Nothing you can say
Nothing's gonna take what you've done to me
Now it's time to shine~
Mercy Drive ~ Burn In My Light
Randy stood in the middle of his trashed locker-room heaving and looking around for something else he could destroy. When he found that there was nothing his anger and frustration only increased ten-fold. He wanted something to shatter, he wanted something to be as broken as he felt.
He shouldn't even be feeling like this in the first place. He'd won damnit! He'd singled-handedly defeated not only Triple H but Edge too. He would have full control of Raw tomorrow night and all of the crowd support he could ever dream of.
He'd pinned Hunter for the victory.
That was the thing that should have made him the happiest, the thing that should have him out at some club downing shots like water in celebration. But instead it was the thing that had him going psycho on the measly furniture in the locker-room of the arena hours after everyone had cleared out. It was the thing that had his eyes blurring with tears and his hands shaking for no apparent reason. It was the thing that was making his heart ache.
/This is so wrong. It was never supposed to be like this. You had everything you fucking dumbass and you threw it all away./
The same thoughts had been running through his head for hours now, months even. People often said he had no morals, no ethics, no remorse, and his actions over the past few months had done nothing to prove them wrong. In fact, he'd almost convinced himself that he was lacking those things too…until that little voice in his head kicked in and started kicking his ass. It had been doing so for the last three months. He'd call it his conscience, except it sounded like his dad. At first he thought he was having flashbacks of childhood, constantly hearing his dad tell him he was fucking up, until it started to mention things about Hunter, and Dave, and Ric, and...loyalty. He never fought or argued with it because, even though it sounded like Cowboy Bob, it was telling the truth.
And Hunter had been the one who taught him not to lie to himself.
/You were all supposed to be on top of the world. Evolution was supposed to be together…You and Hunter were supposed to be together. You fucked it up. Then again, that's all you ever do. It's a wonder Hunter ever bothered with you in the first place./
The thoughts were pain-wrenching and had him fighting off another round of violence at his own stupidity. This was all his fault, the break-up of the group, the break-up of he and Hunter's relationship, everything. It was all his fault.
"You know, after almost two years together I never knew you were the Rockstar-trash-your-dressing-room type." Randy rounded to see Hunter standing just inside the doorway surveying the damage. "Huh. Maybe I was just a bad boyfriend."
Randy cringed at his last words. He knew what Hunter was doing. He was rubbing the fact that he'd thrown away a perfectly good relationship in his face. Hunter had been great…and Randy had been an idiot.
/Not like that's anything new./
"What do you want?"
"To congratulate you on a good match. After we got back here it was kind of crazy with everybody running up to tell you how good you played it and I didn't get a chance to tell you myself. You didn't miss a cue and you performed very well."
"That's all?"
"What else is there to say?"
/You could tell me that you miss me, that you forgive me and that you still want me./
Randy was mildly surprised to find his own voice in his head all of a sudden. After hearing his father for nearly three months non-stop he was more than a little relieved, even if the thoughts he was silently voicing weren't much happier than his father's insults.
"You're right. I guess there is nothing else."
"And whose fault is that?"
Randy was shocked by the words. He couldn't believe that Hunter could be so blunt. So cold.
/So much like my fucking dad./
"I think we all know whose fault it is. You, me, Bob, everybody," he said darkly. "You can get the fuck out of here now."
"Yeah I can but I'm not going to because, unlike you and apparently your dad, I'm not really clear on exactly who or what fucked this up. I never asked you for answers, never asked you for a goddamn thing when you decided to walk away from Evolution…and me. But I want them now and I'm gonna get them."
"Why?"
"Because of this," he gestured around the room at the broken glass and cracked wood, torn couch cushions and shredded paper. "You walked away from everything you knew because you wanted to change, wanted to accomplish other things. Well, you left us and became a fan favorite, you turned your back on us and became the youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history at Summer Slam, you've handed my ass to me night in and night out since then and you just pinned me at Survivor Series to win it all for your team. You pinned the Champ, Orton. You're gonna control Raw tomorrow night and that alone should pull up our ratings which will have Vince kissing your ass, congratulations. You wanted to step out of our shadow, you did it. You wanted to make a name for yourself outside of Evolution, you have it. You wanted fan support, it's yours. You wanted to be free of me and our relationship, you are. But you're not happy. You accomplished everything you set out to do and you're still tearing shit apart and crying. So if you did all of this and it wasn't for happiness then what in the hell was it all for?"
