Silence is everywhere, its weight is falling in on me, and I'm losing myself. I'm losing myself in all the death around me, feeling less and less, and I'm wondering how much longer I can cling to the lingering threads of my humanity. My soul is dying, and I'm only holding on because every time I look in his eyes I know he can't keep his promise.

I understand the weight of that promise I made him swear to now. Funny, it took a good night of fucking and one silver bullet to make me get how much I ripped him apart. I hate that I hurt him, that I'm the reason he's been forced to endure this life. I'm the burden he's always carried, and he'll never be free of me, and he'll never complain.

I'm a selfish bastard. I don't know whether it's the weight of the silence of this thing called love that makes me reach out to him with every intention of never letting go, or if it's just the weight of what I'm becoming. Of what I'm destined to be.

My nightmares are different now. Before they were visions, dreams of things to come. I hope what I've seen never comes, but the darkness is growing inside of me. It's flowing thick and vicious through my veins, and I'm wondering when my heart will stop, and I finally break before it beats to a headier tune, and all that's left is what the Demon has seen in me all along.

The power pools in my gut, the sparks dance at my fingertips, and sometimes I see a glimpse of amber in my eyes when I glance sideways at my reflection in a mirror. I wonder if Dad knew what I was, what I'm becoming.

I wonder if he told Dean. If he did, Dean should be the good soldier, he should take care of me one last time before I drag him kicking and screaming into hell with me.

I dream of him gone sometimes.

I see the life he could have if I was out of the picture. I see him on his back beneath an old car, slowly rebuilding her to perfection, coming home to a modest, welcoming home with a caring wife, a pot roast waiting in the oven, and children running up and clinging to his legs, just because he's Daddy.

I dream of him gone, and I wake up screaming, reaching for him, and he's there. I beg him not to leave. I beg him for death. I beg him for release.

I once thought he couldn't refuse me anything. He never delivers death, just lets me cling to him, and tremble, and when I grow still and the silence is heavy around us he lets me go and slips back into his bed.

He never stays.

That is what hurts the most, but I'm slowly growing numb to it. The darkness is coiling in my stomach and burning in my veins, the amber rising in my eyes. It's only a matter of time. I'm feeling less and less these days.

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His hands are spread against the porcelain finish of the sink as he lifts his head and stares at his reflection. He lets his head fall back, his gaze locked unseeing on the cracked ceiling of the bathroom. Water drips from his short hair and falls to his shoulders. The cooling water caresses his body, and makes him shiver, because this is intimate, water touching him, caressing him, and his thoughts slip to someone else touching him, caressing him, lips finding his most intimate, sensitive hot spots.

The towel slung over his hips rises up a little at his growing arousal. He grips the sink firmly and glares at himself in the mirror. This isn't right. His brother is just that, his brother. That is a line Dean Winchester will not cross. He would condemn them both, and he's supposed to save Sammy, not fuck him.

It's wrong to think of his brother like this, and Dean is many things, even a criminal. He's stolen, killed, lied, hustled, but he's loyal to his family, his blood. He loves Sammy, loves him more than he should, but he won't go there.

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I look up at the sound of the rusty hinges on the bathroom door screaming. He steps out with a wince, barely meets my gaze.

I let my eyes run down his body, suck in my breath at the threadbare towel wrapped low over his hips. He's so damn perfect, and he knows it. He can work every angle with his body; I've seen him in action. I wish he would make those moves on me.

I sigh as he crosses the room and drops the towel. It isn't long before he's got his boxers and a pair of jeans on. He turns around as he pulls on an old t-shirt and my mouth goes dry, and then my eyes flash amber, I know because his eyes widen in surprise and stillness joins the silence in the room.

I have to break it before the darkness pulls me under and I drown before he knows.

"I'm right here, Dean. Tell me what you want. I can feel it when you look at me. It's about the only thing I can feel anymore. What are you so damn afraid of? Losing me or gaining me? Pushing me away isn't gonna save me, Dean. I'm right here. Make your fucking move before it pulls me under completely. Save me before there's nothing left to save," I say quietly, but my voice roars in the silence.

