I'd been worried about Jeff for a while, even before we got together. See, when we hooked up, I knew Jeff's reputation, but I was convinced that there was something wrong. I mean, although he always tried to hide it, Jeff always seemed so unhappy, like there was something he wanted to say to me but couldn't.

Looking back now, it all falls into place. Why Jeff was always so melancholy, why we always had to have the lights off when we fucked, why I always felt like I had to leave afterwards. I hated leaving, but I thought that was what Jeff wanted. Then that one evening I just knew that I had to go back.

And I found him. And he broke down in my arms and let all of his pain and hurt. I realized that evening that I loved Jeff, and I knew that I would do anything to stop him hurting anymore.

Since then we've been taking it slow. At times it seems that the only difference in our relationship is that we share a room, I don't leave after we've had sex. And I don't know, it doesn't seem like I'm doing enough. The thing is, I know Jeff's still hurting. He hasn't told me but I know he is. He gets incredibly agitated when we're apart, even for a short amount of time. Now don't get me wrong, I love spending every minute of the day with him, but I know that it's not good for him. And I don't think I'm doing enough. I just wish I knew what to do.

Me and Jeff go back to the hotel, shower together, then go to bed. Some nights we have sex, some nights we don't. See, I want Jeff to realize that I'm not just with him for sex, that I like spending time with him, but sometimes I think that he doesn't realize. I'm so scared that he'll think that I'm rejecting him, which is something that I could never, ever do.

Jeff lies in my arms and sighs, snuggling close. It's so beautiful when it's like this, I just wish I could tell Jeff, let him know how happy I am when we're together like this. But I'd be happier if I thought he felt the same.

"Chris?" Jeff's southern drawl always sends shivers down my spine. I smile down at him, but my smile fades as I see the worried look on his face. "What's wrong?" he asks, "Don't I make you happy?"

How can he possibly think that he doesn't make me happy? "Jeffie you make me feel so wonderful, so amazing, how can you ever think that?" I ask him softly, staring down into his beautiful green eyes.

"You don't seem happy with me. I don't want you to be sad Chris." Somehow Jeff's maneuvered himself to be straddling my legs, so he's staring straight into my eyes and his hands are tentatively touching my cheeks.

"You are the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me. But." I'm so nervous, the last thing that I want to do it hurt him "I'm scared."

"What of?" Jeff pulls his hands away and I can see tears beginning to form in the corner of his eyes. He thinks it's his fault.

"Of so many things." I begin. How do I say this? I find that I can't, I just start crying. I try to stop but I can't. Oh god I never wanted to do this, I'm supposed to be strong, to stay strong for Jeff but I just can't do it. I'm not good enough for him, I'm failing him, just like I always knew I would.

Jeff slips his arms around me and I can feel his body shake and I know he's crying too. I never wanted this to happen. "Tell me what's wrong." He whispers in this tear-filled voice that just breaks my heart.

I sniff, and try and calm myself enough to speak. "Jeffie I love you so, so much my darling." I need him to know this. "But. I'm scared that I'm not doing enough to help you. I should be doing more, cos I know you're still hurting and I can't stop it, even though I want to so much. And... and I see the sadness in your eyes whenever I stay with you and we don't have sex, like you think I'm rejecting you but I promise I'm not. I just want you to know that there's more to you and me than just sex. I know that so many people have used you in the past and I don't want you to think that I'm like them. I can't... I'm scared that I can't give you what you need Jeff, and that I'm gonna fail you."

All the time I've been saying this I've been staring away from Jeff. I daren't face him. I can't, cos I know I'll fall apart. But he cups my face in his hands and forces me to look at him. There are tears running down his face and I feel so awful that I've caused that. I've hurt my baby when I swore I never would.

He makes like he's trying to be calm, then manages to speak. "Chris. you're right." With those words, I really come close to falling apart, but somehow. Jeff's melodious voice continues. "You're right, I am still hurting. But it's getting better. Everything you've done for me is helping me. Staying with me. Holding me. That's what I need more than anything and that's what you give me. I can't ask for any more." I reach up to touch his face, to wipe his tears away. The tears that I will never forgive myself for causing. "I admit when we don't have sex. it hurts cos I think you don't want me anymore and then you stay anyway and I get so confused. Oh Chris I know you're not like the others." I just stare, I don't know what to do. Eventually I realize that Jeff wants me to hold him, and I do. I wrap my arms around him so tightly I never want to let go.

"Are you sure baby? I was so scared of failing you." I sigh into his shoulder. I guess both of us have emotions we need to work through in this relationship.

"Tell me you'll never leave me." He murmurs, "and I know that you'll never fail me."

"I'll never leave you angel." This I know I can promise. My mother always told me that if you love someone, you'd know because you'd follow that person until the ends of time, to the ends of the Earth. And I would.

Jeff moves and kisses me softly. "Then we'll be OK. We'll work through all of this, I know we will." And I know we will too.