/I don't know./
"What do you mean you don't know?"
Startled, Randy realized that he must've thought out loud. "I mean exactly what I said. I don't know what it was for, but it doesn't matter anyway. It's done and…"
"And what," Hunter prompted when Randy didn't continue.
"And…nevermind, don't worry about it. Go back to the hotel."
"Oh no, I said I was gonna get answers and I am. I'm staying here until I get to the bottom of some of this shit."
"Hunter, it's been three months. This conversation is coming a little late don't you think?"
"It's never too late."
/God, I wish you meant that the way I need you to./
Saddened by Hunter's presence and his own thoughts Randy quickly blinked back tears and huffed out a breath. "Go away Hunter."
"You'd like that wouldn't you?"
/No!/
"I asked for it didn't I?"
"That's avoiding the question. I asked you if you would like for me to leave. All that takes is a simple yes or no."
"Why are you being so difficult?"
"The same reason you still haven't answered the question."
/I doubt that./
"Do you?" Randy paled slightly when he realized he'd done it again. "The look on your face is telling me that you hadn't meant to say that out loud. Now if you can't keep your thoughts to yourself anymore, Orton, something must be really wrong. I mean, considering the fact that no one, especially me, knows what the hell has been going through your head these past few months."
"Did you come here to bait me, Hunter?"
"I think we already went over the fact that I came for answers. If pissing you off is the only way I can get them then so be it. I'll keep baiting you until you tell me what I wanna know."
Randy stared into the hazel eyes he'd been looking into for only a few short years but could probably read better than anyone else in the world. He blinked and acknowledged the tears streaming down his face with only a sigh before clearing his throat.
"Ask me a question."
"Why did you leave me?"
/Fuck! Jump right on in for Christ's sake!/
"I…I wanted to."
"Did you really?"
"I thought I did."
"But you don't know about that anymore?"
"No, I know."
/I know that I was wrong./
"You know what?"
/Fuck!/
"I didn't really want to okay? I was happy and I blew that. It was the stupidest mistake I've ever made."
Hunter's face didn't move a muscle as he heard this admission. He just continued with his questions. "What made you think you wanted to leave me?"
"Shit," the younger man whispered hugging himself slightly in a self-conscious gesture he thought he'd lost somewhere in high school. "It was the lure of it all, ya know? The belt, the fans, the money. I knew the only way to get all of that would be to break away from Evolution and in some weird twisted way I thought that splitting up on-screen and off-screen went hand in hand. I felt like you and Evolution were holding me back, and that wasn't true. I…I let the business creep into our relationship and I shouldn't have."
"How was I holding you back?"
"You weren't and I realize that now," he nearly pleaded. "It was stupid immature shit that I should've been able to brush off. Like when the guys in the back would call me your bitch, or your pet, or say shit like the only reason I'm where I'm at now is because I'm screwing one of the top guys. It got under my skin."
Hunter nodded slightly. "I went though that with, Shawn."
"I know, but you didn't leave him because of it," the brunette said miserably.
"No, I didn't," Hunter said evenly.
Those words made him feel worse than anything else Hunter had said thus far. The calm tone, the knowing look, the insinuation that he never would've left Shawn for something as trivial and unimportant as other peoples' opinions. The fact that Randy had done that to Hunter hung heavy in the silence between them.
"Anything else," the brunette asked almost desperately. He wanted to get this over with as fast as possible.
"How long were you sucking Eric off behind my back?"
"What?!"
/How in the hell did you know?!/
"Come on, Orton, I've been in the business a long time, a lot longer than I've needed to be to know that titles changes, and even title shots, don't just come out of thin air. Not to guys as young as you are, even with all your talent. To go up the ladder you gotta go down. So how long?"
