment before he's had time to fix it up. She might see only the dusty floors, the smudged walls and the cracked tiles above the sink, but Jensen already sees what it has potential to be.

"I admit it might be in need of a cleaning," Jensen says, looking at a pile of debris in a corner, hoping that the movement is really just a hallucination.

"Yeah..." Danneel rubs her hands together. "Let's get started then."

"I thought you had to go back," he says.

"Not just yet and I can't let you clean all this alone. I know you. You won't sleep until the place is spotless."

Jensen shrugs, because it's true that he might be a little anal about cleaning. There's a tower of his bags and whatnots in the hallway and a few bags of groceries are standing next to the tower, including a bag of cleaning utensils.

They put on cleaning gloves, Jensen's bright pink and Danneel's a nice shade of lime green, before dividing the apartment into sections and getting started. Jensen's first priority is the kitchen since he has groceries waiting for a spot in the fridge. They don't talk much, except for random outbreaks of "ewwww" and "what the fuck is that?"

The best thing about having a best friend, Jensen thinks, is that you can be silent together. There is no need to fill every minute with idle chit chat, preferring to speak only about the things that actually matters. Not that they don't chatter like girls on occasion, but sometimes it's nice to just be silent together.

The cleaning takes them a few hours but in the end the apartment is spotless and they less so. Danneel's normally immaculate hair is hanging around her face in sweaty strands and her tank top is streaked with dirt. Jensen fares no better; his hair is flopping around in every which direction, streaked with grime and dust, and his polo shirt has certainly seen better days.

They lock up the apartment and go downstairs to try out on of the myriad of Chinese restaurants lining the street. Jensen doesn't think he's ever seen so many Asian people in one place before and that thought makes him feel oddly racist for some reason. He knew he had something of a sheltered upbringing, but his dad never taught him to be anything but open minded towards other races and cultures.

He still can't keep from gawking like the small town kid he is and Danneel has to hit him on the arm every now and then to keep his attention from straying. They eat at a table on the sidewalk outside the restaurant, people moving all around them in a relentless stream.

"I can't believe you found an apartment in Chinatown," Danneel says.

"Why not?" Jensen says defensively.

She just shrugs and grins. "How many Chinese people have you met in your entire life?"

Jensen makes a face. "That's totally beside the point. It's not like the fact that I don't know all their peers will have them dipping me in tar and rolling me in feathers."

They both swallow as a tough looking Asian guy glances at them, a scar covering one of his cheeks and a scorpion tattoo climbing up his neck.

"You sure?" Danneel murmurs and Jensen kicks her under the table.

They probably look quite the pair, disheveled and dirty, wolfing down fried noodles with chicken like it's the first meal they're having in a week.

"I should get going," Danneel says when they've finished their meal, giving him an odd look over the table.

"Yeah," he answers. "Or Riley will have my ass for letting you stay out too late."

She smiles and reaches over the table to ruffle his hair, making him realize that it wasn't an odd look, it was a sappy look. Ever since Riley proposed there has been something odd about Danneel, or rather, she seems so much more mature. It's like she's glowing with it, her cheeks slightly rounder, her eyes glistening, even her hair is unusually shiny, even though at the moment it looks like something rats might live in. Jensen's eyes narrow and he lets his eyes slide up and down her body.

"Dude," she says, smacking him. "Are you checking me out?"

"You're pregnant," he says, his mouth falling open. "Jesus Christ. Why didn't you tell me, bitch?"

She blinks, her lips turning into a blinding grin. "How the fuck do you know? I haven't even told Riley yet."

"It's fucking obvious," he says smugly, even though he figured it out only three seconds ago. He totally could have figured it out earlier if he hadn't been all wrapped up in the move.

"Yeah, right. I'm like six weeks along."

"So why haven't you told Riley yet?"

She shrugs, looking uncomfortable. "My mum miscarried twice in the eighth week... I kinda want to be on the safe side before I tell him. He would be devastated."

"Yeah that makes sense... Don't tell your soon to be husband that you're carrying his child and that you might... just might... miscarry because you're mother did. Jesus, Danny, he loves you and if you miscarry you ain't going to be able to hide it from him and he will be just as devastated and on top of that hurt because you didn't trust him."

"I hate getting relationship advice from you... it always sounds so Dr Phil," she grumps.

"Hah, you only hate it because I'm right."

"Yeah... I should tell him."

"Tonight." She opens her mouth to protest and he arches an eyebrow at her. "Or I will."

"Fine." She makes her I'm so pissed at you face which Jensen knows really means I love you so much because you're my best friend and always right. "I'm gonna miss you," she says then. "It's gonna be weird not having you around all the time."

"Yeah, I know." He pushes a strand of her hair behind her ear and sighs.

"Oh." She suddenly gropes for her bag and starts rifling through it until she comes up with an envelope. "I wanted to give you this."

"What is it?" he asks, weighing it in his hand before peeking inside. "Jesus, Danny, I can't take this."

He tries to hand it back, but she leans away. "I want you to have them, okay? I'm not going to take them back. Just think about it as emergency cash. When you get rich and famous and never have to use it, then you can give it back. If not... well, you don't have that much money left after paying three months rent and once those months are up... I want you to make it and I think of that money as means to an end."

Jensen bites his lower lip and glances into the envelope again, the bills glaring at him like an accusation. He knows Danneel means well, but he also knows she needs the money herself, especially with a baby on the way.

"But..."

"No! I won't take them back. I'm not giving you my last money or anything, okay? I can afford it."

Jensen reluctantly pockets the money, swearing to himself that he's not going to use it, no matter how bad things become. He still got some money of his own tucked away and it'll be enough to sustain him while he looks for a job. Danneel gets up from her chair, swinging her oversized handbag over her shoulder.

"I really need to get going now, sweetie," she says with a soft smile. "Come here and give us a hug."

She smells like flowers and bread and all the good things in the world. He kisses her soft cheek and pets her stomach gently, imagining he can feel the life growing within. She giggles and curls a hand around the back of his neck.

They walk hand in hand towards the corner where she parked her car and Jensen can't help but to feel as if an era of his life is ending. He's known Danneel ever since his family moved to Sundsville from Texas when he was three years old. She's been his best friend for almost twenty years and he's hardly gone a week of his life without seeing her.

He watches with a stilted smile as he gets into the car and starts the engine. She waves one last time through the open window and then she disappears down the street, taking a piece of his heart with him.

*~

Jensen settles into the big city life a lot easier than he thought he would and the first month of living of his own just flies by. He fixes up his apartment until it's a place he likes coming home to and not just a place. Living in China Town, he picks up a lot of odd bits and pieces and the outcome is inviting and cozy even if it might look a little bit like a mockery of an old fashioned brothel.

He figures it doesn't matter much, his dad won't be visiting until Hell freezes over and Danneel would think it was awesome. Danneel made it past the magic eight weeks mark without a problem and Riley was overjoyed with the news. Jensen misses them, misses having someone to hang out with on a regular basis, and he gives himself another couple of weeks before it's time to look for a job.

He soon found out that the apartment didn't come with soundproofing and after a few bangs on the wall he started looking for some other place to play his music. Luckily the fire escape outside the window leads to the roof and so far no one has complained about him playing up there, his voice and the sound of the keyboard getting lost in the thrum of the city. He rather likes playing up there with the sky as his only audience and the city seemingly at his feet. Up there he feels as if he can conquer the world, something he rarely feels otherwise.

He spent the first week settling in and the time since then has been spent trying to get someone to listen to his tapes, which is proving to be a lot harder than he thought. Everywhere he goes the receptionists just look at him and his tape with disdain, like he's something the cat threw up, and so far he hasn't really been able to hand out a single one that didn't land directly in the trash.

He's aware that tapes are terribly outdated, but he doesn't have a computer and lacks the funds to actually buy one at the moment without taking from Danneel's emergency cash. The money in the envelope is starting to look more and more tempting and Jensen finally hid it in the freezer to avoid the temptation. Someone must be willing to take a chance on a guy and listen to his outdated tapes.

Late one Friday night Jensen is on his way home from yet another fruitless day of trying to hand out tapes. His feet are tired, his back aches and his shoulder bag is heavy with the weight of unwanted tapes. He misses Friday nights back home, kicking back with his friends and a few beers, and his stomach is growling with hunger.

A few blocks from his street he passes by a bar slash restaurant called Blue Mermaid's Grill and the smell and the mellow country music pouring out from its open doors makes him stop dead in his tracks. It smells like old fashioned barbeque and the music reminds him of home. His dad might have been living in Sundsville for years and years but he never forgot his Texan roots.

Licking his lips, he steps inside. He hasn't been in a bar since he left home and as far as bars go this one is nothing spectacular. The inside is dark and cavernous, the lights dimmed since dinner time is over. It's not the kind of place that draws the party crowd, he thinks, but nevertheless there are a few tables occupied by people his own age.

He glances at them with a pang of longing as he makes his way up to the bar and orders a beer and a steak sandwich. The bartender, a blond guy with something of a squint, gives him a curious look, before calling his order to the kitchen and pouring his beer. He sips it carefully as he waits for his sandwich, turning on the bar stool to look out over the tables and the tiny dance floor.

The county music that drew him in makes way for some recent hip hop song, Jay Z if he's not mistaken, but it's still played at a low enough volume to make conversation possible.

"So... what are you moping about?" the bartender asks, as he puts Jensen's sandwich down by his elbow.

Jensen turns to look at him and smiles slightly. "That obvious, huh?"

"Yeah, well..." The bartender leans against the counter and runs a hand through his unruly blond hair. "I've seen my fair share of moping and those slumped shoulder and furrowed brows fit the description pretty well."

Jensen smiles a little at that, furtively checking the guy out. He's not really Jensen's type but he hasn't gotten laid in six months, at this point pretty much anyone will do. It's not like the guy is repulsive to look at, just a little bit on the thin side.

"It's just... I want someone to listen to my tape. I never figured it would be this difficult to find one person that would at least be willing to listen to it, you know?"

"Tapes? You a musician?"

"Songwriter," Jensen answers, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Cool."

Jensen shrugs, trying to keep himself from moaning at the perfect flavor exploding across his tongue. He used to think wanting to be a songwriter was cool, right now it mostly just feels stupid.

There's something of a commotion behind him and he turns around in time to see a really fucking tall guy walk into through the opens doors, greetings begin fired at him from every direction. He laughs and shakes a few hands on his way through the club and Jensen's stomach clenches in a way that has nothing to do with hunger and everything to do with want. The guy is hot.

"Who's that?" Jensen asks, unable to keep awe from tinting his voice.

He turns to look at the bartender who gives him a speculating look, the corner of his mouth tilting up slightly.

"That's Mr. Padalecki. He owns this place and a few others. Very into music, very connected... If you catch my drift..."

Jensen swallows, looking after the guy as he disappears into the kitchen. There is something like amusement in the bartender's voice, but Jensen's too busy drooling to think anything of it. Another customer walks up to the bar and the bartender moves over to take her order, leaving Jensen to his half forgotten sandwich.

Jensen is beginning to think that maybe he's a little more sexually starved than he thought he was, seeing as a mere flash of dimples and a shaggy head has him uncomfortable hard and practically drooling. He forces himself to focus back on his sandwich, keeping one eye on the kitchen doors hoping for another glimpse of the mysterious Mr. Padalecki.

An hour later Jensen has finished his beer, his sandwich and another two beers without seeing Mr. Padalecki again. The bartender's words keep ringing in his head and the beers have given him enough superficial courage to approach the guy should he see him again. It's something of a long shot, but at least handing his tape over is an excuse to talk to him.

The bar closes down not long after that and Jensen walks outside, waiting furtively in the shadows not far from the club. It takes a few minutes but then Mr. Padalecki walks out surrounded by a group of people. They're all laughing at something someone said and Jensen almost loses his nerve.

Then he figures that he's never going to win anything if he doesn't buy any lottery tickets, so he steps out of the shadows and calls out for Mr. Padalecki. He stops dead in his tracks and looks Jensen up and down, a smile playing on his lips.

"Uh, can I talk to you?" Jensen asks.

"Sure," Mr. Padalecki says with a smile, motioning for his friends to keep on moving. Jensen spots the bartender in the midst of the crowd, giving Mr. Padalecki two thumbs up.

"Uh... I..." Jensen fishes around in his bag and grabs a hold of a tape, trusting it into Mr. Padalecki's hands. "I want you to listen to that. If you have the time."

Mr. Padalecki turns the tape over in his hands with a frown. "What is it?"

"It's my music... I'm a songwriter and I..."

"Jared!" They both turn at the sudden shout from coming from the bar. "How many times do I have to tell you not to leave your fucking apron in the kitchen? I'm not a bloody maid, you know."

Mr. Padalecki gives Jensen's a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry, Gordon. It won't ever happen again."

"Oh, don't you dare give me that attitude, boy. There are a million other guys I could hire to work the grill."

"Sorry," Mr. Padalecki says again, and the door slams shut.

Jensen's cheeks burn with embarrassment, he just made a complete fool of himself in front of a totally hot stranger.

"Sorry," he chokes, turning on his heel and starting to walk down the street.

"Hey, wait up." Mr. Padalecki, well Jared, falls into step with Jensen, easily matching Jensen's hurried pace with his long legs. "Who did you think I was anyway?"

"No one," Jensen mumbles, walking even faster.

He can't help but to be aware of the body beside him and the fact that Jared is almost a head taller than him.

"So, songwriter, do you have a name?"

"Jensen," he mutters.

"Well I'm Jared." Jared stops him with a hand to his shoulder and sticks his hand out. "I'm pleased to meet you."

Jensen shakes it, a thrill going through him as their palms meet. Jared is even more gorgeous than Jensen thought; shaggy brown hair falling around his handsome face and from what Jensen can see he has a totally hot body too. He gives Jensen a wolf like grin, flashing his teeth and a set of dimples designed to kill, making him go weak at the knees.

"So Jensen," Jared says as Jensen frees his hands. "What is a cute country boy like you doing in the big bad city?"

"I'm not cute," Jensen huffs and starts walking again.

Jared chuckles and hurries to keep up. "Oh you know you are and I notice you didn't contest the country part... So where are you from?"

"Sundsville," Jensen mutters, wondering if Jared ever shuts up.

"I'm from San Antonio myself," Jared says. "But Sundsville that's not very far from here, is it? A couple of hours or something."

"Yeah."

"A man of few words, are you, Jensen?"

"My mom taught me not to talk to strangers."

"I'm hardly a stranger," Jared protests and Jensen gives him an incredulous look. "Well at least I'm trying not to be a stranger, while you are doing your best to run away."

"I'm not running away. I'm walking, at a very sedate pace I might add, towards my home."

"If this is your sedate pace I would hate to see you hurrying."

Jensen smiles despite himself and slows down slightly; there's just something about Jared that unarms him. Jared makes a happy little sound and falls into step with Jensen, walking a little too close for Jensen's comfort. Every other step their hands brush against each other and a tingle races up Jensen's spine. It's funny, really, that he hasn't even thought about sex in a couple of months and suddenly it's all he can think of.

Jared chatters on as they walk towards Jensen's house, idle getting to know you chatter that Jensen would have expected if they were on a date. He's pretty sure that Jared's gay, if nothing else because he called Jensen's cute and straight boys don't say stuff like that to guys they don't know.

He wonders if it's just the fact that Jared is hot that has him so aware of the other man, or if there's something else there. Jensen never believed in love at first sight, but attraction at first sight is something else all together and he certainly feels that.

Through Jared's runny mouth he learns that Jared moved to New York City two years ago, that he has three different jobs, and that he hopes to be a chef when he grows up. He lives in a reformed warehouse and he drives an old Chevy. Jensen hardly gets a word in sideways, but that is quite alright with him. Jared has a very nice voice and the longer he talks, the thicker his Texas drawl becomes.

Eventually they end up outside Jensen's apartment building and he rocks on his heels, looking up at Jared, wondering if it would be really odd to ask him up for coffee or something. It's not like they've been on a date or anything, quite the opposite, but goddamnit Jared is hot and it's not like Jensen has had anyone to talk to for quite sometime.

"Why don't you ask me up for coffee and I promise to blow you before the night is over," Jared says with a shameless grin.

"I... huh... what?" Jensen stutters, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Oh come on. It's not like we're not both thinking it so why not say it out loud?"

"I don't know." Jensen swallows. "Are you always this straight forward?"

Jared shrugs. "Only when I see something I really want."

Jensen flushes but this time it has nothing to do with embarrassment and everything to do with want. He licks his lips and smiles a little.

"Would you like to come up for a cup of coffee and a taste of my cock?" he asks, biting his lip to keep from grinning when Jared splutters this time.

Then Jared bends forward until his lips are brushing Jensen's ear. "I would love to," he answers in a husky purr that has Jensen rock hard in 0.3 seconds.

They never get to the coffee, in fact it's pure luck that they even make it into Jensen's apartment without being arrested for indecent exposure. Somewhere halfway up the stairs, Jared makes a grab for Jensen's waist and they end up making out like there's no tomorrow.

Jensen is the one that has to keep enough higher brain functions to navigate them up the stairs and into his apartment, but it's mighty hard to do so when Jared's tongue is invading his mouth and the huge paws that are Jared's excuses for hands are sliding all over his body.

He can't recall ever getting so hot just from a kiss, but everything from Jared's mouth to his tongue and the huge hands roaming his body is just right on some fundamental level that has desire thrumming through his veins. Jared has his shirt halfway off before they're even at Jensen's landing and once they make it there Jensen is shuffling awkwardly, jeans caught halfway down his thighs.

Jared hasn't fared much better, he got only one arm stuck into his t-shirt and his fly is gaping wide open, one of Jensen's hands stuck into the open V, palming his rock hard cock. Jensen's panting for breath, his fingers shaking as he tries to get the key into the lock with Jared sucking bruises on his neck and one of his hands cradling the hardness of Jared's cock.

Somehow he manages to get the door open though and they stumble into the tiny hallway, kicking the door closed behind them with flailing limbs. Jensen's bag and shirt land on the floor in a heap, and he toes off his sneakers and frees himself of his jeans as Jared propels him into the apartment.

"Bed?" Jared queries, chewing at Jensen's lips with delicious little nips.

"Over... yeah... there," Jensen pants, gesturing vaguely to his right.

