"Jeff, I need to tell you something."

Clearing my throat, I shake my head and stand a bit back before allowing my gaze to meet those dark, incredulous eyes again. "Jeff, there's something that you need to know. For as long as I can remember, I've had the hugest crush on you …"

Sighing, I look away momentarily to recompose myself and then straighten again with my most serious expression. "Jeff, I'm in love with you."

I stare hard at myself in the mirror and watch the dismay build in my features before I slam the cabinet door closed and rid myself of the all-knowing glare that is my reflection. Angrily I suck in a long breath and pull a shirt over my chest, frowning as it sticks to the droplets of water still on my skin. Pulling a brush quickly through my dripping hair and tying it up off my neck, I take a last look at myself before leaving the steamy bathroom.

"You're pathetic, Matthew Hardy," I whisper to my dejected eyes and walk out to an empty hotel room.

For a split second, I reconsider my plan for the night and speculate over the losses of my completely blowing it off to watch the Rocky marathon on television with an excessive amount of room service. I decide that they're too great and slip on a pair of sneakers before heading out to the pool where I know you'll be doing laps.

*

My muscles are beginning to burn as I claw desperately towards the rough cement wall for my final circuit across the pool. Breaking the surface, I breathe deeply into the cool night air and rest my chin on the wet walkway, panting and allowing my limbs to relax themselves. After a moment, a light breeze begins to chill my shoulders and I duck back into the sanctuary of heated chlorine. Rubbing the water from my eyes, I blink several times and turn to lean against the stairs beside me. Staring out across the grounds, I start as I see your lean figure outlined in the doorframe of the pool's entrance.

"Matt!" I squeak pathetically as my voice is flooded by the anxiousness I suddenly feel swooping up through my body. He's been watching me. "How long have you been there?"

Taking my words as invitation, you casually approach the side of the pool and stare down at me as I tread water. "Not too long," Your sweet, low rumble replies me softly, formed perfectly off your lips and easing my nervous mind into a comfortable lull. It's only Matt, I remind myself.

Only Matt.

"Oh," I nod, pushing clumps of frazzled, wet hair out of my face and taking in the simple attractiveness of your low-slung black jeans and clingy teeshirt. My voice has learned to work itself well around such distractions and my racing heart is denied recognition. It's just from the laps, anyway. "So what's up?"

Your feet shift weight awkwardly and for a moment you seem out of place; the aloof, confident brother I've always known is replaced with an insecure little boy as you seem to struggle for words. The whole aura is gone in a split second, however, as you quickly retain your casual gaze and kneel down to face me better. "Nothing much; came down to see if you wanted to do anything tonight."

"Uhh," My mouth fumbles and I feel myself falling into your dark, possessive eyes as my attention struggles to claw itself elsewhere. I know that there are many something's that I would like to do with you, but I most certainly can't clue you in as to what they may be. So instead I allow my insides to shake and my voice to remain bottled up. I wonder if I'm effectively pulling off the "deer caught in headlights" expression and chide myself fiercely. "Yeah, sure, what did you have in mind?"

*

What do I have in mind? My muscles lock up and my tongue ties, preventing an intelligent response from gracing us with its presence. I know that if I open my mouth I'm going to stutter like an idiot, so I simply allow myself to fall silent and shrug an indifferent reply.

It never used to be this hard. Despite the fact that I've liked you in this way for an awfully long amount of time, it was never as difficult as it has been lately to communicate with you. I think a lot of it has to do with one particular night in which we were both severely intoxicated and engaged in an entirely new definition of "brotherly love." I remember that New Year's well, as I was able to hold my liquor a bit better than you. I woke up the next morning, nude beside your sleeping body, and left the room before you ever had the chance to even wake up and acknowledge your hangover. I thought it would be something best not to mention.

So as one might guess, being around you, being in love with you, has become a bit harder over the past couple of weeks. I'm also sorry to inform the world that I am a blundering idiot and have been failing miserably in my attempts to forget that mindless event and return to our normal friendship. In fact, I have gone so far as to decide to use it as motivation in telling you exactly how I've felt all these years.

