Once upon a time, in a land reachable by charter airlines, lived a handsome young man by the name of -

"Jaaaaaared!"

The dulcet tones of Chad Michael Murray woke Jared with a start. He'd been up all night writing a paper and had fallen asleep over his desk. Chad's bellowing startled him awake, and he peeled his cheek away from the keyboard, the letters O, H and T imprinted in his skin. "Wha-huh?"

Chad banged on his door, and Jared wondered, not for the first time, why he had agreed to rent a place with the guy. "Duuuude, move your ass! Pledge night, remember? Pledge. Night. Come on, assmunch, if all the Sorority chicks are taken by the time we get there, because you're a fairy princess, I'mma whoop yo ass." Scratching at the door made it clear that Nutclopse, Chad's faithful, and equally ugly pooch had no higher regard for Jared's manliness.

Jared shoved the heels of his hands into his eyeballs, as if he could make his headache, or Chad, vanish by will alone. "I'm comin'." He said, voice scratchy.

The door rattled as Chad banged it once more for good luck. "You better be!"

Jared groaned, and let his head flop back down onto the keyboard.

_______________________________________

After an ice cold shower -thanks to Chad, the most selfish SOB on the planet - Jared felt at least a tenth more human. He dressed, drank half a pint of milk straight from the cartoon, ate two stale doughnuts, and prayed to God there would be food at the Rush, or he'd pass out and flunk on principle.

There was, thankfully.

Chad drove them there, practically vibrating in his seat. Jared contemplated telling him that Fraternities existed to do charitable works and support the community, but Chad just saw keg parties and topless sorority girls washing cars.

The Pledge was held in one of the fields behind the University, overshadowed by the old, sinister looking estate built up on the hill a mile or so away. There were fires piled up high, and a dozen barbecues, plus three bins filled with water, ice, and bottles of Bud. Jared drank one down, standing beside Chad as the Pledge Masters introduced themselves.

Christian, Steve, and Jason.

Jared did his best to remember which was which.

Christian looked like a cowboy, even had the hat and the boots to complete the outfit. Jason looked like a poodle, short, cropped curls tight over bright eyes. Steve looked like a strange blend of both of them. It was impossible to tell how old they were, but Jared guesstimated them to be seniors.

One by one, Jared waited as the challenges were handed out. Some were reckless, some embarrassing, some plain stupid, and he cursed Chad and his own lack of backbone.

Chad was sent with two other guys to do something -Jared didn't dare ask - to the Dean's house, and he was faced with three grinning Pledge Masters.

Jared swallowed. "Hi."

"Hello, Jared." Christian said with a cool, calculating smile.

Jared startled at the use of his name until he remembered he was wearing a name tag made by a busty blond cheerleader. "So, um, what am I doing?"

Jason giggled to himself, oblivious to the serious stares Steve and Christian were fixing Jared with.

"You see that house on the hill?" Steve pointed up to the spooky old manor house.

Jared nodded and swallowed, seeing where this was going.

"The owners had it shipped over from Europe." Christian continued. "Brick by brick. There is something very special inside. Your job is to bring it back."

Jared had begun to shake his head before Christian had even finished. "I'm not stealing anything."

Jason sniggered and shook his head. "There is no one living there. Not really. And we don't want you to steal anything. We want you to go and claim what is yours."

Jared blinked.

It was official.

College guys were fucking insane. "I think this was a bad idea, me coming here."

He turned to leave, and nearly choked on his tongue when Steve and Christian appeared in front of him, as if from nowhere. "You are going into that house." Steve said softly, a hint of warning in his voice.

"You're not afraid, are you?" Jason mocked. Jared knew he was being played, but he bristled nonetheless.

"No!"

"It's not illegal, we promise." Jason soothed.

Christian stared him down, his eyes the brightest, deepest blue Jared had ever seen. "So you'll go inside."

It wasn't a question.

Jared nodded stupidly. He wasn't afraid, after all. Not of a stupid old house.

And if it wasn't illegal, then he really had no excuse not to go, right?

Right.

Besides, Chad would never let him live it down.

_______________________________________

He was stupid, really, truly, stupid.

The house was something out of a horror movie; all high ceilings and corridors that stretched on forever and ever. There were hundreds of creepy old portraits lined up along the walls, and he swore he could see their eyes move.

The main problem, haunted house freakishness aside, was that he had no idea what he was looking for.

He wandered aimlessly, following the light from his cellphone. Up staircases that looked as if they would collapse under his weight, and through rooms that seemed to lead nowhere.

He was lost.

Utterly lost. Behind him he recognised nothing, but beyond, there seemed to be a light that drew him on.

Climbing staircase after staircase, he continued his hunt, until he found himself in an empty room. He sighed. He could go no further.

Great. Fucking great. He contemplated calling Chad, and telling him he had failed miserably, when the light from his cell reflected off the back of the fireplace.

Edging closer, Jared peered into the darkness and felt his jaw drop.

There was another staircase behind the fireplace.

He pinched himself.

No, still awake. Okay.

So he had two options.

Option A, retreat and claim some kind of mental defect, hope Chad was too drunk to mock him, and hide away in his room for the rest of the semester.

Option B, continue through the scary secret passage in the maybe-haunted house and hope he wasn't eaten by Dracula's American cousin.

He thought about it, then flipped a coin.

Option B it was.

The cell didn't provide enough light once he was through the tight gap, and Jared stubbed his toes and banged his head a dozen times as he made his way up the winding staircase.

Jesus, he was high, he must be. Why was he breaking the cardinal 'horror movie rule number one'? Never send the dumb jock up the haunted staircase by himself.

If Jared needed any more proof that he was on an acid trip, there it was, right there. The staircase opened up into a room, and there, laid out on the bed in the center of it covered by faded, disintegrating transparent green silk, was the single most beautiful man Jared had ever seen.