"How do you know I was still with you when it happened?"
"Because you're smart enough to realize that it would've been stupid to leave me and Evolution before you got what you were promised. You don't trust Eric, no one does, so you wouldn't leave a sure thing just because he said he'd give you the belt. No, you did what he asked you to do behind closed doors and then laughed and smiled in my face up until you signed the contract."
"Hunter it was j-"
"Just business? Yeah, right, I know how that goes," he said with a nasty, belittling smile. "How long were you cheating on me with Eric, Randy?"
Randy sucked in a breath when Hunter said his name. It was the first time he'd addressed him by anything other than Orton since their break-up and it was a bittersweet pain.
"Two months, maybe two-and-a-half."
"What did you do?"
"Just blowjobs. I know he wanted to fuck me but I wouldn't let him. I couldn't do that to you, not when I was with you and already giving him my mouth. Not when I was going to leave you behind the whole stupid affair in the first place. It was too wrong."
/Like it makes any difference that you sucked and didn't take it up the ass. You were whoring yourself for a piece of leather and gold. You were cheating on one of the few people who ever gave a fuck about you despite having every reason in the world not to. And you have the nerve to still pine over him? You don't even have the right to do that. You don't even deserve to remember what the two of you had together. You're a pathetic piece of shit./
Randy wanted to curl up on the floor amidst the broken wood and glass and sob his heart out as his father's voice over-took his head once more. That would have to wait until later though. Hunter wasn't quite done yet and he didn't want to sicken him any further by showing just how weak he really was.
"So you had this planned for months? You just decided one day that this wasn't good enough for you and we were standing in your way?" When Randy looked away Hunter's voice got a bit harder. "So you went to Eric and told him, what, you'd get on your knees for him if he broke you out of Evolution and gave you the belt?"
Randy nodded as more tears gathered and fell unchecked. He willed himself to stand there before Hunter and answer him honestly, even if he was crying like some pathetic twink. He'd been man enough to plan it and carry it out so he may as well be man enough to face up to it.
"What, was giving you a fan-favorite angle a bonus thing or did you ask for that too?"
"It was his idea," Randy whispered hugging himself a little bit tighter.
"Are you still playing his whore now? Did this pay-per-view cost you something or was you winning already set in stone?"
"He fucked me last night and told me the ending a few minutes before he told all of you."
"Do you feel good about yourself, Randy? Are you proud of everything you've done?"
Hunter's mocking tone was toying with his already jangled nerves and his anger and sadness were making their way to the forefront. "You know what?! Fuck you, Hunter! You act like you didn't spend all of your early years sucking off Bret and Vince and Hogan until the Kliq decided to take you in and help you get matches! You act like you did everything the hard way and never took the easy road! I haven't done anything you haven't!"
"Oh you haven't," Hunter asked in a slightly incredulous yet still calm voice. "Yeah, I played bitch to a few guys to get ahead in the beginning and I'll never deny that, but once I became part of the Kliq and me and Shawn got together that shit stopped. If I didn't eat every single night it didn't matter because I would never sell them out for a meal. I never went behind Shawn's back and thought up ways to leave him while telling him how happy he made me and how in love with him I was, I never cheated on him for any reason, I never purposely tried to hurt him, and I never put the business before him. I can be cold, but I was never that cold."
/I'm sorry./
"You're better than me Hunter, and I fucked up. You got your answers, you made your point, you can go now."
"No I can't."
"Why not?! What do you want from me?!"
Hunter crossed over to him in two steps and pulled him down for a long, involved kiss that he submitted to instantly. It felt like coming home again, everything was so right. He was made for this man, he'd known it over a year-and-a-half ago, he'd known it over these last three months, and he knew it now.
"I love you," the blonde sighed when they pulled apart. He gently stroked away the tears that slid down the younger man's face at those words. "I hate to see you suffering, baby. I hate to see you unhappy, and I hate to see you trying to do it alone. I know you fucked up and I know you finally understand that now too. I know you love me and you miss the guys and you want us all back. You've been killing yourself more and more each day with the guilt and I think you've been through enough. You can come back now, not on-screen obviously, but off-screen where it really counts. We miss you too."
