Chapter 2



Jeff didn't know how long he'd been there, trapped in this prison. Weeks, months, the abuse just blurred into one long nightmare. A nightmare that was becoming worse and worse.

One day with the special group Jeff was told to masturbate in front of the men as one of them raped a woman. He was horrified: the woman was tied up and screaming and was obviously terrified. Jeff couldn't believe the men would do this. And that he had to masturbate while they were doing it? It was sick. He wasn't even allowed to close his eyes, to pretend that the rape wasn't happening. His unwilling hand coaxed his cock to hardness, and some of the men watched him with interest.

Suddenly the man pulled out of the woman and looked at Jeff.

"Fuck her." was his stark command.

Jeff stopped. He stared at the man in horror, this couldn't be happening.

"Master, I can't I won't." Jeff realized what he'd said. He had disobeyed his master. He would undoubtedly be punished for this.

Another man grabbed him and pushed him towards the woman. "You will do as you are told, slave. I need not remind you what will happen if you refuse."

Jeff knew. Agonizing, slow, painful death. This was the hardest decision he'd ever had to make. The men stared at him, and then one of them said starkly,

"Do it or we will kill her too."

Jeff was almost sick. He hated himself, but he couldn't cause her to die. He raped her, crying bitterly as he did so. This was it; he'd descended to the depths of hell now. He was just as bad as the men who abused him every week. The woman just stared at him sadly. She seemed to understand what situation he was in, pitying him even as he abused her.

Then came the punishment. Jeff knew it would happen. He had broken the rules, and now he would pay the price. Jeff's hands were tied to a hook and he was suspended from the ceiling, his feet barely touching the floor.

Several of the men fucked him, and Jeff realized that this would be drawn out and painful. He wouldn't just be punished, he would be tortured too. The sex was more brutal than usual, and Jeff realized in horror that the woman was being forced to watch. One of the men said something to her about following orders and Jeff knew that she was the latest slave to be brought to this place.

One man, who seemed to be the leader, stood in front of Jeff until the other men had finished with him, watching the pain on his face with seeming enjoyment.

"Jeff, you did wrong, didn't you?" His voice was way too calm for Jeff's liking.

"Yes master." He didn't want to make this worse than it already was.

"And you need to be punished, don't you."

Jeff assented again. The more he complied now, the easier it might be. His eyes widened as the man retrieved an item from a cupboard and brought it in front of the now terrified man.

It was the biggest vibrator Jeff had ever seen. It was obscenely huge, something that was designed to inflict the most intense pain on its recipient.

The man thrust it into Jeff. Involuntarily Jeff screamed in agony. The invasion almost tore him apart. Then the man left him. He left the vibrator inside Jeff and walked away.

Jeff continued screaming. He didn't care any more what they did to him, whether he was obeying orders or not, he just screamed. He was being torn apart from the inside, and it hurt so much he couldn't even think.

The man returned and removed the object. Jeff hung from the ceiling limply. He didn't know or care what would happen next, he just wanted to die. Not even the thought of seeing Chris and Matt could save him now.

Jeff felt the first few stings of the whip, and then was surprised when they stopped. He tried to see what was going on, but all he could see was the man selecting something from the cupboard. He was trembling when light reflected off the blade. It was a knife, and Jeff had no idea what he was going to do with it.

"Jeff, I think you need reminding exactly what you are." The man proceeded to cut the word 'whore' into Jeff's back, the cuts deep enough that they would definitely scar. "You will always be a whore Jeff." He hissed into his ear once he had finished.

Jeff woke up in the training room again. He was covered in blood and cum and was in agony. Immediately he was terrified that Bob would punish him too. Gingerly he made his way too the shower and cleaned himself up, then waited to see what would happen next.

Bob rushed in, looking flustered and preoccupied. He threw some clothes at Jeff.

"Put these on, you've been sold." He informed Jeff. Once the young man was dressed Bob put a mask over his head and face that allowed him to breathe but not see or hear. Jeff was led downstairs, then he felt himself being pushed into a van and being transported somewhere else. He was carried into a room then chained to a bed. He laid in silence and terror and waited for what was to follow.



*************************

Chris and Matt received a phone call from the police who were working on Jeff's case. They rushed straight in, their hope revived.

"We have found something that leads us to believe that Jeff is still alive." The chief officer said.

"What? Have you found him? Where is he?" Matt couldn't believe it, after all this time.

"We raided a house I the south of the city, and found evidence that Jeff had been kept there against his will. Unfortunately he seems to have been moved to a different location. We are following up leads, and we are hopeful that we will find him."

Matt was shaking. "What evidence?" His baby brother was alive. The nightmare might soon be over.

"Video tapes. The content… I don't think it would be appropriate for you to see, but I can assure you that so far as he can tell, Jeff is alive. And he seems to be OK." The officer had been disgusted by what he'd seen. The poor boy must have been terrified.

