He should stop.

Adam pauses, wringing his bottom lip through his teeth in the pitch blackness. His hand is trembling, and he closes his eyes to try and steady it. He knows the thought that just occurred to him while lying in his best friend's bed was not one that should be acted on. He knows in his heart that he should not suddenly be getting the urge to slide his arm around Jay's waist, but saints be damned if he wasn't a nanosecond away from doing it.

He sighs heavily and drops his head back to his own pillow, hands at his sides to stare at the ceiling, conflicted. He didn't think that fifteen would be so hard. He never could have imagined that the things that currently fill up his mind would ever exist; he's befriended the figure that sleeps next to him since the sixth grade. Why now does he feel the need to be anything more?

His eyes slip closed, concentrating on the rhythmic breathing of Jason Resso, a person who Adam knows would go to hell and back for him. Having a crush on him simply would not do; the last thing Adam wants is to destroy the best friendship he ever had. Kissing him is definitely not an option.

But then, he's such a deep sleeper.

Adam finds himself propped up on one elbow yet again, hovering over the shadowed form of Jay expectantly. His body is screaming to do anything; anything that would bring them closer together. He wants to be able to touch Jay, and hold him, and somehow cure the hard-on that develops in Jay's presence when he's in that particular mood. Like now.

Goddamn hormones, he curses inwardly. Health class told him that he would have them, but it never told him how to effectively deal with them so that he didn't develop spontaneous erections for his best friend. He was so embarrassed with himself that he wanted to die, and yet at the same time he craved that connection so much that he couldn't be entirely ashamed.

He stares down at the matted head of hair just below his chin and wonders when he started liking guys. The fact of that matter utterly horrifies him, as he's not entirely sure that his friends would like him anymore if they thought he was gay. He's not entirely sure that JAY would like him anymore if he thought Adam was gay, and that would just be the end of the world. Touching him is just out of the question.

But then, he probably wouldn't even feel it.

His hand begins to rise again, unsteadily, and he forces it back down. He fights off memories that he has recently cataloged of Jay; shirtless, breathless, sweaty, grinning, winking, nudging Adam with his toe, slinging an arm around his shoulder. All of them focused on sexuality, Adam despairs, and he can't seem to erase them.

The need is so great that he cannot hold it back. Fuck it, he thinks; I have to try. I have to do something, or I'll lose my mind. He folds the sheet back carefully, just enough to expose a shoulder. Staring at Jay's face, holding in a breath, he allows his fingers to lightly trace over the skin of Jay's arm. He's afraid to give too much pressure, and closes his eyes to savor the electricity of a feather-light touch. The contact brings a sort of relief and at the same time more tension; it's not enough.

His fingers glide over Jay's shoulder to the curve of his neck, pushing a tangle of blonde hair back and delicately stroke the path to and from his jaw line. The back of his finger caresses Jay's jaw, moving up to the cheek and smoothing over his resting face. Adam stares down, in awe of this epic progress in his desire. The thoughts had discomfortingly flooded his mind for some time, and now here he is, so close to realizing a fantasy.

His fingertips graze pouting lips and he quivers, feeling the heat build inside him at the mere thought of this mouth in any sort of intimacy. If he could only feel them against his own, Adam finds himself thinking. To realize that his strongest desire is to kiss a boy, to kiss his best friend, makes him very uneasy. Yet still, his fingers trace those stilled lips and he finds himself leaning downward.

His eyes are crushed closed and his insides nearly burst when he feels that brushing of his mouth against Jay's. He pulls back quickly, adrenaline racing, to study the state of sleep in his best friend. The quick jolt of fear dissipates, as Jay hasn't moved in slight, and he wonders if he should do it again. The ecstasy that still ripples inside of him from that one tiny gesture is enough to tell him that a second time would be more than gratifying.

And so again, he finds his lips delicately resting against Jay's. He lightly kisses at Jay's bottom lip, going wild at the soft smacking sound it makes when he prods at it ever so carefully. His heart is beating so loud and fast that he feels on the verge of losing control of himself and he has to back away again, to keep a hold on his sanity.

Fifteen, gay, in love with his best friend. He's never had a harder night to live through.

