Prologue

Sam stood on the street outside the dorm he'd spent the last nine months in looking up at the building he'd thought so intimidating when he'd first laid eyes on it back in September. Back then it had represented everything that Sam wanted and didn't know how to be. It had held all his hopes and dreams. His foolish beliefs that his family was at the very core of his problems and if he just cut them out of his life somehow magically he would be just like everyone else. He would instantly be able to be happily content with living an ordinary everyday life of studies, pretty girls who want more than just a brief fuck behind a biker bar, and going home to the same stinky dorm room with loud obnoxious roommates and neighbors every day for months on end.

He thought their amputation from his existence would get rid of all his worries. He had looked forward to the normal college student's anxiety of how tuition was going to be paid, how he was going to manage not to fail all his classes, and worries over the future were centered around who would want to hire him after graduation instead of what he responsible for some demon killing his mother. These things were "normal" and after the life he'd led so far he had been so sure that they would be everything he always imagined them to be.

Now however it just represented everything he knew he would never be and for the first time in a long while he was ok with that. His happy contentedness had only lasted a few weeks before he found himself bored stuff. Studying wasn't nearly as enjoyable without Dean somewhere in the background playing his music too loud in his juvenile attempt to annoy his little brother. Soon he'd found himself buying Metallica CD's from second hand CD shops so he could concentrate on his work.

The pretty normal girls were… uninspiring. While they may hold some mythical lure to him in the end they just hadn't gotten the job done. In the dark hours of the night when his roommate was passed out from another damned frat party, Sam had found his hand slipping inside of his sweats as pictures of his big brother played in his head. Pretty girls were… nice, safe, and most of them apparently irritated the hell out of him with their sweetness. He discovered he didn't want gentle and innocent he wanted hard and cocky, arrogance and swagger, a hard pulsing dick not a wet soft cavern. Ultimately he wanted Dean.

The roommate was the only thing that was tolerable. The few friends he'd made had been amazed that Sam could stand being around him, but for Sam that was the easy part. He was obnoxious and rude, he seemed to have very little interest in his classes and more in which party or bar he was going to attend that night. His taste in music was horrible, his clothes got washed… occasionally, very occasionally and Sam REALLY hadn't wanted to know what the smell was underneath his bed. He had waited all year for whatever it was that had died under there to come out and kill him in his sleep. In short, the roommate had been the closest thing to Dean he'd found at Stanford and he wouldn't have traded him in for anything.

Shouldering the single bag that held what few possessions he owned and were important enough to him to take on the road with him, Sam turned and headed out towards the bus stop needing to say a final goodbye before he left town. He knew he wouldn't have made it through even the first semester without help. If he hadn't wandered into that shop late one night, he was sure his life would be very different now.

He'd almost passed it, but something inside drew his attention. It represented his old life, the life he'd thrown away determined that he was better than it. Just as he'd been about to turn he'd felt the anger and bitterness he'd held onto fast for so long fade for a moment allowing the almost overwhelming homesickness pang through for only the briefest moment. Still, he fought it and soon the feeling faded allowing him the comfort of the familiar mask. But, as he was about to turn and leave he stopped and instead found himself pushing the door open stepping into the shop.

Hesitantly Sam stepped inside, still not sure why he was doing this. He'd left this life behind, even if he did have salt on his windowsill and in front of the door. Still though, this life was not his anymore. "Then why do you miss it so much?" He head that annoying voice in his head that had been plaguing him since the day he'd left his father and brother ask. Carefully Sam walked around the shop studying the various bottles wondering who would be so irresponsible to sell this stuff to drunken college kids who had no clue what they were doing.

"Can I help you?" He heard the soft female voice ask and turning saw a woman studying him quietly from the end of the row of shelves he was standing in. "Normally I don't sell to the campus kids from this section, but…" He'd watched her head tilt to one side as she studied him, but he felt like she could see all the way down to his soul. "You aren't like most of the kids around here are you?"

Those words had jolted him out of whatever place he'd been tucked in and Sam knew his face had hardened. "You're wrong. I'm JUST like those kids." Brushing past her he'd almost made it out the door before she'd spoken again.

"When you're ready to stop lying to yourself child come back. The world is a terrible place when no one in it understands who you really are beneath the mask you wear."

It had taken less than two weeks before he was back. It was the night of the full moon and Sam found himself twichy. His skin crawled as if it was trying to warn him, as if it knew what his brain refused to let him believe- that he didn't belong, that he had more important things to be doing, that he was needed elsewhere.

He'd paced in front of the store for an hour before going in. Jaw clenched tightly and hands curled into hard fists Sam stepped inside, the bell over the door making him jump in his anxiety. His fight or flight instinct was in overdrive and Sam wasn't sure how much longer he could contain it. "It's alright child," she'd said scaring him causing him to jump as she appeared next to him. Her strange eyes were studying him again, but this time she gently placed a hand on his arm and pulled him further into the stop. Leading him behind the counter she sat him down on a stool where she resumed her observance of him before speaking again. "I normally don't reveal myself to people, but I can tell you are different child and I think I won't get anything out of you until you understand that here with me there is no need to hide yourself."

