Jensen held his ground as Jared pushed past him and walked away, his heart was hammering and his breath was heavy as he listened to muffled voices coming from the garage. His nails dug into his flesh where his clenched fists turned his knuckles white, his arms still folded firmly across his chest. Jensen flinched when he heard the car door close; but still he remained motionless. He clenched his jaw as he heard the Impala roar to life but he stayed routed to the spot.

Jensen listened to Jared pull out of the garage, the same garage where just the day before Jensen had lain under that beautiful car and shown Jared how to care for it.

Please, don't go? he begged silently, tears prickling in his eyes as the engine's rumble slowly faded away.

Jensen felt more than heard Chris and Steve enter the room behind him. He rapidly blinked away his tears; he had to remain strong in his decision, at least on the outside.

"He's gone," Chris informed him, his voice carefully void of emotion. Jensen nodded to indicate that he'd heard but still he didn't turn. With his jaw now painfully clenched, Jensen moved towards the stairs.

"Jen," Steve began in a deep tone that caused Jensen to freeze.

"Don't," Jensen warned, his voice cracking slightly, sounding tired. "Please, just… don't."

Steve pursed his lips together before shaking his head and stalking towards Jensen.

"No. No 'don't'," he said sternly and Jensen spun to face him, eyes wide with shock. "You can't just ignore this, I'm not letting you."

"Steve -" Jensen pleaded but Steve wasn't about to let him off the hook that easily.

"No, Jensen. You begged me to give that boy a chance; you told me how much you liked him, how even though it might not work out, nothing was going to stop you from trying to be with him."

"Yeah, well, I was wrong," Jensen blurted, holding his arms wide. "I was wrong and you were right, as always. Come on, Steve, you should be happy, you were right all along."

"No, I wasn't," Steve said quietly and Jensen just stared at him, breathing hard. They stared at each other for a long moment, neither willing to be the first to break eye contact.

"Please, Steve," Jensen said finally. "Please just drop it, it's done, it's over, just leave it be?"

"What are you doing, Jensen?" Chris moved up beside Steve who was slowly shaking his head at Jensen. "Come on, man. I know you're scared but what you said to him, what you let him believe -"

"Is better in the long run," Jensen interrupted. "Look, I know you guys mean well, but, Jared…" Jensen's voice broke as soon as he said Jared's name. "Jared and I, we were never gonna work out. I was a fool to think we could."

Jensen headed towards the stairs, intent on climbing them and hiding himself away in his room.

"Why?" Steve questioned, still not letting Jensen run away. "Why wouldn't it work? It was working. Don't you have any idea what you meant to that guy? Yeah, so I was sceptical at first, but I watched you two together and I damn well know that you felt just as strongly about him as he did about you. So, why the Hell are you sending him away? What in the world possessed you to break the poor guy's heart and your own in the process?"

"I didn't… I never… Look, I thought maybe we could be something, but we can't -" Jensen tried to reason with them.

"Why the Hell not?" Chris demanded, finally losing his temper with Jensen. "Jesus, Jen. You know I love you, man, but right now I don't even feel like I know you. After the way Tom treated you, just throwing you away like a used piece of meat, do you even realise that you've just done exactly the same thing to Jared?"

"Don't you fucking dare compare me to that sick motherfucker," Jensen bellowed, rage burning in his chest at the accusation that he could as heartless as Tom.

"Why not?" Steve spoke this time. Jensen felt trapped, like he was being ganged up on. "That's exactly what you did to Jared. You know he wasn't experimenting with you; you know he's too damned kind hearted that he could never betray you like that, lead you on or use you. But you just had to go and turn the tables and make yourself out to be the bad guy, you had to be the asshole. Why, Jen? What do you gain from it?"

"Because I don't wanna hurt him!" Jensen screamed. Chris and Steve both took a step back and fell silent. Jensen's face burned and he knew he was bright red. Slowly, Jensen took a deep breath and tried to compose himself, roughly wiping away the tears that formed in his eyes, before speaking in a quiet, broken voice. "And I know that if he stays with me that he's gonna get hurt. And so will I. He's been messed around enough already, he doesn't need me holding him down, making things hard for him. It's just best if I let him go now, before he gets too attached."

"News flash, Jensen. It's too late for that," Steve said quietly, obviously trying to contain his anger at who he viewed as a little brother. "He is attached and you have hurt him."

"Better I do it now," Jensen said with a shrug, trying to make it look as though he didn't care, when on the inside he was falling apart. "Jared wants a relationship, a commitment, or if he doesn't then he soon will, and I can't give that to him, I'm not ready to tie myself in an unstable relationship."

"Why did you even start anything with him if you weren't willing to go through with it?" Chris asked heatedly, taking a step towards Jensen and glaring at him, eyes fierce with emotion and hurt on Jared's behalf. "Why did you let the guy fall for you just to break his damn heart?"

