He watched the big man out of the corner of his eye. His attention should have been trained directly forward, but he kept getting distracted by the man sitting in the passenger's side seat. He'd been observing him for several long weeks now, when he thought that it was safe. There was something about the man that he found somehow addictive, but he wasn't quite sure what. Or at least he tried to convince himself he wasn't.

This man was a big man, six foot six inches in height with muscles that wouldn't quit, but didn't overpower his natural frame like some people's do. His arms were big and strong, but not so big that they looked unnatural and veiny. His shoulders were wide and his chest broad. His stomach was rippled, but not so much that you wondered if you'd hurt yourself in it. His eyes were intense. He'd looked into them a million times and yet couldn't tell you their color if he had to. All that he saw there was the intensity and the passion that seemed to be natural in this man. His hands were big and his legs long and strong, but if he were honest with himself none of those were the reason… Deep down in places that he didn't want to admit that he knew about… he knew what it was that drew him to this man.

It was the same thing that had initially attracted him to others of his kind. He knew a secret you see. He knew things that others had not yet figured out… at least not those outside of his very small inner circle. The knowledge and the power of that knowledge made him almost lightheaded with joy. It had taken him a long time to figure out. It was a natural assumption after all that he was how he presented himself… a straight man.

They'd all heard about or witnessed the man's reaction to even the tiniest hint that he was gay, but what he'd come to realize was that the man was just private. He felt no need to be the center of everyone's attention unless it was because he was kickin' someone's ass. The truth was though that the man certainly was gay and the proof was in the fact that the big man was dating his best friend.

But that wasn't the big secret, what wasn't what took his breath away, that wasn't what had caused him to become obsessed. He'd met other men like him during his career. He'd seen them all do things to their bodies that other men wouldn't even consider. He'd seem them smile thru injuries that would bring other men to tears. He'd seem them hard during moments that made others shake their heads and mutter those words under their breath like a curse, "pain freak."

But he'd never shook his head… In truth he was jealous and fascinated all at the same time. They held the knowledge that he craved. He didn't just want it. He didn't just need it. He was obsessed with it. He had to have it more than he needed the air he breathed. The needs had swelled within him for so long that he wasn't sure how much longer his sanity would hold out if he didn't attain their wisdom.

He dreamed things that he once believed wasn't normal cursing himself for wanting these things. He had finally come to decide that normal was all a relative… and maybe for him this was normal. He'd tried on occasion to work up the nerve, but in the end he'd always remained silent feeling stupid and foolish.

When he was safe at home he'd tried small things… to see… for himself if it was just a curiosity. He'd pinched his nipples, bit his lower lip, but he needed something different… something more… something that he didn't understand or know how to name. He knew that he needed a guide. He knew he needed someone that he could trust. He needed someone who saw him as something more than just a pretty face to hurt or be hurt by. He didn't want to turn his life into some strange nonstop pain fest… he just wanted… He just wanted to belong somewhere with someone that understood… even when he didn't.

"Chris, If you'd watch the road instead of my boyfriend you'd notice that you passed the exit ten minutes ago." Chris' eyes widened and his face turned a bright shade of red. He saw Tyson's lips twitch, but missed the look that he shot Jay who was laying across the backseat.

Embarrassed Chris captured his lip between his teeth unconsciously biting down as he cursed himself for being the fool. When a familiar large hand appeared and rescued the now swollen and bruised lip, Chris turned startled eyes towards the object of his obsession. "Be careful or you'll hurt yourself." The deep gravely voice went through him like lava setting aflame his already smoldering desire.

It was most likely his raging hormones in combination with his earlier musings that caused the unbridled response. Jay would insist later that it was a severe lack of blood to the brain, while Tyson would look at him with those all too knowing eyes and say softly that it was obviously a Freudian slip. "Maybe I want to." He saw the eyebrow rise and heard Jay's strangled cough in the back seat before realizing that he had actually spoken the words out loud.

Quickly Chris' head whipped forward and his foot pressed down on the gas pedal as he turned the car around and headed back to their exit. During the remaining hour and forty three minutes that it took him to get to their destination he kept his eyes forward and his mind far away from his rampant desires refusing to speak again ignoring the deep rumbly voice that tried to pull him out of his new shell. Now if only his body would realize that as he waited for his cock to soften again as his lip throbbed with pain.

Read Chapter 2 of 3 of Secrets