"He… he is definitely OK?" Matt asked, biting his lip. He hated seeing his brother hurt, but at least he'd always been there to comfort him. If he saw Jeff alone and scared, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Yes, so far as we can tell."

Chris was silent. He so wanted to hope that Jeff was alive, was alright, but he was scared. He didn't know what to feel inside.

Should he be happy that the cops had made this development, or unhappy because they still hadn't found Jeff. He was so confused.

Matt left to go home and call Shane, but Chris stayed behind.

"I want to see the footage." He stated calmly.

The officer nodded. "I can understand that. I must warn you that it contains graphic sexual material. It's very disturbing, and difficult to watch, especially for someone like yourself who is so close to Jeff."

"I need to see it." The officer could understand how Chris felt. Some people needed proof that their loved ones were still alive. He led him to a room and allowed him to watch the tapes they had recovered from the house. Chris' heart knotted in his stomach as he watched Jeff. His poor little Jeffie. Hurt, scared. As the abuse unfolded he watched in horror. Rapes, beatings, humiliation, it was like a nightmare. His heart broke at Jeff's desolation.

Chris looked at the officer tearfully. "Why? Why would someone do this to him?"

"The place we raided was a whorehouse. We believe that Jeff is being sold to men for sex. I'm sorry. That footage is, we believe the training that these men do to the boys they keep. We know Jeff isn't at the house any more, but from leads that the arrested men have given us, we hope to get close to him soon."

"Oh god." Chris started sobbing. "Please you have to find him. He can't go through this."

"We are doing the best we can." The officer was concerned for Jeff's welfare. He knew the sort of men who did this, and he knew that Jeff would have to be strong to survive. If they uncovered the other video tapes that the arrested men had spoken of, the ones of Jeff with some of the clients, the officer knew that the abuse Chris had seen in these tapes would seem like a picnic.



*************************

Jeff soon discovered what he was being held captive for. After he'd been at this new place for a few hours, he was unchained and the mask was taken off. He was told to undress, then a man who he'd never seen before spoke to him.

"Welcome to your new home. You will be working as a whore here, but you will have to wear this mask whenever you have a client because of your fame. We don't want people to know we have you here do we? You will not be for exclusive use as you were previously. You will be expected to serve anyone who pays, understand?"

Jeff was silent, he was scared shitless and didn't know what he was supposed to say. He was hardly in any physical condition to do anything.

The man continued. "You will be available for work for twelve hours a day. All of that time you will wear the mask. The rest of the time you may take the mask off, and you may eat, or sleep. You will start work tomorrow. Someone will bring you some food, and then I suggest you get some sleep."

The man fitted a choke chain around Jeff's neck, fastening one end to the bed, so that Jeff couldn't move too much. He left the room, and Jeff started crying. This only got worse and worse. Chris wouldn't want him anymore. No one would. Matt would be ashamed that he'd let all of these men touch him. What else could he do?

The next day the torture began. He was on his knees for hours on end, being fucked by a seemingly endless line of men. What made it worse was that they all saw the word cut into his back. The name that confirmed what he was and what he would always be.

He'd even lost count of how many men had fucked him, which made him feel worse than anything. It was horrible. None of them had used protection, so Jeff didn't even want to consider what he had contracted. He realized with horror that he could be dying already.

With this thought echoing and reverberating through his mind, Jeff gave up. He was emotionless as man after man fucked him. It was hell. Day after day of hell.



*****************************

Chris was devastated. He found it difficult to comprehend how anyone could treat another human being the way Jeff had been treated. All that was going through his mind was what someone might be doing to Jeff right now. His poor baby must be so scared. Chris wished he was there to protect him.

Matt blocked it all out. He didn't want to know anything; all he concentrated on was the possibility that Jeff was still alive. He

refused to have any contact with the police unless they had some definite news. He couldn't handle having his hopes raised then dashed again and again. All he could do was block out the waiting, and attempt to block out the agony.

***********************

Jeff was waiting for another customer when he heard shouting from downstairs. Then he heard noise inside the room and his mask was taken off. He screamed and huddled away from the cop who found him. The officer was shocked at the state of the young man, and swiftly unchained him, speaking gently and coaxing him out of the room. He wrapped a blanket around Jeff and carried him out to a waiting ambulance, and a waiting Chris.

"Jeff!" Chris started crying and looked up at the officer gratefully. Jeff's wide eyes focused on his lover and he started crying too. The officer put Jeff into Chris' arms and the couple hugged. It was over.

A paramedic helped Chris to put Jeff into the ambulance, and then the couple traveled to hospital so that Jeff's condition could be assessed and treated. Matt was contacted and met them there. He hugged his little brother and cried, so happy and almost not believing that he was alive.

Jeff was bewildered and scared. He had been imprisoned for so long, and to see Chris and Matt had been all he'd dreamed of doing, but he knew what he'd done. He wasn't worthy of this, the attention and love they were giving him. It felt so nice to be in their arms but he didn't deserve it.

