"He always gravitates to the minor keys,
As he navigates his way away from me.
He claims a guardian for every sailor in the storm,
But where are the patrons for all those left on the shore?
And as the darkness falls around me,
He takes my hand and starts to pray.

This is a hymn for all those left behind.
This is a prayer for every heart left barren.
This is a call for all the saints to be reminded
To sing a hymn for all those left behind."

--C. Jay Cox and Eric Allaman "A Hymn for All those Left Behind"

He knows that Christian Kane is an asshole, hell the short fucker prides himself on this fact, but Jared is still floored when he pulls open his door and is greeted with the mess that is Christian Fucking Kane.

Jared Padalecki sucks in a breath and he's glad that his babies are still in Texas with his parents, because with as messed up as Christian is, a couple of dogs Harley and Sadie's size could only do more damage to the man just by wagging their tails in his direction.

As it is, Christian looks like he's barely able to stand, and as if to prove his point he falls forward and Jared just manages to catch him in time before he hits the floor.

"What the hell man? You need to go to the hospital?" Jared asks as he feels something wet against his hand where he's helping to keep Chris on his feet, and he looks down and discovers its blood.

Chris shakes his head. "Naw man, just get me to the bathroom. I can take care of the rest. Ain't the first time this happened, though it damn well might be the last. Can't take this no more. Hurts too fuckin' much."

"What the hell you mean this happened before? Does Jensen know? Hell, why come to me?" Jared asks.

"Does Jensen know?" Chris manages to rasp around a choked laugh. "Hell, he's the one that did this! Couldn't go to Steve this time. He'd ask too many questions, and he's outta town anyway. Guess I was just lucky you came back to LA instead of staying in Texas and then taking a flight straight out to Vancouver, like you did after breaking up with that girl of yours."

Jared's jaw drops as it registers what Chris said. He couldn't really mean that Jensen did this too him. He helps the shorter man to his bathroom, and watches as Chris sits down on the closed toilet seat, then lifts his arms and winces. "You gotta help me. I can't take this shirt off myself."

Jared's fingers curl reluctantly around the hem of the sodden t-shirt and pull it up, the shirt sticking in places and he swallows thickly, trying to keep from throwing up as Chris' abdomen and chest are revealed. He drops the shirt to the floor and stares in shock at the shorter man's chest. There are designs carved into his skin, some are fresh, still wet with blood. Others are just angry red scars that have barely healed over and then there are the old ones, the faint white lines that mar tanned skin. Jared reaches out, his finger tracing one of the curving vine-like designs in faded white, and Chris shudders beneath his touch.

Jared pulls back as if he's been burned, and then he gets a washcloth from the cabinet, runs it beneath the cold tap and gently rubs the cloth along Chris' stomach and chest, wondering how long Chris has allowed someone… Jensen to do this to him. Hell, he wonders how Jensen could even do this, and decides that maybe Chris is in shock, because there is absolutely no way Jensen would do something like this to anyone, let alone someone he claims as a friend.

Chris takes in a deep breath and looks down at Jared crouched between his legs and wiping his stomach and chest clean of the blood, and he winces when Jared comes to a tender spot. He still can't believe that Jensen finally snapped under the role-playing.

The marking he can handle, hell, some of the scars are even cool, but this time Jensen slipped too far into character, he has that way about him sometimes. He began to cut too deeply, and when Chris asked him to stop, asked to be untied, Jensen snapped, he threw the knife he'd been using across the room, where the hilt quivered at the impact, and then his fists came crashing down on Chris, knocking the wind out of him, tearing some of the cuts, making them larger and deeper as Jensen just hit and bit him, too lost in the fantasy to realize just what it was that he was doing. Chris doesn't really blame Jensen, he just blames the man's ability to method act.

Jared gets up, pulls a bottle of peroxide from his medicine cabinet, pours some on the washcloth and then begins to wipe at the cuts on Chris' stomach and chest. Chris hisses and shifts away from the cloth for a moment.

"Hold still. Gotta clean this up before it gets infected and then you're gonna tell me exactly what the hell is going on. I mean it. Because I'm not believing for one second that Jensen did this," Jared replies stiffly.

Chris hisses as Jared applies more pressure than necessary in cleaning one of the deeper wounds and says, "Believe what the fuck you want to. I don't give a damn. I'm just tired, tired of everything."

"What do you have to be tired of that you don't bring on yourself? I mean what I know of you, you just pick on people's nerves till they can't stand you. It's a wonder Jen and Steve can put up with you. And it's not much of a surprise that you've gotten your ass kicked," Jared replies and then sighs, because it's not like him to be this heartless, especially when Chris is so obviously hurt.

"Fuck you," Chris grinds out as Jared gets some gauze and tape from his medicine cabinet and covers up the worst of Chris' wounds, grateful that his momma always drilled into him the necessity of being over prepared in case of emergencies.

Jared finally pulls back and looks at his handy work. For the most part Chris' wounds are clean. He washes his hands in the sink, the blood mixing rusty with the water before it washes down the drain and the water is clear again. He looks in the mirror and meets Chris' gaze.

"You can stay the night. Take my bed. I can live with the couch, but you're telling me everything in the morning and none of this bullshit about Jensen doing this to you because there ain't a violent bone in Jensen's body," Jared says that last bit with a defensive note tacked on the end.

Chris just gives a defeated nod and follows Jared to the bedroom down the hall. He kicks off his boots, unfastens his jeans, shimmies out of them, and carefully slips into the bed, lying on his back, because he won't get any sleep if he rolls over onto his stomach. He pulls the covers up around him and raises a brow at Jared, who's standing in the doorway. "Damn son, would you feel better if I let you tuck me in?"

Jared retreats from the room, leaves the door cracked and goes to the living room, cuts out the lights, settles down on the couch, resigned to the kinks he will face in the morning as he lays down, pulls the throw from the back of the couch and tucks in. He wonders why Chris would blame Jensen for whatever the hell's happened to him as he drifts off to sleep.

He isn't sure of how much time has passed as he jolts awake, the sounds of gasps, struggles and whimpers reaching his ears. He sits up, looks around the room, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness and then he heads to his bedroom where the noises are coming from. He pushes the door open and freezes at the moan that fills the room.

He watches as Christian writhes on the bed and then the man suddenly freezes, and trembles, sweat prickling across his forehead. "No. Please, Jen. It's deep enough. It'll leave a mark. They'll know I'm yours. Always yours, no matter who I fuck I'm yours. Just no deeper. Please."

Jared swallows thickly and shakes himself from his stupor. He approaches the bed and then he tries to shake Chris awake. Chris' hands wrap around Jared's arms, his grip firm, bruising as he clings desperately and continues to beg and whimper for Jen to stop.

"Can't take no more. Any deeper and I'll have to go to the hospital. Please. Can't explain this. Ain't you, Jen. Ain't you…"

"Chris," Jared says, his voice rising in pitch as panic slips through his veins and he gives the man another shake.

Chris struggles against Jared, bucking and jerking and then he arches up, sucking in a deep gasp of air as his blue eyes fly open and he looks around him in a panicked daze trying to figure out where in the hell he is and then his gaze locks with Jared's worried hazel eyes and he starts to calm down a little.

He's still breathing heavily as his grip loosens on Jared's arms and he sits up a little, propping himself against Jared's headboard as he swallows convulsively and tears his gaze away from the taller man.

Jared takes in a breath, racking his brain for something to say, but he's got nothing.

Chris breaks the silence, with words spoken barely above a whisper. "He says I'm pretty when I bleed."

