Shawn called today. He's decided that he wants Hunter back and called me to ask how to do it. I guess I'm suppose to be some relationship expert since Scott and I've been together for so long… if they only knew the truth. Scott seems so far away these days. He's changed so much. Granted it's for the better. He's done so much for himself… I'm just in awe. But then I've always felt that way about Scotty. It's sorta like a line from a song... he's always been beautiful to me. But sometimes.... Sometimes I miss the old days.

I'm such a bastard. He's come so far and I have the gall to wish he hadn't... but sometime I do. I miss being needed. He does everything on his own now. I know I should be proud ... and I am... really! But I hate it too. 'Cause I know the only reason we made it this long is 'cause he needed someone to keep picking him up, and now that he doesn't need that...

I don't deserve him. I never have. He's like this beautiful child in a man's body. I'm just... an adult. I'm the responsible one. I'm the one that has to say we can't do that. I'm the one that has to be strong.

But I'm tired.

I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of being responsible for every one and every thing. I'm tired of failing. The only thing I ever invested in that succeeded was Scott... and where did that get me?

Jesus, do you hear this drivel? I should be shot. The truth is... I love him more than life itself but I'm scared to death that I'm gonna lose him now.

What the hell would I do without Scott?

What the hell would anything matter?

Shit I can't even hold together the Kliq and I'm suppose to be the leader. Some leader I am. We've never been farther apart. I think the only two that are truly close these days are Justin and Sean. The rest of us have spent so much time protecting our positions we forgot what the hell we were protecting... except Scott.

I've never met someone as determined as him. Even when he loses his place he always remembers where he was trying to get to. Christ, look how long he fought to dig himself out of that hole.

God, I love him.

God, I miss him.

My world feels empty without him here. I'd trade everything I have left to have things the way they were... to be as close as we were.

Not that I have much left. I think when the company closed it took everything I am with it. I gave them so much for so long and then lost it all. I'm one of the biggest names in the business and for the life of me I can't figure out why.

God I love him... have I said that? I miss knowing where I fit into his life. Hell I miss fitting into his life cause I'm not sure I do anymore.

Shawn and Hunter... what can I say?

Nothing lasts forever.

I told Shawn to be patient. Hunter's the best of us all... 'Cept The Kid. Hunter will come around. Hell he probably already has. He's never been one to feel sorry for himself long... and God knows he's the strongest of us all. I couldn't have put up with what he did after "The Incident".

Injuries are a funny thing. You really find out who you are when you're out hurt. Shawn needs to be patient. To bide his time and wait for Hunter. The Game'll let him know when he's ready to come back to being himself. One of these days he'll realize what we all do... that there's more to life than wrestling. When he does I'm sure he will come back to Shawn.

My life is Scott... I just hope one of these days he comes back to ME.

God I'm tired.

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