He makes a frustrated sound and yanks Jared's shirt over his head, taking half a second to admire the chiseled muscles of Jared's chest before their lips crash together again. Jared fumbles with one hand at the lining of his jeans before simply yanking them down, giving Jensen's fingers even more bare skin to explore.

"Jesus," Jared breathes against Jensen's lips, lifting his head to look down at him. "Did you spray me with sex pollen or something?"

Jensen chuckles even though it's more insane than funny, licking his lips as he admires the way Jared's eyes slant like a cats, pupils blown wide. He's not sure what Jared means with sex pollen but if the bartender didn't slip him some Viagra with his beer Jensen doesn't know what to blame their current frenzy on.

Jared makes a choked little sound, pulling Jensen into another kiss and Jensen finally gives up all pretence of higher brain functions, just letting himself feel. Jared is the one who finally manages to get them into the bedroom, pushing Jensen down on the bed and chucking his own jeans all the way off before following him. Jensen is still in his boxers and Jared pulls impatiently at them until Jensen lifts his hips like an obedient boy.

Jensen winds his fingers in Jared's floppy hair and pulls him down for another kiss, licking his way into Jared's hot mouth. Jared's fingers find his cock and wrap around it, making him arch off the bed and groan against Jared's lips.

"Pretty," Jared mumbles. "So fucking gorgeous."

Jensen should have expected that Jared wouldn't shut up even during sex and he finds the mumbled, half panted comments insanely hot. He lets his fingers slide down Jared's body until he finds Jared's swollen cock, rubbing his hand over it, eyes growing stupidly wide when he realizes just how much there is of Jared.

"Jesus," he whispers, trying to look in between their bodies to get a good look of the monster appendage in his hand, but Jared is rocking his hips against Jensen's side, making any such move impossible.

Jared finally releases Jensen's kiss bruised lips and starts licking and nipping his way down Jensen's body, leaving a wet trail from his mouth to his nipples and then further down. At that point Jensen is too far gone to even comprehend what's happening except for hot, wet, lick, nip, friction.

He pushes himself up on his elbows when Jared finally makes his way down to where his fingers are still caressing Jensen's cock, pressing hot little kisses onto the sensitive skin of Jensen's thighs. Jared looks up at him, licking his lips and grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"I did promise," he says, voice raw and husky.

"Unghn," Jensen responds because Jared chooses that moment to finally wrap his lips around Jensen's cock.

He digs his fingers into Jared's hair, just hanging on for the ride as Jared starts sucking, lips wrapped tight around the head of Jensen's cock while his long fingers dance over the shaft, in a lethal combination that has Jensen at the brink of coming in no time. Jared isn't quite silent even when sucking cock, and although Jensen has a hard time hearing him over the unholy lot of noise he is making, he can still feel the vibrations against his cock.

"Oh God," Jensen moans when Jared's tongue rubs against the underside of his cock yet again. "Jesus... Jared... I'm gonna..."

He fully expects Jared to pull away and finish Jensen off with his hand, but Jared just keeps sucking, mouth wet and tight around Jensen's cock until Jensen finally comes with a wordless scream, bucking up into Jared's mouth, fisting Jared's hair in his hands. Jared swallows around him, keeping up his suction until Jensen collapses back on the bed, completely spent.

"So hot," Jared murmurs when he lets Jensen's cock slip from his swollen lips, his voice raw and hoarse.

Jensen pulls weakly on his hair until Jared crawls up his body, fusing their lips together and sharing Jensen's taste between them. It's pretty much the hottest thing ever and he would be content to just suck on Jared's tongue until some time next year. Luckily Jared shifts, rubbing his cock against Jensen's thigh, and Jensen remembers that there is something called reciprocation.

He pushes on Jared until he flops over on his back, letting Jensen climb on top of him. Jensen takes much the same route Jared did earlier, kissing his way down Jared's hot body until his lips finds the warm crease where Jared's thigh meets his groin. Jared is indeed well endowed, almost to the point of ridiculous, and Jensen wonders how he's ever going to suck all that.

"It's okay if you can't," Jared says hurriedly, probably catching the frown on Jensen's face.

Jensen looks up at him and sticks his tongue out. "It's not that big," he lies and goes back to perusing it.

Big or not, it's also fucking gorgeous, long, thick, flushed and perfectly curved. Jensen can't see why anyone wouldn't at least try to suck it. He wraps the fingers of his right hand around the base, slowly twisting them up and down until Jared starts rocking into the movement, mumbling encouragement. Keeping his eyes locked on Jared's face he bends forward, licking the precome from the bulbous head before sliding his tongue sinuously around the rim.

"Yeah baby," Jared groans. "Just like that."

Grinning to himself, Jensen bends forward, letting the head slip into his mouth. Jared is in for a surprise because he's not the first person with a porn star cock Jensen's blown and he knows what he's doing. Practice taught him how to use his hands as a substitute for his hoover of a mouth and within minutes he has Jared moaning unintelligibly, pushing up against Jensen's working mouth.

He sucks hard on the down stroke until he meets his hand half way down at which point he moves up again while twisting his hand down the shaft. It takes a little while to get used to the girth, but with every lazy suck Jensen manages to get more in until Jared's cock is pushing against the back of his throat, stretching his mouth wide.

At that point Jared is trashing on the bed, his hands petting Jensen everywhere he can reach, cursing and moaning in an endless jumbled stream of words. Jensen can sense that he's getting close by the way his cock swells even further in Jensen's mouth, gushing precome down Jensen's waiting throat.

Jared tugs desperately at his hair and for a second Jensen contemplates going with it and pulling off before he gets a mouthful of come, but in the end he pushes that thought out of his mind and just sucks harder. It takes a few moments and then Jared bucks up with a groan, coming in copious amounts down Jensen's throat until he just can't swallow anymore.

He pulls off before he chokes, using his hand to take Jared through the aftershocks, pressing wet come smeared kisses all over his cock and abdomen, until Jared swats weakly at him. He lifts his head with a grin, taking in Jared's disheveled appearance and flushed features before crawling up his body to collapse beside him.

"That was something," Jared says, rolling over on his side to look at Jensen, one hand coming up to cart through Jensen's short hair.

Jensen just grins, trailing a finger over Jared's stubble burned lips before pressing a kiss to them. He's so tired he can hardly keep his eyes open, but he can't stop looking at Jared.

"Wanna sleep over?" Jensen asks.

Jared hesitates just a second before grinning and nodding. They use the tiny bathroom to clean up, most of the space occupied by an old fashioned bathtub on lion paws, bumping into each other all the time and exchanging furtive glances in the mirror. Jared borrows Jensen's toothbrush and Jensen gets a secret little thrill from the intimacy, kissing Jared as soon as he's rinsed his mouth just to taste him again.

Jared frames his face with his huge hands and Jensen thinks he might have actually found his nirvana. Everything about this gigantic stranger just feels right in a way he never experienced.

They crawl in under the covers together, laying stiffly side by side until Jared suddenly chuckles and pulls Jensen into his personal space, letting him curl up with his head on Jared's shoulder. Jensen falls asleep with a grin on his face and wakes up to an empty bed.

Jensen spends the first two weeks after Jared's disappearing act being unreasonably pissed off. Sure he knows where Jared works now, but then Jared knows where he lives and if he wanted something more than a one night stand he would have come around, yeah?

It really kinda hurts because Jensen was stupid enough to think they got something and apparently they didn't. It's not that he never had a one night stand before but he always hates waking up alone when he didn't go to bed that way.

Jared could have just told him he was leaving, it's not like Jensen would have made a scene or anything, it would just have been common courtesy. It pisses him off even more that he can't stop thinking about Jared, about his stupid dimples and porn star cock. Can't stop thinking about how it would feel to be filled by that monster and he's already come more times than he can count with Jared's name on his lips.

It doesn't exactly help that he has been trying to hand out tapes for two weeks straight without getting much done. He finally puts the tapes into envelopes with a little note and mails them to a multitude of different record companies. Hopefully at least one will make it into the hands of someone willing to listen.

He keeps a few tapes for one last attempt at the reception desk dance, but his patience is running out. Everyone seems to have moved to New York City to become someone, and every time he tries a little sob story he gets one back that is much worse. It frustrates him to no end that people are so petty, fine they didn't make it, but maybe helping someone else out would give them enough good karma to pull out of their own miserable little lives.

It's a snotty desk clerk at BMG that finally gives him the only piece of valuable advice he's gotten in six weeks, to sing his songs at an Open Mic Night. The mere concept of singing his own songs in front of an audience scares the shit out of him, but he's not going to throw away the rest of his life over something as stupid as stage fright.

At least that is what he thinks until he's actually standing up on the stage of a well renowned club with his guitar slung around his neck. The spotlights are all on him and he just can't do it. His throat tightens and his heart bangs wildly against his ribcage until he chokes out a "sorry" and flees off the stage.

He feels like such a failure as he walks home, guitar case clutched tightly in his hand. He couldn't do it, not even when faced with the reality of never accomplishing his life long dream. It's high time for him to get a real job and settle into life as a loser. He might never be the songwriter he hopes to be, but he'll be damned if he's gonna turn tail and run home to daddy.

Passing by a night open diner he realizes that it's been a long time since he last ate something, so he walks into the door and sits down by the counter, propping his guitar case up next to him.

"What can I get you, sugar?" the guy behind the counter asks, giving Jensen a kind smile.

"Coffee and a slice of that apple pie, please," Jensen answers, suddenly feeling a pang of home sickness. He supposes it is because the old man who took his order reminds him a lot of Joe and a time when his life was measured in pizza orders instead of failures.

He almost asks if there are any job openings, but a load laugh from behind him stops him. A group of girls with a tall guy in their midst spills in through the door, smiles on their faces and not too much in the way off clothes on their fit bodies.

They wave at the guy behind the counter as they claim a booth, before coming up to the counter to order. Jensen watches them from the corner of his eye as they bring their orders back to their table, wondering if they're strippers or something like it.

"Tonight," one in the group, a petite brunette, says. "We made... three hundred dollars each in tips. We fucking rock."

They all cheer and laugh, grabbing the money she holds up for them, waving it around. As one they lift their glasses or cups, and turn towards the lone guy that is no less gorgeous than the girls.

"To Tom for his last night with the gang," the brunette says.

"To Tom," the others echo and the guy just grins.

He's really quite attractive, Jensen decides, with dark hair, blue eyes and a picture perfect face. If he wasn't already hung up on one hot tall guy, he might have given this one a second thought.

"Who are they?" he asks the guy behind the counter as he starts wiping the counter next to Jensen's arms.

"Sevens," the guy answers with a smile. "They come here every night to wind down."

"Sevens? Like a gang or something." Jensen looks back at the crowd; they don't look like gang members to him.

The guy laughs and pets Jensen's elbow. "Sevens as in they work at a bar called Seven."

"Aahh..." Jensen nods like he understands completely. "Is it anywhere around here?"

He figures it wouldn't hurt to check it out since the Tom fellow seems to be quitting. If he doesn't like the look of the place, he can just walk away, no harm no foul.

"Yeah, it's just around the corner," the guy says. "You should check it out, but get there early because it draws quite the crowd."

"Thanks," Jensen says, taking a bite of his apple pie, trying to ignore the happy sounds coming from behind him.

"You're welcome," the guy answers, moving away to handle another customer.

Jensen sips his coffee, thinking about where his life is going. It's not moving uphill, that's for sure, but then he hadn't really expected to make it right away. Who the fuck achieves their dreams just a few weeks after they start to chase them for real? He's being unreasonable hard against himself, he's still young and there is still time. One day his songs will be played on the radio, he's sure of it.

*~

The following afternoon he makes his way back to the diner and turns around the corner, looking for the bar. He finds it easily enough, a turned off neon sign with the word Seven above a non-descript door. It doesn't really look like the kind of place that would draw a huge crowd, but appearances can be deceptive.

He tries the door and finds it locked, which doesn't really surprise him. A sign on the door says the bar opens at ten pm and it's only five now. He walks around the edge of the building, looking for the backdoor he knows ought to be hiding somewhere.

There is a delivery dock on the back of the house that he figures leads to the diner, but right next to it there is a stair that leads down to an open door. Judged by the placement of the door it ought to lead to the basement under the bar and the fact that there is a tower of beer cases next to it seems to support that theory.

"Hello," he calls out. "Is there anyone there?"

"Down here," a male voice shouts. "Grab a case of beer on your way down."

Jensen grabs one of the cases and makes his way down the uneven stairs, almost tripping on the threshold on his way in.

"Put it over there," a guy says, walking into Jensen's line of view.

He's shorter than Jensen with dark, almost black hair, and piercing blue eyes. Jensen puts the case down on another one just like it and straightens up.

"What do you want?" the guy asks, giving Jensen a slightly hostile once over.

"I hear there might be a vacancy," Jensen answers.

The guy snorts. "And you thought you could fill it, huh?"

"Why not?" Jensen shoots back, because he's getting tired of failing.

The guy licks his lower lip and tilts his head to the side looking at Jensen again. "Do you do drugs?"

"No," Jensen answers.

"Show me your arms."

"You're kidding, right?"

The guy just raises his eyebrows and Jensen turns his hands palm up, letting the guy look his fill.

"What are those?" he asks, gesturing to the burn scars on Jensen's wrists.

"A potent reminder of the four years of my life I spent working at Joe's Pizza." The guy snorts and Jensen shakes his head slightly. "Look... Are you really the owner or am I just wasting my time here?"

"Chris Kane," the guy says, holding out a hand for Jensen to shake. "And Seven is my baby. I'll give you a chance, because you look like a guy who hasn't gotten too many of those lately. Be here at eleven pm on Friday and we'll see what you can do."

Jensen grins. "Thanks man, it really means a lot."

He starts walking back up the stairs unable to keep the grin off his face, but it dies abruptly at Chris parting words.

"Oh and dress sexy."

*~

Jensen is not sure exactly what in his somewhat limited wardrobe would be called sexy, so he finally settles on a pair of torn jeans that show more of his thighs than he's fully comfortable with in public and a t-shirt that he outgrew years ago. Looking at himself in the mirror though he's not sure if he comes off as sexy or as a complete idiot.

Jensen knows he's good looking, handsome enough to have people actually turning after him on the street, probably convinced that he's someone famous, but he never really figured out how to get the sexy working for him. He's aware that obviously he succeeds without his knowledge from time to time since he does get laid but knowingly using it to his advantage? No.

When he gets to the bar it's already crowded enough that he has to push his way to the bar and music is blaring out of hidden speakers, making casual conversation near to impossible. Seven isn't a bar; it's a riot waiting to happen.

Two girls are up on the bar dancing, both of which he recognizes from the other night. They are stomping their feet and swaying in time to the hyped up beat, drawing cat calls and cheers from every direction. Jensen watches them with trepidation. Chris doesn't really expect him to dance on the bar now, does he?

Chris gives him a curt nod and lifts the hatch for Jensen to come in behind the bar when he sees him, looking him up and down with something bordering to disdain. It's not like Chris's clothes are that much different from Jensen's, worn jeans, boots and a sleeveless t-shirt with the bar logo, but then he supposes he won't be seeing Chris up on the bar anytime soon.

"I almost thought you wouldn't show, country boy," Chris says.

Jensen manages a weak smiles, looking at the seemingly million of costumers pressing up against the bar. He's not a stranger to serving drinks, but this is ridiculous.

"Where are you from?" Chris asks.

"Sundsville," Jensen answers.

"And before that?"

"Uh... Texas." Jensen wants to add that he hasn't lived there for years though and his only memories of Texas are sweltering heat and the smell of his long passed grandpa's pipe tobacco. The feral glint in Chris's eyes tells him he better not bother though.

The song ends and just like that the girls jump down behind the bar again and start serving drinks, huge grins on their faces. Jensen notices they don't seem to be serving anything that doesn't come in a shot glass or a bottle which he supposes might make things easier.

Chris grabs a megaphone and gestures for Jensen to come closer. Jensen does so, trying to keep his eyes on Chris and the crowd simultaneously.

"Hello everybody," Chris screams and the crowd roars back at a deafening volume. "I want you all to meet..."

"Jensen."

"Texas... Just another country boy trying to make it in the big bad city. He's been saving himself for the right one, but we all know that enough tequila and anyone will be right." The crowd roars again at that and Jensen can feel their eyes eating into him.

"Why don't y'all give Tex here a good old fashioned Seven welcome?"

The music playing in the background suddenly changes into an unfamiliar song and the crowd sings along, bringing the volume up so loud that Jensen's ears are ringing from it. He doesn't catch much of the lyrics but there's something about house rules, not taking kindly to serious and rule number seven seems to be the most popular one.

"The rules are pretty simple," Chris shouts into Jensen's ear. "Don't bring your boyfriends in here and don't date the customers. We don't serve anything that doesn't come in a shot glass and water is for pussies. Got it?"

Jensen swallows. "Got it," he says weakly.

"The tiny one is Sandy, the other one is Sophia. One is a bitch, the other a ditz, you'll figure who is who fast enough."

After that Jensen is left pretty much to his own devices and he picks a side of the bar that seems to be unattended and start serving drinks.

"You're lagging, Texas," the taller of the brunettes, Sophia, says as she barrels into his territory and serves a few drinks, thus informing Jensen who's the bitch.

"Cut him some slack," the other one, Sandy, says. "At least he's trying."

Jensen gives her a grateful smile before catching Chris glowering at him from the corner, making him go back to serving drinks as fast as he can.

"Hey there, pretty, two tequilas. One for me and one for you," a woman in her mid-fifties says, putting her money down on the bar.

"I don't really drink tequila," Jensen starts but Chris pushing up against his back cuts him off.

"Just take the damn drink," Chris says low and menacing.

Jensen gives the woman a half hearted smile and pours two shots, one for her and one for him. He downs the shot with a grimace, his stomach rolling as the potent liquid pours into it. The woman laughs delightedly, downing her own with much less fuzz.

"Another one, baby, and make it a double this time."

Jensen whimpers to himself as the pours the second round of shots, inhaling his fast enough to make him sputter. It's probably just his imagination but he's already starting to feel drunk.