He pinched himself.

Ow. Fuck. Okay, not dreaming. Hallucinating then. He was at home, smoking Chad's homegrown weed substitute.

In which case he figured he was either screwed or about to land himself in a coma, so, what the hell, a good hallucination never hurt anyone. At least not until they started trying to fly.

His fingers ran over the silk bedding, and the fabric crumbled to dust beneath his touch. Okay, now they'd not mentioned that in the Disney version. He tugged the silk down, soft plumes of dust sprinkling in the air at the disturbance.

Tawny golden hair hung in neat waves to brush strong, velvet covered shoulders, framing a face right out of Michelangelo's sketchbook. Male, unmistakably so, with a strong jaw, and cheekbones that would have made half of Hollywood weep with envy. His eyes were closed, thick lashes a dark smudge against pale skin, nose splashed with freckles, and his lips as full and soft as Jared imagined lips could ever be.

Soft skin. Warm.

The man was as still as a corpse, but warm and supple.

Jared was definitely high.

As if to cement his suspicion, Christian suddenly appeared out of thin air to hover over his shoulder. "This would be the part where you kiss the fair prince." He prompted dryly. "Not to rush you or anything, but we've been waiting a long fucking time for you to drag your ass here."

Kissing. Yeah, okay, Jared could do kissing.

Only kissing some unconscious...prince...was like sticking his hand up some chick's skirt when she was plastered. Jared wasn't that kind of guy.

Christian rolled his eyes. "Fucking kiss him already, before one of us dies of old age."

Jared was resisting, he was, really. Only he somehow ended up getting closer and closer to the bed, until he could just reach down and-

His lips brushed over the sleeping prince's.

Jared drew back, startled, as green eyes blinked up at him dreamily.

It was exactly how it happened in Disney, plus one cock and minus boobs.

Then the prince went and fucked with the story.

Jared didn't remember Sleeping Beauty looking quite so murderous.

The prince scowled, swore, then punched Jared right between the eyes.

Jared yelped and felt blood trickle into his mouth as Christian smiled fondly. "He always was a prissy bitch in the morning."

Totally not in the Disney version.

_______________________________________

Jared held his bloody nose as Christian swooped on the surly looking thug and kissed both his cheeks. They babbled together in what sounded like French, Christian's hands framing the man's face, stroking his hair and generally being a whole hell of a lot more touchy feely than Jared thought appropriate.

Jensen - and Jared assumed that was the man's name, the way Christian was chanting it under his breath - looked between Christian and Jared, confusion and the faintest traces of fear in his eyes.

Jared would give it to them.

Best fucking prank ever.

Totally Kutcher worthy.

Jared had no idea what Jensen was saying, until Christian laid a light kiss on Jensen's lips, and the babbling switched seamlessly from an archaic French dialect to flawless - if a little dated - English. "Where are my parents? Christian, where am I, what is happening?" He sounded close to panic, something Jared sympathised with.

Hastily, Christian shushed him. "It's alright, my prince." he soothed.

Prince? Wait, what?

Jared was missing something big here, wasn't he?

"It was the curse, Jensen. I'm sorry, I am so sorry. Forgive us." Jensen -the prince?- shrunk in on himself for a moment before shifting gears completely and jumping up from the bed.

His knees buckled and Jared yelped as he darted forward and stopped him planting himself face first on the dusty floor.

"Unhand me, peasant." Jensen scowled, seemingly an inch from headbutting Jared.

Peasant? Was this guy serious?

Christian cleared his throat. "Um, Jensen, this is Jared. He...well he...he broke the spell."

Spell? What spell? Answers please! Jared felt like jumping up and down and flailing his arms a little for added effect.

Jensen looked him up and down, obviously not entirely impressed with what he was looking at, but his lips twitched as he turned to look at Christian, still held upright by Jared's arms. "My father will have your head for making me a faggot." He sounded amused, but that faded quickly when Jared shoved him away with a disgusted splutter.

Prince or not, Jared did not approve of that word.

Jensen landed on his ass, mouth open in an expression of shock that would have been funny if Jared wasn't seething.

Christian hastily stepped between them. "He didn't mean it like that." He tried to appease Jared's temper with an apologetic smile.

"I did not?" Jensen asked, confused and still sitting on his ass.

"He's from a different time." Christian waved his hands a little. "They did things differently back then."

"Back when?" Jared asked, though he was surprised? to see the color leaving Jensen's cheeks.

Christian sensed his misstep and dropped to his knees by Jensen's side.

"Back when?" Jared demanded.

Ignoring him, Christian squeezed Jensen's hand. "Do you remember what year it is?" He asked gently.

Jared leaned forward, sensing the importance of Jensen's answer. The prince swallowed and looked up through wide, enchanting green eyes. Jared stared, slightly dumbstruck. He'd never seen anyone so beautiful before in his life.

"The year of our lord, eleven hundred and eight."

Oh, Jared thought, Good Lord, and the floor rushed up to meet him.

_______________________________________

Jared woke up - thoroughly embarrassed - some minutes later, to find himself being carried between two bodies.

"Fucking Sasquatch." One body, Jason, Jared thought, grunted from behind him.

The other, holding his legs, hissed at him to be quiet. That was Steve, Jared's brain informed him. Jared groaned, and his head flopped to one side. Through narrowed eyes, he saw Christian huddling Jensen to his side, the prince's face white and shocked.

Jared's eyes fluttered closed again.

_______________________________________

The next time he woke, he was in his own house, laid out on the couch. Christian, Steve and Jason were circling him like vultures, each wearing an expectant look on their face, Nutclopse rushing around underfoot.

"So this is the guy?" Jason asked, disbelief coloring his voice.

For some reason, that made Jared bristle. He blinked and cleared his throat. "Okay, you win. I consider myself hazed."