"You're serious? This isn't some twisted way to get back at me for what I did? Like make me believe you and then laugh in my face?"
"No, I told you I'm not that cold. Plus, this isn't all about you, I'm a selfish bastard and I want you back," Hunter informed with a slight smile.
/Are you really gonna go back to him and fuck his life up even more? If there was a single shred of human decency left in you, you'd tell him to leave. If you love him, you won't make him go through all the hell you'll no doubt put him through. After-all you can't help but be a dumb-fuck who screws-up your own life and everyone else's around you. For once do the right thing and let somebody else be happy./
"No. You-I don't deserve this. I can't. I'm a fuck-up, I'm pathetic, I'm trash. I'm not worth your time or your e-"
"What the fuck are you talking about, Randy?"
Randy closed his mouth on the insults that had been running through his mind for the last ninety-some odd days. Insults that were so reminiscent of his childhood, pounded into him like vital lessons.
/Are you proud of me? I never forgot./
The thought was almost abstract and Randy waited for his father's voice to answer. He was almost disappointed when he heard Hunter speaking to him again instead.
"Baby? Who are you talking to? You never forgot what?"
"Fuck. I really can't shut the hell up can I? Just something else I can't do right I guess."
"Stop that shit. You fucked up, it happens. You're sorry, I forgive you, it's over."
"No it's not over, Hunter, because I'm Randy Orton."
Hunter nearly flinched at that. The younger man's words were almost bitter enough to taste.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that so long as things are going good and smooth I'll find a way to fuck them up. I'm incapable of just being happy, or even just smart. I throw every good thing away because I'm fucking stupid. I always have been."
"Who told you that?"
"What?"
"That doesn't even sound like you. Who told you that," Hunter asked again adopting that same even tone he'd been using earlier. "Who has you fucking your life up because they said it's all you'd ever do?"
/I'm the only one responsible for my fuck-ups, Hunter./
"He only says it because it's true."
"He? He who? Bischoff?"
"Please, do I act like I give a fuck what he thinks of me? I'm playing his fuck-toy week to week just so I'll stay on top. His opinion can't be too high and I'm not really doing much to change it."
"Who is it then? One of the guys in the back?"
"No."
"Then--wait, you said something about your dad earlier. You said he knows that this is all your fault. He tells you this shit about yourself?"
"Yeah, so what?"
"I thought you guys didn't talk anymore. Not since you left Saint Louis."
"We don't, but the fucker can't even let me have that peace. I thought I'd left that back there but he's in my head now, Hunter. He screams and tells me what a piece of shit I am all day everyday. I can't hide from it, I can't shut it up, and the worst part is that it's true."
"It's not."
"Oh, it is. Look around you, Hunter, this is me," he said motioning to the destroyed room. "A complete and total mess."
"This hasn't been you, though. You can't tell me you believed all this shit while we were still together. You never acted this way, you were never this down on yourself."
"It was there, it was just easier to ignore when you have someone telling you how great you are and how much they love you," he nearly whispered. "But I gave you up, and now it's all blindingly obvious again. His reminders just help it along real well."
"Let me help make it go away."
"Why would you want to?"
"Because I love you."
/I love you too!/
"I feel sorry for you then. You should go back to the hotel, Hunter."
"Not without you. Not until I'm sure that we're together again."
Randy saw the stubborn set of the older man's jaw and cursed under his breath.
"Damnit, baby, can't you see I'm trying to be strong for you? For both of us? Please, just walk away and…and let me make it good."
"You can't make it good by pushing me away."
"Yes I can, because I'll only hurt you again later if I let myself go back to you now. I don't wanna hurt you anymore."
"This is hurting me, Randy," Hunter said making another sweeping gesture of the room. "And so are these," he said wiping away more of the many tears spilling from the brunettes eyes. "I can't be happy when you're dying inside. What the fuck makes you think I can just stand by and watch?"
