* Sigh * Shawn is sleeping. I have my head on his chest and I can hear him breathing.

I don't think I could sleep even if I wanted to. I'm be too afraid he'll disappear while I'm sleeping.

We talked for hours after he showed up. He finally brought me back to the bedroom and put me to bed.

Before you ask NO we didn't do anything.

Shawn says that it's too early for that. He says when he thinks we are ready for it we will do it. And he is in charge. He is the Top and I am the Bottom... in everything... and this time that is NOT changing for any reason.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

God, I've been a prick.

To everyone... Shawn, Scott, Kevin, Justin.

I am shocked that the Kid is still talking to me. God only knows he gets the brunt of my frustration.

I hate being in charge. Shawn says that he will help. He says that he will talk to Vince and get him to bring him back maybe as a manager for the Kid.

Shawn thinks he could help out the Kid alot.

I agree.

He says that if he is there he can help me with things and no one will know. When we are outside the arena there will be no question who runs things. If he says jump I say how high.

I told him he was going a little overboard.

He said that if I didn't like it he knew where the door was and he knew how to use it.

I didn't admit it but that sounded like music to my ears... I was too tired to even pretend I wanted to be in control anymore.

If I could I would just hand Jericho my spot.

Shawn said that if I did he would find someone to kick my ass... he thought Adams and Clark might be looking for some work.

I asked if he was talking about the wrestlers or the explorers.

He decked me... popped me right in the back of my fuckin head.

He said that we have given too much of our lives for me to walk away.

I think he just knows that I am as close as he'll ever get to the top again... but that's ok. I don't mind anymore.

Shawn was meant to be on top. He was.

I have to spend so much time and effort getting there and staying there that I can't enjoy it.

Shawn lives for it. He does it effortlessly. It's like he just knows what needs to be done. And loves every second of the challenge.

Shawn says we have alot of work to do on us. He says we need to learn each other for real this time.

He says that this will not happen again. He says that he wants to be right here for the rest of our lives.

I asked him if that meant that we were going to be completely committed to each other.

He said that he loved me.

He said that if I wanted us to be an exclusive thing than that is what we would try, but he thinks it isn't.

He thinks that instead of us having our own separate little flings like some of the others do then we need to do them together... sorta like a rotating third.

I thought it was a wonderful idea.

He said that there was no way though that we were bringing in a third person until we were fixed. He said that the two of us would always fight more than Kev n Scott or Sean and Justin because that is the way we are... but that doesn't make us less in love.

I like the sound of that.

I like the idea of not having to be in charge anymore.

I like having my furry pillow back.

I like being the follower again.

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