Because let me tell you, that was some fucking nice motivation we had that night.

And while you don't even know about it, you loved it. You loved being with me, being in me and on top of me and wrapped around me. You loved my hands on your body and my mouth on your skin, you loved my eyes as they never once slipped shut and lost sight of you. You loved my hair and how it was so wet with perspiration as you buried your face in it. You loved my tongue and my hips and my thighs, you loved clutching my forearms and feeling my breath hot against your neck. But most of all, you loved panting my name. You loved saying it and having it get caught in your throat when I kissed you again, how you'd say my name over and over again until it was just a bunch of meaningless letters and I'd just smile, stroking your face as it beaded with sweat and concentration.

You were absolutely beautiful that night and since then, I've been overcome with the desire to make you remember it, make you remember how much you loved me in those sweet, sweet hours. I want to see the light in your eyes as you suddenly recall everything you'd felt on that New Year's Eve and I want you to look at me with that wide expanse of surprise on your face before you wrap me up and never let me go.

I want to be with you right now. I want that one-time, dream come true to replay right here on the pool grounds of this musty old hotel, and this time I want you to wake up first, holding me close to you as early morning sunrays peek through shoddily drawn curtains. I know you loved me that night, and I want you to love me every night. Every night, every day, and every hour I want you to love me and never stop.

Perhaps I should tell you that.

*

I don't know what to say as you continue to stare at me. It's confusing; I'm confused because you started a conversation and it's still just kind of hanging messily in the air around us. Usually, Matt Hardy either has something to say or he keeps his mouth shut and I just do the talking for us. Not knowing how to react, I fidget nervously and gaze up at you, not sure if I should be expecting something further from you.

The silence and the eyes are killing me.

After a moment, I break our awkward quiet with the sound of rippling water as I hesitantly climb out of the pool, hunching into my chest against the temperature change on my skin. Goosebumps break out all over me and my teeth chatter lightly as I wrap up in a white hotel towel and turn to face you.

You're standing now, and the detached impartiality of your gaze has turned into what looks to be intrigue as you watch me closely. Your feet pick out slow steps and you approach me in a way that makes my blood begin to pound like liquid fire in my veins. My mind flashes to a night that I've relived a hundred times over the past couple of weeks. You're looking like you did that night from beneath me, that night of complete and utter perfection. Even a month later, I can still remember every thought and sensation, every word that was shared and every breath that we took together. I shiver again as I realize that my thoughts are beginning to linger.

Tonight, your eyes reflect that dark, solemn yearning that had reeled me in on New Year's Eve and I feel it happening again. I feel myself losing the control I have over my feelings as I allow my eyes to dart around nervously, as I allow my fingers to shake and allow my legs to feel heavy and immobile beneath me. My breath is lost deep in my chest.

I don't know what's happening; I don't know why you're looking at me like that and why you're suddenly so close as I straighten my back and lift my chin to you. Shaking, tentative fingers slowly reach forward to slide the towel from my chest at the shoulders. Nervousness and anticipation wreak havoc on my nerves as you glance up at me with a flicker of questioning in your eyes and run the white terrycloth over my arms, tenderly drying the water from my skin. I feel my lips quivering again, this time as a result of your timid affection.

It traces down and across my chest and I suck in a breath as you run over my stomach and then your arms slip around my waist to dry off my back. I can't think, can't breathe as I feel you pulling me closer. You lean into my ear to whisper softly, the way you did that night when a thousand wrongs were committed and every single one of them felt right. "Are you cold?"