/Because that's exactly what I deserve. I drove a stake through your heart and walked all over you and the guys just so that I could get ahead. You should be happy I'm falling apart, I would be./
/That's just another reason why you don't deserve him. He's loving and forgiving and you're just a vindictive, grudgful, prick. Walk away, let him be happy without you, because honestly, how could someone like him every be happy with…something like you?/
The sob that left his throat was accidental. The pain in his chest was almost paralyzing and it was all he could do not to fall to his knees right then and there.
"God, just go. Go away."
Whether he was talking to Hunter, his dad, the pain, or all of the above was a mystery to him at this point. He just wanted everything to stop.
"And what will you do if I go away? Will that make you happy?"
/No./
"No," he answered too weary to try to cover the truth.
"What will?"
"It doesn't matter, it's never mattered."
"It always has to me," Hunter told him with a sad shake of his head. "Couldn't you see that? Can't you see it right now?"
"Don't do this, baby, don't make it harder than it has to be. Just walk away before I break down and tell you I love you too."
"That's all I want."
"No you don't! You don't know what you're asking for!"
"I'm asking for both of us to come out of the hell we've been in for these past three months. I'm asking for both of us to be able to heal. I'm asking for happiness."
"I'll just m-"
"Randy, how do you know what you'll do later?"
"History is destined to repeat itself," he said with a dry bitter ring to his voice.
"Only if you don't learn from your mistakes. Do you wanna hurt me again?"
"No, that's why we shouldn't-"
"Do you wanna keep going on the way you are," the older man interrupted. "You're miserable without me, baby, and we both know it."
"Being away from me will make you happy in the long run and as long as you're happy, Hunter, I don't matter."
Hunter's fists clenched at the barren sound of his ex-lover's voice. That statement had him more determined to make Randy a part of his life again more than anything else.
"Do you like the way you've been feeling, Randy?"
"…No," he admitted hesitantly.
"Were you happy with me?"
"You know I was," he told him harshly.
"Then why can't you see that we belong together? That all of this shit would go away if you just came back to me?"
And Randy finally lost one of the many battles he'd been fighting for the last hour or so and fell to his knees right in the middle of the carnage. Right in front of Hunter.
"Stop it, please," he begged, actually begged, through his tears. "I'm not strong enough for this. I can't be good for you when you're telling me this shit. Just leave, please."
Hunter stepped closer and stroked his fingers over short brown hair. "I don't want you to be good for me if it means I have to be without you."
Randy leaned his head against Hunter's strong thigh and continued to cry, his tears wetting the denim beneath his head. "Please, just go."
"I can't. I love you too much to leave you like this or to walk away from us. There's too much history and too much future and I'm not willing to throw it all away. I fucking love you, Randy, and I don't care what your dad is telling you now or what he's told you before. You're worth it. You're worth everything to me."
Randy waited for his dad's voice to say something, give another protest, an insult, something, anything to give him the strength to leave this man and these words behind for good tonight.
It never came.
Hunter always did have the power to shut him up.
So here he was, truly alone with his thoughts and with a vital decision to make. His head was currently resting against the only person who'd ever made him happy to be who he was, made him smile and mean it, made him…shine.
Shine
The word, the thought, or even just the concept only seemed conceivable when Hunter was somewhere near it. Hunter was the light inside him. The love the older man gave him made him glow and without him he'd been completely burned out for what seemed like forever. But even now, as he simply leaned against him, he could feel the light sparking to life again, faint, but alive nonetheless.
/Do you want this again? This security, this love, this…shine?/
/Yes./
/Do you wanna take the risk to get it?/
/I don't know./
/Is Hunter worth that risk?/
/Hell yes! And apparently he thinks I am too./
/Do you love him?/
/More than anything in this world. I'm fucking dying without him./
He thought, no, he knew he had an answer.
"Hunter," he said into the material heating the flesh beneath it. "…I love you too."
The hand carding through his short hair stilled and Hunter hesitated a few moments before gracefully lowering himself into a crouch so that he and Randy were on the same level.
"What are you saying?"
The strangled tone of the blonde's voice moved something inside of Randy he'd thought was lost to him for good. It made him that much more confident of his next words.