"You mean… Jesus! Jensen really does this to you? But why? And… How… How long have you been…?"

"What? Fucking him?" Chris says, an edge to his voice, and then he smirks and shrugs and winces a little and Jared notices the blood seeping through one of the gauze pads taped to Chris' abdomen. "Off and on for a few years. It was just a casual thing in the beginning. You know, hang out, get drunk, blow off a little steam, fuck around. Just guy shit, you know. Then he started getting these ideas, and you know Jen. He's always had a thing for knives, and he can be pretty possessive. He started getting off on marking me. Nothing big, just these little cuts that left small marks. Never anything that was too noticeable. Most of the time you have to squint to see the marks, but lately things have changed. I don't know why. He's cutting deeper, wants to see more blood, and Christ it hurts, and the things he says. I just… In the beginning it was kinky and fun, but now I just wonder when he'll finally end up killing me. I mean the morning after he's all gentle kisses and slow fucking, but with a knife in his hand he's a different man."

"Why do you take it? I mean hell, you're friends, why don't you just tell him to stop? Call off the… whatever the hell it is?" Jared asks.

Chris snorts. "I'm in too deep, Padalecki. Jensen doesn't realize he's doing it, at least I don't think he does. Like I said, he ain't Jensen with a knife in his hand. And when I tell him to stop he drags the knife further down, cuts a little deeper. It ain't like he apologizes anymore either. Just licks his lips and then licks up the blood."

"Why come to me then?"

"Seemed like the best option. I figured you wouldn't say anything, cause Jensen's your boy," Chris replies.

"And he's not your friend anymore?" Jared asks, and swallows thickly, his eyes drifting back to the gauze with the blood still seeping through.

"I'm loyal, but I can't do this anymore. He says I ain't good for nothing but a quick fuck. The best thing about me is how I taste when I'm cut open. I don't know him anymore, and I can't… Hell, I never thought it would come to this. I just want the old Jensen back, but there's something in him now. Wasn't there before, but it's there now, and there ain't no taking out darkness like that from a man. He's too far-gone and it's gonna be the death of me. And you're it. Ain't got nowhere else to go. Steve's touring, and I stayed behind thinking maybe Jen had changed, maybe the knives and blood thing was just a passin' thing. It ain't gonna be a passin' thing till I'm in the ground."

Jared shifts closer to the smaller man, noticing the sweat beading on the man's brow, and the blood still seeping. He reaches out to push Chris' long hair back from his face, but Chris shudders and pulls back from the touch like a skittish colt, his tongue running frantically along his lips as his eyes scour the room for an escape route.

"Hey I'm not gonna hurt you," Jared says softly. "I'm gonna go get some more bandages and stuff from the bathroom. Looks like you tore yourself open again, and then I'm gonna patch you up, and let you get back to sleep."

Chris nods, and as Jared nears the doorway Chris calls his name. Jared turns around and his breath hitches at the look of fear on Chris' face. "You'll stay though, right? It's worse wakin' up alone. I'm always tied up when I wake up alone. He doesn't like it when I get away."

Jared spares a glance to Chris' wrists, swallowing convulsively as he notices the raw red patches along the man's wrists, and he wonders how he could have missed them before as he goes back to the bathroom for the peroxide and gauze.

----------

Two weeks of having Chris around. It's strange how the older man seems to take up little to no space, keeps to himself, it's almost like it's just Jared and his dogs, Harley and Sadie. Chris is at the dinner table every night, he eats well enough, hell he's even fixed dinner a couple of times when Jay hasn't brought home take out, but he doesn't say much. Just keeps to the spare bedroom mostly.

At night Jared can't help noticing him though. Chris slips into his room and crawls into bed with him. Jared stiffens as Chris curls up around him and within minutes Chris goes to sleep. It's almost like the older man can't sleep by himself.

Most of the cuts have scabbed and healed over. The rope burn on his wrists is gone, but the small telltale scars of having been tied up are always going to be there, even when they begin to fade with time, the memory is just cut too deep.

Jared takes in a breath and then looks down at his half-eaten plate. It's not that he minds having Chris around, the man isn't making a nuisance of himself. It's just awkward seeing how broken he is at home, and then having to work with Jensen knowing that Jen is responsible for how different Christian is now. It's unsettling, not that you could tell with how Jen acts. He's the same Jensen that Jared's always known. Friendly, kind, sometimes shy, always encouraging and great to work with. Maybe that's what's most unsettling.

How can this Jensen be the same Jensen responsible for the broken man currently living with Jared?

"We on for drinks tonight?" Jensen asks and snaps a finger in front of Jared's face.

Jared jumps and looks up at his co-star, his best friend, the man he thought he knew.

"Huh?"

"Dude," Jen says with a smile. "You were a million miles away. Still mooning over Sandy? How about tonight? Three whole days off, so I know you're up to a boy's night out."

"Not tonight man. I'm beat. I think I'm gonna go home, feed the dogs and call it an early night. I might feel up to it tomorrow though. Just got a lot on my mind tonight. You're going out with Mike though, right? So you won't exactly be on your own."

"Nah man, it's cool, and you know me. I can keep Mike on the short leash on my own for one night. Tomorrow though, right?" Jen says, and Jay feels guilty, but he can't get the image of Chris standing on his doorstep all cut up and bloody out of his head.

"Jay, sure you're okay, man? You been kinda distant lately."

"I'm just a little tired with the hours we been working and adjusting back to the single life."

Jen simply nods, Jared finishes the rest of his meal, and then it's back to being Sam and Dean. The day ends, and they part ways, Jen headed to the Smallville set, and Jared picking up take out on his way home to two dogs and one very broken man.

----------

He's outside, sitting on the steps of the back porch, his forearms resting on his knees, a cigarette in his right hand, and Jared's dogs, Harley and Sadie, romping and playing in the back yard. He brings the cigarette to his lips, takes a long drag, and tilts his head back, letting the smoke out slowly. He stubs the cigarette out on the step and flicks it over behind the bushes, then he lets out a sharp whistle, and the dogs come running.

He gets a face full of Harley and laughs a little as he wards off the dog's eager and affectionate tongue. Sadie calmly lays at his feet and he gives her a gentle pat on her flank and smiles when her tongue runs over the palm of his hand, and Harley starts to calm down a little and settles with a huff on Chris' other side, his heavy head landing on Chris' left foot.

"I swear Jay's got the two of you spoiled rotten. You'd think you're a couple o' kids, and not dogs," Chris says with a small grin, and Sadie lets out a huff and shoots up an offended look in his direction that makes Chris chuckle.

"Okay, so maybe you are a couple of big four-legged hairy kids. Take it easy girl," he adds, and gives her ears a good scratch for her troubles, and then wonders out loud, "Wonder what's for supper tonight? Either o' ya'll too got an idea?"

Harley lifts his head and lets out a low woof, and Sadie lifts her head and lets out a little whine, both of their tails go to wagging, and Chris hears the sound of a car door slamming. A smile pulls at his mouth, and something stirs in his stomach as he slowly gets to his feet and heads back into the house, the dogs squirming at his side.

A moment later Jared's stepping into the house, his arms laden with take-out, and Chris grabs Harley and Sadie's collars before they can go jump Jared and attack the food. Jared looks at him with a grin as he heads toward the coffee table and puts the bags down. Chris decides it's safe to let the dogs go and Jared kneels down on his haunches as he's tackled to the floor by his babies.

He laughs as he gets a face full of his dogs and then they're racing towards the kitchen at the sound of kibble hitting their bowls. A moment later Chris comes out of the kitchen with a couple of cans of soda, forks and plates. Jared shakes his head, and says, "I swear man, I think you stole my babies from me."