It gets a bit easier after that and Jensen serves drinks fast enough that he's not even sure he remembers about the part where the customers are supposed to pay. He downs another couple of shots people buy him and he's definitely starting to feel the buzz now, roses appearing on his freckled cheeks as he moves in time with the music.

He noticed after a while that the music doesn't change magically in time with Chris's mood, there's actually a DJ in a booth at the back of the club. A nice looking guy with too long hair pulled up into a pony tail and ridiculously huge earphones covering his ears. Chris must have noticed Jensen looking because he appears out of nowhere suddenly growling "mine" into Jensen's ear. Jensen doesn't even have time to defend himself before Chris is gone. It wasn't like he was planning on molesting the DJ or anything, he was just looking.

A few minutes later the beat changes again and Sandy and Sophia hop onto the bar for another impromptu dance number. Jensen glances at them and keeps serving drinks, almost dropping the bottles with his alcohol fumbly fingers.

"You're not gonna join them?" Chris asks, coming up to him in the middle of their number.

"No," Jensen says, pouring a shot of Jack for a customer. "I can't dance like that."

"Then why on earth would I hire you?" Chris asks.

Jensen turns to him with a frown and gets a face full of dollar bills for his troubles.

"You're fired," Chris says easily, handing Jensen the money.

Jensen blinks. "Just like that?"

"Indeed," Chris grins. "Just. Like. That."

Had Jensen been slightly more sober he would have figured this was more about him daring to look at the DJ than him not dancing at the bar, but he's too buzzed to figure it out so he just takes the money and puts them in his pocket, pushing his way past Chris without a word.

Making his way through the crowd he notices two guys about to start fighting over a nervous looking girl. Without even thinking about it he makes his way over and inserts himself firmly between them.

"Come on, guys," he says. "Do you really want to spend the rest of your night in the ER nursing broken bones? Wouldn't it be better to take this twenty here," he fishes a note from his pocket, "Buy the girl a drink and talk about this like civilized people. Otherwise I can assure you, you're gonna feel downright like asses in the morning when she won't talk to either of you."

They blink sluggishly at him for a few moments before one of them snatches the bill and propels the other towards the bar. "Come along, Sweetie," he calls to the girl and Jensen watches them weave through the crowd with satisfaction.

Chris catches up with him just outside the bar. "Where did you learn to do that?" he asks.

"Joe's Pizza during game night, makes this place look like a kindergarten."

Chris smiles a tilted smile and clasps his shoulder. "Maybe you're not all bad, Tex. I'm giving you a second chance. Be at this store noon on Monday to meet with my fashion coordinator." He slips a card into Jensen's hand and Jensen looks at it as Chris makes his way back into the bar.

All in all, it's a pretty good night.

*~

Saturday dawns bright and clear as days are wont to do when Jensen has been drinking. He figures it some sort of punishment and also that if he's ever going to get married, he will totally go out drinking the night before just to assure himself of sunshine on his big day. Not that Jensen plans on getting married, ever, or at least right now.

He still manages to drag himself out of bed pretty early since the hang over, all things considered, really isn't all that bad. He only had like four shots and even though he was kinda buzzed it's not enough to make him pray to the porcelain god or give him a nasty headache.

It still feels strange that he managed to get buzzed at his job though, and if he's gonna keep on working at Seven, he needs to find a way to turn down the shots without pissing the customers, or Chris, off. Of course he's kinda getting the feeling that breathing the wrong way will piss Chris off, but it's not like he knows the guy, he could be wrong.

He winds up spending most of his Saturday cleaning the apartment and doing other mundane tasks like grocery shopping and laundry. He spends a few hours on the phone with first his dad and then Danneel, telling his dad about getting a job and the weird guy who owns the place and telling Danneel exactly what kind of place it is.

She laughs a little to loudly at the thought of him dancing on the bar so he tells her she's just jealous because she can't drink at the moment. Usually he goes back home on Sunday mornings, but apparently his dad has a big date with Samantha planned for Saturday so Jensen's appearance is not required. Jensen is actually kinda pissed about that, because his dad seems to have forgotten all about him way too easily.

Once he's hung up the phone for the last time he starts to feel itchy. It's Saturday night, he should be out partying or something, but instead he's sitting around his apartment staring at the squeaky clean floors. He thinks about working some more on his latest song, but decides against it. The whole music making business has been frustrating him lately with the getting nowhere very fast routine.

Finding a job, or well almost, feels like failure even though Seven seems to be a really cool place. Still he doesn't want to go back home with his tail between his legs; he is indeed pretty sure he doesn't want to go back home at all, other than for visits. Life in New York City might have been pretty lonely so far, but it's still the happiest he's ever been.

He loves living on his own, having his own place and making his own rules, just as he loves the buzz of a city that never sleeps. He can take someone home for the night whenever he wants without worrying about his dad walking in.

Thinking about one night stands makes him think about Jared, again. He really should try to get that tape back from Jared, if nothing else then to chew him out for just leaving like that. It's not like Jensen would have said anything if Jared had woken him to say bye, other than maybe lemmesleep or shuddup.

Okay, so maybe, he just wants to see Jared again, because Jared is hot and he's got a huge cock. Jensen is something of a size queen, not that he would ever turn a guy down just because he wasn't hung but he likes big dicks, he just can't help it. Danneel says that makes him stupidly stereotypical which made him think that maybe Riley isn't all that hung.

He manages to waste a few more hours at home doing nothing before he finally gives up. Sitting around doing noting will only take him so far, at some point he has to live a little. Thought and done, he changes into a nicer pair of jeans and a black polo shirt, not the fanciest of outfits but it looks good enough.

Jensen was never one of those guys who spend three hours in front of the mirror before going out, maybe because he never really had to. He gives his hair the once over to make sure it's not looking complete weird before deciding he is done.

He's strangely nervous as he walks down the street in the general direction of The Blue Mermaid's Bar And Grill. The fact that Jared didn't say goodbye, or leave a note, could easily translate into him not wanting anything more to do with Jensen.

Showing up at Jared's work place is eerily like begging and Jensen is so not the begging type. Jared seemed to be anything but closeted or uncomfortable about being gay with the way he came onto Jensen, which could mean that Jensen simply didn't measure up and he doesn't like the sound of that at all.

Everything felt so fucking right when they were skin to skin, the mere thought that Jared doesn't want that anymore is just wrong. Still Jared is the one who bailed out the morning after without leaving as much as a note and Jensen is the one who's spent two weeks being pissed off and thinking longingly about the dork. Obviously Jensen needs to have his brain examined.

Jensen squares his shoulders as he walks into the bar; at least he has a good reason to be there and maybe Jared isn't even working. He spots the bartender who tricked him the last time behind the bar and walks up to it with a frown on his face.

The bartender looks up as he sees Jensen approaching and grins, putting a bottle of beer on the bar. Jensen looks at the beer and then looks at the bartender, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"On the house, mate," the bartender says. "I'm Chad, by the way."

Jensen takes the beer, somewhat mollified, and swallows a couple of mouthfuls. "Jensen," he grunts as he puts the beer down.

"I know," Chad answers with a smug smile. "Jared's in the kitchen if you wanna talk to him, but if I were you I'd wait a few minutes. You see that rowdy crowd over there?" Chad nods to a group of guys that's crowding around a table, by the looks of it already well on the way to stupidly drunk.

"Yeah," Jensen agrees because Chad seems to be expecting it.

"They just placed their orders."

Jensen nods and sips his beer again, not getting it at all. Is Chad being nice as a way to apologize or is he being nice because Jared told him to? Chad doesn't seem like he's going to elaborate so Jensen slides onto one of the barstools to wait.

After a few minutes, the lone, stressed looking waitress starts carrying plates to the guys around the table who cheer and catcall, generally making asses of themselves. Jensen drinks his beer and watches until all plates are on the table and the ruckus dies down. Putting his empty bottle on the bar, he gives Chad a questioning look and gets a nod in return.

He takes a deep breath and slides of the barstool. It's time to find out if Chad's advice was genuine or if he just wanted to give Jared time to escape. He rounds the corner of the bar and pushes the double doors to the kitchen open.

"Hey, customers aren't..." Jared trails off as he recognizes Jensen and grins.

Jensen grins back taking in Jared's disheveled appearance. He's got a baseball cap on backwards on his head, a dirty apron over a once white t-shirt and the type of checkered pants chefs normally wear. A spatula is clutched in his hand and he looks greasy and sweaty with red roses on his cheeks.

"I want my tape back," Jensen says, letting his wandering eyes slide back up to Jared's face.

He's keenly aware that they are the centre of attention for everyone in the kitchen, even though no one says anything. The fact that he apparently knows Jared is enough for them to not try and throw him out.

"Is the tape the only thing you want?" Jared asks, his eyes filling in the clues his words didn't provide.

Jensen's stomach tightens with want and he bites the inside of his lip. He should say no; he's still pissed off at Jared for leaving the last time and now he just expects Jensen to bend over for him again. Truth is though that Jared is hot even when holding a spatula and Jensen knows for a fact that he's hung. So the answer to the question, do you wanna, will pretty much always be yes, Jensen is just that shallow.

Jensen shrugs for an answer to Jared's question, aware of the glances thrown in their direction, but his eyes give Jared the full story.

"I'll drop by your place when my shift ends," Jared says, using his spatula to flip a burger over. "I'll bring something to eat."

Jensen nods and starts backing out of the kitchen, pushing the doors out of his way with his ass.

"When do you get off?" he asks easily.

Jared glances at the clock. "An hour, give or take."

"See you then," Jensen says with a grin and backs the rest of the way out of the kitchen, letting the doors fall shut.

*~

Jensen takes the long way home because he knows that he's going to start going stir crazy as soon as he's back at his apartment, but even the long way takes him there too soon. He manages to busy himself with looking for lube and the condoms he optimistically bought after his last encounter with Jared and depositing them in the nightstand drawer.

He doesn't know for sure how the night will end but he's got an inkling that it might be in his bed. Jensen is no stranger to casual sex, growing up in a small town he's learned to take his kicks where he can get them, no questions asked, but this whole thing with Jared feels different and he doesn't know why.

Luckily Jared shows up before Jensen starts climbing the walls, the ancient intercom making a sound like a dying duck to alert Jensen to the fact that there's someone outside.

"Yeah," he says into the speaker, not sure if it actually works.

"Let me in," Jared answers, his voice crackling with static.

Jensen hits the buzzer without saying anything more and opens the front door. He can hear Jared making his way up the stairs and leans against the doorpost as he waits. It doesn't take long for Jared to come into view and Jensen can't hide his grin. Jared has obviously showered and changed into a pair of worn jeans and a purple t-shirt with a grey half zipped hoodie over it. His hair is wet and brushed back from his face, making him look a lot older than he did earlier.

"Hey," Jared says as he gets up on Jensen's landing and spots him in the doorway. "Why do you live all the way up here? The bottom floor wasn't good enough for you?"

Jensen chuckles and takes the paper bag that Jared hands him. "You need to work out more."

Jared arches his eyebrows and pulls his shirt up to reveal his cut abs. "You think?"

Jensen lets his gaze linger for a little too long before looking up at Jared's face, being met by a knowing smirk.

"I thought so," Jared says smugly, following Jensen into the tiny kitchen.

Jensen puts the bag down on the kitchen table and motions for Jared to take a seat. He does so with obvious reluctance while Jensen takes out plates and glasses from the cabinet above the sink.

"Honestly," Jared says. "This isn't gonna work."

Jensen stiffens but doesn't say anything, letting his hands drop to the counter. Usually people wait until they're actually in a relationship to break up.

"Can't we have a picnic on the bedroom floor instead?"

Jensen turns around, unable to help the laughter that bubbles up when he sees Jared. The kitchen is undoubtedly tiny and the furniture made for people much smaller than Jensen. Needless to say Jared looks like a giant, smushed into the corner and spilling over the chair in every direction.

"It's not funny," Jared protests, trying to get up and almost knocking the table over. "If we get married we're so gonna live in my apartment."

Jensen laughs. "If we get married we'll be living in Canada," he points out.

Jared sticks his tongue out and manages to get to his feet, standing next to the table he looks even bigger, like an adult next to furniture for children.

"So bedroom floor?"

Jensen purses his lips. "You afraid of heights?"

Jared laughs. "Does it look like I'm afraid of heights?"

"Then what about a picnic on the roof?"

Jared's grin is all the answer Jensen needs. He finds a basket that the previous owner of the apartment left behind and fills it with all the things they need; the porcelain and the cutlery and a bottle of wine that Jensen bought to celebrate moving in but ever drank. He hands the basket to Jared together with the food and gets a spare blanket from the closet for them to sit on.

They take the indoors stairs up to the roof since they've got their arms full. Well, Jared has, Jensen is mostly carrying the blanket and staring at Jared's ass. They set the blanket out in a rather secluded corner and dig into the food. Jared, it turns out, brought a little bit of everything since he wasn't sure what Jensen liked.

The talk flows freely in between bites and Jensen can't help but to feel like he's known Jared for years even though everything he learns about him is new information. Jared apparently lives in a converted warehouse, but not one of the fancy ones. He works three different jobs and he would like to be a chef one day. Jensen whole heartedly agrees with that plan because the food, some of which Jared cooked at the restaurant, is great.

Jensen tells Jared about moving to New York City and about wanting to be a song writer. He talks about his family, his dad mostly, at length and about Danneel. It's just easy to open up to Jared's earnest interest, and if Jared cleverly steers clear of certain subjects, Jensen lets him without a fight. They are just getting to know each other after all.

After they've finished eating, they both move so that they have their backs propped up against the wall of the staircase and stretch their legs out before them, sipping their wine. Jared is close enough that Jensen can feel his heat but they're not quite touching. The night turns chilly when the sun goes down and Jensen shivers slightly in his t-shirt, wishing he'd remembered to bring a shirt.

"Cold?" Jared asks, giving him a look.

"Yeah," Jensen answers.

"Wanna go inside?"

Jensen shakes his head. "Not yet."

Jared moves closer and slides an arm around Jensen's shoulders, letting him cuddle up to his side. "Better?" he asks.

"Yeah."

Jensen leans his head against Jared's shoulder and closes his eyes, letting Jared's clean scent fill his nostrils. He doesn't like to admit it out loud, but he's a sucker for cuddling. Jared rubs his hand up and down Jensen's exposed upper arm, making him feel pleasantly shivery inside.

He opens his eyes and tilts his head up to look at Jared, finding that Jared is already watching him. A soft smile plays on Jared's lips and then he bends down and presses their lips together. Jensen forgets all about being cold when Jared's tongue slides over his and he moves his hand up to rest against Jared's neck.

Jared tastes like wine with an underlying hint of basil and tomatoes and he kisses with just the right kind of lazy pressure. One of his hands curl around the back of Jensen's neck, while the other rest against his ribcage. Jensen loves kissing, loves the slick slide of lips and tongue that slowly builds in passion until he's aching for more, and Jared delivers just that.

He can't even bring himself to care that they are out in the open and that anyone walking out on the roof could see them. He figures they would hear them on the stairs before they came out and if some perv in one of the houses on the other side of the street want to look at two guys making out it's up to them.

Jared tugs at his t-shirt until Jensen gets the hint and moves to straddle Jared's hips, winding his arms around Jared's neck. The position is slightly awkward but for all Jensen cares Jared could bend him over backwards and fold him in half as long as he just keeps kissing him while he does it.

It's Jared who finally breaks out of the kiss to rest his forehead against Jensen's, his breath ghosting hot and moist over Jensen's face.

"Damn," he whispers, his voice lazy and rough.

Jensen grins and shifts to press a kiss against Jared's cheek and then further down, nudging his jaw with his lips until Jared tilts his head back and gives Jensen access to his throat. Jensen's slides his lips down over Jared's throat until he reaches the edge of Jared's shirt, pressing a wet kiss there.

"Yeah," Jared sighs, one of his hands coming up to cup the back of Jensen's head.

Jensen unzips Jared's hoodie and pulls his t-shirt up to bunch at his armpits, moving down to kiss his way over Jared's broad chest. It's unfair that someone who claims he wants to be a chef is so fit; most chefs Jensen has meet have been pudgy if not outright fat.

He finds one of Jared's nipples with his lips, tracing the outline of the puckered skin with his tongue until it stiffens. He closes his lips fully over it and sucks, rubbing his tongue over the nub until Jared's breathing grows harsh and his hips shifts impatiently.

Grinning against Jared's tanned skin, he kisses his way over to the other nipple and gives it the same treatment, Jared's fingers tightening in his hair. He leaves a wet trail as he moves downwards, kissing and licking his way over hard muscle and taut skin, until the waistband of Jared's jeans scratches against his lips.

He lifts his head and looks up at Jared. "Can I?" he asks, his voice thick with desire.

"Yeah... God yeah."

Jensen grins and makes short work of opening the fly and pushing Jared's jeans and boxers down to get to his grand prize. Jared's cock curls up against his stomach, long, thick and beautiful. Jensen wraps one of his hands around the base and presses a soft kiss against the crown, making Jared hiss with pleasure.

He looks up at Jared as he opens his mouth and lets the head slide in, suckling it lightly while keeping his eyes on Jared's flushed face.

"Jesus," Jared groans, trying to buck up but Jensen is weighing his legs down, putting Jared at his mercy.

Jensen would have smirked but he's got his mouth full of cock so he puts on a show instead, sliding his lips fast and messy up and down Jared's cock, making obscene little noises and sucking for all he's worth. He works his hand over shaft, twisting it up to meet with his spit slick lips before pulling down again.

Jared is making enough noise to alert the neighbors three houses over, and it's way hotter than it has any right to be. Jensen moves his other hand to cup Jared's balls, rolling them against his palm and making Jared's sounds increase in volume.

If they don't want to get arrested for indecent exposure, Jensen realizes, he better makes Jared come as fast as possible. So he slides his fingers in behind Jared's balls, lightly stroking the silky soft skin he finds there.

"Jesus," Jared moans. "Oh God... Jensen... Jen..."

Jensen opens his tired mouth wider, swallowing as much as he possibly can of Jared's cock at the same time as he presses his fingers against that spot behind Jared's balls. Jared makes a garbled sound, hips straining up against Jensen's mouth, and then, as if the floodgates have been opened, he comes.

Jensen swallows as much as he can before letting Jared's cock slip from his lips, using his hand to take Jared through the aftershocks, his cock pulsing hot and beautiful, splashing the last jet of come against Jensen's lips.

