It was Monday morning. Jensen stood outside of Paddy's looking through the glass at Jared as he stood behind the counter laughing at something with one of the customers. He'd spend all day Sunday thinking about his Adonis and wondering what the future could hold for the two of them. He'd come to the startling realization that he did want someone permanent in his life and couldn't help but hope that Jared was the man to fill the shoes he needed filled. He still was unsure, no miraculous act had occurred sending angels from the heavens to soothe all his fears, but a bout of introspection had resulted in the realization that he wanted to have someone to share things with.

He had friends. There were Chrissy and Steve. Two of his oldest friends and keepers of all his secrets, but as much as he loved them, it wasn't easy being the third wheel to their Ying and Yang act. There was Baum, but he was so over the top that sometimes he made Jensen nervous, unsure at times that he could relate to the overbearing personality.

There just wasn't anyone that was just his, someone that he could just settle with on the couch and share his worries with. Someone that he could stress about deadlines and wandering plots, there wasn't anyone to calm him when the anxiety of writer's block hit or celebrate when he'd finished another novel. He wanted someone whom he belonged to, someone who wasn't afraid to claim him in front of the world.

Such an act of acceptance was something Jensen craved with all his being.

Biting his lip, Jensen drew his ball cap a little farther down his forehead before heading to the door and pushing it open entered the place where he hid from the world most days. Heading toward the counter he shifted his computer bag on his shoulder to a more comfortable position as he waited in line. "I can help you over here," he heard the girl at the other register call. Allowing himself only a brief look of longing he then headed to the other register and smiled weakly at her.

"Extra large regular caffeinated, right Mr. Ackles?" Hilary asked and Jensen nodded shortly as she headed off to get his order. Inhaling deeply he looked at the order Jared was making that seemed to have extra everything including whipped topping and smelled delicious. That was what he really wanted, but it was a Jenny drink not a Mr. Ackles drink. Jensen Ackles the writer drank only black coffee. It was after all what one would expect of a writer of supernatural horror novels. It was the mold he lived in and afforded him the successes he'd gotten. Such things would never have come to Jenny, this he knew.

Looking at Jared though after a day of daydreaming, made him practically ache with longing. He had no way of knowing how desperate he'd feel just at the sight of the Adonis who had unlocked this mystery longing within him. He wanted more than anything for Jared to look at him and see Jenny hiding within the strict structured illusion that he'd created for himself. He wanted him to take him in his arms and swear he'd keep him safe from all the wolves threatening to devour him at the first sign of his other self.

Such things were not to be however, and Jensen knew he was foolish for hoping for things of that nature. Still, it didn't stop the ache or the need.

"$5.25, Mr. Ackles," Hilary said her 'customer smile' firmly in place. "Paddy has your regular table reserved for you."

Not daring to speak, Jensen handed over his money and headed to his table pushing his personal life out of the way, as his characters took center stage.

Sighing exhausted after long hours helping an endless line of customers, Jared rubbed the back of his neck stepping away from the counter and headed back into his office. Sitting behind his desk, Jared closed his eyes and leaned back allowing himself to relax finding himself thinking about Penny. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd hear from her.

He hoped that he would. He had a feeling that he would be fairly devastated if she didn't call him. He couldn't help but wonder what her deal was. People were mysteries, and she was one of his favorites, the other being his favorite customer Mr. Ackles. Jared, from the first time he'd laid eyes on the quiet man, had been attracted to him unable to wonder what was hidden behind the ever-present ball cap and carefully blank eyes. Being the owner, Jared knew he had a responsibility to respect his customer's privacy, but it was difficult especially when the man in Jared wanted to do nothing more than unwrap him and find all his treasures.

In all honesty, the lips were what pulled him in. They made him long for endless make out sessions on his couch and blow jobs in the shower. He was pretty sure he could spend the rest of his life just kissing his lips and eventually die a happy man.

But, Jared was trying to force himself to accept the notion that it just was not meant to be. Grabbing his keys and jacket Jared stood and left the office deciding he'd worked hard enough for one day. Stepping out he glanced to Mr. Ackles table and sighed seeing the other man had left.