He screamed. "Leave me alone, please leave me alone." The nurses quickly ushered the two men out of the room so that Jeff would calm down and that he could be treated in privacy.

While they were waiting, Chris and Matt spoke to the officers who had accompanied them.

"We have arrested several men. We believe that Jeff was held against his will by a group who are operating a sex and pornography ring. We have recovered a number of videotapes which we suspect will contain images of Jeff, but we'll have to wait a few days to analyze them. We'll have more news about charging people when we've spoken to Jeff and searched the house more thoroughly."

"Thank you for finding him." Chris didn't realize that he had been shaking throughout all of this. "Thank you for not giving up."



Jeff was treated for some time. He had internal damage, but nothing that wouldn't heal, given time. The whips and cuts had scarred his back, and although the doctor spoke of cosmetic surgery, Jeff couldn't contemplate that right now. He looked at the doctor with some fear in his eyes.

"I need a HIV test." He said quietly.

The doctor sighed. "I'm sorry Jeff, but we can't do that yet. You see, you have to wait for six months before the virus shows up on the test."

"You mean I have to live with not knowing for six months?" Jeff shook his head, would the nightmare never end?

"I'm sorry. We'll do every other test we can to rule everything else out though."

Jeff didn't listen; all he could think of were six more months of hell.

"Do you want to see your brother and your boyfriend?" The doctor asked sympathetically. The poor kid had been through so much, he really needed the support right now.

"I can't. I failed them. "Jeff answered starkly."I did bad things, and I let people do bad things to me. I failed them and betrayed them."

"I can't see how that's true, but they love you and they are concerned about you. Let them see you."

"OK." Jeff acquiesced, as if he was so used to following orders it was automatic for him.

Matt and Chris walked into the room worriedly. They didn't want to scare Jeff, god only knew what he'd been through, and he seemed so frightened and distraught.

"Jeff." Matt looked at him, taking in the agony on his face. Jeff was thankful he had something to wear. He didn't want Matt or Chris to see his body.

"Mattie, Chris, I'm so sorry." Jeff closed his eyes. He didn't want pity. He didn't know what he wanted.

"You have nothing to be sorry for angel." Chris took Jeff's hand and squeezed it. "You've been abused baby, you've done nothing wrong."

"You don't understand. I love you both, you two were the only reason I stayed alive, but… what I did to stay alive was wrong… I was very bad, and I hate myself."

"Jeffie look at me." Matt touched his brother's chin and green eyes met brown. "I love you, and I don't care what you did. You had no choice. All that matters to me is that you are safe, and I promise that I would never, ever judge you. When god made us brothers he gave us unconditional love, and I will love you unconditionally, honestly I will."

"Matt, thank you." Jeff hugged him tightly. Matt had to love him, they were brothers. "I… I just never wanted you to hurt."

"It only hurts to see you hurting baby. I just want to make it all better for you." Jeff realized than he mustn't let Matt see him

hurting. He didn't want his big brother in pain. Matt kissed his cheek and smiled. "Do you mind if I call Shane? I want to tell him you're OK?"

"Sure." Matt left the room and Jeff looked at Chris. His last hope or his biggest loss. "Chris. I betrayed you, I'm so sorry."

"You didn't baby."

"I did." He was insistent. "Chris, I physically betrayed you. You'll hate me… you should hate me."

"You had no choice. Baby I could never hate you." Chris didn't even want to consider what Jeff had been forced to do. The tapes he had seen were bad enough.

"You don't know what I did Chris." Jeff whispered, looking downcast. "I'm… I'm…"

"Shhh baby. Let's not talk about it now. Babe… I saw some of the videotapes… they made them of you… the officer said it was of when they were training you… what they did to you baby, I wish I could have stopped them." Chris stroked his hair, trying to keep the tears out of his voice.

You saw the training? How… weren't you disgusted by what you saw?"

"Baby I saw that they gave you no choice." Chris was sure in the same situation he would have done whatever they wanted to stop the pain. "The… the police raided the house where you were kept and found the tapes… they say that they just found some more."

Jeff closed his eyes. He hadn't known he was being filmed but it made sense. "When you watch the other tapes you'll hate me."

"I told you, I'll never hate you. Now shhh. None of this matters now. You need to sleep; you need to get better before we talk about this."

"I want to come home with you. I don't want to be alone. You may come to despise me, but I need you to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be OK."

The doctor agreed that Jeff would be better off at home, and the young man walked out of the place, free for the first time in months. When he got to the apartment that Chris and Matt shared, he went straight to bed, locking himself in the bathroom so that he could get changed without Chris seeing his physical condition. He knew Chris would have to know eventually, but he couldn't handle the pity any more today.

