It wasn't so much that Jared was evil. He just didn't play well with the other kids.

The other kids all wanted to be Ravens or pilots, or at the very least a member of the ESF. They wanted the glamour and the privilege that came with wearing the stripes. Jared wasn't so much bothered with the whole space travel thing. He figured that if man were meant to bounce around from planet to planet like overly enthusiastic intergalactic grasshoppers, they'd be able to survive without oxygen. Since his species as a whole depended on the delightful element that was oxygen, they should keep their feet on the ground and be content with what they had.

Or such was Jared's humble opinion.

So no. It wasn't that he was evil per say, he just found his own fun.

"Smuggling, arson, murder, kidnapping, several counts of GBH…" Typical of them to list his transgressions in order of severity. Once upon a time he'd have gotten longer for wasting some poor bastard than he did for torching a warehouse full of busted computer parts, but hey, times were changing. "You confessed?" The Constable raised a hairless eyebrow, the folds of skin looking rather like a bald, fat slug above his eyes.

Honestly, did he look stupid? "Hell no!"

"He was caught red handed." His handler belted him in the back of the knees with his night stick.

"I was looking for the bathroom!" He protested.

Okay, so maybe wandering around a government facility at three am with a glow rod and several detonator chips was not the best place to be caught by an overly enthusiastic C. Needs must, and it wasn't as if he had been planning on getting caught.

Both men ignored him, which in Jared's mind said a great deal about their manners. And he was the barbarian? Figured.

"Gehenna?" Dick-for-brains said, looking positively gleeful at the idea.

Right, because that was a new one… Jared had damn near grown up in the Pit, thank you very much. He'd pass on the expenses paid vacation.

"Slap on the wrist for a misdemeanor?" He suggested as a second offer. Slug-Face scowled and Jared shrugged. He was only trying to help.

"There's bound to be a shuttle leaving soon." His dutiful arresting officer continued. Slug-Face shook his head.

"We're having a bit of a bed shortage." The Constable hedged. By bed shortage he of course meant 'cell space', which was a pretty good indication of the way the Galaxy was slipping into chaos. Gehenna was twice the size of Earth.

"I'll take community service." Jared offered brightly. "I'm very good with a paintbrush and I'm told I look quite dashing in orange."

Slug-Face smiled nastily. "It's funny you should mention that."



"You are joking, right?" Jared grinned behind his cuffs and a month of beard growth. They'd matched him up with some dainty little pilot. A perfectly turned out toff who was probably on first name terms with his tutors at the academy. Maybe all that time buried at the bottom of the Pit had screwed his memory up, but he didn't remember them making Ravens so pretty, and he'd fucked his fair share of them.

More than.

"Not at all, sir." Jared's handler- if such a word could really be employed to describe the short, fat, toad of an individual who liked to pretend he could pull all of Jared's strings- shook his head quite seriously. "By Ministry order he is to be put to use in the best way the ESF sees fit. I have orders from your Admiral O'Toole to see him delivered into your custody and prepped for deployment as part of Act 76c of the ESF protocol of '28.

Short hand for: we've run out of space in our prisons, let's hope he kills himself in an asteroid field.

The look on Space Boy's face was nothing short of picture perfect. "Looks like you and me are gonna be pardners, sweetheart." Not that Jared could see a problem with being stuck in space with such a pretty, pretty-

"It's Captain Ackles, and no, we're not." Pretty said coldly, voice almost as stiff as his collar.

Jared grinned. He could so live with this.



Jesus wept. Give him jail. Give him the Pit. Give him the Black Hole of Calcutta. Anywhere in the galaxy but here.

Of all bars in all the cities on all the planets they just had to go to The Martian's Aunt.

All a big damn conspiracy!

Pretty, sorry, Captain Ackles was…well Jared couldn't think of a polite way to describe his new jailer, and his momma had always told him that if you couldn't say something nice, you should keep your fucking trap shut. Of course she's also said that K65v's were perfectly reliable crafts...

There was a reason he was an orphan.

"Try and keep up." Pretty called over his shoulder, the clipped sentence being more words than they had spoken to Jared in the past four days. Jared bounded through the slime covered streets, tailing on the captain's lead like a puppy waiting for a bone.

Oh god, he needed to shoot something.