She'd talked to him for hours, her voice and her acceptance of him calming him in a way only his brother could have. She was an empath and a healer. The man who had raised her, who she'd called Big Brother even though he wasn't really had been deep into magic and had taught her his ways. They'd shared stories about their brothers, learned about each other's parents. His view of his father changed drastically after hearing of her life, after all at least John had never sold him to be some kind of child virginal sacrifice. By the time he'd left the sun had come up again, his belly was full of a hot homemade breakfast, and for the first time in a long time (longer than he'd been away from his family, because really his feeling of isolation started way before he'd left Dean and John) Sam didn't feel so alone in the world.

The ride had seemed shorter than normal and Sam almost missed his stop just barely flagging the bus driver before he took off. Hurrying off Sam moved automatically not having to think about where he was going as the path had become so familiar to him. Not long after that night she'd talked him down from his almost panic attack she'd taken him to her home where they met as often as they did at the shop. Turning up the path and through the now familiar gate Sam hurried up the steps, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited somewhat impatiently for his knock on the door to be answered.

When it finally swung open he didn't even bother to try and contain the smile that spread his lips pulling the much smaller woman into his arms for a fierce hug. How did he repay someone who had somehow almost single handedly gotten him through the fiasco that had been his college experience?

"So you're really doing it," she breathed brushing a kiss to his cheek before pulling him inside the home and shutting the door.

Looking around Sam smiled feeling himself relax at the familiar surroundings salt lining the doors and windows, protection symbols traced into various spots in the rooms, the pungent smell of herbs drying to be used later to protect someone. All were things he'd thought he was trying to escape when he'd come to Stanford, but had discovered made up who Sam Winchester was.

"I made you some things for your trip Sammy," she remarked pointing to the bag resting by the door. "I know you didn't hold much faith in my ways when we first met, and don't yet hold much more than you did then. However I hope I've taught you enough that you'll take what you'll need to protect yourself and your brother and at least keep an open mind."

Sam looked into her strange violet eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but found her hand over his lips. "Shh Sam just let me speak for a moment.

"This thing you're doing isn't going to be easy, but I want you to know I am proud of you. I wish I had all the answers for you but I don't… not yet at least, but you know I will keep looking. You have grown so much since we first met shedding that almost spoiled boy you were and growing into the warm-hearted generous man who stands before me.

"I know you're nervous about what will happen with your brother and father, and you're afraid they will never forgive you for leaving; but trust me when I say no matter how painful it may be now waiting, putting this off will only make it worse."

"What if Dean can't forgive me?" Sam whispered his clenched throat making his words difficult to speak. "I basically abandoned him for my own selfish purposes. I was so wrapped up in myself and my own anger I didn't even try to see what my leaving would do to him."

Lifting her hand Angelique touched Sam's cheek gently. "And you will have to work to make up for that Sam. You'll have to prove to your brother that you have seen the error in your ways and that he is the most important person in your life as you have always been his. But having more than a little experience with older brothers myself I think I can honestly say that there's nothing your big brother won't forgive you for if you just love him enough, be there for him enough and well maybe buy him enough Jack."

Sam laughed breaking the tension as she giggled with him. "Yeah, Lots and lots of Jack. Seriously though… I don't even know where to start."

Angelique just shrugged and smiled sadly. "I don't know what to tell you, Sam, other than you just gotta jump in and hope for the best. You accept whatever he throws at you as your just do for hurting him and try to make up for what you did to him. What you don't do is fall back into your old ways of blaming him and your father for everything while trying not to jus' lie down turn into some mindless solder in this war of your father's.

"I know we've talked about this a million times Sam, but I have to say it once more before you go. This… thing this…demon of your fathers… of your family's is only one in the big picture Sam. There's bigger and badder out there and while I understand the need for vengeance you MUST keep in mind that killing this thing will not stop what's coming. You have to be prepared for that. You HAVE to keep working on your abilities, Sam, you simply MUST. They are your best weapon for protecting your family and try and remember that the demon you're hunting won't expect you to have your abilities yet. As far as he's concerned you're still walking in the dark so to speak.

"And above all else remember that I am always here, no more than a phone call away if you need me. Now I couldn't get an exact location on your brother and father in fact I am not even sure they are in the same place. So I left you what I could find in the bag. I would start with mending things with your brother, but try and remember that your anger with your father hurts him as much or more than it does either of you."

Sam nodded and wrapped her up in his arms once more before taking a deep breath and stepping back. "I'll keep in touch. I promise and I'll try and remember everything you've taught me. Thank you, I mean without you I'd still be lost. You've given me my life back and for that there isn't enough repayment anywhere." Kissing her cheek Sam lifted the bag and headed out of the house focused only on finding his brother.

Read Chapter One of Story one in the Being and Sam and Dean Verse called Being Sam and Dean Again