Chris joined him in bed and held Jeff tightly as the young man cried himself to sleep. He knew that the recovery would take a long time, but they joy of having Jeff back in his arms made it more than worth it.



A few days later Jeff and Chris went to talk to the police. Jeff had to talk to some officers about what happened to him, and another officer took Chris to one side.

"The tapes we found do have Jeff on them. I don't know how much you've talked about what happened but, I have to say your boyfriend is one strong man, to have survived what he did. We have interviewed one of the men we arrested, and the tapes we have recovered apparently show all of Jeff's encounters with what they called `the special group'. As far as we can tell, until Jeff was moved he was used only by them. Jeff was only taken away from these men because they got wind of our impending raid, and he was sold on to another whorehouse. Our suspect claims that Jeff might have been raped by anything up to one hundred men. This is a horrible case; I wish I could tell you something different."

Chris was devastated. What had they done to him? "Jeff keeps saying that he's done bad things. He blames himself and says that I'll hate him once I know what he's done."

"These men have a certain way of working. They abuse their victims until they consent, or beat them until they do things willingly. It is common for the victims to blame themselves for weakness."

"I wish I could do something."

"We'll give you both as much support as we can. We have more than enough evidence to convict these men, so I doubt that Jeff will have to go to trial as a witness. If either of you need to talk to a counselor we can arrange that." The officer knew how traumatic situations like this could be, the destructive nature of the abuse lasted sometimes for years, long after the abuse had ended.

Another officer approached them. "Sir, once Mr. Hardy heard that we have more tapes, and the nature of them, he insisted that Mr. Irvine watch them."

Chris was shocked. "Why?"

"He says that he wants you to understand why he failed you."

"I can't… he hasn't betrayed me." Chris closed his eyes. "Will this help Jeff to recover?"

"It might, if you can show him that you still don't blame him."

"I'll do it." Chris was trembling even as he said the words. What if he couldn't handle what he saw?

He watched the tapes, sobbing in horror. He watched Jeff as he was fucked, beaten and abused in the most hideous ways. Jeff was passive, undertaking the tasks without argument, but Chris could see the pain on his face. And he knew what sort of torture he would have suffered had he not done as the men said.

Jeff's horror and heartbreak as he was forced to commit rape was clear to Chris. He didn't blame him for it. He'd done all he could to avoid it, and as Chris saw with increasing agony, he was punished for it in the most horrific way.

The officer gave him some time to compose himself, and then brought him to Jeff, who had finished talking to the other officers. Chris immediately pulled Jeff into his arms.

"Baby I'm so sorry, I love you you are so brave." He sobbed, as Jeff for the first time relaxed into his embrace. "It wasn't your fault baby."

"I think you two should go home and talk." The chief officer told them. "We'll keep in touch with you about the trial, but I can assure you Jeff, we won't let these men get away with what they've done."

Chris took Jeff home. They definitely needed to talk, yet he didn't know what to say. All he wanted to do was hold Jeff and comfort him until all the hurt had gone away. But he couldn't. He couldn't do anything for Jeff, except listen. He hoped that would be enough.

Jeff sat down, motioning for Chris to join him. Chris knelt at Jeff's feet and stared up at him.

"You watched the tapes?" Jeff's voice was devoid of emotion, completely dead. It was like the only way he could cope.

"Yes." Chris' voice was soft.

"So you saw what I did?"

"I saw what they made you do."

"I raped that woman. I gave those men oral sex. I let them fuck me. I masturbated in front of them" Jeff stared intently at Chris. "How can you not hate me? How can you say that wasn't my fault?"

Chris chose his words carefully. "You didn't want to do those things, but you had to because they would have killed you otherwise. Jeff, I saw what they did to you when you didn't obey them completely. They were capable of murder."

"I didn't want to die. That's why I did what I did. But then I wished I'd fought more. I wanted you to be the only one Chris, then once I'd given in I felt like you would hate me and I almost gave up." Jeff was almost childlike. "I did give up. When they took me to that other place I just lay there was all these different men fucked me. I don't even know how many men I've had sex with."

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does." Jeff stood up, pulled off his T-shirt and turned his back on Chris, revealing the scars at the base of his spine. "You see that Chris? That's what I was. Nothing but a whore. I hate myself for that, and you should despise me for betraying you."

"Jeff, listen to me." Chris grabbed his shoulders and turned him round. "You were raped. Each of those men raped you. Angel you are not a whore. I promise what you are the one who has been abused, and you are not to blame. Honey I wish I could make it better for you."

"Why do I feel this way? Jesus Christ Chris, I could have AIDS." Defeated, Jeff slumped against his lover's chest. "I could die Chris."

"We'll deal with it. Whatever happens, I'll be here with you all the way. And so will Matt. He loves you too." He held Jeff tightly. "I'm never gonna leave you alone."

"I'm scared Chris. I'm never gonna get past this. I'm always gonna feel this way."