Our eyes meet, both jumpy and unknowing in our gazes. I nod meekly and then turn my head to follow your gaze as you look up and focus on something over my shoulder. It's a small shed on the other side of the room that I hadn't noticed before: a sauna. Eyeing it curiously, I jump when I feel your lips on my neck and completely freeze, unable to do anything but concentrate on the skin your affection is bathing. Slowly, I turn to face you, allowing your mouth to draw back. You bite your lip in obvious apprehension and I can see that you have no idea what you're doing and why you're doing it. You're simply relying on impulse and I'm memorized by you, so afraid but so sure of what you want. I would have never expected that, sans the infamous, I would ever be standing with you like this. I certainly also never expected that time together to ever repeat itself; but suddenly it's presented to me again and I'm rendered almost immobile.

But I want it so bad. I quickly lean in to capture that sinfully beautiful kiss I'd been daydreaming about for weeks.

*

As my eyes close and your lips feather softy against my own, that night begins to throb in my mind again. All I can see is your face staring down at me, cloaked in a veil of sable hair and twisted into the most agonized and desperate expression as you come into me with the furious pounding of skin against skin. An unyielding cry echoes in my ear, you pant open-mouthed and grimace while you ride the final waves of your orgasm from deep inside of me. I remember it right now as we tentatively kiss - in all actuality, for the first time ever - and I remember that it was one of the most beautiful visions I'd ever seen.

And I want to see it again, right now, right this very moment.

I realize that in my daze of remembrance, my body has responded accordingly; my arms have pulled you tight against my chest, knuckles painfully white as they wrench the towel behind your back. My mouth has widened considerably, begging for a taste of the tongue I'd once felt in places I had been previously unaware of in terms of existence. I yearn to swallow you whole, to encompass you entirely and feel you caressing me from the inside out. Your lips are becoming eager with my encouragement and I begin to feel lightheaded as the tension and fear dissipates from the air around us.

I'm going to have you, I whisper to myself. I'm going to have you and it will be as beautiful as our last endeavor, but this time we'll wake up and I'll be able to relish in it. It's not a primitive, unconscious, drunken luster that brings us together; it's our own free choice, our true desires and what we really want the other to feel. It's the suffocating amount of love and adoration I hold for you, and the fact that maybe you feel that same attraction to me. It's a willing sacrifice to shame ourselves in the eyes of everyone around us just to be together like this. It's waking up in the morning and just smiling at each other. It's just what we really, truly feel.

Without making a planned effort, we end up locked and secured inside the tiny, heated shed. The air inside is almost too thick to breathe and I have to break away from your kiss in order to get used to the humidity. As we both fill our lungs with the near-tangible oxygen, I take your hand and lead you downward so that we're both kneeling on the floor. Spreading out the towel, I feel the butterflies return to my stomach as you watch me closely, fingers playing with the hem of your bathing suit.

I try to smile, though my heart is steadily attempting to beat its way right through my ribcage. This wasn't precisely what my mind had been planning earlier while I took my shower. I was betting on your punching me in the face after telling you how deep my feelings ran for you. I was just going to tell you, but as soon as I was in your presence my mind had completely blanked and I knew it was just going to have to be all or nothing.

As you smile back at me and crawl to lay flat on the towel facing up at me, I'm assuming that it's going to be all.

Extending my body momentarily to strip myself of my teeshirt and jeans, I toss them onto the nearby bench and return to meet your eyes. I can feel my insides shaking in a mixture of desire and disbelief as I slowly slide my body on top of yours, experimentally running my hands down the lengths of your sides. My sense of touch reacquaints itself with your silken skin, your thin waist and the prominence of your ribs as they jut out to meet my fingertips. I see you quiver beneath my gentle touches and it makes me smile again as you take my hands in your own and guide them up your chest to cup your neck, over your thick shoulders, back down your stomach and then to your hips, where you press them against your body and begin to force your bathing suit downward.

We're already sweating, breath coming hard and fast from the overbearing heat of the sauna. I lean down to kiss you a second time and relish in the salty taste on my tongue as I suck on your upper lip, coated with sticky sweat. Your bathing suit reaches your knees and I temporarily abandon them there to run my hands up and down your damp, sweltering thighs. They tense immediately and I tighten my grip against the muscles, rubbing harder and forcing a sweet sigh from your lips.