"Moron." Jason snorted. Christian glared at him and poked him in the arm.

"Go make sure Jensen hasn't drowned himself in the shower." he ordered.

Jason rolled his eyes, then literally vanished with a pop.

"I'm hallucinating." Jared told himself, staring at the space that had previously been occupied by a living, breathing person.

Steve sat down on the couch beside him and reached out to scratch Nutclopse's ears. "You are not hallucinating." He said kindly, slobber all over his hand.

"Then I am dead."

Christian laughed. "You're not dead, either. You're special."

"Very special." Steve agreed, nodding seriously.

Jared's brow wrinkled. Like...special special? Or special needs special?

"We've been waiting a long time for you." Steve continued.

Okay, now that wasn't creepy.

"You broke the spell. You set us all free." Christian nodded.

Jared felt the urge to scream return. Enough with the spell talk already! "What spell?" he flailed.

Christian and Steve shared a look, before Steve attempted to explain. "You are familiar with the story of Sleeping Beauty?"

Jared nodded. He grew up on Disney for Christ's sake.

"Well let's just say that in the real version, Jensen is Beauty, and you, my friend, are the brave knight." Christian clapped him on the shoulder in congratulations.

Jared blinked. "I beg your pardon?" That was polite, yes? His momma would approve. It certainly beat the 'what the fuck?' that was on his tongue.

Scratching his hair, Christian shrugged. "Jensen was cursed, you broke it with True Love's First Kiss."

Okay, so Jared got the curse part, figuring that came under the subheading of this so-called 'spell'. The bit that demanded a few more braincells to process was the 'true love' part, because Jared was pretty sure that his true love wasn't some primadonna prince(ss), and, even if it was, it sure as hell wouldn't be one who was quite so testy when he woke up.

He responded the only way that made any sense, in a way that would make Chad ever so proud. "We'll you know what you can do with that 'True Love-'"

"Please, Jared." Christian cut though his tantrum imploringly. "He's alone, he needs you."

Jason chose that moment to lead Jensen down the stairs, and Jared's brain fell over itself.

It really wasn't fair how pretty Jensen was.

Nor that he was wearing Jared's clothes.

He looked uncomfortable in the denim, and the sweater he wore was too big; it swamped him. He looked lost and scared, and, Jared realised with a twang of horror, so terribly young. Sleeping Beauty was what, sixteen in the stories?

Christ, his True Love wasn't even legal.

"He's seventeen." Steve whispered in his ear, reading his mind.

Which, of course, made it all better.

Jesus, he was a cradle robber. He could be arrested for this, right?

Obviously Jason had been having a word, because Jensen tiptoed over, his wet hair long and curling against his cheeks. "I apologise for hitting you, Sir Jared." He said softly, flushing from the indignation of having to admit he was wrong.

Jared was strong. He could resist the urge to wrap Jensen up in a blanket and introduce him to the wonders of ice cream. He could.

Jensen bit his lip and looked up through heavy lashes.

Jared sighed.

He was so fucked.

_______________________________________

Jensen was a curious little bastard, it turned out.

It also turned out that saying so out loud was a cue for a tantrum of epic proportions, and Jared had a bust lip to match his bust nose, and he been relegated back to 'peasant'.

He left the spoilt brat in the care of his three friggin' fairies, and sought sanctuary in the back yard.

"I'm being punished, aren't I?" Jared wailed miserably, throwing his arms up towards the fluffy white clouds above. "What, was I Custer in a past life?"

"No, that was Sarah Palin." Chris said mildly, appearing out of thin air to hover annoyingly at Jared's elbow.

Jared jumped. "Dude, you need to stop doing that!"

Chris artlessly shrugged his shoulders, his expression close to bored, and his heels tapping manically at the earth below. "Sorry." He said, not sounding it in the slightest, "Kinda enjoying the novelty of it all. It's been a while since I could, you know?"

There was no real way Jared could begrudge him that...no matter how much he might have wanted to. A thousand years was a long (long, long, long) time, after all. Jared nodded, deflating a little. "I'm still having trouble with the whole concept of...you know...everything." Eyes a little pleading, he looked at Chris as though the immortal musician might be able to impart some pearl of wisdom. "I mean, I get the whole true love's kiss thing, though I think there might have been a few glitches in that batch of hocus pocus." He completely missed the look of indignation that crossed Chris' face, and continued. "But you know, I kinda was brought up on the idea of Sleeping Beauty being a chick."

To that, Chris waved a dismissive hand. "Utter horseshit." He shook his head. "Eleventh century Europe? We invented the whole dropping girls off cliffs thing the Chinese are so up on."

"I don't think the Chinese are-"

Chris cut Jared off, hopping up onto the fence with a small bounce and a sparkle. "It was all about the boys. Kings wanted strong, healthy, virile young sons. What use was a girl for beating the unholy crap out of the neighbors?"

"But surely-"

Again, Jared failed to get a full sentence out. "Jensen's folks had one shot at a sprog, and one shot only. Like hell they would waste it on a girl." Chris looked marginally disgusted at the very idea. "No, that whole frilly shirts and feminine eyelash fluttering was all Perrault's fault. Guy was having problems with his sexuality." Chris paused and frowned. "Which yeah okay, Jason was kinda fucking him six ways to Sunday on a regular basis, so I can maybe understand. I guess he figured the story would be more easily swallowed by the tight-assed, sexually repressed asshats of his age. Seventeenth century man, what a fucking nightmare."

"So Jensen's always been a guy." Jared nodded. He was having a little trouble keeping up with Chris' diatribe, but was relieved to know that Jensen wasn't hiding a pair of breasts under his shirt.

Chris snorted. "I'll fucking say. Little shit peed all over me at his Christening. Last time I ever gift someone with eternal beauty, that's for damned sure."