"You won't, but we just have to take it one step at a time, yeah?" Jeff nodded. "Come on now baby. Let's go to bed."

He led Jeff to the bedroom, but held Jeff's hand when the young man went to go to the bathroom to change into a T-shirt and shorts.

"Jeff you have nothing to be ashamed of." His encouragement gave Jeff confidence, and he stripped off slowly. Chris watched, then stood behind Jeff, who tensed a little, then relaxed. Chris kissed each scar on Jeff's back, every single one on his stomach: there was nothing sexual in it, it was just reassurance for Jeff, that Chris still found him to be attractive, no matter what.

Jeff then pulled some clothes on to sleep in, and got into bed. Again he sobbed himself to sleep, but he felt better than he had done before. Perhaps this was the beginning of his recovery.



Chris supported Jeff tirelessly over the next few months. Matt tried to do as much as he could, but Jeff had insisted that his brother be shielded from many of the facts about his ordeal. Matt had always been emotionally vulnerable, especially concerning Jeff; whatever happened, he always seemed to blame himself in some way, and Jeff didn't want that, not this time. He let Matt comfort him on one level, but Chris was the one who was helping him recover.

The trial of the men took place three months after Jeff had been found. Although Jeff and Chris didn't attend any of it, they were kept informed by the officers who had worked the case. Jeff discovered that there were many other people, men and women, who had been treated in the same way that he had. One day he was asked if he would read a letter from one of the other victims: the woman he had been forced to rape.

Jeff was scared. He still blamed himself for not having the strength to say no. But with Chris by his side he read the letter, needing to know how she felt.

Dear Jeff,
I am also a victim of the men who are on trial right now. I am the woman they made you rape. And I want you to know that I don't hate you. I don't blame you either. I understand that you did what you had to, to survive. I would have done the same thing. I saw what they did to you afterwards, because you tried to say no. No one deserved to go through that. No one. I hope those men go to hell Jeff. And I hope that you will recover from this ordeal. You deserve happiness after what you've suffered, and I hope you achieve it.
Sarah

Jeff finally felt free. Not free from guilt, that would take time, but free from blame. To know that she didn't hate him, blame him, it meant an awful lot. He replied to her letter, although it was the hardest thing that he'd ever written. He was aware that she wouldn't want to see him; it would drag up too many bad memories, but it was another form of closure.

The trial lasted several weeks, but the evidence was so overwhelming that thirteen men in total were convicted of kidnap, rape, false imprisonment, assault and attempted murder. They were all imprisoned for life with no chance of parole.

When Jeff heard the news he collapsed. He had been so tense in the last week of the trial, scared that the men would be released. But now it was over. The men had got what they deserved.

Chris supported Jeff even more now. In another few months he would be able to have the HIV test. Then the uncertainty they were living with would be over, one way or another, and the couple could finally look to the future.

Once the men were jailed, Jeff stopped having nightmares. It was as if he didn't feel under threat anymore. He was a little more relaxed and comfortable, but still living under the shadow of the possibility. The possibility that he could have HIV, that like those men, he might also have been given a life sentence.



********************

Jeff went to the hospital looking a lot better than he had done before. The doctor was pleased, with both Jeff's physical and mental recovery. But he knew that this would be a huge challenge. How Jeff coped with the result, whatever it might be was the real test.

The result would take a few hours to come through. Jeff and Chris chose to wait in the corridor, where they sat in silence. Jeff feared the worst. He had been fucked by so many men that he couldn't see how he could not be positive. Chris didn't know what to think. He was intensely scared that he would lose Jeff. He didn't want to watch him suffer; he didn't want him to hurt anymore. He knew that it was very possible that Jeff did have HIV, but somehow that didn't change the way he felt about Jeff. He would be with him no matter what.

The doctor called them back into the room, and asked the couple to sit down. He looked at Jeff and smiled.

"You're in the clear." Jeff took a while to take this in. "Jeff, the test was negative, you don't have HIV."

Jeff turned to Chris in shock. "I'm free." He whispered.

The doctor was a little surprised that the test was negative, given what the police had told him about Jeff's case, but he knew it was scientifically possible. The police officer had also said that some places made all their customers have tests, so that was a possibility.

"You don't have to worry now Jeff. I don't think that any lasting damage has been done to you. You're improving well physically, so I hope this will be the last time I have to see you."

"Thank you, for everything." Jeff truly was grateful; the man had done so much for him.

Chris took Jeff home, delighted. To know that Jeff was OK, that now nothing would take Jeff away from him. He needed Jeff, he realized that now.

"Chris?" Jeff smiled a gorgeous smile that lit up his face. "I love you… I want you… do you want to make love to me?"

Chris' eyes widened. "Oh Jeffie."

"I'll understand if you don't." Jeff's face fell a little. "I mean… if it's too much for you... If after everything you don't want me in that way…"

"I do want you Jeff." Chris told him quickly. "I'm honored that you trust me enough. Jeffie, what happened to you is in the past now."