With a struggle, the rest of our clothing is discarded and for the second time in our lives, we lay completely naked on top of each other. Our mouths mold together once again, wide and struggling and desperate as we pant roughly into each other. Hands roam in a constant blur; my skin is titillated as your touch roves every inch of skin I have to offer. Your lips fall from my own and trace wildly along my neck, dragging themselves downward and settling to suck viciously at my collarbone. A tiny moan voices my approval as our bodies rock lightly against each other, creating a friction that's already beginning to drive my erection mad. Your tongue licks up every bit of perspiration it discovers and our lower halves crush together mercilessly, demanding that their needs be met.

Taking your cock into my hand, I milk it slowly and you let loose a generous groan as I force an oozing of precum to coat my fingers. You're grinning madly and your eyes are closed tightly, forehead lined with the pure concentration on the sensations I'm driving through your groin. Once satisfied with a fair amount of lubrication, I inch your legs apart and slide my hand down over your member to your snug orifice. Lips meet again and I feel your muscles contract at the pressure my slick finger applies to you. Your back arches and our searing chests press together as I enter and slowly begin the process of preparation.

Despite vehement moans and writhing hips, it's not more than a few seconds before your hand reaches down to my own and pulls me from you. Our kiss breaks and I look at you in surprise, the fear immediately washing over me again. Was I doing something wrong?

You heave a great breath and grin at my apparent distress. "As good as that feels," You whisper softly in that sweet twang, wrapping your arms around my neck and kissing me lightly to punctuate your satisfaction. "We've already done it soft, Matt. I've been waiting for this, NEEDING this for a long time and I want you to fuck me hard."

*

I watch as you sit back on your haunches over my waist, face reeling in unmistakable surprise as you stare down at me. After a long silence, your disbelief folds into confusion and you shake your head. "I thought … I didn't know you remembered that night."

"I haven't been able to forget it," I hear myself reply before I have the chance to even think about it.

"Why didn't you ever say anything to me?"

The smile on my face can only be described as rueful. "When I woke up that morning, you were already gone. I thought that maybe you had remembered what we did and you were completely disgusted or ashamed by it or something, and didn't ever want to talk about it again. So I didn't mention it."

I watch your face fall with my confession and you bite your lip, eyes staring right through me as though you're reliving the very morning through your distant tone. "I left. I left because we were both really drunk, you were hammered out of your skull, and I didn't think you'd remember. I wanted to get out before you had the chance to find yourself naked in bed with your big brother and not knowing what the hell had happened."

Reaching up, I tuck strands of midnight hair behind your ears and a tiny smile sticks at the corners of my mouth. "I remember. It was one of the most amazing nights of my life and every day since then I haven't been able to stop wishing that, well, that we would be together like this again," I pause, eyes flickering over your body before returning to your intent gaze. "You were fucking gorgeous that night, Matt, and you've always been gorgeous. I had you once and now I want you again, I want you over and over until we both can't walk anymore, until I die of heart failure and you're all the way the fuck inside me, riding right to the death with me. I want you."

I breathe deeply, feeling the sweat begin to trickle down my temples as I survey your reaction to my deepest confession. You are absolutely awestruck. You're dumbfounded, flabbergasted, and completely at a lack of coherent response and it is perfection. Pushing your frame from on top of me, I slide from beneath you and crawl catlike and shifty to rest my elbows on the wooden bench. Straightening up nice and tall, firming my ass up nice and tight for you, I peer back over my shoulder with an inviting grin. My loins are bursting inside and I'm in dire need of you fucking me hard and getting it all out in one swing. We'd had a night of erotic torture and it had been incredible, but tonight I need something different. I need you to be as fast as possible in fulfilling the gaping hole that had been inside of me and growing since New Years Eve. I need you to feed me.