Chris shrugs. "You still got 'em spoiled all to hell. I swear you'd think they was human or somethin'."

Jared laughs as he takes a plate from Chris, and one of the sodas. He begins to pull out the cartons of food and Chris grins a little at the sight of chicken chow mein, lo mein, mushu pork, and hot wings. There's also chicken fried rice, pork fried rice, and pepper steak, and Jared's probably ordered the whole damn menu if the small feast on the coffee table is anything to judge by.

Chris puts a little bit of everything on his plate, and when Jared adds a little more to it, Chris cocks his head and gives Jared a look. "I swear son, if I didn't know any better I'd think you were tryin' to fatten me up."

Jared sighs and shrugs. "I just like seein' you eat. You're kinda thin is all, and you need to eat. So just shut up, I got four orders of hot wings, and you're getting half. Especially considering how I got the honey dipped ones. Which just ain't right."

"You just don't know what you're missin'," Chris says as he picks up one of the honey bar-b-que wings and bites into it, moaning in pleasure at the taste erupting on his tongue.

Jared takes in a sharp breath at the sound of Chris' moan, and his eyes widen at the flutter deep in his gut. He picks up a piece of pepper steak and shoves it in his mouth, hoping that Chris won't pick up on anything weird in his expression.

Chris raises a brow at him and says, "Maybe you should have started off with the Beano. One fart and this whole place'll go up, and I'm thinking the dogs'll go first man. Then me."

"Shut up, jerk," Jared says with a huff and lightly punches Chris in the arm.

Chris laughs a little at that and then he looks up at Jared, and Jared swallows at the bright look in those blue eyes. He clears his throat a little, reaches for the remote, and then asks Chris if there's anything good on tonight. A look of disappointment passes over Chris' face for a moment and then he shrugs and says, "If we can't find nothin' good on, there's always Rambo."

Jared nods. "Yeah, good call."

----------

He slips beneath the covers with a sigh, leaves the light on, and catches the sound of water running in the sink in the bathroom just a little ways down the hall. The toilet flushes, and a moment later there are careful footsteps in the hall. He pulls the covers back as Chris knocks on his door and pushes it open enough to look between the crack, although he keeps his gaze locked on the floor.

Jared pats the mattress, watches as Chris timidly steps into the room in nothing but his boxers, closes the door behind him and approaches the bed. Jared notices the angry scars on Chris' chest, and he wonders again why anyone would want to do that to another human being. Chris settles down on the bed and Jared reaches over to turn the lamp off. The room is plunged in soft, blue, moonlit darkness.

Jared's breath catches as Chris rolls over, an arm thrown across Jared's stomach as he buries his face against Jared's chest. Jared shifts his arm around Chris, and he swears to himself that it's just so he's comfortable, and not because he actually doesn't mind holding Chris close. Chris let's out a huff of breath against Jared's side, and it kind of tickles and sends a shiver up Jared's spine.

It doesn't take long for the snuffling sounds of Chris sleeping to drift up to Jared's ears. Jared smiles a little, and his stomach gives a little jolt as Chris' hand wanders lower to rest on his right hip, giving it a light squeeze.

He remembers that first night sleeping with Chris, the night Chris came to him all bloody, raw, and broken open. Jared had been pretty sure that Chris had needed a hospital and stitches, but at the look in Chris' eyes he just gave in, patched him up and saw him to bed, and headed to the couch. Before the night was done he'd found himself in his room patching Chris up again and settling in to sleep with him.

Chris shifts even closer to him on the bed, and Jared doesn't know how that's possible, but there's more of Chris practically on top of him. Jared looks down at the man trying to cover him, almost like he's trying to sink into him, takes in the almost innocent look of sleep on his face, that long brown hair trailing just below his shoulders, wild in sleep and mostly covering his face and tickling Jared's chest.

Jared lifts the arm he's got around Chris' back to run his fingers through Chris' hair, and he's surprised to find it so soft. He takes in a deep breath and Chris stiffens a little and snuffles in his sleep. Jared sighs, and thinks about tomorrow, because he knows there's no way he can get out of seeing Jensen at some point during this three day weekend they've gotten off.

He hates this, being torn between this broken man who used to be this huge asshole, and his best friend of the last three years. He still can't believe that Jensen, shy, kind, playful Jensen, is the person that has reduced Christian Kane, redneck asshole extraordinaire, to this. Chris has hardly left Jared's house since they arrived in Canada, and Jared doesn't have the heart to tell him to leave. Jared's gotten to the point, where he's not even sure if he wants to ask Chris to leave.

Ever since opening his door that night he's taken responsibility for Christian Kane, and he hates to admit it, but he's grown used to having the guy around, and every now and then some of the smart ass that Chris use to be comes out, but it's not as sharp as it used to be, it's just playful bantering, and Jared finds that maybe there is something about Chris that makes you like him after awhile. He just takes some getting used to, not that he would EVER admit that aloud.

There is a groan against his side, and then Chris looks up, his chin heavy against Jared's chest as he blinks a little and stares up at him, "Damn son, you're thinkin' too loud. How 'bout some sleep?"

Jared lets out a chuckle as Chris gives a wide yawn and goes to grumbling as he settles back down against Jared, his hand giving Jared's right hip another firm squeeze.

----------

Jensen Ackles is sitting down at the bar of a local place that him, Jared, Mike, and Tom has frequented quite often over the past few years. He's picking at the label of his bottle of Corona and spares a glance at the door, waiting on Jared to arrive. He knows without a shadow of doubt that there's something nagging Jared, has been since they came back up to Canada. He remembers how Jared rescheduled his flight over some kind of emergency having to do with getting his dogs back up to Vancouver, and that was weird, because usually him and Jay always flew out together when they could. They'd book the flight so they'd be traveling together. Jensen hates to admit it, but that kind of stung a little.

A slow grin spreads across his face as he pulls his beer up to his lips and takes a good, long pull from the bottle as Jared steps into the bar, a wide smile on his face, although Jensen notices that smile doesn't quite reach Jared's eyes. That's a sign that something is definitely up with him. Jensen taps the bar and holds up two fingers to the bartender. The bartender, a big old burly guy, gives him a gruff nod and slides the two bottles of Corona down the bar and Jensen takes them and meets Jared halfway before he jerks his head in the direction of the pool tables.

Jared takes one of the bottles, pops the top off of it, takes a drink of the cool beer, and follows Jensen to the table. Jensen picks up two sticks from the rack on the wall, and Jared racks the balls, and rolls the cue ball down to the far end of the table for Jensen. Once the balls are in position, Jensen tosses Jared one of the sticks, bends down, lines up the cue ball and shoots. He sinks the twelve in the break and looks up at Jared with a smirk.

"Guess that mean's you got low balls, man," Jensen says, and the banter is so easy, and Jared can't help but think back on Chris, how he left Chris at home by himself with just the dogs for company.

Jared let's out a chuckle to cover up his flash of guilt, but he's pretty sure Jensen's caught it. Jensen makes his shot and misses the fourteen on purpose. He stands up, chalks the end of his stick and his eyes narrow on Jared, as Jared bends down to assess the table. He goes for the three and sinks it into the side. When he rights himself to walk around the table and go for another shot, Jensen speaks.

"So you gonna tell me what crawled up your ass and died? I swear you've been acting weird ever since we got back. Do I suddenly have really bad B.O. or what?" Jensen asks, trying to tack on a little bit of humor.