"I want you Chris. I feel like I'm ready, and for the first time I feel comfortable. I feel like I need this."

Chris took Jeff's hand and led him to the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Jeff on to his lap.

"Baby I don't want to hurt you. If you feel uncomfortable or scared, tell me to stop. I am not gonna pressure you into this."

"I know." Jeff kissed him softly. "I don't know how I'm going to feel. It's been so long… but I want this."

Tenderly Chris undressed his lover, kissing his stomach as he undid his jeans, caressing his feet as he pulled his socks and shoes off. Jeff moaned a little in pleasure, and then gasped as Chris pulled down his boxers and placed a light kiss on his cock.

He stood up to face Jeff, touching his cheek and stroking it. Jeff just stared at Chris, seemingly in a trance.

"What would you like me to do master?" He asked sadly.

Chris bit his lip to stem his tears. "Jeffie baby don't." He hugged Jeff tightly to him. "Baby it's OK. They're not here now. It's only me, I won't hurt you."

"Chris?" Jeff looked surprised to see him. "Don't let them hurt me. I'll do anything you want, but don't let them hurt me."

"I won't let anyone hurt you babe." Jeff looked surprised at this. "They're not here. They can't hurt you. Oh Jeff." Chris couldn't stop a few tears falling. "You don't have to do anything. You're free now baby, you can do whatever you want."

"Don't cry over me." Jeff whispered. "I'm just a whore, I'm not worth it."

"Jeffie you ware not." Chris was sobbing now, but Jeff w as still passive. "You are not a whore, you are worth everything. I just want you to be happy baby please don't feel like this."

"I'm a whore Chris."Jeff leant against him, gaining some comfort from his embrace. "I want you so much but all I can see is them. They're in my head, telling me I'm a whore, and if I don't do exactly as you say I'll be punished again."

"I'll never let anyone hurt you Jeff. You are not a whore, and you won't ever be punished again." Chris squeezed him tightly.

"I'm scared. How can I be sure?"

"Because I promise I will never hurt you. I promise Jeff. I know you're scared, but we'll get through it."

Jeff's demeanor changed again. He wiped his eyes, and then started unbuttoning Chris' jeans. "Let me do something for you master." He whispered, falling to his knees in front of Chris.

"No baby, no." Chris knelt with him, taking Jeff's face in his hands. "Jeff, I am not your master."

"Don't you want me?" He asked his voice almost childlike.

"Of course I do, but not like this. I am not taking advantage of you in that way. Baby you're still hurting, I'm not gonna do anything that will make you hate me in the future." Chris forced Jeff to look at him, capturing green eyes with his blue. "Jeff I love you and we are going to work through this."

"Chris… I'm so scared. I feel like I'm still controlled by them. I'm just a sex object."

"You are not baby. Jeff, listen to me." Jeff nodded. "You are Jeff Hardy and you are a wonderful, important person. You have feelings and desires and hopes just like me. There are so many things inside you that these men suppressed, and I'm going to help you to rediscover them. It's not gonna be easy, but I won't ever leave you. I'm here all the way."

"Chris, I don't want to feel this way." Jeff's plaintive eyes stared up at him.

"I know baby, and you won't. We just have to take it slow, and work through it. Tonight, let me just hold you."

Jeff nodded. "Chris, let me undress you, I need you next to me, and I need to feel you close." He slowly removed Chris' clothes, with the older man's aid, then they slipped into bed and Chris wrapped his arms tightly around his young love.

He kissed his forehead tenderly. "Jeffie, listen to me. Tomorrow, or when you're ready, I want you to talk to me. Tell me how you feel. I'll always be here to listen. But now, just sleep angel."

"I love you Chris. I need you here with me. I need you always. I need you to give me something to survive for." Jeff closed his eyes to stem the tears, and buried his head in Chris' chest. He listened to Chris' heartbeat and it soothed him, as did Chris' soft skin against his own. It wasn't about sex, it was comfort, and Jeff couldn't ask for any more.



*******************

"Chris, I'm ready to talk." Jeff touched the seat next to him on the couch and the Canadian sat down. Jeff seemed nervous and unsure, but he had to do this, he needed Chris to understand him.

Jeff sat forward and clutched Chris' hand within his own. He was silent for a little while then falteringly began to speak. "I do understand how I feel, and I don't. I mean… I think I need to go through it all with you, to explain how I feel, why I feel the way I do, but I'm scared to think about it. I'm scared that if I think about it I'll fall apart."

"Sweetie, if you fall apart I'll pick up all the pieces and put you back together. I'll do my best to make sure you don't fall apart, I'll support you to keep you together." Chris touched Jeff's cheek. "There's nothing to be scared of baby. I know it'll be hard, and the things that happened to you were horrible and scary, but they will never happen again."

