Looking at the pages of my life
Faded memories of me and you
Mistakes you know I've made a few
I took some shots and fell from time to time
Baby, you were there to pull me through
We've been around the block a time or two
I'm gonna lay it on the line
Ask me how we've come this far
The answer's written in my eyes

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've paid some dues, baby
We've been to hell and back again
Through it all you're always my best friend
For all the words I didn't say and all the things I didn't do
Tonight I'm gonna find a way

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

You can take this world away
You're everything I am
Just read the lines upon my face
I'm all about lovin' you


(I'm all about)
(I'm all about)
(I'm all about lovin' you)

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

All about lovin' you

As I lay here in our bed wide awake at 3 AM watching you sleep, I realize not for the first time how lucky that I am. In my lifetime I have traveled millions of miles. I have seen millions of people and have been touched by thousands of them, not all in places that my fans would approve of. I have loved a handful of those people and married only one, and yet the person that I love above all others laying here next to me is not that person. No matter where I was or who I was with this place here with him is where I wanted to be. When the other people touched me it's his hands that I dreamed of being on my body. That day that I stood in front of God and my soon to be wife, it was him that my heart longed for my eyes to be gazing upon.

My life was one big lie built upon another until I was buried so deep in them that I couldn't see the daylight any longer. My fans buy my albums for the love songs they find on them, but I wonder would they still scream my name if they knew that it was you they were written about? What would they say if I left everything I have behind to be with you?

My hand drops to skim lightly over your cheek and run over the stubble of your hair. Long gone are your beautiful curls as an act of defiance against what the world wanted you to be. "It's time that I grew up, Johnny," you'd said in that soft warm tone you use when it's just us. Your eyes open to look at me with that familiar look of love that I have grown used to over the years.

Slowly my head dips to touch your lips and as always with you it's as if we were kids again kissing for the first time. Holding hands we ran to hide under my uncle's back porch where my big brother and his friends couldn't find us. Giggling like the schoolboy I was, I gazed into your serious brown eyes and suddenly felt a need I wouldn't fully grasp 'til many many years later. Sometimes I think that you must have understood from the start, then at others I wonder if you understand yet.

Then as now when my eyes drifted shut and our lips touched it felt as if a jolt of electricity shot through me powered by nervous energy and a hard fear of the unknown. Never have I felt it with anyone else, but whenever I tell you that, you laugh at me in that teasing way and say, "Johnny your girly side is showing through again." But I don't mind, mostly 'cause I know that you're right. Sometimes I think that I was born in the wrong body, but then I open my eyes and see you watching me with that look of absolute love and devotion. I know then that I am as I was meant to me. Never could you love a woman as you love me. It just isn't in your nature or I suppose in mine either. Your hands wrap around my body pulling me to lay over you as one rises up my spine to rest in my hair.

Mine was gone long before yours and I shudder thinking of that time in our lives. It was the middle of a long dark time for us. I was struggling to clean up my life and drag myself out from the dark shadow that I'd been hiding in just as you were falling deeper into yours. Fame has never been easy for me. I have always struggled with my true nature and fame only made "us" more difficult. We were the sacrifice that I had to make to achieve what I thought I wanted always swearing to you that it would work out in the end. But the higher I climbed the farther away that end got. Through groupies and my marriage and my children you stayed with my holding onto my promises of someday until you were almost lost within that "someday". It was you that gave me the strength to look at myself in the mirror and see the man that I really was. But that process almost cost me the man that YOU were.

One day I turned around with my short locks and my new confidence and saw the shell that I'd turned you into. Gone were light laughing eyes and in their place was a hard sullen man I barely recognized. You were so lost within the web of neglect that I 'd wound you up in that I wasn't quite sure we could get you out. I had come to a time in my life when a choice was going to have to be made that would certainly decide your fate for once instead of mine. So I gathered up my newfound courage and sat down Richie, Tico, Alec, and David to tell them the truth about myself and us. By the end I had one less bandmate and friend, but three others that loved and supported the man that I really was. I left that meeting and went to you and haven't regretted it once. Together we fought the world and God and sometimes each other, but when the shadows finally disappeared from both of our lives we were better men for it and our relationship was stronger with the knowledge of what we could overcome.

Your teeth sink into the tender skin of my neck bringing me back to the here and now, but I don't have time to protest. Before I know it I have been lubed, stretched, and then finally filled with all of you as my blood races and my body hums. The world narrows, as it always does when we are like this, pushing out fans and a wife and kids and expectations taking us to where we were meant to be… simply just together.

It's fortunate that I don't need eyes to see your face because my eyelids become too heavy to keep open and my hands tangle in the bed sheets as the power of us overcomes us both hurdling us towards that one moment we live for. As your hips and hand pump bringing us to our climaxes, my eyes open at the last moment seeing you in that single second of clarity enforcing my knowledge that this right here and now is what I was meant to be. And then in a flash the moment is over as we spill over each other making a wonderfully sticky mess.

Although no more than 15 minutes have passed it feels like a lifetime… and maybe it has been. I found my clarity in a moment like this not so many months ago and have worked hard to bring it to fulfillment. "I have something to tell you." I say slightly breathlessly and your head cocks to one side hearing the seriousness in my voice. My hand slips underneath our pillow bringing out a mass of folded legal documents, which look opposing but are really hiding my freedom. "I had a talk with Dorothea." Your eyes widen and your lips part I am sure with the intent of speech, but for once you have been rendered silent. Softly I chuckle before I continue.

"Funny thing is that she wasn't shocked at all. In fact she said that it was about damn time that I found my balls and told her the truth. I promised her that I would always take care of her and the kids but she just waved a hand in the air and said that she knew that. She wishes us well and hopes that you'll get to know her and the kids now. When you're ready I'd like to make it official. Scotty?"

I watch your mouth close and open and close again and your eyes fill with tears as you watch me. This is what I learned underneath my uncle's porch. There are a lot of important things in my life. My career, my family, my friends, my kids, but nothing… not one single thing could get me through life without you. Without you the rest of it might as well not exist. I don't know what will happen now, but as I sit up and crawl down the bed on my knees to rest in your arms I know that it doesn't matter. All I want, all I need, all I'm about is lovin' you. "I love you Jon," you whisper and looking up I smile knowing that all you are about is loving me as well."

THE END!