I can't believe it when I get back to the locker room and there is a tape with a note.

I'm disgusted when I read Alex Shelley say that how Jimmy and I were hot and how he enjoyed rubbing against me in our recent match. The bastard also wrote that he enjoyed seeing Austin Aries and Jack Evans hold my legs during the match and would like to see them holding me down while he fucked my hair. The rest the of the note says that he's heard about some 'skills' that Raven taught me and he wants to experience them first hand.

I close my eyes and drop the note when at the very end of the note he says that he would show a certain tape to Jimmy and Colt if I don't 'demonstrate.' I was in a fucked up relationship with Raven when I was taught those and forced to 'practice' against my will. I know that Raven taped them, and that's the tape that he wants to show them.

Colt already knows about it, and he's proven over the years that nothing I or others can do can drive him away. I'm not so certain about Jimmy; the relationship is too new for me to know that nothing will drive him away from me.

If Alex thinks that he can hold that over my head to make me get involved in his sick games, he doesn't know me. A long time ago I vowed to not be manipulated into acting like a slut again. I've walked away before and I can do it again, although this is going to hurt more. I love him, but I refuse to let myself or him be used.

I curse myself for not paying attention when someone rubs against me from behind. I stay quiet when he rubs himself harder against me and try to get away. Alex grabs me hard and pins me in the corner. I move away from his hand when he tries to rub it against my jaw but I can't get away because he's holding on to me hard. I try to ignore him rubbing against me and his words about how hot I am and how he wants me.

I'm no longer hearing Alex's voice but get caught in memories of Raven grabbing me and making me suck him off but I'm knocked out of it when someone hits me in the head. I look up rubbing my head and see Colt, rubbing his hand, and Jimmy.

Jimmy gets down on his knees, the same level I am, and I nod when he asks permission to hold me. I feel dirty and want to pull away but I also need his warmth so I just wrap my arms around him and bury my nose in his hair, letting the smell ground me in the present. In the present, I don't have Raven after me; in the present, I do have a choice.

I look up when Colt says that he knows and when he looks at the back of Jimmy's head, I have a feeling that he means that he knows about some of what happened. I'm relieved that he knows, but I would have liked to have been able to tell him in my own time, however that is another thing the bastard took from me. I see Colt pick up the tape and note, and I know that he'll want to talk about it when we go back the hotel room; the locker room is not the place to go over that story.

When I'm calm enough to be able to stand up and not shake I get up and he gets up with me and we go back to the hotel room. As soon as we get inside and lock the door, Jimmy asks what that was about before Colt or I can say anything.

Apparently, Alex was leaving as they came in during my flashback episode and said something suggestive to Jimmy before he left. I don't like telling Jimmy the story about my past with Raven this way, but I have no choice. Between my getting caught in the flashback earlier triggered by what Alex said and Alex's comment, I have to tell him but I would have liked to have had the choice of when and how.

I refuse to let Alex manipulate me into being his slut. Colt started the process of telling him what he knew about the past, and I'm finishing it with the details. If he leaves, it will tear my heart out, but better my heart on the floor than under anyone's control.

I fight the urge to 'almost drown myself in the shower' as Colt puts it after I tell him because I feel dirty from remembering Raven touching me and Alex rubbing against me. After I tell him I'm surprised when he says that he won't leave and it wasn't my fault. I finally do end up taking a shower to wash off the sweat from the match and try to wash off the touches.

After I get out of the shower, I hear a crash and throw on some shorts before going out into the main room to see a rock on the floor that had been thrown through the window with a picture and post it tied to it. The picture is Alex skull fucking me during a recent match and the note is from Alex saying how he enjoyed skull fucking me in the match and he would have done more if we hadn't been in public. In a PS he mentions that he would be seeing Jimmy again very soon.

I close my eyes and a wave of disgust goes through me. I hear Jimmy ask me what the note said and I gave it to him to read. Apparently, he's watching us through the windows again. Pissed off, I throw on a shirt and shoes and go outside to see if he is still looking through our window. Jimmy follows behind me, saying that he refuses to leave me alone again after what happened in the locker room.

We look around the bushes outside of the hotel room but don't see him and I thought I heard a laugh but I couldn't place it. After few minutes of searching we figure that he must have thrown the rock and ran so we start go back inside and just as we're to the door, I hear him calling me to him.

Only in your sick dreams Alex.