Jensen looks up at Jared, licking the come from his swollen lips. Jared tugs desperately at his hair until Jensen gets the hint and moves up Jared's body, pressing their lips together. Jared groans against his lips, licking his way into Jensen's mouth and sliding their tongues together.

"So fucking hot," he murmurs when they break apart. "You have no fucking clue."

Jensen would like to point out that Jared is just as hot, flushed from his orgasm with his hair falling around his face in wild disarray, but Jared's lips eat his words, making him press closer, rubbing his own aching cock against Jared's stomach.

"What do you want?" Jared asks when they break apart, his voice a husky purr that makes Jensen ache. "You want my mouth, Jen?"

Jensen blinks at the nickname; no one calls him Jen but Daneell. It slips off Jared's tongue so easily though that he can't bring himself to mind.

"Just your hand," he answers, grinding his hips against Jared's stomach, "and your lips against mine."

Jared makes short work of getting Jensen's jeans open and then his hand is closing around Jensen's cock, big thumb spreading the precome over the head before he starts to jack off Jensen slowly. Jensen moans into Jared's mouth, his hips thrusting eagerly against Jared's fist.

"Yeah," Jared murmurs. "Fuck my fist."

Jensen whines low in this throat, winding his fingers into Jared's hair and kissing him deep and messy. He doesn't need to be told twice, thrusting against Jared's hand and rubbing himself all over Jared's shirt. Jared's fingers are gripping him just hard enough, making waves of pleasure spread out from his groin.

Cold air ghost over his ass as Jared uses his free hand to push his jeans down to his thighs, nudging Jensen until he spreads his legs as wide as they will go. Jared's hand slides over his ass cheeks in a gentle caress that makes Jensen try to spread his legs even wider.

When Jared brings his fingers up to his mouth, Jensen eagerly opens up, suckling them wetly. Jared groans, pulling his fingers out and replacing them with his mouth, sucking Jensen's tongue into his mouth.

Jared's fingers find their way behind him again, sliding down his crack before pressing against his hole. Jensen moans into Jared's mouth, trying to push back against them at the same time as he's pushing forward into Jared's now slippery fist.

Jared gently presses one of his fingers into Jensen's body, making his hips twitch forward and then slam back. Between Jared's hand, his mouth and his gently probing finger Jensen isn't going to last very long. His thighs are already trembling with the strain of trying to push back and forward at the same time and his heart is pounding loud and fast in his ears.

Jared adds another finger and crooks them to slide over Jensen's prostate, making stars go off in front of his eyes and his hips stutter.

"Fuck," he groans, digging his fingers into Jared's hair. "That's it."

He lets his head fall forward against Jared's shoulder, breathing dirty words into Jared's neck as he rocks back and forth between Jared's tight fist and his long fingers. Jared crooks his fingers once again, rubbing Jensen inside out, and with a trembling moan Jensen comes so hard his legs almost give out under him.

Jared gently slides his fingers out and lets go of Jensen's cock, catching Jensen against his chest when he collapses forward. He chuckles and grabs Jensen's hair, turning his head up to give him a kiss.

Somehow Jensen manages to collect his scattered brains enough to sit back on his haunches and pull his jeans back up over his ass, suddenly aware of the fact that they are indeed in public. Jared is staring ruefully at his soiled shirt, crinkling his nose slightly and Jensen feels a bit guilty for not giving him more warning.

"I think," Jared says with a grin, "that I would like to wash my hands now."

"Yeah... Okay."

Jensen staggers to his feet and starts collecting their things, not really looking at Jared who's putting his clothes back into some semblance of order. He thinks about Jared disappearing without a word the last time they did this and wonders if the same thing will happen again.

They walk together down the stairs, Jared carrying the basket and Jensen the blanket. He's ever so happy that they don't run in to any of his neighbors because he might just have died of embarrassment. Looking at his and Jared's disheveled appearances and kiss bruised lips, there really is no doubt as to what they've been doing.

Jared puts the basket down in the kitchen and disappears into the bathroom. Jensen listens to the sounds of water running in the bathroom sink and busies himself with doing the dishes and throwing away the food containers. His eyelids keep dropping but he doesn't want to get ready for bed just yet.

"Look at you," Jared says from the doorway and Jensen starts. He didn't even hear the water turn off. "You're so domesticated."

Jensen gives him an annoyed look over his shoulder; there is nothing wrong with being neat. Just because you're a single man in his early twenties, you don't have to live in filth and decay.

"I think it's cute," Jared adds with a grin.

Jensen smiles back; he thinks Jared is pretty cute, too. "Want to stay over?"

Jared looks uncertain for a moment, scratching his belly. "Yeah, okay."

"You don't have to," Jensen says, pushing past Jared on his way to the bathroom.

He doesn't get Jared, at all. He thought they had a good time and that maybe on occasion they can have a good time again. It doesn't mean they're boyfriends and have to meet each other's families, or have matching his and his towels, but Jared looked for a second there as if Jensen proposed.

He brushes his teeth with a little more vigor than his gums appreciate, spitting foam into the sink and rinsing it away immediately. He just hates foam stains in the sink; it's one of those things that make him feel a little sick.

"Hey," Jared says from the door, leaning against the doorpost.

Jensen hardly glances at him; Jared looks way too hot leaning like that, his t-shirt riding up to show a glimpse of his stomach and his jeans riding low on his hips.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Jared continues and suddenly Jensen just feels stupid. He gets attached way too easily and it's not like that's Jared's fault. They've had sex two times; Jared doesn't have any obligations towards him.

"It's okay," he says, rinsing the toothbrush and putting it back in its cup.

"I do want to stay over," Jared murmurs, moving closer and backing Jensen up against the bathtub.

Jensen looks up at him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jared answers before bending down and kissing him.

Jensen winds his arms around Jared's neck and opens his mouth to let Jared's tongue in. About two seconds ago he was asleep on his feet and now it feels as if he could easily go for round two. Jared is such a great kisser, applying just the right amount of pressure, tongue and ompf.

"I think I kinda like you," Jared says when he breaks the kiss, looking down at Jensen.

"Duh," Jensen answers with a mischievous grin, sticking his tongue out.

Jared takes the opportunity to suck Jensen's tongue into his mouth and they share another bone melting kiss. Jensen tangles his fingers in Jared's neck hair, keeping him close as the kiss deepens. He's pretty sure he doesn't just kinda like Jared because the guy is awesome in every way, but then he always was easy like that.

"Bed?" Jared asks when he breaks the kiss the second time and Jensen nods, because oh yeah.

Jared leads him to the bed by the hand and it's way cuter than it should be. One of these days Jensen will just have to admit he's the biggest schmoop on the planet. He likes to pretend he's down with casual sex and being all manly, but when it comes down to it, he wants his happily ever after and white picket fence.

Jared turns down the covers and Jensen feels like repeatedly banging his head against the wall for being so stupid. He really tries to see this for what it is, casual sex, no strings attached, but he can't help the fact that his thoughts keep going off in another direction entirely. It's embarrassing; it feels as if Jared can see straight into his mind and sense what's going on in there.

His train of thought makes an abrupt stop when Jared pulls him in for another kiss. It's hard to think and kiss at the same time, the gentle swipes of Jared's tongue seems to be brain numbing, but in a good way. Somehow Jared manages to both kiss and guide them down on the bed in an orderly fashion at the same time. Jensen's nothing short of amazed; he would never have succeeded in that.

Between kisses Jared works on relieving Jensen of his clothes, shirt first, then jeans and boxer briefs. Jensen follows suit, pulling on Jared's clothes until they magically disappears. Well, actually it's Jared taking pity on him and pulling his own clothes off, but it seems like magic because Jensen suddenly gets acres of silky smooth skin to touch.

He slides his arms around Jared, running his hands up his tapered back to his wide shoulders and back down to his slim hips and the rounded swell of his ass. Naked kissing is even better than clothed kissing, and Jensen's almost embarrassed by the amount of precome leaking from his rock hard cock.

"Want to fuck me?" Jared asks, pressing a succession of tiny kisses to the corner of Jensen's mouth and the bridge of his nose.

"Want you to fuck me," Jensen answers, because even though he doesn't mind topping occasionally he's very much a bottom.

Jared stiffens, lifting his head and looking down at Jensen. "Uh," he says looking slightly bewildered. "You sure?"

"Oh yeah," Jensen responds, pulling him down for another messy kiss.

"But..." Jared says when the lifts his head again, glancing down between them to where the hard line of his cock is pressed against Jensen's thigh. "You sure?"

Jensen laughs, stroking his hands up Jared's chest to his shoulders. "I'm sure."

"Lube?"

"Nightstand."

It's almost amusing how eager Jared seems, fumbling for the drawer and almost dropping the lube in his haste to get it. Once he got the bottle in his hands he looks a bit at loss for what to do, sitting back on his haunches and looking from Jensen to the bottle and back again. Jensen thinks it's pretty endearing and wonders when last someone wanted Jared to be on top.

He rolls over on his stomach, pushing himself up on his hands and knees, looking at Jared over his shoulder. Jared suddenly grins, dropping the lube on the bed and leaning forward to cover Jensen like a blanket, giving him a long messy kiss.

"I'm gonna make you feel so good," he whispers, nipping at Jensen's ear.

Jensen shivers; he really doesn't doubt it. He kinda thinks that Jared would make torture feel good, with his huge hands and his easy smile. Jared kisses his way down his back, wet open mouthed kisses sucked into his sweaty skin, and Jensen lets his head fall down on his hands, trembling before Jared even really touches him.

Jared's hands slide up the back of his thighs, making him groan and spread his legs wider. He bites down on his lip when those hands reach up to keep his ass cheeks spread.

"Beautiful," Jared murmurs, and Jensen's pretty sure that's a lie, but it doesn't matter in the slightest when Jared presses a kiss right there.

A full bodied shiver runs through him when Jared's tongue swipes over his hole, and he can't keep from moaning out loud. Jared murmurs something against his skin that he can't make out, and it doesn't matter because it's hot, moist, there. He bites down hard on his lip when Jared's tongue explores the sensitive skin between his cheeks, swirling hot and wet over his hole time and time again until it feels as if he will explode.

He loses track of time, all that exists is the sensitive spot between his cheeks and Jared's probing tongue. Jared dips his tongue into his body, licking him wide open, until every breath is a whimper of his name. Then one of Jared's fingers joins his tongue, pressing hard and slick into his body and Jensen garbles out a moan.

One finger soon becomes two, twisting in and out of his body between moist kisses to his opening. He wants to tell Jared to hurry up, to just fucking do it already, but he can't get the words out. The only thing that comes out when he opens his mouth is another strained moan.

Three fingers is a bit of a stretch but it stings only for a second before it becomes oh my fucking God awesome. He groans, spreading his legs wider and thrusting his ass against Jared's face. He could easily come like this, sweat soaked and pleasure overloaded from Jared's fingers and his clever tongue. His cock bumps hard and slick against his stomach when he shifts, aching for some touch, but he knows that if he as much as breathed on his cock right now, he would come.

Finally Jared pulls his fingers out, and then there is a moment of suspended waiting before he shifts, the slick head of his cock pressing against Jensen's opening. There is a moment of unease, as if Jensen's forgotten something he should remember, but then Jared slowly pushes forward, fingers tight on his hips, and all thought is wiped from his mind.

It's a bit of a stretch, well a lot, and it burns, but it's the good kind of burn, the one that makes his belly ache with need. Jared feels huge within him, so hot and hard that he's surprised Jared hasn't come yet.

"Fuck," Jared breathes against his ear once he's fully sheathed. "Are you okay?"

"God yeah," Jensen answers.

Jared starts thrusting, slow and careful, every thrust jarring against Jensen's prostate until it feels as if his entire body is one raw nerve ending. He's making an unholy lot of noise, unable to stop even when someone bangs on the wall and screams something that is blessedly muted by the wall.

Jared chuckles against his skin, even teeth biting down on Jensen's shoulder, before his tongue snakes out to soothe the hurt. His thrusts are getting faster, more powerful, and Jensen turns his head to moan into the pillows. Jared's fingers are digging into his hips, pulling him back into every thrust, and it feels so fucking good.

He manages to snake a hand in under his stomach, wrapping it around his rock hard cock. He's way beyond finesses, but the tightness of his fist is more than enough to get him off. Rocking back into every thrust, he fists himself roughly, every slip slide of his fumbly hand bringing him closer to the edge.

Jared's groaning with every shift of his hips now, fast and desperate. It's obvious that he's still holding back, pacing himself as not to hurt Jensen, and Jensen wants to tell him it's not a problem, but he can't find the words. Jared feels amazing with him, hard and slick and so huge Jensen can feel him everywhere. He never wants it to end, wants to stay suspended in this moment forever, but all good things come to an end.

Jared shifts his hips slightly, changing the angle of his thrusts, and just like that Jensen's gone, coming all over the sheets, his hand, and his own stomach with a loud garbled moan that makes the neighbor bang on the wall again. He can't bring himself to care, not when Jared keeps fucking him through the aftershocks, sending sharp jolts of pleasure through his lax body until Jared comes too, groaning his completion against Jensen's skin.

Jared collapses on top of him for a moment, crushing Jensen's come sticky hand under his stomach. Jensen finds that he doesn't care, in fact he quite enjoys his Jared blanket. Then Jared presses a kiss to Jensen's sweat slick shoulder and eases off him with a mumbled apology.

"Fuck," Jared says suddenly.

"Wha'?" Jensen asks, because he thought they just did that.

"God... I..." Jared sounds absolutely devastated, so Jensen rolls over on his back to look at him and make sure he survived with all appendages intact. He read somewhere you can actually break your cock, kinda like you break an arm or something.

"I forgot the condom," Jared says, his eyes wide. "Jen, I'm so sorry... I never..."

Jensen blinks because in all honesty he didn't think of it either. "Uh..." He swallows. "I'm clean... I mean... I think I am. I haven't slept with anyone since I was last tested and uh... I always use a condom."

Jared sits back on his haunches. "I'm clean too... I mean I think so."

They stare at each other for a moment, and really, Jensen has no protocol for this kind of thing. Jared looks kinda endearing with the puppyish look on his face and his come smeared cock hanging between his legs. So Jensen sits up to bring them more level and pull Jared down more or less on top of himself.

"It's okay," he says, giving Jared a kiss and finds that surprisingly enough, it is. Having a steady partner and graduating to unprotected sex has always been a dream of his and even though he and Jared certainly aren't there yet, it still feels kind of good. A bit scary, but good.

"You sure?" Jared still sounds unsure, as if he just kicked Jensen in the nuts or something.

"Yeah," Jensen says, running a hand through Jared's hair. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Jared makes a pleased little sound and pulls Jensen into his arms, shuffling around until he's found a good position to sleep in. Jensen just goes with it, ending up with his head pillowed on Jared's chest and Jared's arms wrapped around him. It's not a bad position to be in so he just lets his eyes slide shut. He's almost asleep when he suddenly remembers.

"Wake me up before you leave," he says, not sure if Jared's even awake.

"Okay," Jared answers, his voice barely a murmur.

Jensen's not sure he's going to even remember it come morning, but it would be nice if he did.

Jared does wake Jensen up in the morning, with a light tap to his shoulder and a kiss pressed below his ear. Jensen blinks his eyes open and turns his head to peer at him over his shoulder.

"Hey," Jared says, lifting his hand to trail a finger over Jensen's brow.

"You leaving?" Jensen asks, rolling over on his back. His body is still heavy with sleep and he's got aches in some interesting places.

Jared's wearing the hoodie from last night and his hair is damp, brushed back from his face in a floppy wave. It makes him look older somehow, and Jensen gets a stupid thrill from the thought of Jared feeling comfortable enough to use his shower without asking.

Jared puts one knee on the bed and leans forward over Jensen, his hoodie slipping down enough to reveal that he isn't wearing a t-shirt underneath. Jensen lifts a hand to trail his fingers over still shower damp skin and the tantalizing ridge of one of Jared's collarbones. Looking down into Jared's shirt makes him feel a bit perverted, but damn it's hot.

"Don't you start anything," Jared chides and captures Jensen's hand, pressing a kiss to his fingertips. "I'm already late for work."

Jensen turns his head to peer at the bedside clock radio with bleary eyes, the glowing red numbers fuzzy and out of focus.

"You got work at five am on a Sunday morning?" he asks.

"Early morning shift at the market," Jared explains, bending down to give Jensen a quick kiss.

Jensen smiles and lets his eyes slip shut. "Bye," he murmurs, because he promised himself he wouldn't make any kind of scene.

"Can I see you again?" Jared asks as he straightens up.

Jensen's heart skips a beat and he opens his eyes again. "Dude," he says. "You know where I live."

"That's not what I meant," Jared says, completely unperturbed.

Jensen frowns, thinking for a moment, but then his frown turns into a smile. "I'm a Seven."

Jared arches his eyebrows. "Looks like a ten, bordering on eleven to me."

Jensen's pleased flush goes all the way down to his navel and he has to fight the urge to either hide under the covers or pull them away.

"If you really want to see me again, figure out what it means," he says with a smile.

Jared's grin is startling in its intensity, making his eyes sparkle and those lickable dimples deepen on his cheeks. "A challenge? I like it."

He bends down to steal another quick kiss and then, with another flash of dimples, a wave, and a shouted goodbye, he's gone. Jensen stretches out the kinks in his back and listens to the sound of Jared bounding down the stairs, before rolling over on his side and promptly going back to sleep.

The rest of Sunday is spent tidying up and talking to Danneel on the phone. She wants to hear every last detail about his interactions with Jared and she actually squees at the part where they forgot the condoms.

"It's so romantic," she says and he figures her notion on romance is as warped as his.

"Romantic?" he asks.

"The two of you meeting like that, hooking up... Everything. It's like you're meant for each other or something."

Jensen can't help his grin. "You think?"

"Yeah, totally... I mean, you like this guy, right?"

Jensen thinks of Jared's wide shoulder, easy smile and huge laugh. "Yeah," he admits. "Yeah, I do."

Danneel sighs dreamily, and he smiles at the sound. Suddenly he wonders what she looks like now, if she's showing yet. It's been too long since he last saw her.