So Jensen's pretty face was entirely Christian's fault. At least he now knew who to maim when Jensen broke his heart.

Lost in his own mental meandering, Chris continued to rant. "We three were invited along to his Christening. Mind you," he added thoughtfully, "when the King invites you someplace, acceptance ain't exactly optional. I'd rather have stayed in Constantinople. France is fucking cold at that time of year."

Jared nodded, utterly lost. "So how did he end up, you know..." He twirled his fingers in the air eloquently.

Chris looked vaguely troubled at the mention of Jensen's predicament. " Pagans." He shrugged. "Jensen's father tolerated us when we were of use to him. For the first few years of his reign we were left alone, until the old bastard went and got himself excommunicated for screwing on his wife with another chick, and suddenly everything was our fault. Most of us escaped with a good flogging and a promise to repent our sins and clense our eternal souls, however the fuck you do that. Some of our more testy numbers took the eye for an eye approach. Jensen was only an infant at the time, but he took the brunt of a pretty vicious curse." The troubled look in Christian's eyes didn't diminish. If anything, it grew deeper. "The three of us, we'd already bound ourselves to him when we gave him his gifts." At Jared's confused frown, he hastened to explain. "Magic, good or bad, leaves a mark on the one who uses it, and the one whom it touches. Jensen's soul is touched by a part of us. Pretty powerful shit, if I do say so myself, and when good magic clashes with black magic, there tends to be consequences." He held his hands up as if to indicate himself, and grinned.

"Wow." Jared blinked. His idea of magic was how the TV remote worked, or, you know, pulling bunnies out of baseball hats.

Christian was back looking as unruffled as ever. "We failed to protect Jensen from the curse, so here we are, still hanging around a few hundred years later, waiting to do the job right. Which is where you came into play." A flash of relief flashed across Christian's face.

Jared nodded slowly. "So which one of you is the Pink Fairy?" He asked

Christian opened his mouth to answer, when the kitchen exploded behind them.

No exaggeration.

It literally went up in smoke.

Steve and Jason appeared, holding a bemused looking Jensen between them. All three were slightly singed around the edges.

"Jensen killed the evil microwave." Jason said by way of explanation, seeing Jared's less than amused look and holding his hands up as if to say 'don't blame me, blame the guy with the sharp object,'. It was then that Jared noticed the kebab skewer in Jensen's hand and decided he didn't want to ask.

Still, ground rules. Jared didn't have enough kitchen appliances for Jensen to start jousting with them all.

"It was possessed." The prince said firmly. "An instrument of Satan." He shot Christian a dark glare, as if he held him personally responsible for the invention of easy cook dinners.

"Uh...right." Jared scratched the back of his head. "I'll order pizza."

"Italian." Jason explained to Jensen brightly, not bothering to hide a grin as Jensen scowled and spat on the floor.

Obviously foreign policy wasn't all that high up Jensen's list of important shit.

"Chinese then." Jared amended hastily. His history wasn't particularly impressive, but he didn't think the French had all that many issues with the Chinese back in Jensen's day.

Steve's stomach rumbled in approval.

Chinese it was.

_______________________________________

In fairness, Jared had been dealing with his medieval house-guest for less than a day. He could be excused for making a few faux pas here and there. His three not-so-good fairies however, had no such excuse.

Chinese had been delivered as Jason and Steve hit up a liquor store, and Jared had taught Jensen the finer joys of pay-per-view sports. Jensen might not have understood the rules of hockey, but he got the idea pretty quickly, and started yelling at the TV screen after only a few minutes. It was rather cute, or would have been, if Jensen's insults didn't tend to focus on threats of execution and disfiguration to whomever he felt was not embracing the more violent aspects of the game.

Jared found himself edging closer to the arm of the couch as Jensen grew more enthusiastic in his vocalisation of various threats, the ye olde spin on favorites such as 'penis breath' entertaining if entirely terrifying.

"I miss jousting." Jason lamented a few hours later, as Steve and Jared attempted to teach Jensen the fine art of chopstick usage. "That was a proper sport. None of this prissy soccer shite."

Christian, an avid soccer fan, bitched at him with a mouthful of sweet and sour shrimp. "Uck ew ude!" He garbled, holding his chopsticks up in a vaguely obscene gesture.

"Hockey is not without its merits." Jensen pointed out, admirably battling with his utensils. Every time he managed to get the smallest grain of rice to his lips, Jared beamed like a search light, and Jensen blushed a little. Christian had taken to elbowing Steve every time it happened.

"I could teach you." Jared offered, stars in his eyes as he wrapped his fingers around Jensen's hand and manipulated the chopsticks for him.

Jensen nodded as if pleased. "That would be acceptable."

"You could teach Jared how to joust." Jason suggested cheekily.

Jared squeaked in alarm. "Um, I think that is illegal nowadays." He tried pathetically to escape what would undoubtedly be a humiliating experience.

"Your country is a strange one." Jensen shook his head in disbelief, fishing in the bottom of his take out box for stray shrimp.

Jared nodded enthusiastically. "No need to tell me."

"Who is your king?"

Jared inhaled a lump of bamboo. "Uh, we don't have a king per se."

Jensen looked utterly horrified, and Steve headed off the topic, before he got any more disillusioned with the future.

Eventually, all food gone, and a fair amount of alcohol consumed, Steve and Jason dragged Christian up and winked. "So we are going to make sure you have a nice, relaxing, private night." Jason cleared his throat in a highly suggestive manner and Jared turned pink.

Christian glared at Jared as if he had forgotten about the hours spent reassuring him of their status as One True Love Of The Year and would turn Jared's genitals into turnips if he misbehaved.

"You kids have fun now." Jason winked, helping Steve drag Christian from the room. "Don't do anything we wouldn't do."

"That gives us free reign then..." Jared muttered under his breath.

