Part 2

"That's not funny Shawn." By all rights, Shawn should have gotten frostbite from the icy glare Chris was sending him.

"Do I look like I'm laughing? Please. Just tell me. I honestly don't have a clue." From the puzzled look on Shawn's face he wasn't lying, but Chris wasn't sure he could drag it all up again.

"Well Shawn, either you are one sadistic bastard or you really have no clue what I'm talking about. For your sake, I hope it's the latter. If you are jerking my chain, I won't just try to hurt you. I'll cripple you."

"I know you have no reason to trust me, but I promise. I'm not jerking you around. Tell me." For a moment Shawn was sure that Chris was going to turn and leave without another word.

Chris closed his eyes and let out a quiet sigh of resignation. When Shawn wanted to know something he was like a dog with a bone, he didn't let it go until he was finished. Chris sat on the bed and ran his hands over his face. "Fine. Let's get this over with. What do you remember about the time before December 17, 2002?"

"Wasn't that the night you came out and…" Shawn remembered that night all too well.

"Yes, but we'll get back to that. What do you remember before that night?" Chris looked up into Shawn's eyes.

"Well, Hunter and I were fighting for the title, of course. I don't think that's what you mean though." When Chris remained silent, Shawn continued. "I remember that at the time I thought you and I were becoming friends. We'd run into each other about two weeks before that, literally. We started talking about the business. We met up in catering a couple days later and that time we talked about personal stuff. Likes, dislikes, what have you… Two days later, Vince told us we needed to come up with something to start a feud between us for the show."

"I'm surprised you remember. You had to have noticed that I was… a little awestruck. We'd talked before that, but not a real conversation. I was happy that we were getting to know each other. Really happy that we were going to be working together. That stuff I said about you being my idol in this business, it was all true. The part I left out was that I had also had a…" Chris paused for a moment, looked down at his hands and let the rest rush out, "slight crush on you for years. During the time we spent together working on an approach to our story-line, it grew from a crush to…real interest. I'm not going to say I was in love with you, it was too soon, but the potential was there."

Chris glanced quickly at Shawn and noticed the surprised look on his face. Before Shawn could comment he started talking again. "I know you may find it hard to believe, but I have a problem with confidence. When it comes to my personal feelings I tend to be a bit… shy, but I wanted to let you know how I was feeling. When I find it too hard to say something, I write it down. So that's what I decided to do. I wrote you a letter. When I got to the arena that night, I asked where you were. One of the tech assistants had seen you knocking on Hunter's locker room door."

Shawn knew he should explain why he had stopped to talk to Hunter that day, but he decided to wait until Chris finished whatever it was he was going to say. He was still trying to process the fact that Chris had had some kind of feelings for him. He hadn't had a clue at the time that Chris felt anything other than maybe friendship. He thought to himself that tonight might be a night full of big revelations, but he wasn't sure if all of them would be welcome ones.

"You know Hunter and I have never gotten along. He's tried to bury me at every turn. That didn't matter though. I wanted to make sure you got the letter before our segment that night. I was hoping that maybe we'd have a chance to talk about it before that, so I wouldn't have to wonder how you were going to react. So I went to his locker room. You weren't there. He told me that you would be back in a few minutes. My nerves were kind of on edge, I wasn't sure I would be able to hand it directly to you. So I handed him the letter and asked him to give it to you when you got back. He said it wouldn't be a problem. I left and went back to my locker room."

"Chris, I…"

"Shawn, just let me finish this. If I have to go through this again I want to do it as quickly as possible." For the first time since Shawn had asked Chris to stay, he moved. Chris could feel the bed shift as Shawn sat beside him, but he refused to look at him. He stared down at his hands and dropped his head slightly in an effort to keep Shawn from seeing his face. He didn't want Shawn to see exactly how much this next part was going to affect him.

As Shawn sat down next to him, he could tell from Chris's demeanor and posture that whatever he said next was going to be hard for him. He only hoped that once he knew the truth, he could set things right for Chris. Maybe ease some of the pain.

When Chris started talking again, his voice was so quiet and pain-filled that Shawn could barely hear what he was saying. "About half an hour later, Hunter showed up in my locker room. He was holding the opened letter. He said he had a reply from you then he tossed the letter at me. I remember sitting there, looking at him and seeing the smirk on his face. I still remember word for word what he said next." Shawn watched surreptitiously as a tear dropped from Chris's face to his hands. His breath caught in his throat and his hard began to ache for Chris's pain. He never expected to hear what he heard next.

"He said 'Shawn wanted me to tell you, that there is no way in hell he'd be caught with a pathetic loser like you. He said you are a waste of oxygen, Chris. He said he doesn't need a no-talent wanna-be using him to get to the top. ' That's what he said Chris. That was after we got done laughing about your little letter, of course. And the real point is, what he thought of the letter is irrelevant, because you never had a chance. Shawn is mine. He is my lover. He lets me fuck him every night. So you keep your pathetic little attraction for him to yourself. You will never have him. Understood? Then he left." Shawn watched as more tears fell to Chris's hands. Inside he was seething.

"It shouldn't have hurt that much. Knowing what you thought about me. But it did. It hurt so much. When it was time for the promo, I went out there with the intention of doing the one we'd talked about. When I got out there though, seeing you, I couldn't stop myself. I didn't plan that. It just came from inside me and I had to let it out. I needed to let the anger out at you, because if I didn't I would have broken down right there in the ring. You kicked me then. I'm not gonna deny that I probably deserved it, but that just added to the rage I felt at you. As soon as I could get out of there that night I did. I drank myself sick that night… hell that whole month, except for when I had to be at a show. I didn't want you or Hunter to know how much I was hurting. If it weren't for Adam coming to my house one night, I wouldn't even be…" Chris burst into tears, no longer trying to hide it. Shawn reached over and pulled him into his arms. Chris struggled at first, but then he settled into Shawn's arms and cried on his shoulder.

"Chris, you didn't try to…" Shawn asked quietly, trying not to startle the man he was attempting to comfort. He needed to know, so he'd had to ask.

"No." Chris whispered in-between sobs. When he'd calmed himself a bit he explained the night in question while Shawn gently stroked his hair. "I was drinking tequila that night. A lot of it. Last I remember, I was halfway through my second bottle for the day. Adam had heard a few rumors about my behavior and he stopped in to check on me. When I wouldn't open the door, he used the spare key. When he found me I was passed out cold and he tried everything he could think of to bring me out of it. When that didn't work, he called for an ambulance and went to the hospital with me. Alcohol poisoning was the consensus. Vince managed to keep it out of the papers. He made me see a counselor as a condition for me to keep working. I promised him it wouldn't happen again and I stuck to it. So that's it Shawn. Your explanation."

Read Chapter Three of Undelivered