"So how are you?" he asks, because so far they've spoken about nothing but him.

"I'm... great. I throw up every morning like clockwork, can't eat anything but dry toast before four in the afternoon, and my jeans don't fit anymore."

He laughs. "So everything's on schedule then?"

"Yeah." He can hear her smile. "It's just so weird, you know. To think that in a few months there will be a tiny little person that will need me for everything. I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"Of course you are," he says and he really means it too. "You'll be a fabulous mom."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, I do, and Riley will be an awesome dad."

She laughs. "He will, won't he."

"Totally."

Jensen can easily imagine the way Danneel and Riley's child will wrap daddy around its little finger. The mere thought makes him smile and suddenly he feels homesick. He wants to be there for Danneel during this huge change in her life but instead he's in New York, chasing a dream that might never come true.

"I shouldn't have moved," he says, sitting down on one of his tiny kitchen chairs, remembering how Jared spilled over it just last night.

"Don't be silly," she says immediately. "It's not like you moved to Antarctica. If I need you, you're no more than a phone call away."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I wouldn't want to be the reason you stuck around in a town where there's nothing for you, no matter how much I love you."

He sighs and looks out the window. "I guess I'm just homesick."

"Pfft. You should spend less energy thinking about me and more on thinking about how to snatch Jared off the market, because that boy sounds as if he's golden."

Jensen smiles. "I do believe he is."

"There you go," she says. "Now tell me more about last night, inquiring minds wanna know."

He laughs and starts talking even though he already told her the entire story. It's not like he minds reliving it again.

*~

Monday's shopping adventure goes better than he hoped, seeing as he spent the best part of Sunday night worrying about it. Sandy turns out to be the shopping coordinator and she brought the now retired Tom and his boyfriend Mike, a guy with a shaved head and a wicked smile, along for the ride.

At first modeling clothes for the three of them makes Jensen feel self conscious, but after a while Mike's easy jokes and Sandy's sweetness puts him at ease. It certainly helps that Mike tries on a rapid succession of women's dresses much to the amusement of the rest of them. He even manages to talk Jensen into trying on a skirt and even though it makes him feel like a dork, it's worth it to hear Sandy's pearly laugh and see the grins on Mike's and Tom's faces.

It becomes painfully obvious pretty soon that he has absolutely no clue on what's sexy and what's not. He doesn't understand why one pair of jeans makes Sandy click her tongue in approval while another makes her laugh, they look the same to him. He never took that much interest in clothes. A luxury you can afford yourself, he supposes, when you look naturally good.

Without him having any kind of say in the matter, they finally settle on one pair of artfully torn jeans, one pair of lace up leather pants that Jensen's pretty sure he's seen in a couple of pornos, and three different shirts. Sandy pays for it all with a credit card, despite his protests, and winks when she hands the bags over.

"This one's on daddy," she says. "Just don't tell him that I called him that."

After shopping they take him out for lunch and Jensen learns a little more about his new employer. Chris owns, lives and breathes Seven. The bar is rivaled in his affection only by the long-haired DJ, Steve. He also learns that the song they played, the one everyone seemed to know, was actually written and performed by Chris and Steve. Naturally, he wants to know more about that, but he figures that Tom and Sandy wouldn't really know the answers if he asked.

The conversation soon turns towards love lives and Sandy bemoans her lack thereof. Apparently she's seeing an older man, Jake. Jensen can't quite make out how old Jake is, but he keeps picturing the likes of Santa Claus. They discuss Sandy's mystery guy for a while before, as expected, the attention turns to Jensen.

"So Jensen," Sandy asks. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

He blushes a little. "Am I really that transparent?" he asks.

"Only a gay man would ever consider working at Seven," Sandy says. "Look at Tom. Walked in thinking he was straight as an edge and walked out with Mike on his arm."

Jensen laughs and looks at Tom.

"It happened just like that," Tom says with a grin, reaching out to sling an arm across Mike's shoulders.

"Now, don't try to change the subject," Mike says. "Spill."

Jensen bites his lip. "Well... There's this guy... He's... Well, we've... I like him."

Mike laughs. "Is he hot?"

"God, yeah."

"Hung?" Sandy asks and Jensen blushes crimson.

"Definitely hung," Mike says as if he's an expert on the subject of Jared.

"So what's the catch?" Tom asks.

Jensen shrugs. "I don't know... It's not like we've been dating, or anything."

"Aaah," Mike says. "Just fucking then."

Jensen wants to protest because they haven't just been fucking, but when it comes down to it he doesn't really know a lot about Jared. No matter how much they've talked about themselves, it's not as if he knows anything substantial about him. He shrugs slightly and he's ever so happy when the subject changes to something else. He might not have minded talking about Jared with Danneel, but to talk about him with strangers doesn't feel right, as if he's trying to make it into something it isn't.

Sandy tells him he'll be expected at Seven Wednesday night, and he writes it down before thanking her for the lunch and the shopping advice. She laughs and waves it off as a pleasure, and he smiles a little. It's a good thing for him she was willing to take him under her wings, or he would have showed up with just the same old clothes.

They part ways after that and Jensen wanders around for a few hours, looking for inspiration. It grows boring pretty soon though and he turns his feet towards home. He's got a couple of ideas for new songs and he supposes this would be as good a time to work on them as any.

*~

Wednesday rolls around way too quickly and Jensen finds that he's actually nervous as he gets ready for work, but at least it keeps him from thinking about Jared. It's just that he wants to do well this time since he fucked up last time. He wants to look good, act smart and goddamnit if he has to he'll even dance on the counter. He really hopes they won't make him though, because he's not really that much of a dancer.

After changing his outfit three times he finally decides on the sinfully tight jeans and a white tank top thing. Looking in the mirror he thinks it makes him look a little ridiculous and the jeans have tears in place he would rather keep private. Chris paid for them though, so he supposes the least he can do is to wear them.

He pulls on a hoodie to hide as much of the outfit as possible and makes his way to the bar. He decides it's better to be early and ease into it than arrive in the middle of a riot. Of course the riot seems to have already started when he gets there and he has no fucking clue how Seven can draw so many people on a week night. It's a cool place and all, but don't people have jobs?

Chris grins at him when he slips in behind the bar and quickly shrugs out of the hoodie and starts serving drinks. If he thought he got a lot of attention the last time he was working, it's nothing compared to the way women, and a few men, pour over him now. They're more or less fighting to buy him drinks and after his third shot in as many minutes, he looks to Sophia in a cry for help.

She huffs but shows him how to chase his stiff drinks with a beer, spitting the drink back into the bottle. He gives her a very grateful smile and more than happily spits his next five drinks into the bottle. He's not sure what's up with people tonight, but Sandy's formula of sexy seems to be working.

She gives him the thumbs up when he starts swaying along to the music and even if he doesn't join her and Sophia on the bar, he still puts on quite a show from where he's standing. There's some sort of saying that the clothes make the man and Jensen can't shake the feeling that it might be true, because he sure feels sexy, suave and confident all of a sudden.

Confident enough that when some poor sod comes up to him and orders a glass of water, he goes through the whole no H2O routine and hoses him down with water, getting the entire crowd to roar along with him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Chris roars and snatches the hose out of his hand.

Jensen blinks and licks his lips. "No H2O?" he says dumbly.

"That guy is the fire inspector and he can order however many glasses of water he likes. Free of charge."

Chris's eyes are almost black with anger and Jensen takes half a step back and mumbles an apology. It's seems he can't do anything right at this place. Chris takes off to chase after the fire inspector and Sophia hops down from the bar to grasp his shoulder.

"At least you're gonna get fired looking hotter than you ever did before," she says with a wink and he can't help but to smile. She reminds him of Danneel somehow and he doesn't care that she might come off a bitch sometimes, she still got her heart in the right place.

He goes back to serving drinks with a sinking feeling in his gut. What's he doing here anyway? What's the point of staying in New York and chasing his dreams when he can't even keep a stupid bartending job for more than ten minutes at a time? Maybe he should just give up and go back home.

"It's a crime to call yourself a Seven in those clothes, because cross my heart you're at least a seventeen."

Jensen can't help his grins as he looks up (up, up, up) and sees Jared leaning against the counter in front of him with a grin on his lips.

"Hey," he says, a pleased blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Hey," Jared says back. "So this is where you work?"

Jensen shrugs, because he's got a feeling he won't really be working here much longer. A hand lands on his shoulder and he spins around to find Chris glaring at him. He winces and really kinda wishes that Jared wasn't just two feet away.

"Unless you can find a way to make me two hundred fifty dollars before the night is over... you're fired," Chris says, waving a piece of paper in front of Jensen's face. He can't really make out what it says but he recognizes the FDNY logo and figures it's some kind of fine.

"Yeah, okay," he says, feeling like an idiot.

When he turns back to the bar, Jared is watching him through his bangs and he forces a smile onto his face.

"So did you want anything?" he asks, mechanically taking a few orders from either sides of Jared.

"I... uh... Can I buy you a drink?" Jared asks, licking his lips.

Jensen smiles and nods towards the shelf behind the bar. "You can have your pick of all my favorite men, Jim, Jack, Johnny Red, Johnny Black, or Jose."

"Jose?" Jared arches his eyebrows.

Jensen doesn't answer but he puts two shot glasses on the table before Jared, filling them to the brim with tequila. Jared smirks as he wraps his fingers around the glass and lifts it.

"To you," he says, tilting his head back and swallowing the contents of the glass in one huge gulp.

'To stupid fucking crushes,' Jensen thinks and downs his without even thinking about spitting.

Jared puts the glass down and grins at him. "Man, it's been a long time since I last had a shot of tequila."

Jensen kinda wishes he could say the same.

"So what did your boss say?" Jared asks as Jensen goes back to serving drinks.

Jensen can't really believe Jared's trying to make polite small talk over the near deafening volume of the music and with people shouting all around them, but he looks earnest enough. He's looking at Jensen with a peculiar look in his eyes and it really feels kinda nice that everything between them isn't about sex for once.

"Uh..." Jensen says, serving up a couple of drink orders to avoid the subject, unfortunately Jared is still looking at him with the same attentive interest when he's done so there's nothing to do but to spill.

"Well, he said I was fired unless I come up with a way to make two hundred fifty dollars before the night is over," Jensen says, avoiding Jared's eyes. "I kinda fucked up again."

"Oh," Jared says and Jensen really doesn't want to look at him. Jared has three jobs and Jensen can't even hold on to one. "Well, you could always auction yourself off," Jared says and when Jensen looks up he's grinning. "In those pants people would pay big bucks for an evening with you."

Jensen laughs. "I can't really auction myself off, I have to work, but..." He looks at Jared and raises his eyebrows.

"Oh, no," Jared says, shaking his head vigorously.

Jensen's grin widens. "Oh, yes," he says.

Jared's still shaking his head, but he can't quite hide his grin, so Jensen knows he already won. He's not really a public speaker and he doesn't know if what he's about to do is allowed, but he has to get the money somehow and Jared really came up with the perfect idea.

There's a microphone behind the bar that's wired to the main speakers, right next to some sort of intercom that goes to the DJ booth. Jensen's a bit scared that Chris will fire him for even thinking about talking to Steve, the DJ, but if he want to be heard the music has to be turned down a bit. He sees his chance when Chris disappears to the back and heads directly for the intercom. He presses the button and waits until the intercom crackles to life, glancing around nervously.

"Uh... hello," he says, holding the button in.

It takes a couple of seconds, but then Steve answers. "Yeah."

"I... uh... this is Jensen. I... uh... work here."

Steve laughs, low and amused. "I know who you are."

Jensen chews his lips nervously. "I was kinda... planning to use the microphone... Would that be okay?"

"Microphone, huh? What're you gonna do?"

"Sell my...," he glances at Jared's who's engaged in conversation with some chick, "Boyfriend."

Steve laughs again. "Awesome, dude. You sure you don't wanna sell Chris while you're at it?"

"Pretty sure," Jensen says, terrified at the mere thought.

"So what do you want playing in the background?"

"I dunno."

"I'll give you a few classics then," Steve says. "Oughta go down well with this crowd."

"Okay," Jensen says, his mouth suddenly dry.

He steps away from the intercom just as Chris walks out from the backroom, giving him a suspicious look. Jensen gives him a tight smile and goes back to serving drinks, pretending not to notice the way his hands tremble. He doesn't like talking in front of people and there's always the chance that Chris will just be pissed at him, or that he'll end up selling Jared to some super hot bloke.

The current song comes to an end and the volume lowers considerably when the next one starts. He grins when he recognizes the intro to Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy and looks up to find Steve giving him a furtive thumbs up from the DJ booth. He glances to Jared, who's watching him with a grin on his lips. It's time.

He walks over to the mike, quickly so he doesn't change his mind, and takes it down, flicking it on with his thumb. He can see Chris in the corner of his eye, leaning back against the door of the backroom and crossing his arms over his chest. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly to center himself, like they taught him at that yoga class he pretends he never took.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he says, spinning around to face the room. "Can I have your attention please?"

A few heads turns his way and he licks his lips. "Tonight and tonight only I have a special offer for you."

That gets more attention and he sees a bunch of people craning their necks to see him. He quickly diverts his eyes, looking at Jared instead. "Can y'all see this tall, handsome hunk of a man standing over here?" he asks, indicating Jared with his free hand. Jared raises his hand in a timid wave and Jensen has to fight the urge to dive over the bar and molest him.

"Tonight," Jensen purrs into the microphone. "This gorgeous guy can be yours, but only..." he looks up to find that he certainly has people's attention now, "If you're willing to pay the price... So tell me... What are you willing to pay to have Jared give you a bit of his time?"

"Ten dollars," someone screams while someone else shouts, "twenty" and yet another one, "I can't see him."

Jensen gives Jared a pointed look and raises his eyebrows. Jared heaves what looks to be a long suffering sigh, but he climbs onto the bar with more gusto than grace. Jensen still thinks he's hot, especially when Jared unfolds himself and steps to the middle of the bar, carefully stepping over shot glasses and hands. People are still shouting bids among their cheering and Jensen hears fifty before the volume of the cheers raise to a roar when Jared shrugs off his black hoodie.

He swings it over his head a couple of times before throwing it at Jensen. Jensen catches it one handed and clutches to his chest, resisting the temptation to sniff it. Jared walks up and down the bar, letting people get a good look at him and he's a sight to behold. His light blue t-shirt stretches over his pecs, only to become looser and bunch slightly at the waist. His legs look three miles long from where Jensen is standing and his tight little ass surely looks fine from the frog angle.

"So," Jensen says into the mike. "Now that you've seen the merchandise... How about giving me some good bids?"

The bids starts smattering at him from every which direction and he does his best to keep up. Jared certainly isn't helping though, especially not when Steve puts Sexbomb on and Jared starts to dance. He must have been a stripper in an earlier life, or in this, because he can move, swaying to the music, thrusting his hips, pulling his shirt up to reveal his cut abs.

The bidding goes crazy after that and soon Jensen hears the magic two hundred and fifty dollars from a mousy looking lady at the back of the room. She's looking so hopeful, not like the other crazed maniacs, so he happily takes her bid without trying to find out what he really could sell Jared for.

"Sold," he shouts. "For two hundred and fifty dollars to the smashing lady in the back."

Boos and catcalls mix as Jared nods his head to the woman fighting her way to the front, before quietly slipping down from the bar. Jensen takes her money and gives her a huge smile, before turning around and giving the money to Chris, who's grinning at him.

"Well Tex," he says. "I didn't know you had it in ya."

Jensen just grins, because right now he feels seven miles tall and high on life. He turns around just in time to see Jared escorting the mousy lady to the back of the room with a hand on her back, and his grin grows wider. People are piling up to the bar to buy drinks so he goes back to his spot, turning down offer after offer until his ears turn beet red. Seriously, people have no shame.

It's like the auction brought out the worst in them and more than one person brazenly offers Jensen money for sex, kisses or just a plain old striptease. He turns them all down politely, serving drinks and keeping an eye on Jared and his date. Not that he thinks Jared is going to run off with a woman in her early fifties, he just wants to make sure he's still around. Of course he still has Jared's shirt, stuffed in under the bar now and he suspects Jared won't take off without it. It's pretty mild outside, but it still gets chilly come nightfall.

Jensen's pretty sure a night has never gone so slowly as this one. Just the fact that Jared is there gives all sorts of promises of what's to come later and Jensen would like later to be right now. He serves drinks and takes pretend shots and avoids stupid pick up lines, all while keeping an eye on Jared and his date. They seem to be getting along fine, spending the night talking at one of the tables close to the DJ booth and even dancing when the Steve puts on something suitably slow.

Eventually the night does come to an end though and the music stops as the guests start to leave. Jensen still has to help with the clean up so he waves at Jared as he leaves with the woman in tow, mouthing ten minutes. Jared nods and Jensen hopes that'll mean he'll wait and not take off into the land of sudden straightness.

He's never been so quick loading dishes and sweeping floors as he is now and after fifteen minutes Chris lets him go with a sigh and a headshake. He seems quite pleased that Jensen's sticking around, he even pens down a messy schedule on the back of a napkin and gives it to Jensen. Jensen just looks at it, trying to make sense of what days he should be working before shoving it in his pocket for later perusal.

Jared's waiting when he gets outside, lanky frame leaning casually against the door of a shiny black Chevy. He's got his arms crossed over his chest and an amused smile on his face.

"You owe me," he says when he spots Jensen.

Jensen grins. "How so?" he asks innocently.

"Her name's Joyce, she's divorced with two grown up kids. Her ex husband cheated on her with his secretary and she doesn't think she's attractive to men."

"I thought you two looked pretty cozy," Jensen remarks.

"Oh, and she pinched my ass when we danced. Pinched it. Who the fuck does that?"

Jensen's just in reach so of course he can't resist the temptation, reaching out and pinching Jared's ass.

"You..."

Jared makes a grab for him and they tussle for a few moments before Jared manages to pin him against the car door, bending down to give him a slow sweet kiss. Jensen tangles his fingers in Jared's hair, opening his mouth wide to taste Jared's tongue. Someone catcalls and Jared straightens up, giving Jensen a sly smile. Jensen spots Sandy over Jared's shoulder and gives her a wave. She grins wide and gives him two thumbs up, making him color slightly.

