Part 2
*Hunter's POV*

I finally made it back to the hotel. Now here I stand in front of the door to room 202 trying to convince myself that I should knock. It's not that I don't want another chance with Shawn or that I'm scared of him, it's more because I'm nervous as hell that I'm going to say or do the wrong thing and toss away any chance at all with him. Of course if I stand him up, he'll most likely brain me with a chair and not in the nice way that we do it on television. So I raise my hand and knock on the door.

I can hear his quiet footsteps as he crosses the room, he seems to pause for a moment as if he's not going to actually open it, then the knob turns and he's standing there. He's changed from his dress clothes into a tight pair of worn jeans and a t-shirt. The denim clings to his body in all the right places, as does the snug-fitting cotton. I have a hard time tearing my eyes away from the sight, but force myself to lift my head. I'm immediately snared by the sparkle in his beautiful baby blues. He looks like he wants to laugh, but settles for a simple smile instead.

"Would you like to...I don't know, come in or something, Hunter?" That's when I realize that I'm still standing there in the doorway. Smooth move Helmsley.

"You look really good tonight Shawn." There's that beautiful smile that I've wanted to see aimed in my direction for a really long time.

I take a few steps into the room and remove my tuxedo jacket, tossing it over the back of a chair. I'm not quite sure where my tie got to, so I guess I'll have to replace it. Not that big of a deal really. I'd unbutton a few buttons on my shirt, but I'm not sure I should get too comfortable until Shawn gives me the okay. I'd hate for him to think that I'm just looking to score here, because that's so not it...although if I did you would not hear me complain one bit. It's been way too long since I've had the pleasure of making love to Shawn. Yeah, I can call it that...now. I probably would have jumped out of the bed faster than greased lightning if he'd happened to call it that when we were together before. We fucked, had sex, did the nasty...but we didn't make love. Too much commitment in those words...god I really was an asshole.

"Go ahead and sit down wherever. Did you want a drink or something?"

Do I want a drink? Yes...it might help this god awful case of nerves I have going, am I going to have one...that would be a no. I want to be perfectly sober for this discussion.

"Just water or something, if you have it. That champagne from the toasts was enough for me tonight."

Shawn pulls two bottles of water from the mini-fridge and hands me one of them. We both take a long drink as I settle in a chair. The bed looks way too inviting and I'd be tempted to try to coax him to join me rather than make explanations. He obviously doesn't have that problem, because he settles himself on the end of the bed, the water bottle clasped tightly in his hand. I wonder if he's as nervous about this as I am? He has to have a clue why I wanted to talk to him, but he hasn't given me a real clue how he feels about it. My silence isn't getting us anywhere though, so I had better open my mouth and start talking.

"Shawn...I'm pretty sure that you have some idea why I'm here, but I guess I'd like to start out by saying thank you for talking to me. I know that I haven't been the best friend to you lately and I'm sorry about that. I just...it was too hard, being close to you, but not really being allowed to be close to you. I miss that. I miss us. Not just the physical stuff, but being your best friend. I know that what happened with us was my fault and I can't change that, but I'm hoping that you might be willing to give me a second chance. Even if you aren't interested in a relationship, I hope that we can be good friends again. Not that I don't want a relationship with you, because I do. I...I still love you, Shawn. I know that I never said it, but I did then and...still do. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things up to you Shawn...just please, give me a chance."

Whoa. That was pretty heavy, but it needed to be said and now I've said it. I watched the emotions flit across his face as I spoke. Evident sadness at first...hopefully he missed our friendship as much as I have...that melded into a tiny smile as I confessed my feelings for him. He hasn't said a word yet, he's just sitting there looking at me. I can't stop myself from fidgeting...playing with the label on my water bottle. Should I say something else? Wait?

*Shawn's POV*

I was right about the reason he wanted to see me. I was hoping...god it's almost too much to process. Finally after all this time... I can feel my eyes misting just a bit over finally hearing him say those three words out loud.

I've missed our friendship as much as he has, maybe more. Even if we don't end up as more, I want that back. The idea I was tossing around before he knocked on the door comes roaring back to me with a vengeance. It's a risk...things may not work out. It depends on if he really means it when he says he's willing to do whatever it takes. I'm going to give him a chance to prove it, but there will be stipulations. Stipulations that I plan to stick to even if it kills me. Let's see how far you are willing to go my love.