Jared stands up and looks across the pool table at Jensen. He chews on his bottom lip for a moment and then just shakes his head. "It's nothin'. I just had a lot of things change recently and I guess I'm still tryin' to get use to it. I still tryin' to figure it all out in my head, and it' ain't easy man. I mean I lose my girl, have a hard time gettin' my dogs up here, and then there's this whole other thing I got goin', and I don't even know what the hell to call it. I just…"

Jensen tilts his head back, taking a long swallow of his beer, let's out a belch, and then looks at Jared. "Okay, Jay, I get it. You got a lotta shit going on in that head o' yours, but you got me if you ever need to unload, all right? When the shit gets too heavy, I'm here for ya man. Now we gonna shoot some pool or cry like a couple of girls?"

After that Jared lightens up, and Jensen's glad to see a little of his old friend coming back. It's almost like Jared's been pushing him away the last couple of weeks, and he doesn't get it. Jared misses his next shot and then Jensen sweeps the table, and they settle in with a couple more beers and another game.

It's during their fourth game that Jensen notices Jared getting antsy, and then Jared pulls out his phone and makes a call. Jared doesn't seem pleased as he pushes the end button on his phone and then looks up at Jensen with wince.

"Hey man, it's gettin' kinda late and I should be gettin' on home. Don't want the dogs tearin' up the place. I'll talk to ya later? Call me sometime tomorrow if you wanna hang, kay?" Jared says as he puts the stick back up into the rack.

Jensen gives him an odd look, pulls out his own cell phone and sees that it's only a little past eleven as Jared rushes out the door like his ass is on fire. Something is definitely up, and judging from the way Jared tore out of the bar just now, Jensen has a pretty good idea what it might be. A grin tugs at his mouth as he shakes his head. Jared's got a girl. Bout time that boy got laid, because Jensen's pretty sure Jared hasn't gotten any since Sandy.

Jared isn't sure of what's waiting for him at home. He only knows that Chris didn't pick up the phone when he called, and that kind of freaked him out just a little bit. In fact he couldn't get home fast enough, and now here he stands at his front door, the key in the lock, bracing himself for anything and everything.

Jared unlocks the door and quietly pushes the door open. He steps inside, closes the door behind him, locks it, puts his keys down on the small table near the door and walks further inside. He's caught by surprise at the sound of a guitar. He remembers when he took Chris back to his place to get his clothes to bring with him to Vancouver that Chris had also brought his guitar, but as far as Jared knew Chris hadn't touched it since practically moving in with him.

Jared slips out of his jacket, sets it down on a chair, and looks at Chris sitting on the couch, his left leg pulled under him, his eyes closed, a cigarette burning in an ashtray on the coffee table, and an open notebook next to him on the couch. Chris' eyes stay closed as he opens his mouth to sing.

"Living with me, it ain't easy,
But I do it everyday,
Sometimes even I…I wanna run away,
There you are, trying to please me,
And you stand your ground,
It's more than I deserve."

Jared feels a shiver run up his spine at the words, knowing that while he's heard most of the songs Chris and Steve have written, because of Jensen, he hasn't ever heard this one before. He's careful to stay still so he doesn't make any noise and disturb Chris, because hearing him sing like this is breathtaking.

"I've taken more than I've been givin',
Taken for granted this life I'm living,
And I don't know why Heaven above
Blessed me with your sweet love,
Though I never tell you what you're worth,
It's more than I deserve."

Jared watches as Chris tosses his hair back from his face, his eyes still closed as he continues to play and sing, wondering who Chris could be singing about.

"It'sjust your style to wear a smile,
Aw, baby you wear it well.
If I had my way I'd dress you n nothin' else.
So come over here, and lay down a little while,
Cause you right now, you're more than I deserve…"

Jared can't help himself at that last verse. He coughs a little to clear his throat and let his presence be known. Chris' fingers slip across the strings as he looks up with a jerk, and upon seeing Jared he visibly relaxes a little, puts the guitar aside, reaches for the cigarette and takes a drag from it before stubbing it out. He lets the smoke out in a steady stream and fixes his gaze on Jared as he asks, "So how long you been standin' there and what you doing back home so early?"

Jared shrugs. "I just got home, and I didn't much feel like hanging out at a bar gettin' drunk is all."

"So you came back early to check up on me? That it, Jay?" Chris asks, and there's an edge in his voice. "What? You think I can't be on my own? Think I need a babysitter or someone to constantly hold my Goddamn hand every fuckin' second of the day?! Well, fuckin' answer me!"

Jared's hazel eyes spark. "I called and no one picked up the phone, so yeah! I was a little worried, all right? I mean, ever since you came up here, all you do is stay in this house! You don't leave, you only go out in the backyard, or just hang around inside! It's like you don't know what to do with yourself!"

"Fuck you, Mr. Holier Than Thou! Fuck you!" Chris growls as he gets to his feet. "You want me out so bad all ya gotta do is say so and I can book my own fuckin' flight straight the hell outta here!"

Jared wants to tear his hair out of his head right now, and that's actually a normal reaction for him when dealing with Chris, or rather the old Chris. He takes in a few breaths to compose himself and reaches out, his hand landing on Chris' shoulder as the shorter man tries to shove past him to go to his room, what used to be Jared's guestroom.

Chris jerks away from Jared's grasp and glares up at Jared, his blue eyes burning with anger, pain, and fear, and as much as Jared really wants to piss Chris off for worrying him and suddenly turning back into his old asshole self, he can't. Not when Chris has that look in his eye.

"I don't want you to leave, okay? I was just worried, and hanging out with Jen when I've seen what he's done to you, and he acts like nothing's different. It's messin' with my head, man, and I just… And you said home. Like this is your home too…" Jared says in confusion, and he feels heat flush his cheeks as he runs his hands through his hair, trying to get a grip on his brain.

"Yeah, so what the hell you saying?" Chris snaps in impatience and he has to admit that snapping at Jared when he's like this actually does make him feel a little bit like the asshole that he's always been accused of being.

Jared's brain can't think of anything, so his mouth decides for him. "I like your song."

Chris is thrown for a bit of a loop at this and stares at Jared for a moment before he shakes his head and cracks a smile. "Damn son, anybody tell you, you don't make a whole helluva lotta sense sometimes?"

Jared blushes a little more and then says, "Any reason why you were singing it? Or were you just writing it?"

"It's a song me and Steve wrote a while back," Chris says, and then with a shrug adds, "Seemed like it fit the moment, and the last couple of weeks."

It's Jared's turn to look confused at this, and then Chris reaches up, his left hand slipping up Jared's neck, his fingers slipping into Jared's hair as he brings Jared's face down, and their breath is warm and moist as it mixes, their faces so close. Chris runs his tongue across his mouth and then his eyes sparkle and he darts forward. Jared is caught in surprise for a moment as Chris' mouth works against his, and then his mouth falls open to Chris' tongue, and there's the sour taste of smoke and cigarettes, but beneath that is something that makes Jared's toes curl and his mind spin. When Chris pulls back Jared's eyes flutter open and he stares down at Chris in a daze.

Chris smiles at him, a soft, genuine smile, something Jared has never seen on Chris' face before, and he finds that he likes that smile, and maybe he'll keep that to himself, otherwise he will never live it down. Chris' tongue runs across his slightly wet and swollen lips as he cocks his head at Jared and says, "Been tryin' to think of a way to thank you. You didn't have to take me in, put up with all my shit the last couple weeks, but you have, and that's more than anybody else woulda done."

"So that was a thank you?" Jared asks a little shakily as he brings his fingers to his mouth, tracing over his lips, still caught up in disbelief over the fact that Christian fucking Kane just kissed him.