"Because I'm a selfish asshole," Jensen blurted loudly, his feelings finally coming through for what they were. "Because I wanted him so fucking much and I couldn't help myself. Because he's perfect, he sweet and kind and he just gives and gives and never asks for anything in return and I wanted him to give to me so badly, I didn't know how to push him away until I was suddenly so soaked in him that he was all I could think about. I was so out of control around him, and it scared the fuck out of me, I couldn't think beyond Jared, I couldn't see beyond him and it was so fucking overwhelming and then he…"

Jensen sank to the ground, deflated, his tears flowing freely, Chris and Steve just watched him break down, knowing that he needed to get it all out, comforting could come later.

"Then he asked me to go with him, I knew he was going to and I really thought that maybe I could, maybe I would be able to start a new life with him, move away from everything I know, that he'd be enough," Jensen explained, his voice shaking with emotion and he looked up at his friends, his family, and pleaded with water logged eyes for them to understand. "But when those words finally came out, he finally asked me to go with him, all I could think was that I would be going into the unknown, somewhere I've never been before and I would be alone. Jared would go to work, he'd live his life but I would have nothing. I'd spend my days waiting around for him to come home and show me some attention. I'd be completely dependant on him for everything. I have hardly any money, no possessions but what's in my case, I'd be like some fucking trophy wife and I can't fucking live like that. I just can't. So, I said no."

"You stupid son of a bitch," Steve sighed and sat next to him, throwing an arm over his shoulders. "Jen, man, you were falling in love, and badly from the sounds of it. That's exactly how I felt when I met Chris; he consumed everything until it was just him I could see. It's real love, Jen, not the shit you felt when you were with Tom and all the other assholes you've been with. It's huge and it's scary and sometimes it hurts, but it's the best thing in the world and it's the last thing you should throw away, 'cause it's fucking hard to find again."

"You and Jared are made for each other," Chris told him, crouching in front of Jensen, making sure their eyes met. "He's the perfect guy for you and I know he feels the same for you. He's the type of guy you fight for. I get that you're scared, Jen, but it's not too late; you can still make it work."

"I'm not strong enough," Jensen whispered, shaking his head. "I can't throw myself off a cliff like that."

"You think he wouldn't catch you?" Chris asked gently.

"No, I think he would, and more. He'd be perfect and I'd…" Jensen broke off, his insecurities clouding his thoughts.

"You'd be perfect right back," Steve said firmly, tightening his hold on Jensen's shoulders. "You can do anything, Jen. You're intelligent enough to rebuild your life; you would never be some trophy wife. You could easily get yourself another job and prove to the world, and yourself, that you're strong enough to stand on your own two feet."

Jensen smiled sadly. He looked from Steve to Chris before he stood up and walked to the bottom of the stairs, pausing to look back for a moment.

"Thanks, guys. I know you're just trying to help but… listen, I just wanna be on my own for bit, okay?" Jensen didn't wait for an answer; he trudged up the stairs and shut himself in his room.



s it turned out, sitting in his room probably wasn't the smartest move. It felt empty without Jared there. His bag was gone, leaving a space where it should have been, his various things that had adorned the top of the dresser were missing and Jensen couldn't stop his gaze from tracing those places, as though he could make Jared's things magically reappear.

He lay, flopped on the bed, his head buried into Jared's pillow just breathing in the sent of him. It was dark outside but he hadn't bothered to get ready for bed. He'd refused to go down for dinner, apologising to Mrs. Carlson when she came to check on him, she'd told him she was sorry that he and Jared hadn't worked out, that he was a really nice boy and she and Mr. Carlson had really hoped he would be 'the one'.

Jensen had listened as the sounds and movements around the house and quietened and stilled as everyone shuffled about and eventually went to bed, but for Jensen sleep refused to come. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Jared's face smiling down at him, feel his warm hand as he brushed it over Jensen's cheek; feel his soft lips caressing his.

Jensen felt hollow; the ache in his chest only grew from minute to minute until he was sure it was going to kill him.

But he'd get over it, right? He'd stay where his family was, he'd be happy here and when the time came; he'd move back with Chris and Steve and begin to rebuild his life… alone. Everything would work out, right? He didn't need Jared to complete him, to make him happy, right?

Jensen looked at the clock; it shone brightly in the dark room, telling him it was gone three in the morning. He huffed and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Fuck it," Jensen hissed suddenly and launched himself off the bed.

He left his room and almost ran down the hallway, suddenly feeling very urgent. He threw open Steve's door and watched as Chris and Steve sat up suddenly, alarmed at what had woken them up so abruptly.

Finally, blinking the sleep out of their eyes they regarded a very energised Jensen standing in their doorway. Then they glanced at each other and smiled.

"Go make some coffee, we're already packed," Steve told Jensen with a knowing grin.

"We'll be down in five minutes," Chris said, already climbing out of bed and pulling on his jeans. "Get the car started."

Jensen didn't say a word; he just spun and ran down the stairs to put the coffee on, silently thanking his friends for being so amazing.

He just hoped Jared would still want him by the time they got there.

End.