Resolutely, Adam rolls away from Jay, on his side to face the wall; if he keeps this up, he will do something that he will regret for the rest of eternity. The movement of Adam's shifting, however, stirs Jay in the slightest; he turns over in his sleep and Adam feels one of Jay's bare legs resting against his own. Just when he thought that his life could get no harder.

He sighs wearily, seconds away from crying out of sheer frustration, and makes a decision. This has gone on for months, and he cannot take it anymore. Being with Jay is completely unbearable when all Adam can think about is the different ways to touch him. For better or for worse, he needs to get this out of his system, just to feel normal again. He hates bottling things up inside; it makes him crazy.

Adam rolls over again, somewhat roughly, jostling the bed as he turns to be nose to nose with Jay. He watches with unsteady breath as Jay's eyes crack open in the dark, having been woken up with the movement. He probably would have drifted right back to sleep, had he not found Adam to be staring back at him. His eyes close again momentarily, but then open wider the second time. He looks baffled in his state of half-consciousness.

Adam shifts closer, lifting up onto one elbow again and guiding Jay's shoulder to the bed so that he is lying on his back. Adam hovers over Jay hesitantly, who is gripping more tightly to the edges of alertness as the seconds tick by. Jay's eyes are full of questions, becoming more numerous as the lights continue to flick on inside of his head. Now or never, Adam resolves shakily, and leans down again to press his lips to Jay's for the third time this night.

Jay is utterly frozen beneath him, Adam realizes with dismay as he places soft, gentle kisses against his best friend's mouth. He spends his last second with a light sucking to Jay's bottom lip and then moves back to gauge the reaction with a heavy heart. He looks sadly down at the mask of confusion on Jay's now fully-awakened expression.

"Adam ...? Why ...?"

It burns to hear that Jay can't even form an adequate question to find an answer as to what has suddenly come over his best friend. Adam stares down at the helpless, clueless eyes below him and offers only a minute shrug. "I don't know," he whispers despondently.

Jay's eyes flicker in contact with his own, pushing through the darkness to demand an intense visual connection. Adam is shaken by the look, so focused and yet so at a loss for answers. He yearns to know what is going through that beautiful mind, so that he might better have a clue on what to do. Assuming the worst, he begins to move away from his spot over Jay and then his heart stops when he feels a hand cradling the side of his head, preventing him from getting any farther.

He finds Jay staring apprehensively up at him, jaw set in a decisive line, eyebrows quirked with interest. Jay's second hand finds the other side of Adam's head and he finds himself being pulled down towards that sweet mouth yet again.

Jay's lips move slowly but hungrily against his own, robbing him of breath and delving wide with an open mouth. Adam tilts his head and allows himself to be pulled in by it, eyes squeezed tight with newly tapped fervor as their tongues touch lightly and simmer with buzzing electricity. They grow bolder, searching one another out, and Adam moves quickly to position himself over Jay's abdomen. They break apart for a breath and stare at one another, equally shocked and titillated by the kiss.

"Damn," Jay breathes heavily, pressing his lips against Adam's again and pulling his friend's forehead to rest against his own.

Adam is a complete mess of twisted energy and unbridled anticipation. His breath comes in gasps against Jay's cheeks and he finds himself in a position where there is no coming down from this high he is on; the only place to go is up. And, he has to go up. Soon.

Jay feels Adam's hard length pressing against his stomach and quickly pushes away any question that floats to his mind regarding it. He had never quite thought about his feelings for Adam as any more than their friendship allowed, but with the feeling he got from that first light kiss, Jay became filled with an urgent plea for more.

He stares at Adam above him, seduced by the shadows in that expectant face, and his hands move to slide beneath Adam's shirt. His fingers slide up to feel the prominent ribs of his lithe body, yet to break into that manly form, and guides the cotton up over Adam's head. His palms press against the smooth chest, feeling only warmth, and slide up to grip Adam's shoulders. His thumbs brush over a bony collarbone, mapping this body out in his mind and feeling awe with being able to touch it.

Adam trembles under deceivingly strong hands and pulls at the shirt that Jay slipped into before bed. Jay sits up, allowing Adam to discard the clothing article, and they wrap their arms around one another, pressing skin to skin and moaning deep in their chests at the newness of this amazing feeling. Their lips find each other again and they kiss deeply in the dark, silent, while Adam pushes Jay back into the sheets. He crouches over the half-exposed body on all fours, making Jay shiver with the animalism, the rawness of that stance.