Chris takes in a breath and shrugs, but there's something in his eyes that Jared just can't dismiss. "Yeah, and maybe a little more. If you want it to be."

Jared blushes bright enough to light up a whole room and Chris smirks. "You've been hard every morning for the past week, waking up next to me. You think I don't get what that means?"

"I… Look. I… It's not like that," Jared stammers out.

Chris snorts. "The hell it ain't," Chris replies and brazenly he reaches for Jared's crotch, gives it a squeeze, and Jared can feel all of the blood in his body rushing south, and he swallows convulsive, then with a great effort he pulls away.

"I don't want this to be about payback. I helped you out because you needed it and I could do it. It's not like I expect anything in return," Jared says, and wills his cock to calm the hell down.

"And it's not like I deserve any of this, you lettin' me stay, takin' care of me. I've always been a complete asshole to ya, Jay, and here you are doin' somethin' for me that nobody else would. Aw hell, this just ain't comin' out right," Chris says as he runs a hand through his long hair, and Jared takes in a breath, making his decision.

Jared moves into Chris' space, they lock eyes and then Jared asks, "Who was runnin' through your head when you were singin' that song?"

"You know who," Chris replies challengingly.

Jared's hazel eyes light up. "I wanna hear you say it."

"You? Now ya satisfied ya damn arrogant prick?!" Chris snaps.

Jared catches Chris' chin in his left hand as he tilts it back and leans down, sweeping Chris into another kiss, his other hand slipping beneath Chris' Shooter Jennings t-shirt. Chris moans into Jared's mouth, and Jared pulls back, his eyes dark, pupils dilated, and huskily whispers, "Wanna show you the marks don't make you his."

A shiver crawls up Chris' spine as he runs his tongue over his swollen lips, Jared's right hand warm against the angry scars on his stomach, as he nods a reply.

They stumble towards Jared's bedroom, nearly tripping over the dogs and their own two feet before they finally reach Jared's room, the door slamming shut as Chris slams Jared against it, trying to be all macho by establishing some sense of dominance.

His tongue works angrily into Jared's mouth, like a man possessed, and this isn't going how Jared thought it might…not that he's thought about this happening. He's just kind of going with the moment here, but it needs to slow down. This needs to slow down now.

Jared puts a firm hand against Chris' chest and pushes him back a little. Chris jerks away and begins to pace the room, his hands running through his hair, he's shaking his head, his lips moving but no words coming out. Jared reaches out and grabs Chris' shoulder as the shorter man passes in front of him once more. Chris stops and glares up at him before jerking away again.

"This ain't about some pity fuck. I don't need this sympathetic girly ass bullshit from you or any damn body! Got that?" Chris growls out.

"Pity fuck?!" Jared grinds out, and then sucks in a deep breath, first counting to ten, and then to twenty, before finally he's tired of numbers and seeing Christian fucking hard headed as a jackass Kane pacing the length of his bedroom, with kiss swollen lips, a scowl, and the button on his blue jeans popped open. "What in the hell gave you the idea that this was about a pity fuck? What the hell is your problem?! What do you even fucking want from me? Why are you still here?" Jared snaps, and when Christian stops and turns on a dime, his expression is torn open and raw, filled with pain and worse…resignation.

"You want me gone, all you had to do was say so. Ain't like I was twistin' your damn arm to stay," Chris snarls.

Jared sighs and let's out a growl of frustration. "I don't want you to leave. I…"

"What? You what?!"

"I hate being alone, and the way I figure it, you need someone… I hate being alone. It works, and I don't know what crawled up your ass and died, but this ain't about ownership. I don't want you acting like a dog pissin' on a tree. I'm not him, okay? I don't want to mark you or hurt you. I just want to…" Jared trails.

"Want to what?" Chris asks, suspicion in his voice.

"Touch you like this, right now without you flinching or pulling away. I only get to touch you when you're asleep or right after a nightmare. I want more than that, and I thought… Well hell, I thought maybe you wanted that too, but if not just tell me and I'll back off. I should have known better," Jared says, a self-deprecating laugh in his tone.

"And maybe I'm more of an asshole than I'm expected to be. Man… Look, I ain't good with this kinda shit, so let's just forget about this little misunderstanding, or what the hell ever it is," Chris offers.

Jared looks up, and swallows hard. "What if I don't want to forget? What if I want to help fix it? I don't want to forget it… This is part of who you are, what you are because of Jensen, and I can't believe he would do this to someone, anyone, he's supposed to care about. I know before I couldn't stand you, and even now like this you still manage to be a huge asshole, but I've stuck around patching you up, cleaning up the blood and the puke when you wake up. I'm the one here with you now, through the blood, the sweat, and the tears, and I know it's only been a few weeks, but can't that be enough for right now? Can't I touch you without driving you back to what he did?"

"I always knew deep down you were nothing but a big fuckin' girl, Padalecki," Chris replies with a small snort of laughter and a shake of his head.

Jared bends down, his lips brushing the shell of Chris' ear as his hot breath whispers into Chris' ear, "Never heard of any girls having a dick as big as mine."

Chris pulls back to look up at Jared, and his tongue runs across his lips as he says, "So we gonna fight all night or fuck?"

Jared leans down, his lips brushing Chris' slowly working Chris' mouth open, his jaw working carefully, his hand rising up between them, fingertips and palm shifting up the tight t-shirt covering Chris' chest, and Chris lets out a strangled moan as Jared's palm brushes over his right nipple, his head falls back and Jared leans further down, mouthing his way down Chris' throat, careful not to suck too hard or graze Chris' tan skin with his teeth, because this isn't about marking and ownership, this is about opening up and sharing comfort.

Chris lets out a moan and says, "I ain't some virgin on prom night. I ain't gonna break."

Jared guides Chris back toward the bed, and when Chris' knees hit the back of the mattress he falls back on the bed with a small oomph. The faint blush rising up Jared's neck and cheeks doesn't escape Chris' notice, as Jared takes in a shaky breath and says, "But maybe I am. It's not like I've ever been with a guy before…"

"And I'm being a huge dick about it," Chris says, as he sits up a little and runs a hand through his hair, unsure of where to go from here, because emotionally he's very fucked up and wrung out.

"Ain't any less than I expect from you," Jared says with a grin.

Chris rolls his eyes. "So… Where we goin' from here? You know a whole lotta fucked up shit about me."

"And you can trust me with that, and you can trust me with this, showing you that these damn scars ain't some kind of brand. He doesn't own you," Jared whispers huskily as he bends down, climbing up on the bed and straddling Chris' waist. He leans forward, slowly working his mouth against Chris' until Chris' mouth falls open around a moan and Jared's tongue dips inside, tracing teeth, pallet, flirting with Chris' tongue, as he tastes everything about Chris that drives him crazy, and this time it's crazy for all the right reasons.

In a move that seems to surprise Chris as much as Jared, Chris rolls them over so he's straddling Jared, his mouth nipping at Jared's jaw, down his throat, firmly latching onto Jared's collarbone, and Jared arches up as Chris' hand runs down his shirt, and then slips beneath the t-shirt, index finger teasing his belly button, as Chris rolls his hips down against Jared, their crotches aligning, both men erect and straining against their blue jeans.

Jared's huge hands find Chris' waist and trail up, to wander over his abs and up Chris' chest, ghosting over the scars, and Chris shudders above him, his head falling back. Jared then begins to tug at Chris' t-shirt, trying to get it over his head. Chris jerks and looks down at Jared, a look of fear and panic in his clear blue eyes. Jared reaches to the back of Chris' neck, drags him down into another kiss and when Chris pulls back to catch his breath, Jared says, "Please, wanna see you."