"I'm saying that I want this too. I love you and I…I don't want either of us to hurt anymore."
"It has to be different this time, Randy. But you know that already."
"I do," he said with a nod before looking straight into hazel eyes he'd missed more than air in these past months. "If you think I'm worth it… then I'm gonna do my best to try to be. I wanna prove you right. No more Eric, no more backstabbing, no more lying."
Hunter nodded with a slight smile. "Thank you, but I didn't just mean you, baby. There were things I could stand to change too."
"You were perfect, Hunter. You didn't mess anything up."
Hunter shook his head in disagreement. "I should've paid more attention. I didn't see just how insecure you were and how much it was eating you up inside. I'm gonna make sure that fucker doesn't torment you anymore."
"He wasn't in my head until I left you."
"But he's been in here for a lot longer than that," he murmured touching the younger man's chest with his index finger. "I know what it does to you to constantly push yourself for approval and come up short everytime. I know how you'll run yourself ragged and tear yourself down thinking you're never good enough. It's torture, baby, and I won't let it happen to you anymore."
"Because you couldn't stop it from happening to Shawn," Randy asked very quietly.
Hunter flinched almost imperceptively at that. "This is about you, Randy, I love you."
"I know that, but I saw Shawn fall just like everybody else did and I saw you trying to save him. I know you love me, and you want to pull me out of this, but is it all for me or is part of it guilt or some personal vendetta left over from what you couldn't do for him? Are you just saving the one you can?"
"You and Shawn are two completely different situations, Randy. Shawn…Shawn was fighting himself. He had this idea of himself in his head that he could never live up to and it got the best of him. He demolished his back trying to immortalize himself but it was never enough. Even now, he's still putting himself in matches that are gonna kill him one day because he doesn't think he's good enough. There's this voice constantly telling him that he's not there yet, that he could be better. He would cry into my chest almost every single night because he made himself feel like he was nothing. I couldn't save him, not from himself, when you're your own worst enemy there's almost nothing anybody can do for you. But you, you're different. You don't battle yourself but you're letting someone else drag you down. I can and I will pull you out of this. Am I just saving the one that I can? Yes, I am, because if I had it my way I'd be able to save both."
"How do you plan on saving me exactly," the brunette whispered.
"I'm gonna prove to you that you can shine without him, baby."
/Shine./
There was a moment of total silence between them wherein Randy's mind seized on that one word turning it over in his head again and again thinking, for the second time, how the word only seemed achievable when Hunter was involved in some way.
Right now it was more than achievable. Right now, it was the only thing he wanted to do.
"Show me. Make me see, Hunter."
Hunter stood gracefully and offered a hand to help the younger man rise from his knees. "Come on then."
~~~~
Hunter opened the door to his lavish suite and motioned for Randy to enter before him. Randy stepped in almost hesitantly and looked around in amazement as though he'd never been in something so expensive before. It was ridiculous really, he still kept up the Evolution lifestyle, still shopped, dressed and ate nothing but the best. But something about the room left him in awe.
Memories flooded him swiftly, almost violently, of he and Hunter in countless Presidential suites like this one drinking pricey champagne and eating flawless strawberries. Clips of all four of them together riding around nameless cities in stretch limousines all dressed in Armani suits feeling like nothing in the world could touch them. They were on top of the world then. And it hit him suddenly that he wasn't mesmerized by the fanciness of Hunter's room, it could've been some sleazy motel for all he cared. He was being affected by the fact that he was once again sharing something with someone he loved.
All that time it had never mattered that Hunter could afford and accepted nothing but the best. Randy was happy just being with him. They'd loved each other in spite of everything including finances. And he loved Dave and Ric too. If they'd had to ride piled up in a broken down Monte Carlo it wouldn't have mattered because they would've been together. Money had never been a deciding factor when it came to those three, it was just an added bonus.
It hurt him again when he realized just how much of a monster he'd let himself become where the three people he held dearest were concerned. The best things in his life, like most of them usually are, had been for love and nothing more. He'd left all of them behind for money. He should've known that he wouldn't have been happy this way. Money wasn't certain, wasn't a friend, it had no emotions and above all it was proven to be the root of all evil.