"So," Jared says. "Since you sold me and didn't even let me get a part of the winnings, I think this means you owe me... breakfast, lunch... and two dinners, or a blowjob, I could settle for a blowjob."

Jensen laughs. "How 'bout breakfast, lunch, two dinners and a blowjob?"

"You suck at negotiating," Jared says, but he's smiling.

"So... You hungry?"

"Sure," Jared says. "I could eat something."

Jensen grins, and pats the roof of the car. "This yours?"

"Yeah," Jared says, his eyes going soft.

Jensen wonders if there's a story there, but he figures he'll get to hear it eventually. Jared's been pretty private so far and Jensen doesn't want to push him. It's not that he doesn't talk; it's just that he doesn't really talk about himself. All Jensen knows it that he's from San Antonio; Jared hasn't said a word about his parents, or any other relatives.

They get into the car that's as clean inside as on the outside. The black leather seat creaks slightly when Jensen settles, and he stretches out the kinks in his back. He's beat, really, after his shift at the bar, but he's not ready to go to bed just yet, at least not without Jared.

Jared slides into the driver's seat, the seat pushed back as far as it will go to accommodate for his long legs. He looks good behind the wheel of his car, at ease and casual, like it's the place he likes best. He seems more relaxed now than Jensen ever seen him, and he wonders what that means.

"I sleep here sometimes," Jared says suddenly. "Curled up in the backseat or with the seat pulled down."

Jensen turns to look at him, but Jared's staring straight ahead, his fingers tight on the wheel.

"It's a wonderful car," he says, still studying Jared.

Jared licks his lips, smiling suddenly. "It is, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Jensen says, reaching over to pat Jared's knee. "It really is."

Jared relaxes again, turning the key in the ignition, and Jensen wonders what Jared tried to tell him. He knows Jared has an apartment, so he's not homeless, but maybe he sleeps in the car for comfort, or he's afraid someone will try to steal her. Jared's a mystery Jensen would love to solve and he swears to himself that he won't give up until Jared trusts him enough to give him all the pieces of the puzzle.

They have a very late dinner at a cozy night open diner where Jared is clearly a regular. The waitress fawns all over him, swaying her ass and damned near rubbing her tits in Jared's face, calling him by name seventeen times in five minutes. She mostly kind of glares at Jensen, like she's sizing him up, and Jared apologizes as soon as she's out of earshot, looking endearingly flustered.

It's a nice dinner, or night meal, or whatever it should be called. The food's great even though it's insane AM in the morning, or maybe just because it is, and Jared is softer somehow, fuzzier around the edges. He always seems to be so guarded, but now he's opening up, sliding down low on his seat and looking at Jensen through his too long bangs.

They keep the talk pretty casual, Jensen might be dying to know more, but he's smart enough to keep it cool. Jared does talk a lot about his dream to attend C.I.A, the Culinary Institute of America, and how he's putting money away to finance his studies if he gets in. He gets such a dreamy look in his eyes when he talks about cooking that Jensen wants to lean over the table and kiss him. He really hopes that, no matter what, Jared'll be able to realize his dream.

After eating they get coffee and donuts to go from a coffee shop down the street and Jared drives down to the harbor where they sit on the hood of the car, watching the city slowly come to life.

"This is one of my favorite places," Jared says, before taking a sip from his coffee. "I love to sit here and just... watch."

"Watch what?" Jensen asks, tasting his own coffee. It's a little too weak and bitter for his taste, but at least it'll keep him awake for another few minutes.

"Life."

Jensen gives Jared a sideways glance; he's in an odd mood tonight, Jared, silent almost pensive.

"She asked me where I saw myself in ten years," Jared says, staring out over the water. "And I just... I have all these dreams but... I dunno. Isn't it enough that right now I'm sitting here with you?"

"Yeah," Jensen says, knocking his knee against Jared's. "Yeah, I think it is."

Jensen's got dreams too, hopes and wishes, but right now there's nowhere he'd rather be and nothing he'd rather do then sit right here with Jared. He leans back against the window and lets his eyes drop shut, listening to the sound of shrieking seagulls and the buzz of the harbor. It's way past his bedtime, but right now he doesn't want to sleep, he wants to stay in this moment forever.

Once they've finished their coffee and Jensen's licked the cream filling from Jared's fingers with a lot more gusto than necessary, getting his head smacked for his trouble, they get into the car again and Jared drives down to the market. Even though it's six am, the place is already bustling with activity and people shout out greetings to Jared as they pass. Jensen looks around wide eyed, trying not to cringe at the smell of fish and rotting seaweed.

Jared stops at a table and grabs two plastic aprons, giving one to Jensen, who dubiously slips it on over his hoodie. He's tired, the whole place smells like fish, and he's fricking cold, but Jared wants to do stuff with fish, so he'll suffer through it.

"Fish goes from here," Jared points to a bunch of boxes, "To there." He points to a table behind Jensen.

Jensen nods, like he understands, but really he can't see the point of moving fish from one place to another. Jared hands him a pair of gloves and he slips them onto his hands, licking his lips as Jared reaches for the first fish. He can do this.

Two hours later Jensen is achy, bone-deep tired and smelly beyond belief. He's got scales everywhere and he's pretty sure he'll have to burn his hoodie, but he's got a huge smile on his lips. Jared is funny, loud, flirty, brash and awesome. He knows everyone and everyone loves him, and everyone loved Jensen just because he knows Jared.

He laughed until he almost cried while stinky fish turned his arm muscles to water, and his hands reached the freezing point and beyond. Still he's happy to leave when the fish is finally unloaded, trailing after Jared as he moves through the hustle, stopping every now and then for Jared to talk to people and shake hands.

Jared stops one last time to get an envelope from a guy at a table on the edge of the market before they're home free, walking towards the car. Jared opens the envelope and hands Jensen a couple of twenties.

"What's this?" Jensen asks, looking at the money in confusion.

"Pay," Jared answers with a grin. "You didn't think I fondled fish for free, now did you?"

"Well... How should I know? For all I know you could routinely be sharing your bed with freshly killed salmons."

Jared laughs and makes a grab for him, planting a kiss on the crown on his head. "I only routinely share my bed with naughty songwriters that I pick up at random," he says when he lets Jensen go.

Jensen can't hide his delight, because he really doesn't think Jared's picked up all that many songwriters lately.

"Don't let it get to your head," Jared says gruffly, but Jensen doesn't stop smiling.

What's smelling nasty and having scales in intimate places compared to being exclusive with Jared? Nothing - that's what - and suddenly he doesn't feel so tired.

Jared's either scarily organized, or a freak about his car, but he actually keeps plastic seat covers in the trunk that he brings out and puts down before he lets Jensen into the car.

"Do you have plastic covers on your couch too?" Jensen asks blandly as he sits down.

Jared gives him a dirty look. "I just don't want my car to smell."

"Well in that case you better get out."

"Bitch," Jared says, cuffing him upside the head.

"And you still wanna fuck me," Jensen says smugly.

Jared gives him a sideways look, his eyes suddenly dark. "You wish."

"Oh, yeah I do."

Jared doesn't answer and when Jensen looks at him, he's staring straight ahead.

"Something wrong?" he asks.

"What?" Jared looks at him. "I'm fine."

"Yeah."

Jensen looks out the window and doesn't press the issue. After half a minute Jared starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot. The car ride is silent this time, Jensen doesn't know where they're going and he doesn't ask. He's not sure how to handle Jared's odd mood; it's like he's not really there.

Jared takes them to a rather quiet street where he parks the car in an underground garage, removing the plastic seat covers while Jensen waits, leaning against the wall. The air smells like exhaust fumes and the light above the car is flickering. It's seems pretty fitting to the sudden oddness between them. Things with Jared aren't supposed to be odd; they've been so very easy right up until now.

Maybe it's just the sleep deprivation, he's been up for more than twenty four hours by now, and it's been a while since he was prone to that sort of thing, but he doesn't think it is. Jared obviously got something on his mind, but he's not yet ready to share it. Jensen sighs, leaning his head back against the concrete of the wall and letting his eyes fall shut. Right now, he just wants to lie down and sleep. He doesn't care where or how.

He must have zoned out for a moment because the next thing he knows is Jared's fingers against his cheek.

"Hey," Jared says.

Jensen blinks his eyes open and smiles slightly. "Hey."

"Come on," Jared says, reaching down to tug at his hand. "I'll take you to bed."

Jared doesn't let go of his hand when they start walking, and Jensen tries really hard to not read anything into it. They get back out of the garage onto the street; the air is chilly even though the sun is up, a reminder that autumn is coming, or maybe just a sign of how tired Jensen is. Jared's hand wrapped around his is warm though, spreading heat up through his arm, before lodging in his chest.

Jensen never really thought about public displays of affection, because he's never had a reason to. He's had a couple of tentative boyfriends, but all his relationships have been over before they really began. Besides it's not like he would have walked around back home holding some random guy's hand, it would have made him way too self-conscious. It's different here though, with the anonymity that comes from living in a big city. He doesn't care about random strangers seeing him with a guy, even if it's enough to make them hate him. What he cares about is his first grade teacher, his mechanic or his hair dresser seeing him with some guy and starting the gossip mill.

Jared takes them down the street towards a row of warehouses turned apartment buildings. Jensen remembers Jared telling him he lives in one so he supposes they are going to his home. Who knows, maybe next they'll even exchange phone numbers?

He waits, leaning against the brick wall, while Jared opens the front door and then follows him into stairway. The stairway is brightly lit and the walls painted grey, probably to keep the warehouse look. There's even one of those huge ware elevators where the doors open the wrong way that Jared's leading him to now. Jared pulls the doors open and Jensen steps inside. It looks a lot like a normal elevator inside so he supposes they just left the doors for it to look authentic.

The elevator rambles like it's seven hundred years old though, and Jensen's just about to start fearing for his life when they reach Jared's level. Jared pulls the doors open and they step out on the landing. Jared heads for a door that says Winter on the name plate, even though Jensen's pretty sure his last name's Padalecki.

Jared opens the door and ushers him inside. The door opens to a tiny hall with bright orange walls, there's a clothes rack in one corner, full to overflowing with jackets and hoodies and a veritable mountain of shoes underneath it. Jensen suddenly wonders how many people live here since the shoes don't seem to be Jared's size. He has a vague memory of Jared mentioning he shares his apartment with some friends, and he's just about to ask when Chad, the bartender from the Blue Mermaid, peaks his head into the hall.

"Jared have you..." he starts, doing a double take when he spots Jensen. "Oh... Jensen. Hi."

He disappears and five minutes later another guy, looks into the hall. "Hey," he says, staring at Jensen. "I'm Aaron."

Jensen takes the hand he offers and shakes it, licking his lips. "I'm Jensen."

Aaron skin is the color of mocha latte and he has the coolest afro hairdo. His hair might actually be bigger than the hall. Jensen kinda wants to touch it, so he sticks his hands into his pockets to resist the temptation.

Jared ushers him forward with a hand at the small of his back. "Sorry," he murmurs. "I forgot it's Sunday. I thought they'd be gone by now."

"It's okay," Jensen answers, stepping out of the hall and into a huge living room with three times the normal ceiling height. Narrow windows that must at least be ten feet tall span one wall, painting broad stripes over the mismatching couches and arm chairs set up in front of them.

A third guy comes walking out of what Jensen thinks might be the kitchen with a cup in his hand. He stops when he spots Jensen, looking from Jensen to Jared, to Aaron, and back again.

"This is Jensen," Aaron says like it's some great news. "Jared's friend."

"Oh," the guy says, crossing the floor to stick his hand out for Jensen. "I'm Jason."

Jason's a good looking guy, not quite as handsome as Aaron or Jared, but he's nice looking. Jensen shakes his hand and smiles a little.

"I'm uh... Jensen, but you already know that..." he trails off, glancing up at Jared for support.

Jared's looking an interesting mix of amused and terrified, doing some sort of eye communication thing with Chad who has taken up residence in one of the armchairs, watching them with what is undoubtedly amusement.

A fourth guy comes out of the same room Jason came from, at least Jensen thinks it's a guy, he's never seen anyone look quite as androgen before. He's not very tall, maybe 5'7" and whipcord lean. He's got long silvery blond hair that reaches below his shoulder blades and his eyes are sapphire blue. His skin, up close, is absolute flawless, not even a hint of stubble, and his eyebrows almost seems to be painted on, slightly darker than his hair.

Jensen kind of expects him to talk with the kind of affected lisp some gay guys do, but when he opens his mouth his voice is deep and melodic.

"Hi," he says, with a heavy British accent. "I'm William, but most people call me Will."

"Ing," Jason adds, and Will kicks his chin with deadly precision, making him twitch so hard he spills his coffee. He swears up a blue streak as he hurries back towards the room he came from, calling Will all kinds of unflattering names.

Jensen hides his smile behind his hand, before reaching out to shake the one Will's offering him. "I'm Jensen," he says, quite mesmerized by Will's unearthly appeal.

"I figured," Will says with a smile, giving Jared a look.

Jensen can't help feeling pleased that Jared seems to have been talking about him, but it kinda irks him that Jared hasn't even mentioned he shares his apartment with a bunch of good looking guys.

"You guys stink," Aaron says suddenly. "Don't tell me you took him to the market, J?"

"What about it?" Jared asks, sounding defensive.

"I don't even know why we bother giving the reclusive one advice," Chad says from the arm chair. "He's hopeless."

"I had a good time," Jensen says, feeling like he has to defend Jared which might have something to do with the fact that Jared's rubbing a circle against the small of his back.

"We have to go," Jared says, pushing Jensen forward with the hand against his back.

"It was nice meeting you," Jensen says half over his shoulder as Jared steers him through the living room towards a set of stairwell straight ahead that seems to lead up to some sort of loft with windows that opens up towards the living room. Jensen supposes that in the original design it was where the office was located, but that it's been turned into bedrooms.

Jensen almost trips on the steep stairs, grateful for Jared's hand on his back even though it kinda makes him feel like a naughty child. It was nice when Jared was doing the guiding thing, it's not so nice when he's being hoarded away from Jared's friends. When they reach the landing they turn left into another hall that's open towards the landing. It has one door on each side and one straight ahead. There's amazing black and white artwork on the terracotta walls that Jensen would love to look closer at, but Jared opens the door to the left and steps inside.

Jensen walks in after him, looking around curiously. The walls are a dark emerald green and covered with brightly colored frames, containing even more of the artwork. There's a king size bed in the middle, a desk pushed to the right side wall and a couple of mostly empty bookshelves. There's a painting in gold behind the bed, of a tree stretching its branches towards the roof, and pale golden curtains cover the windows down to the living room.

It's not the kind of room Jensen would have expected Jared to have in a million years, and even when Jared's standing in it, he still doesn't look at home there. There's a few articles of clothing on the floor and a half unpacked duffle stands open in an armchair in the corner. Maybe Jared just moved in.

"Have you lived here for long?" Jensen asks, because he's not really sure of what to say.

"A year maybe," Jared answers from where he's going through one of the two wardrobes.

The door of the closet is covered in recipes, the only thing in the room that strikes Jensen as truly Jared.

"This looks good," Jensen says, pointing towards a recipe for chocolate cake with lime.

Jared half closes the door to see what he's pointing at. "Oh yeah," he says. "If you replace the lime with orange peels and cinnamon, and use just a little more cream."

"Oh," Jensen says with a nod. He likes cooking well enough, but he's not in anyway inventive and lately he's been finding it's a little too much work to go through just for himself, so he's relying mostly on salads, sandwiches and other cold food.

Jared finally comes out of the closet with a couple of towels, two pairs of boxers and a triumphant grin. "Ha," he says. "I knew I had clean towels in there."

Jensen smiles blandly and wishes they were back in his apartment where everything seems so much simpler. If they were at his place they would have been kissing by now and more important they would have been alone. Jared's roomies seem nice enough, but there are four of them and they're all around.

"So who owns this place?" he asks. "It's kind of amazing."

"Aaron," Jared answers, putting the one of the towels down on the bed. "You can have first shower."

"Oh... thanks," Jensen answers, biting down on his lower lip. "Uh... where's the bathroom?"

"It's the door straight down the hall," Jared says with a smile, handing Jensen one of the towels with a plaid pair of boxers placed neatly on top.

"Okay." Jensen makes himself smile even though he doesn't feel like it and backs out of the room. He feels weird being here in Jared's apartment with Jared's gaggle of roomies.

The bathroom is spacey and cluttered with stuff, little of which Jensen thinks is Jared's. There's three of those thread shelf thingies on wheels against the wall, two of them overflowing and one almost empty. Jensen's willing to bet the near to empty one is Jared's. He locks the door behind him and showers as quickly as he can, borrowing a few drops of shampoo from the bottle that looks the least expensive. He thinks it might be Jared's since it smells a lot like him, spicy and dark, like secrets.

He towels off when he gets out of the shower and hangs the towel up on the heated towel rack before slipping into the boxers. They're a bit big, hanging low on his hips, but at least they're covering up his dangly bits. He looks around on last time to make sure he didn't make a mess, before going back to Jared's room.

Jared looks up from where he's hastily changing the sheets and flushes. "Oh, that was fast."

Jensen suddenly feels a lot better and grins. "You didn't have to change the sheets just for me."

"Well." Jared looks embarrassed. "I uhm... kinda don't remember when I did it last, so..."

Jensen laughs. "Dude, I'm so tired I could sleep on the floor, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have noticed dirty sheets."

He walks round the bed to help Jared straighten the sheet and between the two of them they soon have the bed clothes changed.

"I'm just gonna grab a shower," Jared says, straightening up. "I'll be right back."

"Okay."

Jensen feels kinda conspicuous being alone in Jared's room, like he's snooping even though he hasn't moved an inch. He would love to have a look around, the place is fascinating, but he's not going to. He wonders who decorated the place though, because from what he's seen of the apartment so far it's absolutely gorgeous; bright, bold colors, hidden designs, and a lived in feeling that makes it inviting. Aaron must be sitting on a lot of money to be able to afford an apartment like this, even if they all chip in towards the rent.

He takes a cautious step towards the window and peers out through the curtains, wondering if there's enough of a light behind him to make him stand out. Chad's still on the couch, leafing through some magazine. There's no sight of Jason but Will and Aaron are standing just outside the hall. Aaron's dressed to go out in expensive looking slacks and a tailored shirt with his hair tamed down, while Will is still wearing the tunic he had on earlier.