Chris gives a small nod as Jared's hands work to tug his shirt off and tosses it in the corner somewhere. Jared's hands then glide up Chris' abs, tracing over the most recent red scars to the small dips of the old white scars, working his way up to the dip of Chris' chest, and Jared leans up, licking a path up along Chris' collarbone, gently nuzzles the hollow at the base of Chris' throat, then over his Adam's apple, nuzzling at the stubble along Chris' jaw. When his lips finally meet Chris' he's stunned by how much he actually wants this, because he never expected to want a man so much, and leave it to Christian Kane to be the one to make him want this. Hell, make him come to need this.

"God, Jay, why you want this so much?" Chris asks.

"Because I…" Jared begins and suddenly cuts himself off as he realizes what he was about to say. Love. Is that what this is? This is so new, too new to have come to that so quickly, but Jared can't deny it. This is what it is, new or not. Even if he's only just started to see Christian fucking Kane as an actual member of the human race in the last couple of weeks.

He wonders how long he's let the sentence trail as Chris looks down at him, his long brown hair hanging around his face, his blue eyes curious and so open. There's a look on Chris' face that Jared's never seen before, hope, brightness, interest, wonder. It's so different from the smirk, and knowing haughty grins he's so used to seeing on Chris' face.

"I just want you, like you are right now," Jared whispers, as he pushes Chris' long hair back, leans up, and their lips meet, and damn the consequences. Damn what anyone will say. This is real, it's not some one-night stand, this is real, raw, open, full of possibilities. And damn, if it don't just feel right.

----------

It's sleek and cold against the warmth of his skin, and he lets out a hiss as his skin is split beneath the sharp blade of what has become Jensen's favorite knife, a sharp, well kept Winchester hunting knife with a lovely handle made from polished bone. Chris swallows convulsively, squeezing his eyes shut, wondering how deep the blade will go this time. He let's out a small puff of air when the blade is pulled away.

When he opens his eyes he stares down at his stomach where the blood is hot, red, and beading up from the cut, then his shifts his gaze up, sees the spark of danger in green eyes that glow with something Chris doesn't even have a name for. It's strikes him as odd that something so dark can burn so bright in Jensen's eyes. Jensen's mouth is twisted in a smirk as he bows forward, his tongue flickering along the cut, lapping at the blood welling up from the split and puckered skin.

Chris' body trembles as Jensen's tongue runs the length of the cut, and he shivers when Jensen's body glides over his, and then this plump, lush lips are against his, Jensen's tongue sweeping into his mouth and he can taste his own blood. Chris screws his eyes shut as Jensen pulls back.

"Open your eyes, now," Jensen growls as he sinks his teeth into Chris' collarbone hard enough to break skin.

Chris' eyes shoot open as Jensen pulls back with a smirk. The back of Jensen's index finger traces down Chris' jaw as he leans forward, his breath hot against Chris' ear. "So damn pretty when you bleed. Only good when you're broke open like this. Broke open and mine, all mine. No one else will ever see what you're worth, and you're only worth anything when you're like this, tied up, broken, and bleeding. That's how I want you. How I always want you, and when I'm done, I'm the only that'll have you. No one wants what's already been marked by someone else. Looks like you're fucked Christian," Jensen growls by his ear, and Chris tries to suck in his stomach as he feels the slide of the blade against smooth, unbroken skin on his belly, but Jensen notices him flinching away, and presses the blade that much harder against the smooth, tan skin.

"All of this makes you mine. No escaping that. You think he wants you when he sees these scars? No one understands how beautiful these scars are. No one, but me, because these are my marks," Jensen snarls as he dives back down into a violent kiss, his teeth nipping at Chris' bottom lip, splitting it freshly open and lapping at the blood beading up from the split.

Chris squirms and struggles beneath him, trying to shove him away, his eyes screwed shut, until a voice breaks through the laughter roaring in his ears, Jensen's laughter, the laughter of ownership.

"Chris, hey, come on man. You're here, with me, it's Jay. Come on, wake up for me," Jared says, and Chris swallows as he slowly opens his eyes, wondering what's real anymore, this whole thing with Jared taking him in, or if maybe that's just some fantasy going on in his head while he's left tied up and bleeding in Jensen's bed.

Strong arms wrap around him, dragging him up against a firm, long, lean body, a large hand running through his hair, lips brushing the top of his head, whispering words of nonsense and comfort, and Chris can't take it anymore. He's damn close to losing his mind, and he needs something, anything that will take away the memories, even if it's just for a moment.

He rolls them over, his mouth working against Jared's before Jared even has a chance to wrap his mind around just what's going on. Jared kisses him back, and Chris pulls away, mouthing and nipping his way down Jared's throat, and he smiles against the curve of Jared's neck as he feels Jared's growing arousal against his leg. This he can work with, this is what's real, what he can feel right now.

His hand trails down Jared's stomach as he works his way down Jared's body, his tongue circling Jared's right nipple, and then Jared's left, nibbling and sucking the nubs as Jared arches up against him. Chris continues to lick and suck a trail down Jared's chest and stomach as his hand curls around the base of Jared's hard and very interested cock.

Chris' tongue flickers into Jared's navel, and then he nips and licks down the trail of hair leading down further, his hand slowly begins to work like a piston along Jared's shaft, and Jared is breathing heavy, his hands clutching the sheets in a white knuckled grip. Chris looks up the length of Jared's body spread out beneath him, a smirk tugging at his mouth as his blue eyes lock with Jared's steady hazel gaze, he runs his tongue across his lips as he lowers his head, then flickers his tongue over the head of Jared's cock.

Jared bucks involuntarily, but Chris is ready for it with his other hand firm against Jared's hips. He circles the head with his tongue, teases just below the crown, pressing that small bundle of nerves that he knows is there. Jared's head falls back, a low moan torn from his throat, his eyes squeezed shut at the sensation overload. Chris lowers his head, his cheeks hollow out, creating suction, and Jared actually whimpers as Chris' tongue traces along the vein on the underside of his shaft, and his teeth graze a little, just enough to make a shiver crawl up Jared's spine, and warmth pools in his belly. Chris chuckles at the reactions and the vibrations sing through Jared's aching cock.

"Oh God! Jesus! Christ, keep doin' that, God!" Jared groans out between heavy pants.

Chris pulls back and goes down again, tongue teasing and sweeping along Jared's cock, spurts of precum spilling into his mouth and he swallows, marveling at how Jared tastes, bitter, but with just enough sweet and salty to make Chris want more. He's so damn different from what Chris is use to. There is the slew of women out for a little fame by association, and then there's Jensen. Chris buries the thought away as he focuses on Jared, and his hand slips lower, massaging Jared's balls, before a finger slips between Jared's cheeks to tease at his opening. Jared's hips jerk again, and nearly choke Chris.

Jared looks down at Chris, an apology in his hazel eyes as he reaches down, a finger brushing Chris' cheek, before sliding up into Chris' hair, and Chris groans, his eyes fluttering shut as he continues to move his mouth up and down Jared's shaft, humming and groaning. It doesn't take him long to notice how Jared's body tightens beneath him, while Jared's hands tighten in his hair, then the bowstring snaps and Jared is coming.