Jensen tipped his head in confusion, shrugged, and returned to the television.

"Just to let you know," Jared said hastily, as soon as they were alone, "this isn't going to be some kink-filled, Anne Rice-esque perv session."

Jensen coked his head quizzically, clearly at a loss as to understand the comparison.

Rambling nervously, Jared continued, not ready to stop, because when they stopped, there would be sex, and yeah, ground rules required. "What I mean is, just because I woke you from a thousand year curse, and you're living with me, and we're supposed to be true loves forever with the hearts, and the flowers, and the undying devotion and all."

"Breathe." Jensen interrupted, calm as the most placid lake. Jared obeyed, his whole chest shaking with the effort. "Good," Jensen praised, "you were saying?"

Jared blinked, lost, then, "oh, right, yeah. Sorry. I mean, just because you would still be snoozing through the centuries if I hadn't found you, it doesn't mean that you need to pay me back, or anything. With sex." And he really wasn't very good at this shit, because that sounded like he expected Jensen to expect that he had to pay him back with sex. Which he didn't. Not at all.

Looking utterly bemused, Jensen frowned. "Your mind is a terrifying place."

Jared nodded rapidly. No need to tell him that!

"What if I wanted to?" Jensen asked curiously. "Repay you, that is. With sexual favors."

Jared was horrified. Had he just blackmailed a prince into having sex with him? "You don't have to!" He blurted, feeling dizzy with the strain of just trying to keep up.

"Maybe I desire to." Jensen quirked his head to the side, eyeing Jared like he might a thoroughbred horse. "You are physically appealing, and you don't look diseased."

Jared laughed weakly. "That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." Jensen missed the pop culture reference entirely.

"Do you wish to lay with me or not?" Jensen asked, sounding impatient at Jared's lack of clear answer.

Jared nodded his head even as he said 'No," and Jensen's eyebrows rose. "Okay, so yes, but only if you want to!" He clarified.

The prince shook his head in despair. "For a society that prides itself on making life as comfortable and simple as possible, you have managed to make the easiest act on earth into a quest of improbable predicaments."

Jared wasn't sure, but he supposed that was Jensen's way of saying 'don't be a moron and kiss me already'.

Either that, or he was making some deep and meaningful judgement of Jared's cultural age, and he should probably listen for pearls of wisdom.

Meh, he went with the first one.

Jensen's lips were as warm as they had been the first time Jared had touched them. Warm and soft and damp, like dew tipped rose petals, or some other prissy, poetical do-dad Christian had been thinking when he worked his hocus pocus.

He was also a whole hell of a lot taller than Jared supposed he should have been. His neck made a note to thank Christian later.

He figured Jensen for a top though. Some socio-political thing that conflicted entirely with his pretty face and perfect ass. Jared could work with that. He was a free thinking, free swinging guy, when he wasn't freaking out about the idea of getting in a recently comatose prince's pants. His hands framed Jensen's high cheeks, warm skin and long eyelashes brushing against Jared's thumbs as he leaned in and ran his tongue over Jensen's lips.

Jensen growled impatiently and dragged Jared closer by his belt.

Probably best to give the fair prince what he wanted.

The complexities of the modern cockblocker that was jeans became known as Jensen struggled to rid Jared of his clothing, hushed curses pressed between desperate kisses. He took pity on the prince and shucked his jeans with lightning speed. Jensen imperiously nodded his approval and continued to kiss Jared senseless.

Jared wasn't sure who out of the Terrible Triad was responsible for Jensen's porn worthy kissing, but Jared was grateful to them nonetheless.

Bed. Bed would be good. No having sex with a fictional character up against the wall. He was not perverting that classical myth.

He rid Jensen of his sweater and began to drool.

He was perfect, goddamn him.

A lifetime of training mapped out across his strong chest, royalty in his bearing, clear in his aristocratic litheness.

He also didn't like boxers, as Jared discovered, hands down Jensen's pants meeting nothing but soft, bare skin.

Jared might have whimpered a little, and Jensen's expression became one of supreme arrogance.

He fisted his hands in Jared's shirt and spun him around, backing towards the door.

"Bedroom." Jared mumbled, not used to being manhandled by anyone.

"As you wish." Jensen breathed, irrationally reminding Jared of 'The Princess Bride'.

He giggled. "My Name is Inigo Montoya."

Jensen blinked. "I beg your pardon?" He looked utterly perplexed, and Jared hastily kissed him.

"Never mind." He muttered, distracting Jensen from his own insanity as he steered them to the stairs. "You are so beautiful."

Jensen laughed, a little breathless, a little bitter. "Of course I am." His fingers tightened painfully in Jared's hair. "You are not the first, nor the hundredth man to say so."

Jared's brain waved a little red flag, then poked him in the eye with it when his dick insisted that they keep on kissing. Hastily gathering enough braincells to make an attempt at conversation, Jared took Jensen's face in his hands. "I wasn't talking about this." He muttered, laying small kisses across Jensen's cheeks and nose. "Though it is lovely."

Jensen's green eyes grew dark, and he practically tackled Jared down. They were halfway up the stairs, and if Jared hadn't grabbed a hold of the banister, they would probably have ended up with a pair of broken necks. "Wait, Jensen, we need to-"

Jensen shut him up with a kiss and pushed, until Jared was sitting half way up the stairs in only his shirt, and Jensen, wearing nothing at all, crouched a few steps down, his shoulders between Jared's thighs.

True love's first kiss might have been what had woken him from from his magical coma, but if Jensen was a virgin, Jared would eat his hat.

If he had one.

He would eat Christian's hat, and risk disease.

Jensen kissed the crease of Jared's thighs, gentle and sweet, before wrapping his perfect lips around Jared's dick.

It was a damn good thing that Jared was sitting down. He might have fallen on his face otherwise.

Jensen was good, too fucking good, at sucking dick.

