i think i kind of want to touch you, i decide as i watch you stretch out on the couch and rub your eyes tiredly. you're very sweet-looking, very innocent and touchable when you're exhausted.

usually you look like you want to beat someone up.

scratching my head, i tilt my chin and fall into a world where i'm just gazing at you with the utmost curiosity. you're turning onto your stomach, allowing your eyes to slip closed, and your expression becomes soft and gentle and equally alluring. dark, stringy hair hangs about your face and your lips utter an inexplicably adorable sigh.

you're never adorable. you feel small in our line of work so you take the roll of pitbull and bite ankles. you're angry and defensive and you glare and even though you're usually a totally different person when it's just the two of us, that punkass persona you hold never really fades away and that's just how i always think of you.

but right now there's just serenity. i can see the heaviness in your limbs and your face is pale with fatigue. you just can't go on anymore. you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable for once, and it's sexy.

yes, yes i would love to touch you right now.

i slide from the seat across the room and kind of creep over on my hands and knees. i feel like i should be really stealthy and secretive about it for some reason, but it's not like it's going to make a difference because i am going to touch you, and then you're just going to know that it's me.

because really. there's only the two of us in the hotel room right now.

so i'm creeping, and i'm all tingly because you're so soft and looking weak and looking like you could almost be affectionate. i sit on my haunches in front of the couch where your head is and my hand is just kind of slowly gliding upward and then your eyes open.

"jeff?" you ask, voice drowsy and sagging in the air.

"yeah?" my tone is low and i can't hide the kind of happy little note it takes on; the word shimmered, i guess you could say.

you blink once, and then again. "what're you doing?"

"i'm looking at you, matt," i reply softly and become engulfed in the lack of edge to your voice. it's just so tranquil and non-threatening and you kind of remind me of a child right now.

"why?"

i feel my lips curve into a slight smile and i shrug. "I dunno. i was going to touch you."

"oh," you're suppressing a yawn and attempting to look more interested in me than you really are. i almost feel bad because i know your day has been frightfully long, and right now you feel obligated to keep your eyes open and address me. but it's so infrequent that you're so subdued and unsoured like this; i couldn't help myself from pouncing on the opportunity.

"so can i?" my question hangs in the air with that same sparkle that i can't keep from shrouding my words with.

you look at me curiously; a bit more awake as you register the desire i've just shared with you. you're adorable when you're puzzled. "you wanna ... touch me?"

i nod.

your eyebrows furrow at such a request from your brother, fighting off the beckoning of sleep to ponder me as i kneel to be eye to eye with you. i find myself getting excited as you study me with quizzical features. you're not defensive or sour or angry or anything that normally haunts your eyes in the waking hours. you're just really sweet-looking and trying to decide what to do about me.

rolling from your stomach to your side, you prop your head up on an elbow and your tired eyes fade into mine. "you can sleep on the couch with me if you'd like."

i smile; i would love to sleep on the couch with you tonight. it's quirky and uncustomary and it just sounds like a lovely idea in general. i quickly pull off my socks and strip myself of my teeshirt before climbing onto the sofa behind you and lying on my side to allow room for the both of us. i lay my head in your hair, my nose to your neck, and slip an arm around your naked waist.

and it's very nice to be like this, together with my pitbull of a brother while an empty bed sits less than five feet away from us.