And hindsight was always twenty-twenty.
"You okay?"
Randy looked over at Hunter and read the concern clearly in his hazel eyes. His own eyes misted over a little and he spoke the first words that came to mind. He wondered if Hunter would even remember.
"Yeah. Just a little nervous, you know?"
Recognition lit in Hunter's eyes as their first night together approaching two years ago came to mind. It seemed like both days and eons ago at the same time. He found it a little difficult to speak his part.
"What's there to be nervous about? We both know what we're doing right?"
Randy wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. "I don't wanna be bad at it. I'm sure you've had your share of guys."
"You're not exactly an innocent either," Hunter said whispering at this point.
Tears seeped downs Randy's cheeks. "Is that how you get guys in your bed? By insulting them?"
"It's not an insult," Hunter murmured stroking Randy's cheeks. "You're right I have slept with a shit load of guys and I happen to like the ones with a couple of marks against them. Means they're not above making a few mistakes."
"Are you a mistake?"
"Won't know unless you make it will you? Now quit acting like a virgin and kiss me."
Randy kissed Hunter hard and he faintly registered the sound of fabric ripping. The cool air from the air-conditioner hit his chest and he noticed that his shirt was gone. The thought left his head as quickly as it entered because Hunter's thumbs were playing lightly at his nipples just the way he liked.
Not wanting to be outdone he let his hands slip under the fabric of Hunter's t-shirt and up his back tracing the ridges of his spinal chord. When Hunter shuddered and melted against him he sighed into the near savage kiss. His head was spinning and his lungs were burning from lack of oxygen but he wasn't about to stop. He'd needed this for way too long now, they both had. The only way he was ever going to feel whole again was if he had Hunter buried in him to the hilt. If the way his clothes were being jerked off his body was any indication, Hunter felt the same way.
After that it was a mad rush of frenzied hands and the sound of ripping fabric and then they apparently made it to the bed on a magic cloud because Randy couldn't remember taking the steps to get there. All he knew was that one minute he was standing in Hunter's arms being hastily undressed and the next minute he was laying naked flat on his back with his cock down his lover's throat. It was strange but he wasn't about to dwell on it. The only thing that mattered was the warm wonderful feelings of love and warmth curling through him right then. God he loved this man.
Hunter let himself slide down on Randy's cock one last time before pulling away much to the younger man's dismay. "Shh, just a second."
"Please," Randy pleaded through a haze lust. Tears were welling in his eyes again as his need consumed him. "Hunter."
"Shh," the blonde cooed again as he walked in the direction of the bathroom. He disappeared for a few moments before rejoining his lover on the bed with a small tube in his hand.
Randy could've shouted Hallelujah when two of Hunter's thick lubed fingers entered him and began the gentle task of stretching him. When those same slippery fingers found his prostate he arched so hard and so suddenly that he felt a twinge in his back.
"God yes!"
"You like that," Hunter asked in a low voice. "You want me?"
"Fuck!"
"You want me inside of you Randy," he asked again punctuating his question with a short jab to the younger man's prostate. The resulting shudder sent a shock of lust to Hunter's groin. "Tell me."
"I want you," Randy whimpered tossing his head back and forth on the pillow. He was out of his mind with desire by this point and willing to beg for everything Hunter could give him. "Please, Hunter. Please please please please."
Hunter couldn't wait a second longer. He scissored his fingers one final time before carefully removing them. He reached for the small tube once again and emptied a liberal amount into his hand and thoroughly coated himself. He'd seen Bischoff's dick before and if that's what Randy had been getting for the last three month then the extra lube was necessary or he might hurt his lover.
"Hunter," Randy warbled reaching to stroke himself. He nearly sobbed when Hunter slapped his hand away. "Damn it."
Hunter smiled down into Randy's flushed face. "Impatient?"
"I'm gonna kill you."
"No you're not," he assured as he began the slow journey inside.