"I thought you wanted to make use of me." Jared pouted, thinking off all the ways he could make use of Captain Ackles and his tight-

Pretty stopped and Jared walked into him, arms held up in supplication as the captain whirled around and snarled. "Which is the very reason we are here."

Good to know Pretty was as thrilled by their mission as he was. "But-"

"You know these…people." His nose wrinkled. Must not maul. "The General believes you can win their confidence."

Jared flailed a little. "I think maybe 'hustled them at mahjong' might be a better way of describing our relationship." Jared said uneasily. Going into the 'Aunt would be akin to painting a target on his white ass and mooning the inventor of the dildo.

Going in with pretty boy space cadet would be…well, he wasn't looking forward to it. "Maybe you should wait outside?" He suggested hopefully. Ackles arched a fair eyebrow. Okay, so his advice was obliviously worth shit… "Don't blame me when they try and turn you into a piñata."

"I'm not entirely inexperienced." Pretty assured him, straightening his sandy colored shirt over lean hips, oblivious to the leer his statement brought out on Jared's face.

"Alright sweetheart, don't say I didn't warn ya." Jared bowed low and stepped aside to let Jensen pass.



"I did warn ya." Jared pointed out amicably, his bound hands wrapped around Pretty's naked torso. Given the given, things could have been worse.

There could have been pits of lava.

"Shut up." Ackles said sourly, wriggling his own bonds, his ass flush against Jared's happy dick. "You could at least try and help." He pointed out.

"I'm perfectly happy as I am, thank you very much." Jared smiled, settling back in contentment. He'd have to hand it to their captors, they were rather inventive with their restraining techniques. He'd been bound flush against Ackles' back, his arms around the captain's middle, Ackles' pulled behind Jared's back. They were attached at the thigh and the ankle, and if Jared shifted just so, the crotch.

Something twigged in the captain's head. "You'd better not be enjoying this." He threatened. Jared shook his head earnestly, glad his grin was hidden from Ackles' gaze.

"Not at all. I'm most put out." He said melodramatically. "I just happen to believe in picking my battles."

Ackles continued to struggle. "That is because you are a felon. And a scoundrel." He said firmly.

"Hey!" Jared protested. "Wait, wait, shift to the left a little." Ackles stilled, then obeyed, wriggling his wrists in the hopes that Jared could slip free.

Jared's cock slipped between his buttocks instead. "Yeah, that's better."

"I'm going to feed you to a tribe of cannibals." The captain declared hotly, his head smashing against Jared's chin as he continued to struggle. "Then take what is left of you and drop it into the biggest volcano on Venus. Then I am going to blow that up." He huffed.

"What, Venus?" Jared asked, curious.

Ackles head butted him again, and Jared thought it best to give him a moment.



After that, well, Jared wouldn't say they were firm friends, but prolonged exposure had conditioned Pretty to taking Jared's cock between his buttocks without it triggering a planet wide explosion.

Alright so yes, the captain was a bit of a tightass, but Jared could appreciate that, and Ackles had been pretty impressive with the double jointed wriggling that had freed them at The 'Aunt.

"Morning Princess." Jared said brightly, dropping down into the co-pilot's chair and stretching his legs out.

"Don't call me Princess." The captain said calmly, not looking up from his nav port.

"I was talking to the ship." Jared said smugly. "So, where we going?"

That prompted a glance, the captain's clear green eyes bright in the cockpit's dimness. "Every morning you ask me that."

"I'm a curious kinda guy." Jared nodded happily.

"And every morning I say…"

Jared rolled his eyes. "I know, 'shut up, Jared'." He shrugged. "It's tradition. I ask you to blow me every night and you always threaten to cut off my dick." Ackles' lips were still swollen. "You'd get worried if I stopped askin'."

Tapping the co-ordinates into the system, the captain shook his head. "Because peace and quiet is so insidious to my health."

"Big word, sweetheart."

"Shut up, Jared."

Space stretched on endlessly before them and behind, the only living creature for light years scowled at him and smelled of his come. "So?"

The captain never answered, and an hour later Jared spread him open with engine oil and spit, fucked so hard against the control panel he was blinking LEDs for a week.

He guessed it didn't really matter where they were going, just so long as they had fun getting there.

END