Jared's chest was rising and falling with short, sharp breaths. "Christ, who taught you that?" He asked brokenly, his fingers tight in Jensen's tawny hair as he sucked and slurped and drove Jared insane with his mouth.

Jensen drew back momentarily. "I believe it is listed as an extra under Jason's gift." He smirked cheekily before continuing with the task at hand. Jared thought on the gifts he knew Jensen to have been gifted with; beauty, grace, temperament (he wasn't too sure there hadn't been a mistake with that one), song, generosity - yeah, there it was, generosity.

Jensen was very generous, especially when he was doing whatever it was with his tongue.

It didn't take much for Jared to come, his fingers tight in Jensen's hair, his legs fucking trembling as Jensen carried him over the edge and down into a spiral of lust.

He laid between Jared's thighs as Jared caught his breath, absently stroking his hair. It was damn uncomfortable on the stairs, but he had no desire, and no energy with which to move.

"Wow." He breathed as soon as his heartbeat returned to a more sedate pace. "That was...wow."

Jensen looked up at him through thick lashes, oddly sweet as he laid his cheek against Jared's leg. "You are satisfied?"

Silly. Fucking. Question.

Jared nodded his head vigorously.

"I am pleased." Jensen said sleepily.

"What about you?" Jared was just enough of a gentleman to remember that whilst he might have had an epic orgasm, sex tended to work both ways.

Jensen smiled coyly and brought his fingers up from between his legs. They were stained with come, and he licked them clean.

Jared might have whimpered again. "It pleased me to see you in bliss." Jensen said, as if that explained it all.

Maybe it did, who knew.

Jared managed to get his feet under him, and pulled Jensen up, leading them the final few steps and into the bedroom. He cleaned Jensen up with his shirt, and couldn't help but kiss his way up Jensen's belly to his throat. God, but he was so beautiful.

Jensen frowned when Jared pulled back the bedding. "It is not yet late." He said, brow furrowed in confusion. Jared thought it was adorable, but valued his balls too much to say so.

"Come on." He tugged on Jensen's hips, pulling him down into the comfort of the bedding.

Jensen settled down with a sigh, wriggling a little in the bedding. "You live most hedonistic lives." He yawned, his face buried against one of Jared's pillows.

Jared snuggled closer and nodded in agreement as Jensen began to snore softly in his ear.

_______________________________________

The alarm clock, still set to wake Jared up after one of his midday naps, woke them both with a jolt.

Jensen sat upright with a swear, his eyes narrowing in on the vibrating alarm clock. He seized it, cursed in what sounded like french, and then threw it out of the window.

The closed window.

Jared groaned and buried his head under his pillow.

_______________________________________

Steve and Christian appeared later that morning with armfuls of bagels and trays of coffee. They shared self important smirks and teased Jared like his big brother would.

Jensen spent nearly an hour in the shower, luxuriating in what he called 'the source of true Paradise on Earth'. Jared had tried, and failed, the explain how the internal water system worked, but Jensen had seemed happy enough to blame mystical forces, and Jared wasn't about to rain on that parade.

Chad still hadn't returned from the Pledge, and Jared would have been concerned if he didn't have such a habit of spending the night shacked up with random women, and rolling back home three days later.

Jensen fell in love with bagels, eating his, Jared's and half of Steve's, before inhaling three cups of coffee as if he had been born to it. Jared figured that he probably hadn't eaten in a few hundred years, and had no problem giving up his breakfast.

The coffee however, turned out to be a mistake.

Dressed in more of Jared's clothes, be bounced up and down as the five of them embarked on a mission to stock Jensen up with a new wardrobe and a toothbrush. Jared had to hold his hand tightly once they made it to the main street, the sight of cars- having startled him at first- now proving to be an unwanted, and potentially hazardous distraction. He'd nearly been run over twice before Jared contemplated the merit of buying handcuffs.

Jason, Steve and Christian babbled all together, trying to bring Jensen up to speed with a millennium of music advances. Jared was content leaving them too it, his fingers caught in Jensen's, the feeling of being so close to him oddly right.

"HMV!" Jason bellowed, grabbing Steve and steering him towards the looming music store.

"Corporate pig!" Christian cursed, tugging on Steve's other arm. "Shun, shun!"

Jared left Jensen staring avidly at the STOP crossing sign on the street corner and rushed to Steve's aid before they all started Avada Kedvara-ing each other. "Jesus, would you please behave!" He scolded, feeling like he was babysitting a group of small children. "Enough! What kind of an example are you setting?"

Christian and Jason looked chastised. Steve rolled his eyes and mouthed a thank you.

Turning back to look for Jensen, Jared spotting him a few feet away, talking to an old women who was trying to pin a flower on his shirt front. Hurrying forward to warn Jensen about the dangers of being hustled, Jared heard Christian cry out from behind him.

"Carabosse! Jensen, no!"

Jensen turned to the sound of Christian's voice and hissed as the small pin pricked his finger. The old woman looked up, her eyes black pits in her head, and Jared froze. It was almost as if her face was transparent. He could see through her!

"Jensen!"

She smiled at Jared, her jaw gaping and lined with sharp, black teeth. "Sweet prince." She whispered, and Jensen's knees buckled.

He caught Jensen as he fell, hands under his armpits. Carabosse vanished in a literal puff of smoke, but not before she had left Christian coughing up blood. Jared ignored the chaos around him, too preoccupied with the fact that Jensen wasn't conscious, wasn't breathing.

Jason was shouting in his ear as Jared carried Jensen over to a nearby bench and laid him down, remembering every first aid lesson he had taken in Cub Scouts, and trying to put them into I just saw someone get cursed by a frigging warlock practice.

Pulse. Check pulse.

He slid his fingers under Jensen's collar, resting against soft skin, and the bruise he had kissed there earlier that day.