"I… I don't remember much… anything about how I came to be in that place. The police said that someone spiked my drink; I think that's what happened. Then I woke up in that room and it started. The training." Jeff closed his eyes. "It was like they gradually stripped away all of my freedom. First I had to take my clothes off, then call him master, then oral sex… all through it I hated it, but I kept thinking of you and Matt. I had you in my heart, and I kept that so close, cos it was all I had. When they raped me… it was like the only thing I had left was gone. Before, no matter what, beatings, anything, you were the only man for me, who I would let be with me. Then they raped me, and I lost that. All I had was the desire to see you again. Even if you both hated me for giving in, I didn't care. I just had you in my heart still.

When the special group… when they did what they did, I was… I gave up. I let them use me cos it didn't seem to make any difference. You would hate me. When I raped that woman I truly gave up, I wanted to die, I needed to die. I gave up on everything, including myself. I had reached the lowest point, that's why when I was sold I let all those men fuck me, cos it didn't matter, and I didn't care anymore.

When… when they found me… I wished I could die… all of those people who saw me like that… the humiliation that those men put me through, the way they degraded me, I felt the same having all those people see me like that. I felt like they thought that I deserved what I got…" Jeff choked back a sob. "Then when they put me in your arms I felt so safe and right… and when I saw Matt I thought that everything was going to be OK… then I realized that… you two would think that I

deserved it… I couldn't stand the thought of that. Then I got so confused because you and Matt were so nice to me… I managed to block it out… but all I was thinking was… I don't know, it's like being a whore is all I can be. All of those men said I was good at it… it's what it says on my back. I am a whore and I don't deserve you. I don't deserve attention. I love you but the only way I can show you is by being that I am, a whore. I'm so confused. I don't want to be a whore but I feel like I don't have any choice."

"Oh Jeff." Chris' voice was weak. Tears had been pouring down his face as he'd listened to Jeff, and he felt like his heart was breaking. "Baby, I… I'm gonna help you through this... I'll do everything I can…"

"I don't think I can be helped."

"You can. Those men, they abused you so badly… physically, but mentally as well… you don't realize how much… that you think this way… The doctors helped you heal physically, and I'll help you all I can to make it better in your mind too."

Jeff sighed. "I'm scared."

"Jeffie, there will always be bad memories… they're like scars on your mind… things that won't go away. But we can learn to deal with them, learn to make them stop hurting. Because angel," Jeff touched his heart involuntarily when Chris said that, "I love you and I will not give up. Never ever."

"Chris?" Jeff looked childlike, but the emotion in his eyes showed that he was far from childlike. "I want you to help me. I hurt inside but I want to get better. I don't want to live like this. I want to be able to love you without feeling guilty of ashamed."

"I'll help all I can. I promise."



Chris was very patient with Jeff. They both saw a therapist: Jeff would have sessions on his own, and then Chris would join him, and they would work through Jeff's problems together. It was incredibly difficult, painful at times, as Chris would see Jeff sob and shake and cry. He felt so helpless, wishing he could make it all better.

The point of the therapy wasn't to help Jeff forget what happened to him, but to help him to accept it as a part of his life, a part of his life that was now over. Something that wasn't his fault, that he had absolutely no control over, but a part of the past that was now gone, like a closed book.

Jeff would sit with the therapist and describe the events, then describe how he felt while the things were happening. He spoke of his pain, his torment, but what he really emphasized was his feeling of guilt. His guilt for not fighting more, for accepting what they did to him. Much of his guilt was focused on Chris. His complete belief that he had betrayed Chris.

"I was scared that they were going to kill me… if I said no." Jeff revealed in one session. "I mean, they beat me until I was unconscious just for forgetting to say `master' one time. I was convinced that if I fought back they would kill me. But then, once I let them touch me… do those things to me… I thought that… I had nothing to live for. I had betrayed Chris, so I had nothing. I should have fought them, cos even if I'd died, I'd still have been true to Chris. I would rather have died then… I would rather be dead than live knowing I'd betrayed the man I love, but it was too late."

The therapist looked at Chris. "What do you think about that Chris? Jeff says that he wishes he had died without letting those men touch him. How do you feel?"

Chris turned to Jeff. "I wish those men hadn't touched you. I really do. But I… I'd rather have you alive. I'm so confused. It sounds so wrong, to say that you had to go through all that just so I could keep you with me. But if you'd have died… I couldn't have coped. Baby, what I'm trying to say is that you didn't make the wrong decision. You kept yourself alive… I can't ask you to do more…. You didn't betray me. I don't know whether you understand what I mean."

"So Chris, you are saying that you don't think Jeff betrayed you, that keeping himself alive was the right thing to do, although you recognize that what Jeff had to go through was a horrible, agonizing ordeal." The therapist looked at Jeff. "Jeff, do you see where Chris is coming from?"