He told himself it was just another sign that it was not meant to be, and cheered himself up hoping tonight would be the night Penny called.

A week later found "Paddy" very uncharacteristically grumpy. Penny still hadn't called and to make matters worse, Mr. Ackles had stopped showing up. Jared therefore was one unhappy man feeling like life had kicked him square in the ass and laughed at him while he was down. "Jay-red!" He heard his name called and sighed knowing who it was without looking up.

"Hey, Baum," Jared said trying to find the patience he needed to deal with the man before turning.

"I hear you've turned into a sourpuss." Baum said arching an eyebrow and Jared glared at his counter girl Hilary who crossed her arms unapologetically. Sighing Jared moved from behind the counter and headed to the office leaving the door open for Baum to follow, once he got whatever exotic concoction Hilary was making the man this week.

"So, what's the deal?" Mike, better known as Baum to the world, asked taking a seat across the desk from Jared.

"My life sucks so bad, they've both disappeared on me." Jared said pouting stretching his legs out and resting his head against the back of his chair.

"They?" Baum questioned, one eyebrow arched.

"Yeah, Mr. Ackles and Penny," Jared clarified huffing, but sat up and arched an eyebrow when Mike choked on his coffee.

"Penny?" Mike repeated thinking he must sound like an idiot, but unable to help it. He had no clue Jared had met Jensen's other self.

"Yeah, I met him… her…" Jared waved a hand in the air. "I met Penny at your club a little over a week ago. I thought we'd connected ya know? I mean, fuck man she's everything, ya know. But, then she didn't call. And, to make matters worse Ackles disappeared." Jared shrugged crossing his arms protectively.

"Penny is quite the exotic creature," Baum agreed carefully studying Jared. He figured that he should have known Jay was the Adonis Jensen'd been going on about, and lately distressing over.

"I just, I thought it was something, man. I thought I'd found something real again. Something like Tom only real and ya know sane and crap. I just, I can't even explain it. I've never felt a connection like that before, hell not even with Tom. She made me want things again, and now she hasn't called so obviously whatever I thought was there was only in my fuckin' head. An' it sucks. Mikey. It sucks real damned bad."

"It sucks and it makes me remember why I don't wanna do this anymore. It makes me remember why it isn't worth it. I suppose that I should thank her for that, 'cause nothing ever lasts forever right? I mean, that's what they say. Apparently, they're right."

Mike stared at Jared alarmed at the change in his friend. He'd thought they were well past all this. When he'd first met Jared, the guy'd been not much more than a shell of anger and pain hiding it all beneath an overly hyperactive alter ego. He'd sensed something in the kid and made a point to try to draw him out.

The week had already been a crapper, with Jensen's Marine Corps father showing up unannounced and sending the guy for a loop. Mike really hated it when the guy came, and these surprise visits where in his opinion just the twisted bastard's way of tormenting Jensen insuring that he never really relaxed.



Mike had thought for a while that Jensen and Jared were perfect for each other. He even might be willing to admit that he'd given Jared the invitation hoping they'd meet at the club. It was his opinion that Jared was exactly what Jensen needed, especially now that his father had taken all of Jen's insecurities and brought them to the surface.

Mike knew he had two options. He could do what most would do and stay out of it. Or, on the other hand, he could do the Baum thing to do and push things along a little.

So, being that he WAS The Baum, Mike stood and grabbed Jared's jacket. "Come on, Jay, there's someone I want you to meet."

Jared scowled as Mike left the office carrying his jacket, wondering why he put up with the man.

Jensen laid on his couch curled in on himself staring at the cursor on his computer, which was blinking mockingly at him. He hadn't written a word since the last time he'd been at Paddy's. He never could, which was one reason he was there every day.

If he'd thought he'd needed Jared a week ago, he needed him even more now. He hadn't gone this long without seeing him since the day he'd walked into Paddy's Coffee Shop and seen Jared's beautiful face.

He honestly felt like he was dying without him.

His insides hurt. His body ached. His jaw was clenched so hard he didn't think he'd ever get it open again, and he needed to be back in his Adonis' arms so badly it made him cry.