"I've missed our friendship too, Hunter. So many times I wanted to come and ask you why we couldn't still have that, but after the way I ended things I didn't think I had the right. We just kept drifting farther apart and god did it hurt. No matter what else happens, I hope that we can at least get that back. I...I've missed you." I finally look up at him and see the anticipation in his eyes. He's happy that I want our friendship back, but he's still dangling on the line about what else I might want. I guess the best thing to do is be honest about my feelings and then give him my proposal. Will he accept? Won't he?

"I still love you, Hunter. I think I always will," I can see the light brightening in his eyes even as I speak. "Even though you never said it Hunter, I knew. When we were alone...you showed me, even if you wouldn't acknowledge that that is what prompted your actions. It means a lot that you can finally say it...but that wasn't the only thing that made me end things...we both know that. I know more about your relationship with Chris than you probably think I do. You followed the same patterns with him that you did with me...keeping everything secret until Randy took that choice from your hands. If it's going to be the same way with us, you know I can't go back to that...it nearly killed me last time, hiding how I felt about you."

I wipe away the moisture clinging to my lashes. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry about this, but it's harder than I thought to suppress it. "If you honestly want a chance...things are going to have to be different. You are going to have to be different, Hunter. Can you be? I don't know, but I'm willing to give you a chance to prove what you said...that you are willing to do whatever it takes."

He rises from the chair and comes to kneel down in front of me. He takes a turn wiping away the trails my silent tears have formed. His eyes reflect my own pain. I can tell this is hurting him as well. "Shhh. Yes, I do mean it, Shawn. Anything. Just tell me what I have to do."

I take a deep cleansing breath and force a tiny smile onto my face. "I know that you can't change overnight Hunter. I'm not going to ask you to. What I want to propose is a trial period... a probation period of sorts. I give you six months to prove that you can change. If you can't then I'll have to walk away again...I don't want to, but I'll have to for my own piece of mind. If you can...then I'll take back all limits that I'm going to set and we can try for that happily ever after that I've dreamt about. Sound fair?"

He is looking very thoughtful and just a bit shocked. Can't say as I blame him, but I can't just walk blindly into another relationship with him and hope for the best.

"I said anything, Shawn, and I meant it. Um...I have an idea of what I need to change, but you should probably give me specifics so that I can make sure I cover everything. I'll stick to the limits...you just have to tell me what they are baby."

I know he's not going to be thrilled about my specifics, unless he's done a total 180 in the last day. I also know that he's not going to be too excited about my limits, but I will enforce them...because I have to.

"I want you to acknowledge the fact that we're together Hunter. Not to the public...not even to everyone in the back. Just to our friends...Mark, Adam and Chris, Ric, Jay and Dave...Sean...Kevin and Scott," I finish quietly. That hurt the most before I think...that he wouldn't even acknowledge our relationship to our closest friends. Kevin and Scott knew about us, but not because Hunter ever said anything to them. I spilled the beans and then made them swear that they wouldn't talk about it, or ask him about it. Kevin, Scott, and I had some huge arguments because I wouldn't let them confront him about his behavior.

"I don't want to have to hide things from them like the last time. I'm not asking you to kiss me in the middle of the hall, but if we happen to be around other people and I touch you, I don't want to have you flinching away from me like I'm a damn leper." I think that was the hardest part of our relationship before. In private we were all over each other every chance we got, but in public if it wasn't in a script that I was supposed to touch him, he shied away from me.

"I don't expect it to happen right away. That's why I'm giving you six months to get comfortable with it, but I won't budge on this, Hunter." I can tell he's not ecstatic about the terms, but I won't give in. I think he realizes that. He nods signaling his agreement. Now here comes the fun part and I'm expecting a few objections.

"As for the limits..." Deep breath. "Until the specifics are met - no sex."

"Shawn..." His voice communicates my own internal whine. Hey, I'm not thrilled about it either. Sex with Hunter is, to borrow a phrase, that damn good. Let's just say that I'm hoping it will be enough incentive for him to make the change that much sooner.

"No, Hunter." I fix my face sternly. He has to know that I'm serious about this. "No sex...of any kind."

He falls into a dejected slump. I'm sure he was hoping it would be easier than this. "Am I at least allowed to kiss you, Shawn?"

