Oh my fucking God. I have never been so scared in my life. `Don't worry about coming with me, Scotty' he said. `You'll be bored while I'm doing the fan-fest, Baby' he told me. I knew I should have listened to my gut instinct and gone along. But I didn't. What did I do? I stayed home, puttering around the house, trying to get everything clean for when he got home.

Well, I got the house clean and was just heading for the store to pick up something special for dinner when the call came. At least they had the intelligence to call me right away. I was at the hospital to sign the papers before they finished getting him stabilized, though they wouldn't let me see him yet. Why won't they let me see him yet?

Sighing, my mind races, and I fight the urge to go into heart failure of my own, trying to think of what needs to be done, but really, all I want is to see him. I want, no, scratch that, I *need* to make sure he's alright. And that's all that consumes my mind. Oh, I know there are other things I should be doing. Calling people to let them know what's happened, so they don't read it off the sites, calling our insurance company, things like that, but I just can't bring myself to focus on that right now.

Finally, I manage to pull myself together and convince myself that no news is good news right now and start making phone calls. His family needs to know, though I feel guilty talking to Cam and not being able to tell him exactly what's wrong with his Daddy, but he's old enough that he needs, and deserves, to know what's going on. Everyone else can wait until I've found out more information. Promising to call Cam back as soon as I find out anything else, I hang up the phone, heart beating rapidly as a nurse comes out and asks for the family of Kevin Scott Nash.

Breathing a sigh of relief as she tells me that they have managed to stabilize him, I feel my heart calm, tears of relief coming to my eyes. I had been so afraid he wouldn't make it. And really, if one of us was going to die, maybe it's selfish of me, but I wish it would be me. I'm the one who deserves it, the one who has done nearly everything possible to kill myself over time. And yes, I would rather die than go on without him. Selfish, I know, but true.

Taking a calming breath, I want to get myself under some form of control, not wanting to upset him more than he already is. Nodding my thanks to the nurse, I walk through the doors into the ER and towards the room the nurse pointed out to me, digging deep to pull my most confident expression before stepping into the room and taking his hand, and now, holding it, I know we can face whatever the future brings us.