"Yeah." Jeff was wide-eyed, almost in wonderment. "Chris, it's not that you wanted me to be with them… just that you… you wanted to see me again, and you're happy that I stayed alive."

"Yes." Chris nodded enthusiastically. "I wanted to see you again cos I love you and I couldn't live without you."

A smile crossed Jeff's face. "All the time… even if you hated me… I still loved you and wanted to see you again. That's why I did what I did, to stay alive."

The therapist nodded thoughtfully. "Well done. I feel we've made some good progress this week. I'll see you again in a week's time."



Chris took Jeff back to the apartment they were now sharing, conscious of how much happier the young man seemed. He led him into the kitchen to fix up some lunch, and kissed his cheek softly when Jeff wrapped his arms around his waist.

"You are so brave honey. I was really proud of you today." Chris whispered.

"Things are beginning to come clear for me. I love you… and there is nothing wrong with me for feeling that way. I still have feelings, no matter what happened." Jeff rested his head on Chris' shoulder contentedly. "I can finally see something… worth living for."

"You are wonderful baby." Chris touched his hair gently. "We are gonna get through this and we are gonna be so happy."

"I want to start off right now." Jeff stood up straight and smiled shyly. "Can… can we try again?"

They hadn't attempted to have any sexual contact since Jeff had got scared the last time. It would have been way too traumatic for him. The most Chris had been able to do was help Jeff to become confident with his body: he was still self-conscious about the scars and that horrible word on his back, but he was starting to see that Chris still loved him anyway, so he could learn to accept himself a little more.

But Chris was scared of pushing Jeff too far. He cocked his head and smiled a little. "Are you sure baby?"

"Yeah… I think so."

Chris thought for a while, and then whispered something in Jeff's ear that made him blush.

"Chris… are you sure?" Jeff smiled shyly.

Chris dropped to his knees and undid Jeff's jeans, pulling them to his ankles. Teasingly he kissed the tip of his cock through the soft material of his boxers. Jeff gasped in shock.

"Are you OK baby?" Chris asked softly, wary of what Jeff might be feeling right now.

"Yeah…" Jeff sounded a little unsure, so Chris continued slowly, pulling Jeff's boxers down to his ankles and then kissing the tip of his cock gently.

"So, so beautiful." He murmured, with a light touch coaxing his cock to life. Jeff watched him carefully, a little surprised by his physical reactions. "Let me make you feel good, just let the rest go, just think about how you feel." Chris coached him lovingly.

He stroked Jeff's cock, watching his reactions. Jeff's eyes were shut and he had thrown his head back. He leant against the kitchen table and moaned a little. Encouraged, Chris licked at the tip of the cock, savoring the taste. With one hand he fondled Jeff's balls, loving the gasps of pleasure the young man made. Tenderly he slipped his mouth over his cock and began a gentle suction, but he suddenly became aware of Jeff's gasps becoming a gently whimpering, and then choked sobbing.

"Jeffie, what's wrong?" Chris looked up at him worriedly.

"I'm scared…. They did this to me but they wouldn't let me cum and it hurt so much." Jeff sniffed.

"It's OK baby, I promise I won't hurt you."

"I know but for a moment there it seemed like I was back there." Jeff choked back another sob. "I… I was about to call you master."

"Oh angel." Chris sighed. "I promise I'll never, ever hurt you."

"Don't stop. Let me cum, please."

Chris nodded, unsure that this was the right thing to do, but unable to deny Jeff anything. He slipped his mouth back over his cock and alternated gentle suction with teasing him with his tongue.

It had been so long since Jeff had experienced anything like this. His knees were weak and his mind almost blank. "I… I… Oh my god…" he gasped, "mas… Chris… Oh god Chris." He realized that it was Chris that was making him feel this way and that sent him over the edge.

Chris swallowed everything that Jeff gave him, the release overwhelming both of them. Trying to calm himself he looked up at Jeff, a little worried. Jeff was leaning against the table, shaking, his skin pale and tears forming in his eyes.

"Jeffie?" Chris stood up and pulled him into his arms. "Sweetie, are you OK? Did I hurt you?"

"Oh my god Chris." Jeff relaxed into his arms, squeezing him tightly. "I love you so much."

"I'm so proud of you baby. That was such a big step, you're so brave." Chris stroked his cheek tenderly.

"I never thought I'd let someone make me feel that way. Oh Chris thank you so much." Jeff smiled, kissing Chris and tasting his own release. "I felt so good; I was scared I'd never feel that way again."

Jeff snuggled into Chris' arms. It felt so right; it was something he'd never thought he'd feel again, that fluttering in his heart that told him he was happy. Chris was helping him and so much more. Chris had saved him. Jeff realized that and suddenly felt right, he knew that the man holding him now was the man who had saved his live, and would save his future. He knew that he had a lot of recovery to go, but for the first time he saw something in the future that was worth fighting for. A future, him and Chris, where no one would ever hurt them again.