Chris takes as much of Jared in as he can, come shooting down his throat as he swallows as quickly as possible. Jared is still shuddering and trembling through the aftershocks as Chris pulls back on his haunches and looks down at him, his cock hard and curved toward his belly in arousal. Jared reaches up and yanks Chris down into an eager kiss, tasting himself in Chris' mouth. His hand races down between their body until it's wrapped around Chris' cock, and Chris let's out a small gasp, his eyes slipping shut as his hips begin to rock against Jared's hand. Jared's hand glides up Chris' shaft and his thumb brushes over the head of Chris' cock.

Jared swipes his tongue along the curve of Chris' neck before he gives it a little nip, his huge hand gliding up and down Chris' dick, as Chris humps into it. Chris' head falls back as his stomach tightens and something deep inside of him snaps as he begins to come all over their stomachs and Jared's hand.

Jared's mouth is against his again in a lazy kiss, and he drops down next to Jared on the bed, a little huff escaping him, and he watches as Jared brings his hand up to his mouth, and his eyes widen as Jared's tongue darts out, tasting Chris' come. Sure they'd tried some things earlier, but seeing Jared actually tasting his come, it's enough to make his dick give a feeble twitch, but he's really too fucked out at the moment to do much else.

Jared looks puzzled by the taste at first and then he's licking his fingers and hand clean and then his eyes lift to meet Chris' steady blue gaze, and he says, "You taste good. I wasn't expecting that."

Chris chuckles. "Yeah, well you ain't so bad yourself," Chris replies, and then he runs his tongue across his lips nervously as he reaches for the sheet to drag it over them, to cover his stomach and chest up.

Jared gives him a puzzled look and then he traces the most prominent of raised, red scars on Chris' chest, a spiral that starts at Chris' collarbone and works down and around toward Chris' left nipple. Chris is trembling beneath the touch, furiously blinking and swallowing. Jared looks down at him curiously before he bends down, running his tongue along the scar. He nuzzles his nose against the hollow of Chris' throat, his breath warm and moist against Chris' clammy skin as he whispers, "Why do you want to cover up around me? I've seen all off of this, the things we've done tonight. You don't have to hide from me. I like seeing you like this, open, real, human. I like being able to touch you."

"So you're saying none of this bothers you? The scars, knowing that he… That I belong to him?" Chris asks, and Jared sighs.

"You don't belong to him," Jared says quietly in reassurance.

Chris sits up and looks down at Jared in disbelief as he points to the scars and marks on his skin. "And what are these? He did this so I would know I was his. He's the only one that would want to see these, see me like this."

"You don't belong to him because he did this to you. He could have killed you, and besides, right now you're here with me. You want to be here right?" Jared asks.

Chris nods. "Not like I have anywhere else to go. I'm sure I could find a place, but…"

"But you're here right now, with me, because you want to be. He's not here. In this house you can do whatever the hell you want, I don't care. You can choose this, whatever it is between us, or not, but no one owns you. These marks don't mean you belong to him, it just means you survived the shit he put you through. I don't care how it started, just that it's over now, and you're here where you want to be, with me," Jared says.

Chris takes in a shaky breath and nods. Jared sits up and gathers Chris in his arms, just holding him, settling them back down beneath the covers. Their legs tangle as Chris curls up against him, and Jared's hold doesn't ease until Chris' breathing slows and the smaller man is asleep in his arms, and then Jared allows himself to drift off.

----------

There's something heavy, warm, and comforting lying on top of him, and a small smile crosses Jared's face as his slowly opens his eyes to Christian sprawled across him. This is so different to the last couple of weeks waking up with Christian curled against him, this is somehow more intimate. Chris is holding him as much as Jared is returning the embrace. He hates that his bladder is demanding release, because he thinks he could spend the rest of his life just like this, with Chris warm and naked and heavily comfortable on top of him.

"Stop thinkin' so loud," comes Chris' muffled voice, and Jared smiles, but before he gets a chance to mention that he needs to take a piss there's a knock on the door.

Chris lets out a sigh and a grunt as he rolls over to let Jared up. Jared misses the warmth as he sits up, grabs a pair of sweats from the floor, pulls them on and walks out of the bedroom. He walks to the front door, the knocking very persistent, then he hears a voice that sends a chill up his spine.

"Hey Jay, come on man! I sprung for doughnuts and coffee, so we're gonna have to hit up the gym after, but that cream filling you like, totally worth it!"

Jared takes in a deep breath to steady himself as he pulls the door open enough to step out, leaving the door cracked behind him. "Jen, man, this is a little unexpected."

Jensen's mouth twists into a knowing grin as he says, "I fucking knew it! You been gettin' laid! That's why you been too busy to hang out with me. Well, you gonna introduce me, or what? I guess I could stop by later, but man, you're gonna give me details right? I mean you been awfully quiet since that whole thing with Sandy…"

Jared scratches the back of his head, trying to stall while he thinks up something to say, anything that will just get Jensen away from his house, get him as far away from Chris as possible. Jensen's grinning at him until his gaze shifts to something just behind and to the right of Jared.

He takes in a deep breath, and Jared feels a huff of hair against his back and when he turns to look he sees Chris standing behind him in the door. The color is gone from Chris' face and he's staring at Jensen in shock and resignation, and he seems so small, smaller than usual. Jared steps in front of him in an attempt to shield Chris from Jensen.

Jensen looks up sharply at Jared. "What the hell man? You can't be serious!"

Jared steps back, wraps an arm around Chris shoulders, drawing the smaller man against him protectively. "I think you should leave, Jen. We can talk later, but right now is not a good time."

"What? Why?" Jensen asks and then he looks at Chris who's cowering against Jared, clinging to the taller man like a lifeline. "And since when do you hang out with Jay? I thought you two hated each other! You… What the hell did you tell him to make him take you in? What did you tell him that would make him want someone like you?!" Jensen snarls.

Chris looks up, anger sparking in his eyes as he says, "Didn't have to tell him much. You left plenty behind and he's seen everything."

Jensen sucks in a breath, his hands clenching into fists at his sides, and he looks about ready to lunge at Chris, but Jared shifts even closer to Chris and fixes Jensen with a hard glare.

"Leave. We'll talk later," Jared says very carefully, struggling to restrain himself as he feels Chris trembling beside him, falling apart.

Jensen gives a stiff nod before he turns and heads toward the black Range Rover parked in Jared's drive. He stiffly gets into the car, slamming the door behind him, as he turns over the ignition, and pulls out of the drive with a screech of his tires.

Jared pulls Chris with him back inside the house, locks the door behind him and guides the shaken man over to the couch. He wraps his arms around Chris' trembling form as the dogs come out to investigate, sniffling and whining before settling down at Chris and Jared's feet, as Chris curls up and lays his head down in Jared's lap, and Jared's large right hand runs through Chris' long brown hair as he whispers soothing words of comfort.

----------

"Cut! Cut!" Kim Manners shouts, and he sends a furious glare in the direction of his stars.

Neither of them is cowed however. Kim shakes his head and then growls, "I don't know what the hell is going on with the two of you, but you better get your shit together! So break for lunch! Be back in two hours and you better pray I've still got the lighting I want and you two kiss and make up or save the real life bullshit for later when you can kill each other, as long as make-up can fix the damn damage, and don't fuck up your costumes!"

Jared heads over to the catering tent, fixes a couple of plates full of food, and then makes a beeline for his trailer. He's unusually quiet, and avoids everyone. He needs time to himself, to think, to get his head right, because it's not just about dealing with Christian, or with Jensen. Now it's also about his career. He shuts the trailer behind him, sets his food down on the coffee table in front of his couch, and looks at the two large plates full of food, but he's not all that hungry and doesn't even know why he got so much food in the first place. Maybe it's a force of habit.

