Ok, so calling Kevin and Scott was a bad idea. All I got was more confused and a headache to match.

Good Lord... I thought Hunter and I were messed up. At least I have a good excuse for not knowing what he is thinking... hell I'm not talking to him. But how is it that you can spend all your time with a person… be as close as Scott and Kevin are… and not know what the other one is thinking? Kevin thinks Scott doesn't want him anymore and he's losing him... Scott says that he needs Kevin but he's pulling away and doesn't want to help him anymore. HUH?!? Can we say communication people?

* Sigh * Scott and Kevin are going to have to work out their own problems... I am having enough trouble with my own. My boy... He really is my boy you know. I know he has this big bad image but he is nothing like what you see on TV. He's sweet. He takes things to heart. I know… imagine that… The Game is Mr. Sensitive. It's hard to believe, but it's true. He agonizes over everything... damn he used to drive me nuts. But now I wouldn't change a thing.

I remember when we first got together. You would think two men had never had a relationship before. He was so shy and naive. But damn he was a fast learner. WOW! I don't think there is anything he wasn't willing to try... frankly I don't know how he kept his ass virginal that long!

We were sitting in the car one time driving to an event and he kept going on and on about what happens if someone finds out... what would we do?? The Kliq would never speak to us again. Lord Kevin and Scott had already been together for at least 2 years at that point and I think Sean started fuckin' before he was born. Hunter looked so cute when he found out… he had this shocked expression on his face. He couldn't look at Kevin or Scott for a week without his face turning beet red. My poor baby.

I hate not being with him now. I know what it is like being hurt and all alone. God knows that little bitch Stephanie isn't gonna stay at home with him.

I wonder how he's doing. If I were there I would be holding him in my arms. He likes that... just to lay there and talk or watch TV.

I don't know what to do.

That worries me.

Normally I always have some kind of an idea... not that it is always a good idea, but at least something.

I hate this feeling helpless and lost all the time. I hate feeling like I've lost everything... but I have... and I don't know how to get any of it back. My career... My pride... My lover... there has to be something I can do. Fuck! I would do anything to hear his voice right now and Jesus to see him... to touch him... I would sell my soul.

Sean... Scott says I should call Sean. I think Scott really has fried his brains. I am having a major crisis and he wants me to call the Energizer Bunny for advice? He must have lost his mind. But what else can I do? Shit there has to be something!

I'm gonna have to think about this one.

"Jesus, Hunter where are you? I only want you back!"

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