Wow. That's it? He's actually going to give in that easily? He must really be serious about doing anything that I want him to. I can't help but play devil's advocate though. Does that make me an asshole? Most likely. "If I say no...are you going to change your mind about wanting this?"

If possible he slumps even further in front of me. I'm feeling a little bad for doing this to him. His quietly whispered "no" has me on the floor and kneeling in front of him in an instant. I can't believe he'd actually still want me if I cut off even that limited intimate contact.

"Then in that case," I say as I tilt his head up with my fingers under his chin, "yes, you can kiss me all you want to." I press my lips against his and he whimpers. He pulls me into his lap and proceeds to kiss the breath right out of me. How I've missed this. I love his lips. I'm rather proud that he didn't even try to cop a feel.

*Hunter's POV*

"...I...I've missed you."

Thank god. No matter what happens...at least we can work towards being friends again. I've missed that. I'm happy, but at the same time I'm still waiting to see what else is going to happen between us, if anything.

"I still love you, Hunter. I think I always will."

I can't believe that he still loves me. After the things I have done, I don't deserve it. He's pouring his heart out to me right now and I note everything he says. I'm glad that he knew how I felt, even if I couldn't say it. I also know that that wasn't the only reason he ended things. I'm not really happy that he knows everything about what happened with Chris, but he's right...I was following the same patterns. I'm betting he got his information right from Mark...the man knows everything.

Watching him try to wipe the moisture from his eyes almost kills me. I know how bad I hurt him the first time around and I'll do anything to make sure I don't do the same thing again. I can change. I walk over and kneel in front of him, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "Shhh. Yes, I do mean it, Shawn. Anything. Just tell me what I have to do."

Probation? He wants to put me on probation? Somehow this is not the scene I pictured when I asked to come here tonight, but...I guess I can't blame him. I meant anything and I tell him so. I just hope I can give him what he wants. So I ask for specifics because I don't want to miss doing something and have him toss me back out of his life. I have a bad feeling about those limits that he mentioned. Please don't let them be what I think they are...it has been so long...

He mentions wanting to tell our friends and I guess I can't blame him there. It may take me awhile to get used to the idea though. Chris...Chris already kind of knows that I wanted this and I would be comfortable telling him about it. Why it's different with him, I don't know. I'm not sure why I have issues with being open about this. I'm guessing it's somehow related to my childhood...isn't that always the excuse? Maybe it's the fear of everyone finding out and thinking differently about me. I did hide the fact that I'm into guys by having "relationships" with both Steph and Joanie...platonic relationships...but very few people know that. A coming out of the closet issue? It's possible.

Whatever it is, I'll have to deal with it, because I know that this is my last chance with Shawn. If I mess it up I won't get another chance. I nod because I'm not sure I can speak right now. The fact that I used to treat him that way makes me feel ill. I'm an even bigger bastard than I thought I was. I never even realized that I pulled away from him. I can't believe that I hurt someone that I love that much.

When he mentions limits, I listen closely. I won't cross them...whatever they are. I just hope that it doesn't involve...

"No sex."

"Shawn..." I can't help the whiny tone in my voice. It's going to kill me to be that close to him when we're alone and not be able to touch him the way I've been fantasizing about since we split up. I remember how good we were together. Maybe...

"...Of any kind." There goes that idea. I swear to god that he's reading my mind. How the hell does he do that? I slump down on the floor. This is going to be so damn hard, but if that's what I have to stick to... Wait, he didn't mention kissing, did he? Because if that's included, I may just go hang myself. There is no way that I can be around him all the time and not at least do that.

"Am I at least allowed to kiss you, Shawn?" I wait tensely for his answer.

"If I say no...." I'm dead. I slump further down in my position at his feet and think about ways I can stop myself from wanting to kiss him. No ideas at all...but I have to take this chance with him.

"No."

Then he's kneeling in front of me and he kisses me. Yes! Thank goodness. I should grouch because he was obviously playing to see how far I'd go, but I'm too damn happy to argue. I pull him up on my lap and kiss him long and sweet. God how I've missed his taste...the feeling of him in my arms. I wonder if I promise to behave myself if he'll let me sleep over...just to sleep. It will be a form of torture, but I'd suffer through it just to hold him all night.

Read Chapter 3 of 10 of Probation