He knew if he was here he'd make it ok. He'd chase away all the doubt and insecurity his father brought and make him feel loved and beautiful again. Curling up tighter he felt the tears start again, but couldn't stop them. One-half of his mind, the half that still wanted to be daddy's good soldier, told him it was all wrong. The other half that craved Jared's big warm heart, told him he was freezing to death without him.

He didn't realize how attached he'd become to Jared even before Penny met Adonis, but he knew now. He just wished he'd figured it out before it was too late.

Hearing a knock on his door, Jensen pulled the pillow over his head willing the person to go away. "Jenny, you can open the door, or I can get Chris to come open it for me. It's your choice." He heard Mike call and growled knowing the man meant it.

Slowly, he uncurled himself and pushed himself up and off the couch, making his way to the door throwing it open. Mouth open, intent on cursing Mike out thoroughly, Jensen forgot how to speak as he died at the sight of the man on the other side.

Jared was about two seconds away from killing Mike. He really wasn't in the mood for the bullshit he was being put through. The other man refused to tell him where they were going; only saying that Jared would thank him later.

So, there he stood in someone's hallway, listening to Mike pound on the door calling for some damned girl. Why the fuck he was insisting on Jared meeting a chick he had no clue. Obviously, he needed to explain the concept of being gay to the fucker though.

Just when he was about to leave, he heard the click of a lock. "He's all yours man," Mike said slapping him on the shoulder before heading down the hall, leaving Jared to stare after him dumbfounded.

Just then though the door opened forcing Jared to turn his attention to the person on the other side. As his jaw hit the floor, several thoughts flew through Jared's head. The first was that Jenny was DEFINITELY not a girl. The second was that it was rather odd that this Jenny person had Mr. Ackles' lips and his Penny's eyes.

Then as all the pieces clicked into place, Jared's jaw slammed shut. Jenny was Mr. Ackles who was his Penny. One man with three identities, just the thought made Jared tired so, he couldn't imagine how it made Jensen feel.

He didn't know how long the two of them stood there and stared at each other, but now that he was over his shock, it gave Jared the time to study Jensen. Frankly, the man looked like shit. His eyes were red and puffy with dark circles underneath. His complexion was pale and grayish. Those beautiful orbs of his were filled with emotions Jared instantly hated to see there.

He didn't even stop to think about what he was doing.

Stepping forward he simply pulled Jensen into his arms; and, when the other man started crying, forced him backwards so that he could close the door behind them, locking the world out.

The sight of Jared broke what few pieces Jensen had left that were whole. When Jared stepped forward and pulled him into the safety of his big arms, Jensen didn't even consider resisting. The tears came, shaking his body, making his knees weak.

He had no recollection later of Jared coming in and locking the door. He had no idea how they got to the couch. He only knew that some time later he lifted his head to find himself on his Adonis' lap, and feel his lips pressed against the side of his head.

They only made him hold on that much tighter.

It couldn't be real. Jensen didn't get such things, and yet was. Jared was there, in his apartment, on his couch, underneath him, rubbing his back, and kissing his temples.

He felt whole again.

It was as if Jared had taken all the shattered pieces and magically put them back together. He didn't even begin to understand how this was possible, but wasn't about to question it now. Not when the very thing he'd needed for a fucking week was right there with him, holding him and making him feel loved again.

It was heaven.

He'd thought that it must be his imagination, how right it felt to be in his Adonis' arms. He then decided that the reality was better than anything he remembered and discarded all his fantasies creating new ones. Thoughts, words, and feelings like love and completion, acceptance and devotion, and forever flew through his mind swirling together until he was dizzy and breathless, and ultimately thankful.

His Jared, his Adonis, his life and love, his rock was there. He didn't know if this was a pit stop on some fast track, or a milestone in some marathon. He just knew that it felt right and he wasn't about to question it. Not now, not after he'd been reminded him how lucky he was to have someone like Jared who accepted him, when there were people like his father who hated him so completely.

"Stay," Jensen whispered softly and painfully.

"Always," Jared replied, leaning back, making himself more comfortable as Jensen relaxed in his arms, quickly falling to sleep.

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