It's all so new to such young boys. There is a fire of curiosity, nervousness, and hunger that courses through their veins and drives them closer to each other with every passing moment. Adam surrenders to that pleasure of untouched skin and lies back down against Jay's body. He feels Jay's hands running up his back, sparking a passage of firing nerves in their wake. His head is being guided down again and he dares not resist, obeying every need of Jay's mouth as they surface.

There is mutual hesitation when Adam's fingers find themselves slipping into the sides of Jay's boxers and pushing them down. They look questioningly at one another, uncertain, before Jay raises his hips slightly and allows Adam to pull them farther down.

Adam has never seen another guy's erection before. The sight both terrifies and awes him. He looks up at Jay, who is biting his lip both nervously and needy. That is all it takes for Adam to take a dive forward into water that he has never treaded. His fingers slip around Jay experimentally, the indecisiveness in his touch causing Jay to suck in his stomach and quiver at the mere grazing. After a moment, Adam finds a grip that in some way represents what he does to himself and moves lightly up Jay's erection.

The fact that he's never been touched by someone else figures heavily into Jay's reaction. In an instant, his hips are fidgeting and he is sucking in a long breath. His eyes close tightly. "Harder," he hisses, the pulsation of his groin becoming a steady rhythm of chaos.

Adam obeys quickly, gripping more tightly, moving faster, and finding it easier as Jay begins to naturally lubricate himself. As he becomes more sure of himself, being encouraged by the whimpers from Jay and the clenching of a hand against his hip, Adam moves faster. He comes to know where Jay is the most sensitive, pressing harder, twitching his grip when he comes to the spot. His mouth fumbles with unspoken words, in awe of the reactions he is creating from Jay. He concentrates more fully on his task, moving quicker, feeling the jerking of Jay's hips below him and watching his mouth hang open in a silent, inexpressible utterance of pleasure.

Adam grows so hard that he can barely take a breath as Jay's muscles lock up; Jay's back arches against the plane of the bed when he comes. He is frozen for a long moment, covering Adam's chest and gasping out a long, shuddering breath before falling limp to the mattress again. He stares up at Adam in amazement, having never felt such an incredible rush in his life, and realizes that his best friend has made him feel more than anyone else in the world has. It fills him with an indescribable feeling of gratitude.

Well; almost indescribable.

After taking a moment to regain some semblance of strength, Jay rises up again and maneuvers so that Adam is below him. The starved look in Adam's eyes is enough to make him smile. He kisses the warm lips that he is growing to crave and slides Adam's underwear down past his knees. It takes him a moment to adjust to the fact that he is looking at his best friend's hard-on, but in the next he is shifting downward to cautiously place his mouth to it.

Adam's eyes bulge as he watches what Jay is doing and he quickly lifts his head. "Jay!" he whispers urgently in the darkness, and is heeded only with a determined smirk before Jay takes him carefully into his mouth. The breath seems to be ripped from his body at the feeling that arises and echoes in palpitations of heat across his skin. There is an aching so strong in his lower body that it feels as though he is being turned inside out. The warm tongue embraces and clutches to him, driving all coherent thoughts out of his grasp. A gentle sucking motion takes precedence over everything else in the universe, and he yanks urgently on Jay's shoulders when his stomach tightens. Jay lifts up quickly, replacing his mouth with a warm palm, and guides Adam to his breaking point. His senses go numb as he explodes with an uncontrollable cry of release.

They remain in that position, Adam lying prostrate on the bed with Jay mounted over his hips, panting and allowing their minds to catch up to everything they just shared. Jay moves away after a moment and returns with a dirty teeshirt to clean them off. Discarding it in his laundry basket, he climbs back into the bed and sidles up to a still-reeling Adam.

They look at each other somewhat warily, but the doubt is cast away with a soft kiss. The things that they made one another feel tonight are unparalleled for both, unimaginable and nothing that either wants to write off. Adam shifts slightly and they sink into a lasting embrace, pulling the sheet back over them. Maybe, Adam thinks as he allows himself to slip off to sleep, fifteen isn't so bad after all.