They don't seem to be talking but Will's brushing something from Aaron's shirt with an easy intimacy that speaks louder than any words. Jensen feels dirty for watching them even though they are fully clothed and Chad's sitting on the couch just a few feet away from them, and for some reason the whole scene just seems tired and sad.

"Will is the one that decorated this place," Jared says behind him and Jensen twitches, looking away guiltily. "He made all the paintings and sketches on the walls, too. Aaron's family refuses to visit."

Jensen turns to face him. "They don't approve of Aaron being gay?" he asks.

"They don't approve of Will, or that he's white."

Jared looks sad for a moment. "There's so many fucked up relationships in the world," he says. "It kinda makes me feel like I'm an idiot for ever thinking I could have something truly good that isn't... tainted."

Jensen doesn't know what to answer to that. It feels as if Jared's dismissing him before he's even gotten a chance.

"Every Sunday Aaron goes to lunch with his family, and more Sundays than not, there's some nice young man there that his parents want him to meet, and every Sunday Will locks himself in their bedroom until he comes back, fearing that he won't."

Jensen looks out the window again, Will is leaning his forehead against Aaron's chest, his hands on Aaron's hips. His long blond hair is framing his face, but his shoulders are shaking. Just looking at them makes Jensen's chest tighten, there's so much hurt there.

"And still they think it's worth it," Jensen says. "Have you ever wondered why?"

"Many times."

"Then why don't you ask them?"

Jensen wonders if Jared's been badly burned, or if he's just scared of committing to someone. Still there's something almost wistful in his voice, as if he wants to believe it's possible to be happy together with someone else. Jared's hands come up to rest on Jensen's hips, and he brushes a kiss against his shoulder.

"Maybe we should worry less about other people and more about us," he murmurs.

Jensen smiles and turns around, moving into the circle of Jared's arms. "Sounds like a plan," he answers, tilting his head up for a kiss.

It's not like any other time they've had sex. Daylight is filtering in through the windows, painting the bed a pale silver, and Jared's eyes are so intense, burning right through him. They try to keep it quiet, only the faintest gasps and moans escaping their lips as they twine on the bed. Jensen keeps his eyes wide open because somehow he doesn't want to miss a single thing.

Jared kisses him all over, pressing his lips against every bump and indention on Jensen's skin until he feels as if he's burning up from the inside, his cock aching with the need to come. He feels oddly exposed in the daylight, the shadows playing catch on his skin, even though he knows Jared's seen him before.

He touches every inch of skin he can reach, spanning Jared's back with his hands, cupping his ass, stroking his abs. Jared's hot like a furnace, making his skin heat up wherever they touch, until a sheen of perspiration covers his skin. It's so much more intimate like this, the two of them in Jared's room, surrounded by people that know, or at least guess, what they're doing. It should make Jensen self-conscious, but when Jared's slicked up fingers find his opening, he's not embarrassed by the groan that slips from his burning lips.

"So beautiful," Jared whispers against his throat. "Gorgeous."

Jensen bites down on his lip and cants his hips upwards for Jared to reach deeper.

"Yeah, that's it," Jared murmurs, pressing a kiss against Jensen's skin before pulling his fingers out and adding another one.

Three fingers is a bit of a stretch and it burns so good that Jensen never wants it to stop. He wants to feel Jared within him long after it's over, wants to remember what it feels like to be in this bubble of intimacy.

"Fuck," Jared says suddenly, lifting his head to look at Jensen.

Jensen raises a hand to run it through the tangled wet strands of Jared's hair, lifting himself up to press a kiss against Jared's lip.

"What?" he asks, his voice raw and too loud in the silence of the room.

"I don't have any condoms. I don't... I've never... No one's ever been here before."

Jensen tightens his fingers in Jared's hair, spreading his legs wider, because, fuck, if that thought isn't almost enough to make him come.

"I don't care. We already... Just fuck me. Please."

He knows that it's stupid, careless, but he's not one to sleep around and he's been tested since he last had sex, and if Jared gives him something it's fucking worth it.

"Jesus," Jared hisses, catching his mouth in a searing kiss, pressing up close so that Jensen can feel just how hard he is against his hip. "You ready?"

"God yeah."

He makes a pitiful little noise when Jared pulls his fingers out, feeling empty all of a sudden. It only takes a few seconds though before Jared's right there, pressing into him slow and steady, peppering his face and chest with wet, open-mouthed kisses. It burns, but not as much as it would have with a condom, and he digs his fingers into Jared's biceps.

"Is this okay?" Jared asks, his voice honey dipped and hoarse.

"Yeah, just... Wait a minute."

He forces himself to look up at Jared, fine sheen of sweat on his forehead and hazel eyes so dark they look black. I'm in love with you, he thinks, clamping his mouth shut so he won't say it out loud. It's scary and exhilarating at the same time, rocking him to his very core.

Jared starts moving, slow minute thrusts of his hips that make sparks go off before Jensen's eyes. His erection that wilted during the penetration resurges, filling up against his stomach.

"This okay?" Jared asks.

"Yeah," Jensen answers. "Fuck yeah."

He keeps his hold of Jared's biceps, enjoying the way the muscles shift and relax against his palms. Jared keeps the pace slow, too slow, bending down to kiss Jensen's between thrusts, gasping into his mouth.

"Huge," Jensen says, turning his head on the pillow and lifting his hips into Jared's thrust. "Jesus, so fucking huge."

Jared chuckles, low and dirty, thrusting harder into Jensen, letting him feel just how hard Jared is, just how turned on. It feels amazing, Jared's filling him up like no one's done before, every thrust jarring against his prostate until it's almost too good.

Jared shifts, snaking one hand in between their bodies and gripping Jensen's cock, sliding his hand smoothly up and down the slick shaft in time with his thrust.

"Yeah," Jensen moans. "So good."

He pulls Jared down for another kiss, tangling their tongues messily, while trying to gasp for breath. He's on fire, burning up inside out and he can't even think anymore. Jared twists his wrist and that's it, he comes so hard he almost blacks out, a nonsense string of words falling from his lips.

Jared thrust a few more times before he comes too, pulling out at the last instance to come all over Jensen's thighs and his twitching cock. The warm, wet splatter of semen makes Jensen shudder with pleasure. He feels as if he's been marked, claimed, and it's the best feeling in the world. He's asleep even before Jared's finished wiping them off, his exhaustion finally getting the better of him.

When he wakes up he feels disorientated for a moment, not remembering where he is. Then the details of the night and this morning come back and he smiles to himself. He's in Jared's bed, tangled in Jared's sheets. Jared doesn't seem to be there though so he pries his eyes open, looking around.

Jared is there, sitting in the arm chair in the corner with a pile of clothes at his feet. He's got a pair of boxers on and his eyes are like dark holes in his face. Jensen wonders if he slept at all.

"Something wrong?" he asks, pushing himself up into sitting position. "What time is it?"

"Five in the afternoon," Jared answers, still staring at him.

"Oh." Jensen blinks, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "Have you been up for long?"

"I never went to sleep."

"So you've just been sitting there? That's a little... freaky."

"I can't do this," Jared says.

"Can't do what?

"This." Jared's waves his hand around. "You, me, us."

Jensen blinks. "I... uh... why?"

"I just... I can't... I can't have kisses in the morning and dates that go on all night and shared laughs and... I just can't."

Jensen's kind of surprised by how much it hurts. They don't have anything really, they don't even know each other, but it's still like Jared punched him in the gut.

"I'll fall in love with you," Jared says and he sounds so desperate. "I'll fall in love with you and then you'll be gone."

Jensen swallows. "I'm not a quitter," he says, surprised by the terseness of his voice. "I can't promise you happily ever after, but I'd do my very best."

Jared looks away. "I just can't... There's... I have my reasons."

Jensen doesn't answer; he just gets up from the bed and starts looking for his clothes. He finds them in a messy pile by the door, stinky and nasty, but he still pulls them on.

"Don't go," Jared says and Jensen spins around to stare at him. "At least let me treat you to breakfast."

"It doesn't work like that," Jensen says, pulling his t-shirt on with enough force to make the hem crackle as the threads pull. "You can't break up with me and then try to be all nice about it."

Jared's face falls. "At least let me give you a ride home," he mumbles, making a move to get up.

"Don't bother." Jensen turns to leave, his hand is at the door when he suddenly changes his mind. "You know what? I get that you're scared and even though you never said anything I kinda figure you've had a rough time in your life, but life's all about taking chances and if you never spread your wings, you'll never fly." He spins around to look at Jared.

"You sit up here in your little bubble and you look at your friends and how they make each other miserable and you think love's not worth having, but if there wasn't a silver lining, something that makes love worth it, people wouldn't put themselves out there over and over. I know we never really had anything, but it meant a lot to me. You mean a lot to me."

He stands still for a moment, letting the words sink in, before he spins on his heel and leaves. Will's in the living room when he comes down, his hair suddenly spiky and blue, and he looks up when Jensen comes down the stairs.

"Anything wrong?" he asks.

Jensen just shakes his head. "I don't want to talk about it," he says. "It was nice meeting you."

"Did anything happen?" Will gets up and follows him as he moves towards the front door.

"Why don't you ask Jared about that?"

Jensen just wants to get out, needs to get out, he can't stay in this apartment for another minute. He didn't expect it to hurt like this, he's been dumped before and it never felt like he was bleeding out. He needs fresh air in his lungs and the wind on his face. He just wants to clear his head.

He fumbles with the door handle until he gets the door open, taking off down the stairs to get away from Will's stifling concern. It feels as if he might throw up, or burst out crying, or he doesn't know, scream? He makes it out onto the street, gulping down lung fulls of air, wondering if he's having his life's first panic attack.

Will catches up with him before he's even thought about moving, putting a hand on his shoulder without saying anything. Jensen just stands there, breathing and feeling like a complete idiot. He doesn't even have Jared's phone number, that's how close they are, so it shouldn't be hitting him like this.

"You stink," Will says conversationally, and Jensen can't help the hysteria tinted laugh that bubbles up. "I'll give you a ride home."

He nudges Jensen shoulder to get him walking in the right direction and Jensen carefully puts one foot before the other, happy for the guiding hand on his shoulder.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Will asks and Jensen shakes his head. What is there to tell?

"It's just..." Will trails off. "Jared never takes anyone home, he never talks of anyone, he hardly ever hangs with anyone but us. I just thought... You know?"

"Yeah," Jensen says, straightening up. "I kinda thought so too. I mean... We haven't known each other for long, but I just... I thought there was something there, something real."

"And he broke up with you?"

Jensen nods, staring straight ahead.

"Jared's... different. He's loud and chatty and funny and if you're down he's the first one to offer a hug, but he keeps part of himself hidden, never letting you get too close. He's known us for a couple of years, moved in right after Jake, the old flatmate, moved out, but I don't think any of us knows the real story of who he is and where he comes from."

Jensen gives Will a sideways look and half a smile. "That's oddly... comforting," he says.

Will smiles back, patting Jensen's shoulder. "You're the only thing he's been talking about for the last few weeks. That's why we all came out to ogle you this morning. I guess it all just got to be a little too much."

Jensen nods, he figured as much. Both times Jared stayed over he seemed to be uneasy about it, sneaking out as fast as he could. Having Jensen in his place must have proven to be too much. He just wishes Jared could trust him instead, let him in.

Will's car is parked in the same garage as Jared's; it's a shiny, red, sporty thing that Jensen's hesitant to get in to with his stinky clothes.

"Don't worry," Will says airily as he slides into the driver's seat. "It's Aaron's car and the lease is in his dad's name."

Jensen chuckles as he slides into the passenger's seat. "Jared mentioned last night that you're not on the best of terms with Aaron's family."

Will snorts. "Well that's an understatement. They hate me, and I must say the feeling's mutual. I mean... It's okay that they hate me, but can't they see what they're doing to Aaron, constantly making him chose between me and his family? It's so stupid."

Jensen nods like he understands. "Your hair is blue," he says, because obviously he's acting on too little sleep and too much emotion.

Will laughs as he turns left out of the garage. "Yeah, it's a wig. I got Alopecia."

The words sounds familiar, but Jensen can't quite place it.

"To make a long story short, I lost all my hair when I was fourteen. It started with a bald spot at the back of my head, but within a year I lost all my body hair, eyebrows and eyelashes, everything. The doctor's thought it might be a side effect of my medication, or that it was stress related, and assured me it would grow back. I'm twenty seven now and still have no hair."

"That sucks," Jensen says.

"Yeah." Will half shrugs as he stops for a red light. "It's not like I wasn't depressed to begin with; it's really done wonders for my self-confidence."

Jensen smiles, glancing at Will in the rear-view mirror. "And still you bagged a hottie like Aaron."

The smile on Will's face is enough to light up the car. "Yeah, I did and he stays with me, even when I'm miserable and stupid and cry all the time."

Jensen sighs and leans back against the headrest. He really does smell rank, and he feels like he's all twisted up inside. It doesn't occur to him that he never told Will where he lives, until he pulls into Jensen's street, which makes him wonder just how much Jared talked about him.

"Thanks for the ride and the chat," he says when Will stops outside his building. "It meant a lot."

"Any time," Will answers. "I refuse to believe I've seen the last of you."

Jensen smiles at that, before sliding out of the car. He closes the door and then just stands there for a moment, watching Will pull away from the curb and disappear down the street. Even though he really needs a shower, he doesn't want to go inside just yet. He does move inside though when a couple brushes past him on the sidewalk, looking back to stare at him before they start whispering to each other. He can't make out exactly what they're saying but he does hear the word stink and that's enough of an incentive to move. Maybe a shower will make everything alright again, maybe he will wake up and find that the last twenty four hours were just a dream.

*~

Jensen mopes over Jared for a week before he decides that enough is enough. If he doesn't go looking for Jared and asks him what happened, he'll be thinking of it for the rest of his life, always wondering what they could have been to each other if it hadn't ended so suddenly. Of course then he keeps moping some more for a couple of days until he gets the test results from his visit to the STD clinic back. He checks out clean for everything, but at least it gives him a reason, however tenuous, to go looking for Jared.

Even though he knows where Jared lives, he decides to try The Blue Mermaid first. It makes some sort of poetic sense, seeing as it was where they met the first time, and it feels less intrusive then just knocking on his door. He waits until late, around eleven, before he finally pulls himself together, shoves the paper with the test results into his pocket and walks out the door.

It's a Thursday night and Jensen's off from work. His schedule, mostly, makes no sense to him, but at least Chris has finally given him a real one that's not written on the back of a napkin. He's actually pretty proud of the fact that he's now worked four shifts without getting fired and he's really getting into the swing of things and even danced on the bar a couple of times.

It's quarter past eleven when Jensen gets to The Blue Mermaid and a note on the menu outside says the kitchen closes at eleven thirty on Thursdays. That means that if Jared's working he should be getting off pretty soon, and suddenly Jensen starts regretting this whole idea. What if Jared doesn't want to talk to him? The last thing he wants is to cause a scene. Still, if he's taken the time to actually get down here, he should at least wait to see if Jared's working.

The place is almost empty when he walks in and with a sigh of relief he sees that Chad's working behind the bar. Chad, if anyone, ought to know if Jared's working and if he'll be willing to talk to Jensen. Jensen worries at the paper in his pocket as he walks up to the bar, Chad's wiping down the counter and hasn't noticed him yet, but he looks up when Jensen accidentally bumps against one of the barstools.

"Jensen," he says with a smile, and Jensen decides that the smile is a good sign.

"Hey," Jensen says.

"Can I get you anything?" Chad asks, coming over to lean against the bar opposite Jensen, and he shakes his head slightly. However much he wants a drink right now, he wants a clear head for his chat with Jared if he's around. "He gets off in..." Chad glances at the clock, "Fifteen minutes, but he usually hangs around to wait for me."

Jensen smiles slightly, either Chad is a mind reader or it's obvious what he wants showing up at Jared's workplace and not wanting a drink. It's probably the latter.

"Do you think he'll be willing to talk to me?" he asks, leaning his elbows on the counter.

Chad snorts. "I don't care if he wants to. He's going to talk to you even if I have to tie him down."

Jensen smiles and slides onto one of the chairs. He wonders if Jared's been talking about him, but it feels stupid to ask. Chad makes polite small talk while finishing wiping down the bar and putting things in order behind it. Jensen answers back, but mostly he stares at the clock, the seconds ticking away. He wants to talk to Jared, but he's got no clue, really, as what to say.

His stomach starts churning when the first person leaves the kitchen, waving goodbye to Chad on her way out. Chad waves back and gives Jensen a wink. Jensen musters half a smile and starts staring at the doors to the kitchen instead. What if Jared sees him and decides to take another way out? Then he'll be sitting at the bar like a fool until the place closes and Chad has to go home.

He's just about to start imagining some highly improbable worst case scenarios when the door opens and Jared walks out of the kitchen. It's funny but Jensen apparently forgot how tall he is and how good he looks. He gets about ten seconds to ogle Jared freely, the sight of him making Jensen feel all warm inside, before Jared spots him, stopping dead in his tracks.

"Jensen," he says.

"Hi," Jensen responds, licking his lips nervously. He doesn't miss the look Jared shots Chad, but he can't really interpret it.

"What are you doing here?" Jared asks, and even though he doesn't exactly sound hostile, he doesn't sound entirely pleased either.

"I wanted to talk to you," Jensen answers, feeling like a complete idiot.

Jared nods and gives Chad another look. "There's a coffee place down the street."

He starts walking without waiting for Jensen who almost falls off his chair in his haste to follow. He catches up with Jared just outside the doors, falling into step with him. Jared's walking fast with his head pulled down between his shoulders, and Jensen has to hurry to keep up with his long strides. Then suddenly Jared stops so abruptly that Jensen keeps on walking for several steps before he realizes he's lost Jared and turns around.

"What are you doing here?" Jared asks and he almost sounds angry.

Jensen blinks. "I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" Jared's frowning, his forehead heavy with lines and his eyes slitted.

"Nothing, everything... I don't know."

"That's not good enough."

Jensen clenches his fists at his side. "And dumping me out of the blue is? Jesus Christ, Jared, I just wanted to get some kind of closure."