Your hands are shaking as they loop around my stomach and grasp the soft flesh there, leaning forward to spoon me. I feel your fiery hot breath on my back, quick, soft, and gasping as you position yourself at my entrance and plunge forward without hesitation. I cry out loudly in anguish, back straightening to a full 90 degrees and hitting you in the head with my shoulder blades. "Ho, God!" I groan desperately, grimacing and clenching around your hot organ as it pounds me once and then again in quick succession. I feel myself being torn apart at the seams.

You straighten up against my backside, pulling out slightly before embracing me tightly and licking the sweat from my spine. The sweetness of your touch is nearly tempting enough to want to launch into massive foreplay, but I know that it's not what either of us need right now. You need to fuck me and I need to be fucked. Mid-thought you rip into me again, causing me to leap out of my skin at the burning pain and delirious ecstasy. I can feel my throat uttering words and moans and cries but my ears are deaf, sans my pounding heart and the rhythm that you're dictating. There was only a pulsating sensation in my blood so hard and fast that it threatened to explode from every vein and artery. How could something that hurts so bad feel so perversely GOOD?

I grunt, pushing back against you and yelling, "Harder!" I'm biting my lip on your next ruthless hammerings into my sensitive cavity and in an instant I can taste my own metallic blood as it oozes into my mouth and over my taste-buds. Oh God, the fucking pain; I squirm, I contract, I pull back and forth, writhing against your cock and my eyes nearly roll back in my head as waves of protagonist agony course through me.

"This is as hard as it gets, baby," You choke out into my perspiring skin. Your hands are wrapped around my stiff erection, encouraging it to throb and palpitate in the warm tunnel of your palm and you anxiously hit into me again. This time we both scream and I stand rigid, throwing my head back onto your shoulder. You're ripping into the soft pinkness of my walls as our lips connect hungrily, passing the blood from my mouth onto your tepid lips.

"Oh, God," You whimper sweetly into my ear, pulling back and trailing your mouth down the length of my neck. The sound of your submission alone as you allow the desire to overcome you is enough to make me orgasm on its own and I leaned forward again, beginning a slower ride that will make your orgasm that much better. I only pray that I might last another few moments.

*

We're fucking like rabid animals and then all of the sudden you're slowing down, clutching my hips behind you and forcing me into a painfully idle lobbing. I can only assume that the pain in your ass has subsided because suddenly you're murmuring and whimpering like a two-year-old in response to the rumble of heat and torture that this kind of sex will supply. My lungs are thick and heavy, my legs are weak and my hands are trembling as I listen to your quiet wails.

Matt, Matthew, Mattie, oh God your voice is inextinguishable. It was soft and low in your throat, then hard and gruff when I'd press deep into your hot cavity again, and then loud, quiet, strangled, exploding, changing pitches as I tried to go harder and you insisted that I remain slow for a few seconds. Fast and hard is forced to slow and rhythmic and vice versa, our minds reeling. There are moans and sighs in my ear, never ceasing as you press your insatiable lips against my skin.

"Oh, God," you say. "Oh shit, oh fuck, don't stop, so tight, go harder, no slower OH GOD oh fuck oh Matt I need it I'm coming I need you oh JESUS, holy fuck," you ramble incessantly and it makes me dizzy with excitement and I can't take the slow anymore. Your protests are few as I begin to speed up again, encouraged by your frenzied words and pushing hard into your prostrate. Your voice gets louder, words spilling out over the cries until I render you completely speechless with vicious, carnal lunacy. My fist works in time with my hips and before I have a chance to suppress it, I feel my entire body lock up and I double forward onto your back, squeezing mercilessly on your cock and shooting deep into your fiery cavern. In a couple of strong, hard jerks you come as well and then I pull out with the delicious sliding of wet skin. You sink to the floor, leaning against the bench and panting.

"Well," I smile as I sit, lying back into your chest and pulling your arms around my neck. "I fulfilled MY New Year's Resolution."

"Funny - I did too," You laugh, hugging me close to you and kissing my forehead. Leaning back, you sigh heavily. "It's fuckin' hot in here, let's go for a swim."