"You love me!" I repeated with a sneer, choking on bitter laughter. "How quaint."

My best friend bowed his head in shame.

Resentment flooded my veins as I continued, staring down at the veil of thick hair that shrouded Adam's expression of defeat. "How are you going to prove it to me this time? More broken promises? More sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night, more whispering sweet nothings to me and then hiding your face the next day?"

He met my eyes as a flicker of despair washed over his features. "You're not being fair."

"Fair?" I crowed with disbelief, glaring his saddened face right back to his shoes. "Let's define Adam's vision of FAIR. Is it telling me that I'm the only person you love and then turning around the next week to tell me that you feel nothing for me? Does the word FAIR define the misery that comes with opening my heart to you only to fall flat on my ass again? Because if it is, then you've got your wires crossed. Fuck being FAIR, Adam. When have you ever been fair to me?"

His hands fidgeted in his lap at my venomous outburst. He was silent for a long time, and all I could hear was my own breathing, quickened by the rush of anger that swam through my body. I had him pinned; I was never going to let Adam sweet-talk me again.

"I'm sorry," He whispered in a voice that was so unlike him that I was nearly swayed.

"Well then," I said softly as I bit my sympathy back, remembering what happened when I gave into this man. "Why don't we just hop into my bed and have some make-up sex so that I can give myself ENTIRELY to you and then you can truly destroy me in every way possible," My vision was beginning to blur and when I blinked, I felt the tears begin to slide involuntarily down my cheeks. I clenched my teeth, determined not to fall apart. "Good thing we never fucked, Adam. I would have killed you by now."

His head shot up to lock his penetrating eyes with mine and in one liquid movement he had risen from the chair and wrapped me in his arms with a deep kiss enveloping my senses. In a skipped heartbeat, I was tasting Adam, breathing him and feeling him against me again, smelling his smell and wanting to fall so easily back into the routine that we had ground ourselves into: I adore him, he tells me he loves me, we get together, he freaks out and leaves, comes back to beg my forgiveness and like a fool, I take him back. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I take him back because he feels so fucking perfect with me.

But not today. I wrench my arms from his grasp and shove thickly at his chest, breaking the spell he'd so quickly taunted me into. Fists balled at my sides, I glared coldly back at his devastated expression. "Is that still supposed to mean something to me?" I asked bitterly. "Just get out. I'm a big boy now, I can sleep by myself."

"Jay, I …"

"No," I angrily cut off his plea. "This is bullshit, Adam. I'm so sick of you and your fucking games, I'm sick of loving you and not being loved back. I'm sick of you lying to me and I'm sick of the pathetic hope I have inside me that keeps saying one day you'll mean it. I cannot deal with you anymore, so take your 'broken heart' and get the hell out of my sight."

He stared at me for a long time and I watched his face crumble in a way that I had never before witnessed. This scene had been played out more times than I cared to remember, but the ending usually involved a huge grin enveloping Adam's face as he took me into his arms again. Today, however, I had finally stood up for myself. I'd finally believed the words I'd held inside that said I wouldn't take anymore of his hot and cold. I finally believed myself when I said I wanted to love someone that really loved me back.

And he completely crumbled. Never before had I seen him hang his head in defeat. He'd never lost this battle, never had to walk out of my room with his tail between his legs. Today he was begging again for one last chance, and I simply opened the door for him.

On to Part #2