There was a gentle, delicate little flutter under his fingers, and Jared nearly started to cry.

Okay, pulse, check.

Breathing. Breathing was still an issue.

He tried holding his fingers just above Jensen's lips, but when that failed, he leaned in closer and looked down Jensen's body. His chest rose and fell with only the tiniest of movements.

He was alive. Alive, and going to stay that way. He was just cursed again, and Jared had that covered.

Slipping his arm under Jensen's neck, holding him carefully to his side, Jared leaned down once more and laid a gentle kiss to Jensen's lips. He was far less terrified this time than he had been the last, no longer facing the unknown.

Jensen didn't stir.

Jared frowned and brushed Jensen's hair back off his forehead before trying again. This kiss was longer this time, his lips firmer on Jensen's.

Still nothing.

"Hey," Jared whispered, giving Jensen a little shake. "Come on, you are supposed to wake up now. You're fucking with your own story." His voice broke as his throat tightened, but he tried again, and again.

"Jared-" Steve attempted to draw his attention, but Jared ignored him in favor of kissing Jensen once more. "Jared, it is no use."

"No!" Jared denied stubbornly. "No, he's fine, he's just being a lazy bastard."

"Jared, man, stop." Christian had blood smeared across his face and was being held upright by Jason. "He won't wake up."

Jared continued to shake his head, firmly denying the truth that was slowly becoming clearer with every kiss that failed to break the curse. "No. No. He'll be fine. He'll be fine." He held Jensen closer, rocking back and forth in an attempt to bring comfort to them both.

Jensen lay as still as death in his arms, but Jared refused to give up.

He'll be fine.

He would.

_______________________________________

Steve had managed to pry Jensen out of Jared's hands and carried him back to the house. Jared took a shower at Christian's insistence, then curled up in bed besides him. The curtains were drawn, the lights off, and though it was not as majestic as the room Jensen's parents had laid him down in, the effect was remarkably similar.

Jared held Jensen against his chest, his fingers entwined with Jensen's limp hand. They lay there in utter silence, until Christian, Steve and Jason circled the foot of the bed, each wearing an expression of despair to match the growing bleakness in Jared's heart.

He stroked Jensen's face, not looking at any of them as he asked "Why didn't it work?"

It was Steve who answered him. "It was True Love's first kiss that broke the spell, Jared. True Love's sixty fifth kiss is worth nothing."

"It is worth something to me." Jared said brokenly, burying his face in Jensen's throat. A thought occurred to him then, and he looked up to beg the three of them help him. "You can make me sleep, too, right? Until he wakes up again? I can go to sleep and be with him when he wakes up."

Jason made a small sound in his throat and looked away. Steve and Christian shred broken looks. "It won't work like that." Christian said softly. "You are his true love. There will never be anyone else to wake him. If we make you sleep, you will never wake up. Neither of you will."

Maybe that was better, Jared thought. He'd never considered himself to be suicidal, but the very idea of living without Jensen made his heart curl up and die inside his chest. Jensen, infuriating, beautiful Jensen, had taken up a place in Jared's soul. The Disney True Love Forever finally made sense to him.

He couldn't live without Jensen.

He wouldn't live without him.

"Do it." He whispered, closing his eyes and holding Jensen tight. He waited for the oblivion to roll over him, but nothing came.

When he opened his eyes again, the three men still stood at the foot of the bed, not making a single attempt to end Jared's misery. "No, Jared." Steve shook his head sadly. "We won't do that."

"Why not?" Jared yelled, tears in his eyes.

"We are not going to kill you!" Jason scoffed in disbelief. "There are other ways." Both Christian and Steve turned to glare at him, making hasty shushing motions as they scowled. "Well there are!" Jared sat up straight.

"What? Tell me!"

"It's not an option." Steve said flatly.

"Yes it is!" Jason and Jared shot back. Jared carefully arranged Jensen on the bed and crawled to his feet, perfectly willing to beat an answer out of someone if he had to.

"Tell me." He demanded.

Reluctantly, Steve answered him. "You need to kill Carabosse."

Jared was nodding before the word 'kill' even filtered through his brain. "Okay." He was fine with that. The bitch had taken Jensen from him, killing her wouldn't even begin to even the score.

Christian threw his hands up in the air in disbelief. "You can't just kill Carabosse!"

Jared shoved his arms into his jacket sleeves. Keys, check, wallet, check, phone, check. "Why not?"

"You think no one has tried before?" Christian rolled his eyes in exasperation, looking to Steve for support and finding nothing. "She is old, Jared. Older than Christianity, older than anything I've ever seen. And she is powerful."

Steve reluctantly nodded his head. "Christian is right. She is impervious to steel, to fire. There is nothing that can harm her."

Jared's mind was already running down paths that Christian, Steve and Jason would not dare tread. He was a chemist, for pity sake, he'd boil the bitch in a vat of hydrogen chloride if it helped.

The idea was rather appealing, actually.

He steadied himself and met Christian's gaze firmly.

"I have a plan."

"A good plan?" Christian asked with an expression of outright disbelief.

"A plan." Jared nodded firmly, not meeting his eyes.

_______________________________________

Any plan in which Chad played an integral part was not a good plan.

It wasn't even a sane plan, but god help him, it was the only plan Jared had.

Recruiting Chad, however, was more a case of bailing him out of jail.

"Bastard Dean Winchester!" Chad muttered to himself, testy from a night spent in a cell.

"You painted his house pink, dude." Jared pointed out absently, running through points A to Z of his plan.

Chad waved the point off. "He deserved it, and why is there a guy sleeping in my car?"

Jared threw Chad his keys before climbing on the back of his motorbike. He'd let Steve drive, not trusting Jason or Christian behind the wheel, despite the fact that they all claimed to have helped invent motorcars. Steve had since done his bipity boppity boo thing and vanished to go help Jason and Christian with the frogs legs and bat breath part of Jared's plan.