"Closure?" Jared sounds defeated, and Jensen really, really doesn't get him. He seems pissed that Jensen is even here, but there's something there, something Jensen can't really put his finger on.

"Fuck," Jensen says, scrubbing a hand over his face. "I just didn't want to give you up without a fight, okay? I really thought we had something and I really like you and... I just wanted to... change your mind."

Jared just stares at him, blinking slowly as if he's not sure if he heard Jensen right. "You..." He grows silent, biting his lip. "No one ever fought for me."

Now it's Jensen's turn to blink sluggishly. "No one?" he asks, because this is Jared, people should be climbing over each other to fight for him.

Jared shakes his head, looking at the ground. "Not even my mom."

There's so much pain in that single sentence that Jensen can hardly breathe. What kind of fucked up childhood did Jared have to be sounding like that?

"I... uh... you want to tell me about it?"

Jared looks up, meeting his eyes. "Yeah," he says. "I think I would really like to."

They end up getting their coffee to go and walk side by side along the street towards Jensen's apartment. The coffee shop with its blinding lights and tiny tables didn't seem like the place for a heart to heart, so they decide to just walk instead, close enough to touch without actually doing so.

"When I was seven," Jared says after they've walked in silence for a few minutes, "My teacher caught me stealing food from the other kids and alerted the social services. They started this huge investigation and three weeks later they declared my mother unfit to care for me. Two social workers came to get me and that's the last I ever saw of my mother. She never even said goodbye."

Jared sips his coffee, walking a few steps in silence. "They couldn't find any relative willing to take care of me so I spent most of my childhood being shipped from foster home to foster home. In the beginning I got attached, tried to fit in, but I never stayed at one place for very long, and in the end I just stopped caring. It was easier to not care than to have my heart broken over and over."

Jensen nods. There's a big lump in his throat, he can all too vividly imagine the kid Jared used to be and he walks a little closer, bumping his elbow against Jared's. Jared looks at him and smiles a little.

"I lived for a while with an elderly couple that owned a restaurant; they're the ones that taught me how to cook and that made me fall in love with it. Then she got sick, cancer, and the social services decided it wasn't a good place for me to live at any more. I thought they'd fight for me, you know. I was thirteen and didn't understand how monumentally their lives would change, how much pain they would be going through. I think they liked me, know they did, but they just couldn't deal with a lost kid in the middle of their own misery."

Jared sighs, taking another pull from his coffee. "I looked them up years later, because I wanted to know how they were doing. She died six months after I moved and he followed her less than a year later." He shakes his head. "I don't want this to be a pity me story. I had a crappy childhood, yeah, but I've done well for myself. Once I turned eighteen, my contact at the social services helped me get a job at diner and I worked as many hours as I could until I could afford a car. Then I got a second job, and a third, to be able to renovate it and put some money away. Once my baby was purring like a kitten and I had enough money in my bank account to afford gas and food, I got into the car and got the hell out of Texas."

Jensen smiles, because finally he understands Jared's attachment to his car. "And now you're here," he says.

"And now I'm here," Jared agrees. They share a quick look before Jared looks away. "I have all these rules," he says. "For how to deal with people. Rule number one is always, don't get attached, but it's so easy to break it. If you hang out with someone long enough, or often enough, you're going to get attached, it's inevitable."

"Yeah," Jensen says, looking at Jared's profile. He wonders what it's like to always be guarding you heart, trying your hardest to never let anyone in. It must get lonely after a while.

"So I made friends, good friends, even though there's a part of me I never let them see." Jared stops, so Jensen stops too, sipping his coffee that's still warm enough to numb his tongue. "But I never let myself fall in love." He glances at Jensen and smiles a little. "Until I met you."

Jensen's heart skips a beat, making him feel fluttery and nervous. He licks his lips, looking up into Jared's gorgeous eyes, a little green, a little blue, a little brown and curiously slanted.

"You make me break all my rules," Jared says, his voice soft and a little rough around the edges. "And it's the scariest thing that ever happened to me."

"I had all these things I wanted to say," Jensen says, "But they kind of pale in comparison."

Jared smiles a little. "Tell me anyway."

"I've never really been in love," he says, reaching out to touch the sleeve of Jared's shirt. "I never... met anyone that was worth it, I think. I've had a few boyfriends... but never anything serious, or lasting. And I'm scared too, terrified, but I can't help thinking that it's worth it. That you're worth it."

He looks up to meet Jared's eyes, trying to decipher the emotion he sees there. "I guess I just want you to give us a second chance, to give me a second chance. I have my faults, everyone has. I'm cranky in the mornings, I don't like talking in front of people, I don't like sushi, and I drink too much coffee. I'm kind of set in my ways and I have this tendency of waiting for things to happen to me instead of going out and grabbing opportunity by the balls. But I'm also nice and loyal and I don't cheat and I try my best to be a good person, I really do and..."

Jared silences Jensen with a kiss. It's short and close-mouthed, but it's enough to make Jensen's heart flutter.

"I think you're pretty amazing," Jared says when he straightens up.

Jensen blinks, and smiles a little, but his skin feels odd, as if it's too tight. He doesn't really know what to do with himself, or the cup of rapidly cooling coffee still clutched in his hand.

"My best friend in the whole world is getting married in six weeks," Jensen says, shifting his feet. "Would you be my date for the wedding?"

It's a stupid thing to ask, but the invitation arrived just the other day and the little 'plus one' after his name has been mocking him since. He already got a great girls night out planned for the hen night, one that doesn't involve getting drunk, and he guesses that maybe this whole marriage thing is messing with his head.

Jared swallows, looking away for a moment, but when he looks back he's smiling. "I think I would really like that."

"So... we're do we go from here?" he asks.

Jared grins. "I don't know, but I think upstairs would be pretty nice."

Jensen looks around and snorts out a laugh when he realizes they've stopped outside the door to his building and he didn't even notice.

"Yeah," he says. "That would be nice."

He fishes the keys out of his pocket and goes to open the door. Jared follows close on his heels and Jensen feels as if his world is spinning out of control. He didn't have a plan when he went looking for Jared, didn't know what would come from it, and now they're here again, about to go up to his apartment, and it feels as if they're back to square one.

He takes the steps two at a time, fast enough to break a sweat and be breathing hard when he reaches his landing, but he just wants to get there, as if everything will be crystal clear once he's back home. Jared keeps up with him, but he doesn't seem the slightest bit affected as he waits for Jensen to open the door; he's just huge and beautiful and right there.

Jensen kicks his shoes off inside the door and puts his coffee cup down on the tiny side table where he keeps his keys and the random junk he empties out of his pockets every now and then. Jared puts his cup next to his and bends down to unlace his shoes. Jensen watches him, the long line of his back ending in a perfectly rounded ass. His shirts slides up a little with the position and Jensen can't keep his eyes from that sliver of flawless skin.

Jared straightens up and smiles, toeing his shoes off and adding to the mess on the floor. "Feels like home," he says, and Jensen smiles.

He walks into the kitchen, even though he doesn't know what to do in there, because he's not quite ready to go into the bedroom right now. Jared follows him, leaning against the doorpost while Jensen fiddles needlessly with the things on the bench.

"You don't have to be nervous," Jared says.

Jensen turns around to face him. "But I am."

"I'm not staying for long," Jared says. "I have to get home and finish up a couple of things before work tomorrow. I just didn't want the night to end on the street."

Jensen smiles a little at that. "But you're okay with ending it in the kitchen?"

"Yeah," Jared says seriously. "I'm okay with ending it in the kitchen, unless you have some rule against kissing the kitchen because in that case I propose we end the night in the hall."

Jensen laughs. "I think I'm okay with kissing in the kitchen," he says.

"Good." Jared crosses the floor to stand in front of him, close enough that his body heat seeps through Jensen's clothes. "'Cause I really want to kiss you right now."

Jensen doesn't have time to respond before Jared's hands are cupping his face and Jared's lips land on his. It's tentative at first, tiny little close-mouthed kisses before Jared's tongue sneaks into his mouth, licking his teeth and the roof of his mouth. Jensen makes a sound at the back of his throat, winding his arms around Jared's neck, because it feels amazing; soft and gentle and hot and perfect in every way that counts.

"Let's take it slow this time," Jared murmurs against his lips. "Do it right."

"Yeah," Jensen agrees. "Slow."

He pulls Jared in for another kiss, tasting his mouth and running his tongue over the slick enamel of his teeth. It's kind of hard to think of slow when Jared's got him pressed up against the counter, one thigh between his legs, making him ache with want, but hopefully Jared's got control enough for the both of them.

"So," Jared says when they break apart. "Would I have to wear a tux for this wedding?"

Jensen almost whimpers because the thought of Jared in a tux is hot like burning. "I think a suit will do just fine," he answers even though his mind is screaming 'yes, yes, yes'.

"What will you be wearing?"

"Tux," Jensen says. "I'm the maid of honor."

Jared laughs. "Shouldn't you be wearing a dress then?"

"Yeah, but she decided on pink for the maids, and it's not my color."

Jared grins. "But you'll be wearing a cummerbund, yeah?"

"Mhmm. Pink."

Jared licks his lips and bends forward to brush his lips against Jensen's ear. "That's sounds insanely hot," he whispers.

Jensen shivers all over, tightening his hold on Jared's neck. "Slow," he says, almost desperately, and Jared huffs out a laugh against his skin that makes the hair at the back of his head stand on edge.

Jared straightens up and just looks at him, hands heavy on Jensen's shoulders. "Can I see you tomorrow?" he asks.

"I'm working tomorrow night."

"After?"

"Most likely that'll be like five am."

Jared grins and bends down to give him a quick kiss. "I'll pick you up."

He gives Jensen another hot, bone-melting kiss, and then he backs away, leaving Jensen hard and panting, gripping the edge of the counter for support.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Jared says and then he disappears into the hall.

Jensen can hear him putting his shoes back on and then the door closing behind him. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and then another one. His mind is reeling with the events of the last few hours and butterflies are flittering around in his stomach. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and sends a text off to Danneel.

To: Danneel

rom: Jensen

jareds gonna be my date for the wedding

He keeps leaning against the counter as he waits for her response. He knows she's too nosy to ever let a text message wait for more than five minutes and of course he's right. It hardly takes a minute before his phone beeps and he lifts it to his face, pulling the message up on the screen.

To: Jensen

rom: Danneel

HEEEEEEE! I'm gonna tell your dad.

Jensen laughs and stuffs the phone back in his pocket. He's pretty sure it's going to be a bumpy road, but he's got a good feeling about this, about Jared. He might never achieve his dreams and hear his songs playing on the radio, but maybe he found something even better. Love.

He's not sure how long he's been standing there when the front door suddenly opens again. He's about to call out when Jared appears in the door way, looking flushed and out of breath.

"You know what," Jared says, with a huge grin. "Screw slow."

'Yeah,' Jensen thinks as he crosses the floor and walks into Jared's arms. 'Screw slow to Hell.'

*~

A Few Months Later

Jensen so tired he walks like he's drunk, keeping one hand against nearest flat surface, when there is one to walk in a straight line. He's nearing forty eight hours awake and even though Riley offered him the guest room, he decided to go home instead. He should have known Danneel wouldn't go for an easy delivery with a few contractions and then hey, baby. Oh no, she had to drag it on for nearly thirty six hours and then scare them to death before it was over.

Danneel pulled through it alright though and at three thirty in the morning Jennifer Ashley Smith was born, pulled out of mommy's tummy through a caesarean since her heart nearly stopped beating before she could be delivered naturally. A beautiful baby girl at 1'5" and almost seven pounds with the right number of chubby toes and tiny, tiny fingers. Jensen's pretty sure she stole his heart the first time he held her perfect little self in his arms and he's so proud to be her godfather and honorary uncle.

Mother and daughter are doing just fine, resting up at the hospital, and the proud father probably won't move an inch until he can take them home. Jensen felt just a tiny bit like an intruder on their perfect moment, even though he's known Danneel and Riley since he was a kid, but Danneel's smile when he arrived at the hospital after breaking more than one speeding law to get there was enough to tell him he was just being stupid.

It kind of makes him feel empty now though, when all the excitement and adrenaline has worn off. He never really thought about having kids, always kind of figured it was out of the picture, but looking down on his oh so perfect goddaughter, he couldn't help but to want a child of his own. Not right now, maybe, while he's still in the early stages of his life and career, but in a few years, when hopefully things have settled down.

Jensen makes it to his building and after a few tries he gets the door open, but the stairs, he's sure, will kill him. His head is swimming when he makes it halfway, and he leans against the wall for a moment, closing his eyes. He can hear someone coming down the stairs, but he doesn't care if they think he's drunk at ten am on a weekday.

He starts when someone touches his arm and jerks his head up to find Jared standing there.

"Hey," Jared says with a smile. "So this is where you're hiding."

"'M not hiding," Jensen protests. "I'm just resting for a moment."

Jared pulls him into a hug, and he leans his head on Jared's shoulder, closing his eyes again. Jared is warm and solid against him and he smells delicious.

"I thought you were in school," he murmurs, rubbing his face against the soft fabric of Jared's shirt.

"I'm playing hooky," Jared answers. "Wanted to be here when you got home."

"You just wanted to see for yourself that I didn't do any damage to your baby."

"Yeah," Jared says, loosening his hold of Jensen's back to use one to hand to tilt his head back. "But he looks pretty okay, a little worse for wear maybe."

Jensen blinks and smiles, trying his damndest to not just burst out crying. It's been a very long couple of days, constantly on an emotional roller coaster, and two days were obviously enough to start missing Jared like burning, and he's really happy to be home.

"Don't you dare to start crying," Jared murmurs, pressing a kiss to his nose. "People will think I'm hurting you."

Jensen sniffs and tries to bite back the tears that want to well up. "I love you," he croaks, fisting his hands in Jared's shirt. "Do you want to have a baby with me?"

Jared laughs and shakes his head slightly. "I'm pretty sure that's biologically impossible, unless there's something you want to tell me."

Jensen sniffs again. "I don't mean it like that, just... Some day, maybe?"

"Yeah," Jared smiles and gives his nose another kiss. "Some day, for sure."

Jensen's heart can apparently only take so much emotion and he starts crying for real, burying his head in Jared's shirt, his shoulders shaking with the strain of his deep hulking sobs.

"Oh baby," Jared says, hugging him closer. "Are you okay?"

Jensen doesn't answer, he just cries harder. He's tired and strung out and Jared has no right to be so sweet. His sobs are echoing around the stairwell, and he really tries to keep it down, crying into Jared's shirt. He doesn't even protest when Jared hoists him up in his arms, carrying him the last two flights of stairs.

Jared puts him down just inside the door and forces him to look up at him. Jensen's sure he's got snot all over his face and his eyes are all puffy and red, but Jared just smiles.

"You feel better now?" he asks, running his fingers over one Jensen's flaming cheeks.

Jensen nods, his face heating up even more, random bouts of hysteric crying are really kind of embarrassing. Not that it happens very often, or pretty much ever.

"I made you some soup," Jared says, using the hem of his shirt to wipe Jensen's face.

"I just wanna sleep," Jensen says. He's too tired to even think about eating.

"You have to eat," Jared chides. "When's the last time you ate something?"

Jensen tries to remember, but he can't, so he shrugs.

"There you see. I made you tomato soup with basil." Jared bends down to brush his lips against Jensen's ear. "With those little garlic croutons that you love."

Jensen smiles, leaning into Jared. "Yeah okay."

Jared sits with him at the table, and Jensen's pretty sure that if he hadn't mechanically filled the spoon with soup and put it to his mouth, Jared would have fed him. As it is, he just watches him, one elbow on the table and one hand between Jensen's shoulder blades. The soup is deliciously thick and creamy with just the right touch of basil, but Jensen's too tired to fully appreciate it.

Once the bowl is empty he puts the spoon down and goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth for what feels like the first time in forever. A quick look in the bathroom mirror tells him he looks like hell with bag under his red rimmed eyes and splotches of color all over his face. Luckily he's too tired to care so he goes out into the bedroom and sits down on the edge of the bed.

He's going to undress, he really is, but once he's sitting his eyelids starts dropping and he can barely sit up straight anymore. Then Jared is there, pulling his shoes and socks off, massaging his feet for a moment before straightening up. He helps Jensen out of his shirt and then makes him stand up and pushes his jeans down. Jensen happily gloms onto him, his chest trying to cringe away from the sticky snotty wetness on Jared's shirt.

"I got snot all over you," he says.

"I better get used to it if we're gonna have kids," Jared answers, hugging Jensen close for a moment. "And don't start bawling again," he adds when Jensen sniffles a little.

Jensen huffs out a laugh. "Not gonna," he promises.

Jared turns down the covers and Jensen crawls between the sheets. He almost starts crying again when he realizes Jared changed the sheets to the silky satiny ones that he loves.

"Did you wet the bed, or are you really that sweet?" he asks, curling up on his side.

Jared lies down on top of the covers, snuggling up behind him. "Nah, I brought three chicks home for an orgy, thought I should at least change the sheets afterwards, but there's still a g-string under the pillow."

"You say the sweetest things," Jensen murmurs sleepily, smiling when Jared presses a kiss to his neck.

They lay in silence for a while and Jensen is almost sleeping when Jared speaks again.

"I moved in a couple of weeks ago," he whispers against Jensen's neck. "I'm not sure you noticed."

Jensen blinks his eyes open and turns his head to look at Jared. "I did," he says seriously, and Jared smiles, giving him a kiss.

"I'll chip in towards the rent," Jared says when Jensen's settled again.

"You don't have to," Jensen answers. He's getting calls almost daily from managers and record companies that want a piece of his songs now. His career really took off after Chris and Steve helped him record a real demo; he's even getting offers from people that want him to sing his songs.

"I want to," Jared says.

There is another silence before Jared speaks again; Jensen has probably never met anyone with the same kind of runny mouth.

"I'm gonna go to school after you've fallen asleep," he says. "I can still catch the classes after lunch. I'm pretty sure you'll still be sleeping when I get back, I just wanted to tell you."

"Love you," Jensen answers, because it's totally a good answer.

"Yeah," Jared responds. "I love you too."

Jensen curls up in the cocoon of Jared's arms and smiles widely. He's got the best boyfriend ever.