He reaches for one plate, opens the lid, picks up the plastic fork and forces himself to eat the pasta on his plate. Any other time he'd be devouring everything like no tomorrow. He barely manages to pick at his food. He looks up at the savage knock on his door. A few minutes later finds Jensen pacing the length of the main room in the trailer, every now and then shaking his head for good measure.

Finally he stops and just stares down at Jared before he explodes. "What the hell are you thinking? You hate Chris! How did he even end up here with you? I'm his friend. He should have come to me! You have no right dealing with him! What the hell? How did he even rope you into all this shit? What kind of sob story did he give you? Can you tell me that?!"

"Are you trying to tell me that all those scars on his chest and stomach are nothing?" Jared asks incredulously.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jensen snaps.

Jared gets to his feet and approaches Jensen. "I can't believe you! Two weeks ago your 'friend' shows up at my door all cut up and with fucking rope burn on his wrists! What the hell was I supposed to do?! He didn't want to go to the hospital, because he was protecting you! At first I didn't believe him. He laughed when I asked why he didn't go to you, said you already knew! Do you have any idea what you've done to him?"

"You act like he's such a fucking saint! It's Christian fucking Kane, Jared! He's an asshole, it's all about what he wants, and when he wants it! You think he gives a shit about you? He's just out for what he can get from you! And you're too damn good to see that!"

"Oh and I'm just supposed to believe that he cut himself up? I'm supposed to believe that he tied himself up? What about when he wakes up in the middle of the night terrified to be alone because it means he'll be tied up! You have no fucking idea what you've done to him Jensen! He thinks he's owned, that no one could want him with all the scars on him! Like they're marks of ownership! Why! That's all I want to know, is WHY?" Jared snarls.

Jensen snorts and shakes his head, a smirk twisting his pretty mouth into something twisted and dark. "I can't even remember how it started. It was just a way to blow off steam, and he kept coming back. I kept going along with it, even though I knew it was wrong, but it feels so good. Hell, I'm sure you know by now. His ass is so tight, and has he sucked your cock yet? God, he had to make it that far by now."

"Fuck you," Jared growls.

"Oh, so what? You think you feel something for him? Is that it Jay? You've gone and lost your girl, so you play nurse to the biggest asshole on the planet and suddenly you're fuckin' him because he has this really sad sob story, and it just fits with you needing to fix someone, because right now you can't fix yourself?"

"So what if that's part of it, that still doesn't explain how the hell you could do that to another human being!"

Jensen cocks his head to the side, his green eyes burning with anger and something Jared can't quite identify. "He asked for it. Begged for it most of the time. It started out as a little fun. But Jay, you have to know how fucking good he looks when he bleeds. How good he tastes, how much better it is to fuck him. Running that knife down his skin, watching it split beneath the edge, blood welling up, and how salty it gets when it mixes with sweat and come. It's always better when he strains, just pounding inside him while he's struggling and bucking. It's probably the best thing about fucking him. The marks, well I had to make sure he wouldn't forget I own a piece of him, and it's punishment. Punishment because he makes me want him, makes me want to hurt him. It's not that I want to fuck him, but he's there, always willing, and he's so fucking pretty when he bleeds. He's only good for a few things, acting, singing, being a complete asshole, and fucking…"

Jared doesn't even realize what he's doing until he's shaking his fist out and Jensen is sprawled on his ass on the floor of the trailer, staring up at Jared in shock and rubbing his jaw. Jensen slowly gets to his feet and shakes his head. He doesn't say a word as he slams the door of Jared's trailer behind him and storms off toward his own trailer.

---------

Chris is watching some old horror movie on television, the dogs on either side of him. He gently rubs their flanks, and when their ears perk up and Harley gives a lone woof, he turns toward the door. A moment later Jared is stepping inside and locking the door behind him. Chris looks up at the clock and then back at Jared in confusion.

"Hey man, ain't it a little early for you to be home?" he asks.

Jared goes a little red in the cheeks and Chris raises a brow. Jared runs a hand through his hair, lets out a slow, deep breath and then says, "The day was cut short. Kim and Eric are pissed, but what could they do? Me and Jen got into a little fight during lunch and about an hour or so later when it was time to get back to shooting they found him in his trailer with an empty bottle of Jose Cuervo and a half a bottle of vodka left, not to mention all the empty beer bottles."

"Shit," Chris let's out in a hiss, and Sadie nuzzles up closer to him with a little whine. Jared smiles at his girl snuggling up to Chris as he shrugs.

"It's no big deal. I can handle this. I mean I don't know where I stand with him as far as personally, but professionally, this my job, and there's a whole film crew and Kim and Eric countin' on me, and I'm a professional. I can deal with this, working with him. I mean, God. It's like I don't even know him anymore."

Chris gently nudges Sadie aside as he gets up and approaches Jared with a sad smile on his face. "You know Jen. He's still the same guy that you've known that past three years. He's a good guy, but he ain't all sugar coated candy canes. We all got shit about us that scares off a lotta people, hell shit that even scares ourselves. You can't judge him over this, cause it ain't about you. And you can't just go around defendin' people's honor what don't need it defended. I ain't all innocent. I've fucked up plenty. I let it get as bad it did, so he ain't all to blame, and it's time I start actin' like a man, and stand up, take my share of the shit."

Jared reaches down, brushing the back of his fingers along Chris' jaw. "That still didn't give him a right to hurt you."

"People hurt each other, that's just a damn fact of life. You gotta grow up sometime son, and this is it. This here's the world without the candy coatin'. This is me, all fucked up, ain't right in the head, no place to go, just here. I don't know what I did right to find myself here, but had to be somethin'. You can't stop bein' his friend over this. He needs friends. Jenny's always been a damn clingy bastard. I just can't take it no more. But you ain't like me. You don't get tired of people. He needs that. So don't go fuckin' up a perfectly good friendship over me. It ain't worth it."

"But how do I deal with this, what he did to you?" Jared asks.

"That's my cross to carry. He did this to me. Some of it I asked for, and it just went too far. Now get your head outta your ass and grow up. This is the real world. Life ain't supposed to be easy, Jay. If it were, everybody could handle it," Chris says, and then he tilts up toward Jared, and whispers, "You're too damn nice for your own good," as his lips brush over Jared's mouth, and he's swept up into a kiss that's salty and sweet at the same time, and there's nothing that's expected of him in that kiss, and that's what makes it so special. It's not about ownership, or who's going to fuck who. It's just about what he's willing to give, to share, and it's unexpected…and good.

Later Chris finds himself dozing in bed after quite a bit of stimulating activity, snuggling up against Jared's side and chest, finding comfort in Jared's warmth, and Jared just lazily watches Chris.

His thoughts are all in circles, wondering how it's all come to this, his friendship with Jensen brought into question, finding that maybe he could be falling for a man, and not just any man, but Christian Kane of all people. Still he can't help but think this is enough, having comfort, companionship, a growing, genuine affection for someone in spite of their flaws, and Chris is a very flawed man. Yes, this is enough, and it's love, and as he begins to drift off, the words fall from his lips in a lazy breath, "love you…"

Chris takes in a deep breath, cracks open an eye in disbelief, but he's careful to keep his body lax, because he doesn't want to disturb Jared. He looks up at the boyish look on Jared's face, and he too comes to the conclusion, that even if they fight, and he fucks up, which he's more than bound to do (and on more than one occasion), that maybe he's found someone foolish enough to forgive him, and yeah, for once that feels like enough. And who needs a hymn sung for them, when, for once, no one is left behind?

End.