He watched Randy's face as he sank in inch by agonizing inch, thankful that he'd used so much lube. The channel was as tight as it had been the first time they'd had sex and Randy's features showed just how tight the fit was. His eyes were screwed shut and he was biting his lip nearly in half as he fought to take slow deep breaths.
"It's okay baby, just relax. Breathe. I'm almost there." He reached out and cupped Randy's jaw pleased when the brunette turned into his hand and kissed the palm.
After what felt like forever he was fully sheathed and panting, sweat dampening his hair. The tight heat was incredible and he had to rest his head on the brunette's shoulder for a moment as he fought off his orgasm. It had been way too long.
Randy lay beneath Hunter waiting impatiently for his body to adjust to the intrusion. It took a full minute for the pain to fade into something much more pleasurable and he was more than ready to continue the moment it did.
"Hunter," Randy whispered into the silence of the room after a few more suspended seconds of stillness. "Move. Now."
Hunter managed a strained chuckle and slowly pulled out an inch or two before sinking back in. Each time he pulled a little further out and pushed in a little faster until he was burying himself in the younger man from base to tip in quick smooth strokes.
Randy was lost to the sensations. He was moaning loudly calling out to Hunter, God, Jesus and anything else he could think of as Hunter drove him in to the mattress. He couldn't think of anything other than reaching that pinnacle of bliss as he wrapped his legs around hunter's waist pulling the older man deeper and deeper with each hard thrust.
Hunter was glad that Randy wanted it just as hard as he did. After three months without the younger man, hell three months without anybody but himself, he didn't think he could've done slow and sweet. His body was just as addicted to Randy as his heart was and much like any addict his body was picking up where it left off. He needed this and he needed it now.
With the pace they'd set and the length of time they'd spent without one another it didn't take long for both of them to reach the edge. Randy cried out like a wounded animal as those ever-present tears spilled from his eyes and his warm seed wet he and Hunter's stomach. Hunter lasted about three more stokes before the tightening of Randy's muscles became too much for him to resist. He tensed and let go with a low groan of the younger man's name before collapsing fully on top of him.
He heard the breath leave Randy's lungs in a soft 'whoosh' as the younger man's body absorbed his greater weight, but he wasn't worried. Randy loved it when he pressed down on him after sex. As though to prove his point the brunette tightened his legs around his waist and wrapped his arms around his back to bring him down further. Hunter chuckled when Randy began to purr softly.
"Are you laughing at me," Randy asked a moment later in a warm, sated voice.
"You're cute when you purr," Hunter replied rolling off of the younger man and positioning them so that he was spooning Randy.
"Who told you to move?"
"I didn't wanna collapse your lungs or anything."
"I'm not that small," Randy laughed snuggling back into his lover when the blonde snaked an arm around his narrow waist. "I think I can handle you laying on me. I do weight two-hundred and thirty-five pounds, Hunter."
"You're still smaller than me."
"But I'm taller than you too."
"Dave's taller than you and he's bigger than me."
"Well maybe I don't wanna be really big, maybe I just wanna be lean. Could you picture the two of us rolling around together if we were both as big as you? I don't think it would work out too well."
"I think as long as it's you I'm rolling around with it'll work out just fine. No matter how big you are."
Randy could tell Hunter was close to sleep at this point. "Really? Why's that?"
"Because I love you."
"I love you too," Randy murmured lacing his fingers through the hand that was currently resting against his stomach. "Goodnight Hunter."
"Night baby," Hunter mumbled somewhere on the edge of sleep.
Randy listened to his lover's breathing even out with a soft smile. He'd never thought he'd be back in this man's arms again exchanging words of love. He'd never thought fate would be so good as to grant him a second chance, but here he was and with another shot at happiness and he was going to take it.
He knew that his mistake would always be between him and the other three and that there was nothing he could do or say to take it away, but that didn't mean they all couldn't work past it and make it even better this time around. This time he wasn't going to blow it. He loved Hunter and Ric and Dave too much to hurt them again. Above all else though…he loved to shine.
And after all he'd been though, he thought it was about time he let himself do it.
End
Read the sequel Put to Rest