He shakes himself, breaks out of the spell and carefully approaches me like I'm one of the things we've hunted our whole lives. I'm not a monster yet. There's still something inside of me, and I hope he wants that. He reaches out, his hand trembling, before he takes a breath and the hand grows steady, his fingers trailing against my face and, God help me, I lean into the touch. I can feel it, and it's warm, not the burning cold rushing through my veins.

I'm almost ashamed at the whimper that escapes me, but I still make myself look up into his eyes.

"Sammy, what's happening to you? Your eyes… What aren't you telling me? How… How long?" he asks, and I can see his heart breaking in his eyes.

"It's in my blood, Dean, he's a part of me. The Demon, I don't know how but he is. I'm feeling less and less each day, and you're the only thing that keeps me here. You're the reason that some part of me is still human. The others have all changed, and it's only a matter of time before I join them. I know you don't want to kill me. You're hell bent on saving me. I get it, Dean. I'm your kid brother. You're supposed to take care of me. What if this is the only way to save me?"

"Sammy," he says, and his voice cracks.

I let out a snort. "I love you more than I should, Dean. I always have. Sure there have been others, but I always come back to you. I wait for you, take from you. God, I know I'm selfish… You can take me over, drive it out of me. I know you love me enough to do it."

"But we're brothers. I can't, Sammy. We're brothers and I'm so far beneath you."

I reach out, my fingers touching his roughly stubbled jaw. "I'm the one who's not completely human. You've always hunted for the right reasons, because innocent people need to be protected. Dad and I have always been drawn in for revenge. You're the one above me, Dean. Now save me. I'm asking you to save me."

It almost strikes me as funny that I'm repeating Madison's words to Dean.

Dean looks up at me sharply, and then his lips are pressed against mine, an answer to a prayer I never dared to give voice to. There is relief and hope in this kiss, and I pray that this notion I have that Dean can take me over, drive the darkness out of me, isn't some kind of deception on the Demon's part. The only thing I can really feel anymore is my brother and I want him inside of me, driving away the darkness and the evil. I want him more than anything.

The sun is setting outside; I can see the golden light fading beneath the curtains as he guides me back on the bed. The sun is setting and I'm on the verge of being saved. Newly baptized in sin and shadows, clinging to the last thread of my humanity. The gold in my eyes fades with the sun, and staring into Dean's steady, unwavering gaze, the blood in my veins warming with the heat of my desire and the overwhelming sensation of feelings slipping back into my body, I smile, a simple twisting of my lips into relief.

There is no deception, just me loving my brother more than I should.

"Wanna be inside you, Sammy. Wanna make you mine so that evil sonofabitch can't take you away. My Sammy. Mine," he whispers as our clothes are tugged off and tossed around the room. His lips branding my flesh with their promises.

Every minute, every hour, every second, he's taking me over, claiming me, marking me. I am his, and I wish he could stay inside of me ten million years or more.

He's already inside of me, chasing away the darkness, the shadows, the warmth growing in my belly, spilling out of me, and there is nothing but light behind my closed eyes, and the sun sets on the darkness, and my last thread of humanity grows by the coming dawn.

End.



-The challenge, incorporate the theme of the song "Ten Million Years" By Black Lab in some way. First person point of view from either brother. Must include something about Sam's ebbing humanity. Prompts: silence, death, relief, sunset, criminal, deception. Thank you Lissa for setting this challenge up for me and introducing me to Black Lab. Lyrics to the song are below, and I highly recommend downloading it!

It's such a simple thing,
I never feel this way.
I have nightmares, I have dreams of you gone.
There is something in you I want today.
So hide the bones away beneath the yellow lines.
You're scared of what you might lose,
Or what you might gain this time.
I love you more than I should.
I wrap my heart in bands of rosewood.
I love you more than I should.
I would stay beside you here ten million years.
You see yourself in the mirror,
You see yourself at night.
You see yourself in the gutter, baby,
You see yourself like a star shining bright.
I love you more than I should.
I wrap my heart in bands of rosewood.
I would stay beside you here ten million years.
Every minute, every hour, every second you take me over.
Every night of every day I wait, I take, I know I take,
But I love you more than I should.
I would stay inside you here ten million years.


-Black Lab "Ten Million Years"