Which left Chad to drive the car with Jensen snoozing peacefully in the back, and Jared following on his Kawasaki.

"About that," Jared scratched the back of his neck. "I need your help with something."

_______________________________________

Chad had, once he'd finished checking Jared for concussion and inebriation, been remarkably quick to jump on the witch killing bandwagon. It seemed the old saying was right; friends would patch your wounds after you got your ass handed to you by wrinkly old hags, but best friends would be there getting a beating with you.

His cell phone rang.

"I am awesome. No, I am beyond awesome. I am-"

"It's done then?" Jared asked wearily, checking his watch before looking to the sky.

"Yep! Might wanna mark that X now, dude."

Jared shook his head. "I am not marking a fucking X!"

"Mark the X, bitch!" Chad barked, his rare, no nonsense, 'I actually do know what I am talking about' voice leaving no room for argument.

Jared grabbed a can of paint from the trunk and sprayed a nice big X on the ground just as Christian, Steve and Jason appeared.

They all looked at him as if he was insane.

He probably was.

"Just to clarify," Christian cleared his throat.

"Your master plan-" Jason shook his head.

"Is to drop a car on Carabosse's head?" Steve finished, eyes wide with disbelief.

Jared shrugged and Chad barked through the cell phone, "Bitch, please! Not just any car! A MINI! It's the BMW engine man, trust me, if the hag doesn't go splat I'll give you your money back."

"We didn't pay you anything." Jared pointed out, "And where did you get a MINI from, anyway?"

"Dean Winchester." Chad cackled gleefully. "Served the bastard right!"

Sometimes, just sometimes, Jared couldn't help but wonder if his friend wasn't just a little soft in the head.

Turning his attention back to the matter in hand, Jared stared the three other men down. "You ready for this?"

They all answered at once. "No."

Jared nodded. "Excellent. Places, people!"

He had to actually poke Steve to get him to move.

They could at least look like they had a little more faith in him...

_______________________________________

Carabosse showed up just as Jason had promised, some weird mumbo jumbo spell that summoned the bitch from whatever cave she had crawled into. She wore a different form, and stood tall - taller than Jared - and imposing in her long black cloak and aptly fitting striped socks.

Jared swallowed.

Not scared.

Not scared.

He wasn't scared. He just didn't fancy being turned into a frog.

He steeled his nerve. Jensen's life was on the line.

"Peasant boy." Carabosse looked caught between being pissed and curious, and whilst Jensen was hot enough to get away with calling him a peasant, she sure as hell wasn't. "Little Prince's Love."

Damn right he was.

He thumbed the call button on his cell, reactivating the call to Chad. "Give him back." Jared demanded, sounding more brave than he felt.

Carabosse shook her head. Her black tongue swept across her thin lips, lecherous and malicious. "No dealing with boys, Little Prince belongs to us now."

She reminded him of Gollum.

A taller, female, Gollum.

Minus the cute little fishing songs.

"Last chance!" Jared shouted, backing away from her slowly.

Evil though she was, she wasn't the sharpest pencil in the monster box. She followed him closer, stopping less than three feet from Chad's big fat X.

Just a few more steps closer!

Jared retreated further, but she didn't follow.

"No, Little Prince belongs to Night now, sleepy sleeping sleep."

Jared's jaw ached.

"We can makes you sleep withs him." Carabosse offered, hissing like a serpent, her words a poison.

It cost Jared more than he cared to admit, to turn her offer down. "Go to hell, bitch."

She smiled, a razor blade on her tongue. "You first, boy."

Jared panicked as she raised her hands and began to chant. Shit!

"Now Chad!" He yelled, darting forwards in the hope of spurring her into charging across the path laid out in his plan.

She didn't.

Christian hit her from behind, propelling her forward, right into the X-

-as the dangling red and white MINI smasheed into the ground, squashing her flat.

Jared fell over, the impact and subsequent shockwave driving him to his knees.

Carabosse's stripey feet stuck out from the fender of Dean Winchester's beloved MINI. Dead. Very dead.

Through the speaker on Jared's phone, they heard Chad's voice.

"Did I get her?"

_______________________________________

Jensen had some issues escaping the clutches of his three fairy godmothers, but as soon as he saw Jared charging forward, he elbowed his way through and tackled him to the ground. "I should have your reckless head!" he declared vehemently, then proceeded to kiss Jared senseless.

_______________________________________

"Nice work, Dorothy." Jared laughed, slapping Chad on the shoulder once he had joined the small party. Jensen stood with him, arm in arm, and looked Chad up and down, obviously not sure what to make of him.

Chad puffed out his chest. "This is why Engineering students rock." He nodded pompously. "You never know when you need to kill a witch." He turned to look at Christian, Steve and Jason, "So, do I get into your fucking Fraternity or what?"

Jared sniggered and tugged Jensen in for a hug. Let Flora, Fauna and Merryweather deal with Chad, and the mess they had made of Carabosse - not to mention the Dean's car.

He lead Jensen over to his parked motorbike, unable to take his arm from around Jensen's back.

As soon as he was on the bike, Jensen climbed up behind him, arms around Jared's waist. "So, good knight, what quest now the witch is dead?" If he hadn't been so sure Jensen was being serious, Jared would have giggled his ass off.

"Now, fair prince, I think it is time to take a leaf of of Anne Rice's book and get with the epic, pornographic sex."

Jensen threw his head back and laughed as Jared gunned the engine.

Across the lot, Chad continued to hassle Christian, Jason and Steve, but he spared a second to call out "You bastards had better have fed my dog!"

Jared flipped him the finger as Jensen rested his cheek down on his back.

Kicking up the stand, Jared revved the engine, and the two drove off into the sunset to live happily ever after.

The End.